A Lucky Coin

Yan Hang’s mealtimes weren’t fixed, especially when he was lounging around the house with his dad nowhere to be found. He would eat when he felt like it, or when he was hungry.

Today he managed to fall asleep on the sofa; he was so moved that both times he felt on the verge of waking, he sang a little lullaby in his head to urge himself to stay asleep.

He finally woke when it was almost nine. He checked his phone. No messages from Chu Yi, so he probably hadn’t missed their running date.

Just when he’d made himself a sandwich and was about to eat it, he heard footsteps at the door. He peeked out the peephole and saw Chu Yi, head lowered as he scraped the bottom of his shoe against the porch step.

Yan Hang almost didn’t recognise Chu Yi. He wasn’t wearing his eternally unchanging school uniform, but a tracksuit.

Yan Hang didn’t open the door straight away, eating his sandwich as he spied on Chu Yi through the peephole with great interest.
Chu Yi might have stepped on poo, with the way he scraped his shoe against the step for a whole minute. He finally leaned against the wall and grabbed his foot, looking at the bottom of his shoe.

After some staring, he spaced out, then straightened his back. He pulled his sleeves down, then bent down and pulled down the cuffs of his track bottoms too, before at last stretching his arm out to knock on the door.

“Who is it,” said Yan Hang through a mouthful of sandwich.

“Chu Yi,” replied Chu Yi.

“Chu Yi? Who’s that?” asked Yan Hang.

“The one wh-who’s t-taking you to the doc, tor,” Chu Yi said.

“Piss off.” Yan Hang chuckled. Often, Chu Yi’s reactions were surprisingly fast. “To the doctor for what?”

“Am, nesia,” Chu Yi responded seriously. “O, pen up, d-don’t refuse t-treatment.”

Laughing, Yan Hang opened the door. “You’re always being cute with me. Is it ‘cause you don’t get to do it with anyone else?”

“Yeah.” Chu Yi nodded, then saw the sandwich in his hand. “Are we r-running, or are you e-eating?”

“Didn’t know when you’d come,” said Yan Hang. “I haven’t had dinner.”

“Then…” Chu Yi hesitated. “Wanna g-go for a walk f-first?”

“It’s fine.” Yan Hang took a gulp of water. “It’s just a small sandwich – not even big enough to feed to a cat without the cat complaining.”

Chu Yi stood in the doorway and laughed.

“Come on in, I’ll get changed,” said Yan Hang.

“Okay,” Chu Yi replied, but didn’t budge.

“Did you step in dung?” Yan Hang gave him a look.

“No,” said Chu Yi.

“Then what’s wrong?” asked Yan Hang. “I saw you scraping your foot all day on the doorstep.”

“You w-were w-watching me?” Chu Yi said, taken aback.

“Yeah, so?” Yan Hang nodded. “For quite a while, too.”

Chu Yi was stunned. He sighed, then lowered his gaze to his own shoes. “I scraped a h-hole in the s-sole of my sh-shoe.”

“You didn’t scrape a hole,” said Yan Hang. “That’s the shoe getting a hole… Try mine, they’re over there. Don’t use those old ones, or the whole bottom will fall off when you run.”

“‘Kay.” Chu Yi hesitated, then removed his shoes and put on one of the pair next to him.”

“Too big?” asked Yan Hang. “I have insoles.”

“A little,” said Chu Yi.

Yan Hang didn’t speak. He went to his room and rummaged about, digging out a pair of insoles for Chu Yi. “These are pretty thick, but if they’re not enough, you can add another pair.”

“That’s g-good enough,” said Chu Yi, slightly embarrassed.

Yan Hang looked at the shoes he’d just taken off. Sure, they were old, but the soles seemed pretty thick. How did they wear a hole?

“Didn’t you say you have a new pair of shoes?” He went over and picked up the shoe Chu Yi had been fretting over, looking at its sole.

“It’s been h-half a year,” Chu Yi muttered, “they’re too s-small now.”

“Your feet grew that much in half a year?” Yan Hang put the shoe down. The bottom was pretty worn, but the hole was definitely pierced by something he stepped on, or by some sudden stopping motion.

This useless kid had probably been pushed around again.

Chu Yi sighed again. “M-maybe it was t-too small when we b-bought it.”

Yan Hang looked at him.

“On sale,” explained Chu Yi. “No size.”

“Is your mum saving up to buy an aircraft carrier?” said Yan Hang.

“Probably f-for a h-house,” Chu Yi said.

“Oh.” Yan Hang didn’t know what to say. “I’ll go change.”

When he came out after having changed into his running clothes, Chu Yi had already put the shoes on. They looked alright, it was just… Yan Hang looked at the trouser legs that stopped a bit above his shoes.

“Those trousers, are they…” Yan Hang paused, looking at his sleeves as well. “Did your clothes also come from a free-size sale?”
“My legs are t-too long.” Chu Yi stretched a leg out in front of him.

Yan Hang grinned. “So what if they are, you’re not that tall overall.”

Chu Yi didn’t speak. He gazed up at the top of Yan Hang’s head.

“What.” Yan Hang walked over. Chu Yi was about chest-height. “I’m 183, wanna compare?”

“Were you b-born 183?” said Chu Yi. “Impressive.”

“I might just beat you up.” Yan Hang pointed a warning finger at him.

“Thank you.” Chu Yi smiled.

“For what?” Yan Hang puzzled.

Chu Yi lowered his gaze to the shoes on his feet, then bent down and pulled down his trouser legs.

“Why not pull them up? It’s not cold at the moment.” Yan Hang knelt down and pulled the trouser legs up to his calves. “Same with your sleeves.”

“Huh?” Chu Yi didn’t understand.

Yan Hang pulled his hands over and pushed the sleeves up. “This way, you can’t tell they’re too small.”
“Oh.” Chu Yi’s face filled with realisation.

“Let’s go run,” said Yan Hang.

Chu Yi’s hand was wounded, but Yan Hang didn’t ask, since his life appeared to be filled with things like being chased, and outrunning or failing to outrun them.

This was Chu Yi’s life. He was just a passerby, how much could he concern himself with?

If he hadn’t seen Chu Yi repeatedly bullied for several consecutive days, but instead just once in a while, he probably would have forgotten the whole incident within half an hour.

Chu Yi led him down a different route from his usual path, taking the other fork in the road.

Yan Hang ran by his side. He’d only passed here once when he first arrived. After passing two junctions, the number of pedestrians decreased noticeably, with more runners appearing on the pavement.

“You…” Yan Hang turned and found Chu Yi about three steps away, keeping to the wall. It hadn’t been obvious when the pavement was narrower, but here the path widened, and half of it was a bicycle lane, yet Chu Yi still stuck next to the wall.
“Hm?” Chu Yi responded.

Yan Hang reached out and grabbed the shoulder of his top, pulling him over. “Do you usually run this road?”
“Yeah.” Chu Yi pointed forward. “I l-loop b-back up ahead.”

Yan Hang laughed at this. “Anyone who didn’t know better would think you were out of breath after five minutes of running.”

“I can j-jump, even.” Chu Yi seemed to be in quite a good mood, skipping as he ran ahead.

“How are the shoes?” asked Yan Hang.

“Comfy,” said Chu Yi. “R-really comfy.”

Yan Hang smiled.

Chu Yi was obviously a regular runner, on top of his usual running for his life or rushing home. After three rounds with Yan Hang, his breaths were even and not too short.

It was Yan Hang’s first time running with someone. He usually felt irritated if someone got too close while he ran, but today he was fine.

Most of the time, Chu Yi ran in content silence, occasionally saying a few words.

It wasn’t so lonely.

After half an hour of running, the two slowed down to walk along the road.

“I want t-to buy you a d-drink,” said Chu Yi.

“I should be buying you one,” said Yan Hang. “You can’t even buy two whole bowls of noodles.”

“I can, t-today.” Chu Yi smiled. “Got my p-pocket money.”

“How much?” asked Yan Hang.

“Enough f-for your d-drink.” Chu Yi patted his pocket.

“I don’t drink plain water,” Yan Hang said, raising his eyebrows. “I wanna drink something sweet. Iced red tea.”

“No p-problem.” Chu Yi raised his eyebrows in return. “I’ve g-got the money.”

Chu Yi bought two bottles of iced red tea from the convenience store nearby and brought them over to the seats in the nearby green space, sitting down.

“Big spender.” Yan Hang twisted the cap open and drank a mouthful.

“M-mega spender,” said Chu Yi.

Yan Hang laughed. After another two gulps of iced tea, he noticed what appeared to be the shimmer of moving water past the railing before him.

“No way. Is it that river?” He stood and walked over to the railing. There really was a river, but it was clearly cleaner and wider than the one at the tree hollow.

“Mhm.” Chu Yi walked over as well and leapt up to sit on the rail. “This is u-upstream.”

“Why don’t you find a tree hole to talk to here?” Yan Hang leaned against the rail.

“Too many p-people,” said Chu Yi.

“Not everyone…” Yan Hang looked at Chu Yi, “is out to get you.”

“Habit.” Chu Yi smiled.

“Actually, I don’t like places with too many people either,” said Yan Hang. “Except at work.”

“W-why don’t you g-go to school anymore?” asked Chu Yi.

“I never did,” said Yan Hang. “I never stay anywhere for too long, anyway.”

Chu Yi looked at him for a long time without saying anything.

Yan Hang drew a cigarette from his pocket and put it in his mouth. As he felt for his lighter, he found a steel coin in his pocket. He took it out and looked at it, smiling. “Chu Yi.”

“Hm?” Chu Yi looked at him.

“I’ll show you a magic trick,” said Yan Hang. “My dad taught me this, it’s really good for picking up girls.”

“Did you p-pick up any?” Chu Yi asked.

Yan Hang gave him a look.

“No?” said Chu Yi.

Yan Hang tch-ed.

“I-I’m not a g-girl, either,” said Chu Yi.

“I said I was gonna show you a magic trick, did I fucking say I was gonna pick you up?” said Yan Hang.

“So,” Chu Yi said, laughing, “when you p-pick up girls, you s-say, ‘I’m g-gonna p-pick you up’?”

“You know why you stutter?” said Yan Hang.

“Yup.” Chu Yi nodded. “Smart m-mouth.”

“If you know it, then shut up!” Yan Hang stretched his hand out and took off the ring on his pinky. He held up a loose fist with the back of his hand facing up, then put the coin between two fingers. “Keep your eyes peeled.”

“Okay.” Chu Yi focused hard on the coin.

Yan Hang moved his fingers gently, flipping the coin from between his index finger and middle finger to between his middle finger and ring finger. With another gentle movement, the coin flipped between his ring finger and pinky.

“I c-can do it t-too,” said Chu Yi, “And not s-so s-slowly either.”

Yan Hang glanced at him. Without speaking, he sped things up, flipping the coin back again. When he saw Chu Yi open his mouth as if about to speak, he pointed at Chu Yi.

Chu Yi shut up and continued to watch.

The coin flipped faster and faster between his fingers, and with a shake of Yan Hang’s hand, it vanished from his pinky.

Chu Yi’s reaction was so quick, even Yan Hang was taken aback. He grabbed Yan Hang’s wrist, his fingers reaching into his sleeve and feeling about.

“Found it?” Yan Hang raised the corners of his lips.

“No.” Chu Yi looked at him. “Should I a-ask where it w-went?”

“Mhm.” Yan Hang nodded.

“Where’d it g-go?” asked Chu Yi.

Yan Hang quickly passed his hand before his eyes. With a flick of his fingers, the coin appeared between his index and middle fingers. “Here.”

“Wow!” Chu Yi cried out. After a pause he added, “I w-wasn’t acting.”

“One more time?” Yan Hang looked at him.

Chu Yi nodded.

Yan Hang pushed up his sleeves, exposing his forearms, and put the coin between his fingers again.

Just as Chu Yi was about to focus hard, his hand waved and the coin was gone.

“Huh?” Chu Yi stared.

“Quick, ask.” Yan Hang clapped his hands and showed Chu Yi his palms.

“Where’d it go?” Chu Yi lost his stutter briefly.

Yan Hang reached out and tapped his chest lightly. He flipped his hand open: the coin sat in the middle of his palm. “Here.”

“If you p-pick up girls like t-that,” Chu Yi said as he gazed at the coin, rubbing his chest, “won’t you get h-hit?”

Yan Hang didn’t speak. He pulled out a bandage from his pocket, quickly opening it and pasting it over Chu Yi’s mouth.
Chu Yi felt his lips and smiled.

“Did you see how I did it this time?” asked Yan Hang.

Chu Yi shook his head.

“That’s right, you didn’t.” Yan Hang tossed the coin up and down. “You know why?”

Chu Yi kept on shaking.

“Because it’s no ordinary coin. It’s a… coin spirit.”

Chu Yi’s first response was stunned silence. Then he ripped off the plaster over his mouth and laughed heartily, till his voice began to break.

“What are you laughing at.” Yan Hang smiled at him. “Here.”

Chu Yi still laughed as he looked at him. “Huh?”

“It’s for you,” said Yan Hang. “My dad always told me that coins are a protective talisman, because they’re everywhere.”

Chu Yi hadn’t quite caught his breath. After taking the coin, he stared at it for quite some time before finally looking up. “Really?”

“Really.” Yan Hang nodded.

“You w-won’t be,” Chu Yi said softly, “s-staying here t-too long, e-either, will you?”

Yan Hang didn’t speak. He simply patted his shoulder.

Chu Yi didn’t say anything more. He put the coin in his pocket and pinched it lightly through his clothes.

As they ambled slowly home, Chu Yi pulled the coin out of his pocket. “A lucky co-in, huh.”

“Mhm, lucky co-inkydink,” said Yan Hang.

Chu Yi turned. “Yan Hang.”

“‘Sup,” asked Yan Hang.

“Where’re you f-from?” asked Chu Yi.

“A lot of places.” Yan Hang chuckled.

“Where d-do you belong?” Chu Yi pressed on.

Yan Hang looked at him. This wasn’t an easy question to answer; unlike most, no town automatically appeared in his mind.
“Where’s your h-hometown?” Chu Yi seemed to think he didn’t understand.

“My hometown?” Yan Hang breathed in and looked up at the night sky, then slowly exhaled. “I am my hometown.”

When they parted at the junction, Chu Yi took the coin out again. “Do you have m-more? Spirits?”

“Make more sense,” said Yan Hang.

“Coin spirits,” said Chu Yi.

“Yeah,” Yan Hang nodded. “That’s why they’re protective talismans. They’re everywhere.”

“Okay.” Chu Yi put the coin back. “Good night.”

“Good night,” said Yan Hang.

When Yan Hang reached home, Dad wasn’t there, but as he opened the door he saw an envelope on the desk.

Dad had come back and left again.

He was very familiar with this envelope. The paper had been rubbed so much it was flaking lint, and the four corners were curled. Whenever he saw this envelope, his heart filled with anxiety.

“If I’m not back in half a month, open it,” said Dad.

All these years, he’d seen this envelope many times, though Dad would always be back within half a month and he never had the chance to open it.

But he didn’t want to open it. He didn’t even want to see it.

Yan Hang took out the latest English book that he had yet to learn to read. He opened it and shoved the envelope between its pages, then tucked it under the coffee table.

Even better if it was hidden away where he couldn’t see.

When Chu Yi got home, Mum and a cigarette-smoking Nana were the only ones in the living room.

“Where’re those shoes from?” Mum noticed the shoes on his feet instantly.

“Classmate.” Chu Yi took them off.

“New or old?” Mum walked over and took a look at them. “Oh wow, they’re NBs.”

“Yeah,” responded Chu Yi, “old ones.”

“And your old ones?” Mum looked at him.

“The bottom f-fell off,” Chu Yi muttered. “Sold them.”

He wasn’t meant to throw the shoes away, but to bring them home. Nana sold junk every month, even old medicine boxes. But it was impossible to bring those shoes back in front of Yan Hang.

“How much did you sell them for?” asked Mum instantly.

“Ten,” said Chu Yi.

“They were worth at least fifteen! The bottom was genuine rubber.” Mum frowned. “Well, whatever. Ten it is. You can keep that as your allowance.”

“Mm,” replied Chu Yi.

“Didn’t I tell you, he’s a loser!” Nana chewed her cigarette, deeply dissatisfied. “Ten! What can you do with ten bucks!”

“Your old heap of cardboard boxes isn’t even worth ten,” Mum said, irritably. “All day long, all you say is ‘money money money’!”
“If I don’t care about money, what, you gonna give me money? You got any money? Buy a house, then you won’t have to hear me go on about money money money anymore!” Nana pointed at Mum.

“I went to two construction sites yesterday,” Mum said, sitting back down on the sofa. “House prices are crazy these days, even those in Hexi cost twenty thousand!”

“Stop thinking about city houses! Suburbs! Towns! Aren’t those fine too! His dad has a car, it’ll be easy to get to work.” Nana tch-ed. “It’s ’cause Er Ping bought a house in Hexi, isn’t it, so you have to get one too.”

“Bullshit!” said Mum.

“She banks on her dad givin’ her money. Just you watch, she’ll run out soon enough,” said Nana.

“I think so, too.” Mum sipped her tea.

Chu Yi leaned against his study table and pulled out his phone. He adjusted the screen brightness to its minimum, doing his best not to let Mum and Nana notice his presence.

With difficulty, he opened Wechat. He took ten millennia to enter his feed, and then another three before it finally loaded.
To his good fortune, Xingtian gege’s post was at the top of his feed.

As usual, it was a classy post in English that he didn’t understand.

Along with a photo.

Chu Yi tapped on it several times before confirming that it was indeed just a pitch black box, rather than an image that failed to load.
　　-The fear from deep within