Casual Heroing

“Did you wake him up?” I hear a deep voice, deeper than a bear roar, ask the question.

“We just administered him a stamina potion, Captain. His wounds are healed. He should be waking up soon.”

In the same way you feel groggy after surgery and coming back from general anesthesia, I slowly come back to my senses.

My mouth is a bit dry, and a pungent taste is all over it. I start moving my mouth like a cow chewing on some grass. The empty munching sound seems to draw attention from the onlookers.

“He’s coming back, Captain,” one of the voices says.

“I have eyes and ears too, Sergeant.”

I open my eyes to two blurry figures.

Oof, I feel really nauseous.

Oh, shoot.

Too nauseous.

One of the two volunteers a bucket, and I immediately puke in it.

I can see some brownish-green liquid coming out of my mouth, with a similar taste to what I felt on my tongue as I was waking up.

“Well, there goes a stamina potion,” the deeper voice grunts.

“I’ll fetch another one, Captain,” the man leaves the bucket in my lap as soon as he’s sure I can hold it by myself.

Batting my eyelids multiple times, I can finally focus on the man who’s standing in front of me.

“Luciani, you gave me one hell of a Day of Ancestors,” the tall Elf grumbles.

He has greyish air, but he’s without a doubt the tallest motherelfer I’ve ever seen around Amorium.

I heave again, and my eyes are watering now.

“Some citizens called the Watch and found you before you could bleed to death. They gave you some potion and cured most of the damage. However, our [Mage Guards] said you are suffering from extreme Mana exhaustion. Plus, we found five [Thugs] and one [Gang Leader] on the ground. Multiple bones were broken. Two of them, one [Thug] and the [Gang Leader] with a busted knee-cap.”

The man doesn’t care one bit about the fact I’m still heaving, retching, and feeling like absolute crap.

“You are a [Mage] at level 3, Luciani. Those people’s levels were all in the 10s.”

My head starts spinning so wildly that I can barely make out the rest of the speech. I simply find more food in my stomach to puke out.

I have barely registered one word since this guy arrived.

“If this is your first time feeling Mana exhaustion, don’t worry because it will pass. What you should worry about, instead, is the fact that you owe me a good explanation for what went down. After we nursed some of their wounds, the [Thugs] and [Gang Leader] are all in prison. But they claim you put them down just like that.”

“Can I have some water?” I say with a raspy voice.

The Elf—no, the Captain of the Watch, nods.

He takes a mug and offers it to me.

As soon as I go for it, he takes it back.

“I’ll skin you alive if I find that you are somehow involved with them, understood?”

And only after saying this piece does he gives me the mug.

My reply is a simple thumb-up.

I’m tempted to go for the ‘what-do-you-want’ gesture of Italian origins, but I doubt he would understand me. Knowing my luck, he could take it for an insult.

The Captain gets a chair by my bed and stares right through me.

I look around, feeling a bit better after drinking a bit of water. I’m in some sort of an infirmary, I think. The beds around me are empty, and some curtains are hung all around them to give some privacy if needed.

“So, Luciani…”

“You know my name,” I stutter out.

“The name of the guy who’s got a bakery giving him a personal security detail? The same guy who requested another of my people to be his counselor in a legal matter over whoever gets you working for them? How should I not know your name, son?”

The man exhales and shakes his head. He’s probably keen on the fact that I’m not involved with the gang that assaulted me, but it’s clear he takes his job very seriously.

“Captain,” I start talking, but my head spins so fast I have to hold the bucket to avoid spilling my own vomit on the ground.

The Elf puts a hand on the bucket and mutters a skill.

“[Formation: Steady on Your Feet]. There, that should help.”

Instantly, the world stops spinning, and I feel a bit more grounded. Man, this is so cool.

“So, you were saying, Luciani?” the man looks at me without the barest hint of a smile. He looks like he never smiled once in his entire life.

“Am I naked?”

I put the bucket of vomit and put it on the nightstand by my side before lifting the blankets that are covering me. Yep, that’s my wee-wee. Naked like the day I was born.

There’s a scar on my side, and not a pretty one.

The Captain notices where my gaze just fell and gives me an explanation.

“There was some minor poison on the dagger that hit you. It caused the healing potion to not work properly. A smith was close by, and he used some hot iron to close the worst of it, thankfully. He was trained for battle injuries. He did a fine job if you ask me.”

Well, one more story for the ladies, I guess.

I think I have to do something now.

I don’t like it.

I utterly hate it.

I despise with every fiber of my being what I’m going to do—nay, what I’m to say.

It’s against everything I believe in. It’s me descending into the abyss, staring at the monster, mingling with the beasts, joining hands with the Devil himself.

If there’s a God up there, I just gave up my place, my seat, my rightful lodging.

There’s nothing worse than the words coming out of my mouth at this exact moment.

“Captain, I think I want my lawyer.”

I give the big, scary Elf a bashful smile.