Ex-boyfriend

At two o’clock in the afternoon, the sun was at its brightest. The sunlight shone blindingly, dazzling the eyes of the beholder.

　　Xu Yue’s hand that held the phone was sweaty.

　　He heard Chu Yu ask on the other end, “Mr. Xu? Are you still listening?”

　　Xu Yue found out that he was out of it, and quickly replied, “Yes. I’m listening. That sentence just now… Could you please repeat?”

　“Yeh.” Chu Yu let out an irresolute grunt and said, “Let me put it this way, when we had dinner at Grand Hyatt a few months ago, my brother Chu Yi was long dead.”

　　Xu Yue’s felt a chill up his spine. He asked, “So, who ate with us that day?”

　“That’s what I want to know.” Chu Yu’s tone was unperturbed. Neither joy nor fury could be made out from his voice. “My father and I, we are of the opinion that this matter should be resolved privately. That’s why I want to know your current address. I’ll come over immediately.”

　　Xu Yue’s mind was muddled. He did not remember how he answered. After he hung up the phone, he sent the location to Chu Yu. And then continued his walk back home, carrying the warm pack of chestnuts[1].

　　What did Chu Yu’s words mean? The person whom he faced day and night, the one who slept next to him, sharing his pillow, was actually someone else pretending to be (Chu Yi)?

　　Xu Yue remembered that on Christmas night, Chu Yi said that he had killed someone for him. He didn’t believe at that time. Later, Chu Yi also denied it. But what if it was true? Could it be that the person he killed… was the real Chu Yi?

　　He walked down the street where he grew up. Every little grass and every tree that his eyes fell on should have been familiar. But now when he looked, he felt that the whole scene in front of him was an elaborate illusory distortion, and that even the faces of pedestrians seemed to have blurred.

　　As if everything was just a dream of his.

　　Xu Yue cautiously recalled. He remembered opening the door and walking in that day, only to find Chu Yi sitting on the sofa in his home, with eyes as beautiful as the sunlight outside the window.

　　Perhaps, since then, he had been immersed in dreamland. The real Chu Yi was in some corner of the world, a liminal existence[2]. And this one, the Chu Yi who loves him… That Chu Yi was nothing but a figment of his imagination.

　　He had had such dreams before. Even on those instances, he wouldn’t know that he had fallen into a dream. But he sure felt sorrow upon waking up.

　　Xu Yue thought about it all the way, until he walked to the downstairs of his home, and then gradually calmed down.

　　Avoiding would be completely meaningless. No matter what the truth was, he could only face it.

　　Xu Yue walked up stairs, took out the key and opened the door, and saw that Chu Yi really sitting on the sofa, watching TV, with a bored-to-death expression.

　　His every move, every smile, every frown, was exactly as he remembered. If all of this is fake… who could imitate him so vividly?

　　Seeing that Xu Yue had returned, Chu Yi immediately shouted, “A’Yue, you are finally back.”

　　The voice was no different from Xu Yue’s impression.

　　Although they were separated for several years, Xu Yue felt that he would never get him wrong. If he wasn’t wrong, then could Chu Yi’s brother be wrong?

　　Xu Yue thought that in his heart, but his face betrayed nothing. He just handed over the chestnuts and said, “I just bought it on the way.”

　“I longingly awaited your return since morning and you are going to dismiss me with just this?” While Chu Yi’s mouth complained, his hands moved quickly, grabbing the chestnuts to eat.

　　Xu Yue carefully observed Chu Yi’s expression, and found nothing wrong with it. If this person is not Chu Yi, who else could he be?

　　Xu Yue also sat down on the sofa and said, “Did you only eat instant noodles at noon?”

　“Yes.”

　“Why not order takeout?”

　“What takeout can there be in this small town? That too during the New Year.”

　“Why didn’t you cook your own food?”

　　Chu Yi tittered and retorted, “Do I look like someone who can cook?”

　　Xu Yue thought for a while and deliberately said, “I remember that one time, you made me cake for my birthday.”

　　While talking, he looked at Chu Yi’s face.

　　Chu Yi remained calm as he said with a smile, “Yue, you remembered it wrong. I made you sushi at that time. Because sushi was the easiest to make. I didn’t have to cook the ingredients…”

　　Halfway through, as if suddenly realizing something, he abruptly stopped.

　　Chu Yi slowly raised his head and looked at Xu Yue.

　　The air seemed to freeze instantly.

　　The two looked at each other in silence, as if they had already seen through each other’s trump cards, but were hesitant to blow up the cover.

　　In the end, it was Chu Yi who broke the silence with, “How can you remember something so unimportant? Are you testing me?”

　　Xu Yue said, “I received a call from your brother Chu Yu.”

　“Oh, what did he say?”

　“He said that there was a parterre in the yard of your ancestral home. During the heavy rain a couple of days ago, a trellis there collapsed.”

　　Upon hearing those words, Chu Yi’s face changed. But after a moment, he smiled calmly again.

　“That trellis had been there for many years. It’s neither too late nor too early, but just at this time that it had to collapse.”

　　Chu Yi stretched his body and sighed with regret, “It turns out my luck is no good.”

　　He asked Xu Yue, “You know the rest, don’t you?”

　　Xu Yue nodded, “You…”

　“I know what you want to ask,” Chu Yi interrupted. “But A’Yue, let me tell a story first.”

[1]caramelized roasted chestnuts ‘包糖炒栗子’ ‘Bāo táng chǎo lìzǐ’

[2] Kun Yi Wei Lou wrote ‘醉生梦死’ ‘zuì shēng mèng sǐ’ which is literally ‘drunk life and dream death’. It is an idiom about ‘leading a befuddled existence’ or ‘to be in a stupor’. I chose to translate it so in order to reflect the uncertainty Xu Yue experiences regarding Chu Yi’s existence, even about his life and death.