Ferocious Dog of Old

He didn’t know how many people there were in this bathroom. From the sound of their voices and their footsteps, at least ten. Tao Huainan was well aware that he was completely incapable of fighting back; one blind boy couldn’t win against seeing people. All he could do was try to be less pitiful.

He supported himself against the ground and stood. Hearing the mocking laughter nearby, he did feel a little uncomfortable, but not too angry—more exasperated than angry. Not everyone was a saint; no matter how well his brother protected him, he’d heard this sort of snickering many times throughout his life.

After getting up, Tao Huainan didn’t move. He was like a butterfly in a cat’s claw: only if he didn’t move would people lose interest in bullying him any further.

But today, these bad, cigarette-smoking students didn’t ignore his presence. After a while of standing, someone pushed Tao Huainan; he leapt forward, then someone tripped him. Frowning as he fell again, he put out a hand to break his fall, not letting out a single cry.

The bathroom was wet and slippery. Tao Huainan had fallen twice; his trousers were wet.

A decent male student walked by and saw them. He wanted to say something, but didn’t quite dare to provoke the smokers, hesitating before walking away. Tao Huainan only wanted to get back to class, to quickly end this “fun game” for them.

“…Fuck.” A slightly familiar voice came from the doorway. It sounded like the speaker was smoking too. “What’s the fun in bullying a blind kid?”

Someone walked over and dragged Tao Huainan up by the elbow, walking him a few steps to a stall and pushing him in. As the person turned, their voice carried disdain. “It’s fucking disgraceful. Stop it.”

“How nice of you.” Someone sniggered. “What, can’t bear to see injustice?”

“Can’t bear to see you toads,” this person said, cigarette in their mouth. “Act like a human being next time. If you want to play with someone, play with someone asking for it.”

They normally smoked together, so they were quite familiar with each other; it was over after a few words.

–

Tao Huainan finished peeing, then came out and felt his way to the sinks to wash his hands. The bell had rung for class to begin, but those people hadn’t left yet.

He finished washing his hands and turned to leave. Someone grabbed his arm again. Tao Huainan started in fear and tried to avoid them, but they pulled him out of the bathroom.

“Where’s your brother?” The person still smelt mildly of cigarette smoke. This was the one who’d pulled him up earlier, the one who sat behind him and said “smart people are all nerds” back then.

“My brother went to class.” After this, Tao Huainan added a “thank you”.

“If you’re going to the bathroom, can’t you just turn around and ask the two of us? Either of us could come with you.” The boy admonished him. “Don’t be an idiot and walk straight into danger like that. You can get any guy to go with you when your brother isn’t around.”

Tao Huainan smiled lightly and said, “I know now. Thank you.”

The whole way back to the classroom, the boy held his elbow, up until his seat. Tao Huainan sat back down, then pulled out a tissue and wiped his wet trouser leg slowly.

For the entirety of the final period, Tao Huainan rubbed at his trousers. Used tissues filled his little rubbish bin.

–

When the final bell rang, Tao Huainan took down his rubbish bag and tied it, preparing to throw it away.

Only focussing on this, he didn’t listen to the homework assigned, nor did he remember to take a copy for the academic rep. He didn’t know whether her deskmate had left it at her seat. If not, she could take Chi Ku’s again.

When Chi Ku pushed the classroom door open, Tao Huainan had already put on his coat, his backpack on his back too. The academic rep came in behind him. Tao Huainan said apologetically, “I forgot to take your homework for you. Check if it’s at your seat.”

“It’s fine, my deskmate left it for me,” said the academic rep.

Chi Ku came over to take his hand. Holding hands with him, Tao Huainan was just about to follow him out when Chi Ku suddenly spoke. “Why’s your sleeve like this?”

Stunned, Tao Huainan blinked. “What’s wrong with my sleeve?”

Chi Ku grabbed his coat sleeve and pushed it up. The sleeve of the light-coloured jumper inside had a black patch on it.

Chi Ku frowned. “You fell?”

Tao Huainan shook his head and didn’t speak.

Chi Ku pulled his arm in another direction. In the snowy winter, shoe soles were dirty, and the bathroom floor was very dirty. Even if Tao Huainan had spent most of the period absorbing the moisture and wiping it off, it definitely wouldn’t be clean.

Chi Ku’s voice was cold now. He asked again, “Where did you fall?”

The academic rep walked over after taking her homework. “What is it?” she asked in a small voice.

Tao Huainan shook his head and said, “Nothing.”

“I’m asking you.” Chi Ku knit his brow and looked at Tao Huainan. “Where did you go?”

Tao Huainan remained silent. The look on Chi Ku’s face was terrible. “Speak. Can’t you hear me?”

He was too fierce; even the academic rep was slightly afraid as she stood next to them, not daring to make a sound. Tao Huainan didn’t feel aggrieved when he’d been toyed with in front of a crowd at the bathroom; now, with Chi Ku roaring questions at him in front of someone, he began to feel aggrieved.

Tao Huainan made an effort to suppress his aching tear ducts. He felt even more embarrassed now than he had in the bathroom.

Now it seemed like Chi Ku and the academic rep were on one side, and he was an outsider, even getting scolded in front of the academic rep. A blind boy without dignity.

Tao Huainan pushed Chi Ku away and walked off by himself.

He walked too quickly; his groin banged into the corner of the table. Tao Huainan couldn’t hold back a low groan—the sharp pain made him frown and massage himself.

–

Chi Ku took a deep breath. He went forth and grabbed Tao Huainan’s wrist, holding it tightly.

After grabbing, he didn’t stop, marching in huge strides as he pulled Tao Huainan along. Tao Huainan struggled slightly to keep up.

Chi Ku walked very quickly, descending the stairs very quickly too. Tao Huainan was forcibly dragged, counting the steps at the same time so he wouldn’t trip.

“Why are you throwing a tantrum?” Only when they reached an open area outside the building did Chi Ku fling Tao Huainan’s hand away and ask him.

Tao Huainan’s eyes were a little red. He didn’t want to say anything. He only wanted to go home.

“What’s wrong with you?” Chi Ku glared at him, his anger very obvious in his voice. Warningly, he said, “Tao Huainan.”

Suddenly being called by name was something Tao Huainan very much disliked. It made him anxious, insecure.

Tao Huainan couldn’t hold back his pain. Nor did he. He cried out in a low voice, in Chi Ku’s direction, “I don’t want you to scold me in front of other people.”

“When did I scold you?” Chi Ku was completely at sea; all the way from the classroom till this moment, he hadn’t managed to understand his train of thought.

“Dunno!” Tao Huainan didn’t want to talk to him. His mood reached its lowest point of the whole afternoon.

“I just asked you how you fell. What’s so hard about answering?” Chi Ku asked impatiently.

“I fell in the bathroom.” Tao Huainan’s face was cold. He no longer hid it: “I went to the bathroom, I fell, on my butt, like an idiot, sitting on the ground, that’s it, that’s that. Why did you have to ask? Does it make you happy to… embarrass me in front of the academic rep?”

He and Chi Ku were on completely different wavelengths. Their focal points weren’t the same at all. Academic rep or no academic rep, Chi Ku hadn’t even noticed—what did it have to do with the academic rep?

–

Tao Huainan’s words put Chi Ku at a loss for how to reply. He couldn’t grasp what that messy brain of his was filled with.

Later, with a long face, he held his hand again and asked, “Did you knock into anything?”

“No.” Tao Huainan let him hold his hand. The two of them went home.

After getting home, Chi Ku made him get a shower and get changed. When he showered, Chi Ku checked him for bruises and injuries, no longer bothering to be upset with him.

He only asked, “Why didn’t you wait for me to go with you?”

Tao Huainan’s sullen mood had yet to pass. He didn’t want to speak properly; he turned his face and said, “I couldn’t hold it in. I almost pissed my pants.”

Chi Ku frowned again. “Speak properly.”

“Anyway, I couldn’t hold it in.”

“Why didn’t you say before I went?” Chi Ku grabbed the towel and put it over Tao Huainan’s head.

Tao Huainan pulled it down and rubbed it haphazardly over his body, then moved to leave. “Weren’t you in a hurry to leave? Why would you care about me?”

–

Chi Ku was never a good-tempered child. He was easily angered.

Tao Huainan’s thorny way of speaking definitely wouldn’t fly with him, and these words were quite stinging. Chi Ku took a deep breath; Tao Huainan already opened the door and left. Coming out of the shower in winter was very cold. Tao Huainan was covered in goose pimples; he forgot to put on the pyjamas that Chi Ku had taken for him, so he felt his way to the closet in their room to look for clothes.

Chi Ku held his fury in check and came out, going to the bedroom to look for Tao Huainan. When he went in, he saw Tao Huainan with his shirt backwards, the collar askew, his nose and eyes both red. He sat on the bed, his blank gaze directed at the window. Chi Ku decided to keep his anger silent.

–

All night, neither of them spoke to the other.

Tao Huainan’s head was buried in his old blanket. The blanket was so old that the fluff on it was worn; they usually didn’t even dare to wash it for fear that it would fall apart in the wash. Chi Ku pulled it down, but he covered his head again, not speaking to Chi Ku.

Tao Huainan had not been this angry in a very long time. It was infuriatingly uncomfortable.

Chi Ku didn’t bother with him. He let Tao Huainan be as angry as he liked. The reason he hadn’t let his temper flare all this while was because he was suppressing it; when he saw how pitiful the little blind boy looked, he let it slide.

–

Even as he slept, Tao Huainan was angry in his dreams, sleeping angrily all night, dreaming only of angering things.

When he woke up in the morning, he let out a long sigh. The anger was killing him.

Yesterday’s anger was mostly gone after a night’s sleep, especially since he wasn’t one to stay angry for long; normally, after one night, he would let it go. But not being as angry didn’t mean his mood was good again. Yesterday’s bad mood continued today.

For the whole day, the two of them barely spoke to each other. Tao Huainan’s mood was poor, and Chi Ku’s expression was cold as he was still angry.

During the second afternoon period, the academic rep came to wait by them as usual. Tao Huainan lay his head down and faced the window, the back of his head towards them.

He heard Chi Ku say, “Go by yourself, I’m not going anymore.”

Surprised, the academic rep said, “Huh?”

With a “bathump”, Tao Huainan sat up too. “Huh?”

Chi Ku didn’t look at either of them. He took out the workbook from his desk to prepare for self-study period, expressionless as he repeated, “I’m not going anymore.”

“Don’t…” Tao Huainan didn’t care about anything else anymore, a little frantic as he whispered, “Hurry up and go, what are you doing? Quick, go.”

“Shut up.” Chi Ku’s voice was completely absent of tone. “You’re not the boss of me.”

Tao Huainan was stung in return. He pursed his lips and didn’t speak again.

–

After saying he wouldn’t go, Chi Ku really didn’t go. For the later two periods, he didn’t move anywhere, staying in his seat and studying the whole time.

Tao Huainan was extremely uncomfortable. He felt he had done wrong; he was so full of regret he didn’t know what to do. Why was he like that yesterday? Why had he said what he said?

He was fundamentally a good child; seeing Chi Ku skipping lessons for his sake, he was awfully uncomfortable in his seat. Later, he pulled out a sheet of braille paper, dot dot dot, and handed it to Chi Ku once he was done dotting.

Chi Ku felt it. He’d written: xiao-ge, I was wrong. I’m sorry.

Chi Ku pressed it under his book and continued doing his questions.

Braille paper was expensive. His brother always wanted to buy it for him, but Tao Huainan couldn’t bear to use it so casually. Taking a used sheet, he found a little corner, tore it off, and dotted again.

Go to class tomorrow. I’m really very sorry. It was my fault.

Chi Ku felt it, then put it under his book again. Tao Huainan was so anxious he shook his arm, not knowing what to do.

–

He was angry for very long. For many days, he ignored Tao Huainan.

The teacher asked Chi Ku why he no longer went to class. Chi Ku didn’t say anything. He just wouldn’t go.

Since the end-of-term exams were coming soon, it was fine not to go. Leaving more time for practice exercises was alright too. The teacher didn’t nag him.

Chi Ku stayed the whole day, not leaving, from morning to night.

One day, during the third afternoon period, the one who sat behind them came back from smoking in the bathroom. Seeing Tao Huainan pulling Chi Ku’s sleeve again, he laughed as he said, “Well done, I really can tell you’re blood brothers. You’re so worried about your little brother being bullied that you won’t even go to class.”

Tao Huainan’s movements stiffened indiscernably.

“Did you complain to your brother?” He continued to joke, teasing the little blind boy. “Cried to him when you went home?”

Tao Huainan said inwardly, Why do you have so much to say today? Whyyy?

Chi Ku’s writing hand stopped. He turned and looked at the boy behind them.

–

The author has something to say:

All of you were ratting them out to Ku-ge, you’re all too cute.
Starting next chapter, it will be VIP(paid chapters). Thanks again for your support.