Ferocious Dog of Old

Shi Yeye had been with Tao Huainan for almost three years.

Granny Tian’s eyes were poor before she passed on; back then, Shi Yeye would often bite her trouser leg and point her in the right direction, even nipping or kicking away anything in her way.

This was why he was sent to Tao Huainan afterwards. Guiding a little blind master was a familiar task to him.

Before Chi Ku came, the one that Tao Huainan was most inseparable from was Shi Yeye. Sometimes his brother would be too busy, and he wasn’t always home. When his brother wasn’t at home, only Shi Yeye kept him company.

Hence, it was very difficult for Tao Huainan to accept the truth. Tao Xiaodong stroked the little hand clenching the side of the sofa. He sat on the floor and said to him, “Whether it’s mom and dad, or Shi Yeye, they’re always with you. They’ll never leave you.”

“I don’t want them to be with me in that way.” Tao Huainan’s nose and eyes were red, his lips puckering as he spoke. The child used his utmost strength to suppress his tears. “…I want them to be with me for real.”

“I’m with you.” Tao Xiaodong caught his little hand and put it to his lips, kissing lightly. “I’ll never leave you. Chi Ku’s with you too.”

Tao Xiaodong spoke very gently. His gentle voice was the most reassuring thing to Tao Huainan.

Tao Huainan didn’t know what else to say to make Shi Yeye stay. He couldn’t bear to part from him. He lifted his hand and rubbed his eyes, his lower lip trembling a few times before he bit it.

–

Tao Xiaodong had real regrets. He shouldn’t have brought an old golden retriever over; it forced Tao Huainan to deal with loss at such an early age. If he had adopted a puppy instead, by the time it happened, Tao Huainan would be much older.

Relative to people, pets had far too short a lifespan.

The old golden retriever could no longer move. He lay on the floor. There was water next to him, but he could no longer drink it.

The door opened. He seemed to smell his little master; his tummy rose and fell a little faster. He opened his eyes as well as his mouth. Tao Huainan was brought over to pet him. With great effort, the golden retriever panted into his palm, letting out a series of laboured huffs.

Tao Huainan stroked his head. The golden retriever did the same thing he always did, opening his mouth and lightly closing it around Tao Huainan’s hand. After placing the meaty little hand in his mouth, he went to bite the boy’s sleeve, then shook his head feebly.

Tao Huainan’s tears fell with a pitter patter. “Don’t leave, okay?” he said.

The golden retriever was too tired. He loosened his jaw, his head slowly returning to the ground. The golden retriever’s eyelashes trembled, his tummy pasted against Tao Huainan’s leg.

Tao Huainan hugged him and placed his own face upon the dog’s neck. His tears ran down constantly, dripping into the long golden fur.

“Will you come back, Shi Yeye?” Tao Huainan asked, hugging him. “To be my dog again.”

–

This was the most Chi Ku had seen Tao Huainan cry, ever since he first arrived.

Compared to this, all the past bouts of crying seemed insignificant.

The golden retriever’s breaths slowed gradually, and then they were no more.

Tao Huainan hugged him, not letting go, crying in a low voice at first. Afterwards, Tao Xiaodong and Tian Yi came and hugged him, trying to pick him up. Tao Huainan began to scream; his brother forcibly lifted him away; he cried so hard his voice broke.

Tao Huainan had never cried like this. Even when he was terrified when sent to school, he only sat there soundlessly wiping his tears. This was the first time Chi Ku had seen him wail uncontrollably like a normal child.

Tao Xiaodong kept patting him, comforting him, stroking his head.

Hearing Tian Yi-ge about to send the dog away, Tao Huainan began to scream at the top of his lungs again. Tao Xiaodong signalled for Tian Yi to wait a little longer, then hugged Tao Huainan and continued to speak to him in a low voice.

The child was deeply immersed in his emotions. He couldn’t hear anything the adult was saying.

–

Tao Huainan cried for about an hour, slowly calming down in his brother’s arms. His chin on his brother’s shoulder, he asked hoarsely, “Can we keep him at home? Can we not send him away?”

Tao Xiaodong didn’t speak. Only when Tao Huainan asked again did he shake his head and say, “No, baby.”

Tao Huainan buried his eyes in his shoulder, the tears surging forth again.

“He has somewhere to be.” Tao Xiaodong kissed him. “If you don’t let him go, he’ll rot. Bugs will come.”

Tao Huainan shook his head, not wanting his brother to continue.

These words were too harsh for a child to hear. Tian Yi nudged Tao Xiaodong’s leg, wanting him to stop.

But Tao Xiaodong continued. “I want him to be with you forever, too. But I can’t make that happen. If you still want another little creature, I can get one for you, but right now, this is what we have to accept.”

He stroked Tao Huainan’s sweat-drenched hair as he spoke.

–

When Tao Huainan was crying a little less hard, Tao Xiaodong put him down, asking him to say his farewell.

Tao Huainan touched Shi Yeye’s tummy, the tummy that no longer rose and fell. His tears slid down soundlessly once again, slipping quickly from his eyes to his chin, hanging there.

Once upon a time, his brother brought the golden retriever to his side and told him that this was a pet for him alone, that he would play with him when nobody else was around. Children had a sense of belonging around anything of their own; they would feel a closeness unlike any other, because this was theirs, theirs alone.

“What do I do…” Tao Huainan’s voice was hoarse, heart-rending. He moved his hand, shaking the golden retriever. “I don’t have a dog anymore…”

He called out “Shi Yeye” sadly. The little blind boy, who could see nothing, squatted there, hopeless and lonely.

Chi Ku suddenly grabbed his hand, moving it from the golden retriever’s body to his own knee, pressing down.

Tao Huainan still wanted to touch the cold body of Shi Yeye. Chi Ku said, “I’ll be your dog from now on.”

Tao Huainan blinked. He lowered his head and said, “You’re not… You’re Chi Ku.”

Chi Ku’s body and face were still covered with measle rashes that had yet to recede completely. The little red dots covering his whole face, he said to Tao Huainan, “Don’t cry. I’ll be your dog.”

“Will you always be with me?” Tao Huainan asked hoarsely.

“Yes,” said Chi Ku.

Tao Huainan held his hand. The tear on his chin could cling on no longer, falling upon his knee. “Then I’ll always be with you too. I’ll be your little dog. We’ll be each other’s little dogs.”

Even such childish words could scorch the heart. Tao Xiaodong met Tian Yi’s eyes; they heard the children’s inappropriate talk, yet they didn’t interrupt.

–

Finally, Shi Yeye was sent back to Tian Yi’s grandmother’s home, buried in a plot not far from hers. The old golden retriever had returned to his old mistress’ side; they could finally be together forever.

The young master had his own life to live; his long life had only just begun.

On the road home, Tao Huainan didn’t cry anymore. The tip of his nose was completely red, and his eyes were swollen. He kept a tight grip on Chi Ku’s hand the whole time; it was an expression of sadness, as well as a new hope within his isolated, narrow little world.

Now Chi Ku was his little dog.

Just like Shi Yeye, he was his alone.

–

That night, Tao Huainan slept by Chi Ku’s side, holding his hand. He whispered secretly, “I’ll listen to you from now on, and you’ll have to listen to me too.”

Chi Ku was very patient with him that day, not getting annoyed with him; perhaps it was because Tao Huainan had been crying so pitifully earlier. Chi Ku closed his eyes and said yes.

“Because we’re both little dogs.” Tao Huainan shut his eyes too. After a moment, a single tear fell from the corner of his eye. In a soft voice, he said, “I really miss Shi Yeye.”

Chi Ku pressed his palm. Tao Huainan said, “I won’t make you as sad as I am now. I won’t leave you.”

“Go to sleep.” Chi Ku, a rough little child, had used up all of his soft gentleness today; he couldn’t quite stay on Tao Huainan’s level any longer.

Tao Huainan cried to himself for a little while, then slowly fell asleep, holding Chi Ku’s hand.

–

After that day, the two of them seemed to reach a sort of tacit understanding, a children’s agreement.

Tao Huainan slept in Chi Ku’s room now; only when Tao Xiaodong occasionally felt like hugging him did he get taken away to be hugged like a doll all night. Chi Ku was also more patient with Tao Huainan; though sometimes he would still tell him not to be annoying, he was far gentler than he used to be.

During Chinese New Year, Tao Xiaodong asked Tao Huainan if he still wanted a little creature.

Tao Huainan stared, wide-eyed, and asked, “What little creature?”

“A kitten? A puppy?” said Tao Xiaodong. “Whatever you want.”

Tao Huainan thought about it seriously for a while, then shook his head and said, “I don’t want one.”

“Really?” asked Tao Xiaodong.

“Really.” Tao Huainan pointed a finger at Chi Ku’s room. “I have Chi Ku now.”

Tao Xiaodong grabbed his finger and changed its direction. “Where are you pointing? It’s that way.”

Tao Huainan oh-ed, then pointed anew, his finger waving. “I have Chi Ku now.”

Tao Xiaodong’s heart melted from how adorable his little brother was. He pinched his face, rubbing it and massaging it till its shape changed and that little mouth pouted.

Chi Ku came out from his room, wearing a set of red clothing. The children both wore red; the clothes were bought by Mrs Huang, in celebration of the new year. Tao Huainan’s face looked ever fairer in this garb, his lips red and his teeth white like a milky little child. Chi Ku was thin and dark; the red clothes made him look even darker, even a little coarse.

Tao Xiaodong teased him, saying that he looked like a farming village kid again.

Tao Huainan couldn’t see it, but laughed along.

Chi Ku had never minded being teased; as both brothers laughed at him, he sat calmly on the sofa and said, “I always was a farming village kid.”

“Not anymore,” Tao Huainan laughed. “You’re my little dog now.”

Tao Xiaodong flicked his head and admonished him. “Enough with your little-dog-this and little-dog-that. He’s your xiao-ge.”

“Oh.” Tao Huainan very obediently called out, “Xiao-ge.”

Chi Ku flicked the other side of his head.