Ferocious Dog of Old

Chi Ku had grown up now, so while that feral-child aura of blank coarseness he’d had in childhood still remained, the years he had endured with Tao Huainan helped him to understand a bit about the twists and turns of the little blind boy’s sensitive mind.

When Tao Huainan threw out that line, Chi Ku automatically processed the reason behind Tao Huainan’s irritability for the past few days.

All throughout the past few days, Chi Ku had been in a state of suppressed anger. From his point of view, he came back after class last Thursday, saw that Tao Huainan was covered in dirt, and received no answer when he asked Tao Huainan how he fell; after he asked a few more times, Tao Huainan began to say bizarre, provoking things.

Only now did he understand what was going on in that long winding mountain road of a brain.

Chi Ku would tire of speaking whenever he grew angry. He turned and went back to his room to lie down on the bed. Even hearing Tao Huainan’s footsteps made him incredibly annoyed.

–

Before Tao Huainan said this, Chi Ku was actually almost done being angry, but now the temperature dropped to freezing again. Alone outside, Tao Huainan rubbed the tip of his nose with the back of his hand, saying inwardly, there’s nothing wrong with my head, it’s you, there’s something wrong with your head, getting a partner so young.

In a child’s irritable funk, Tao Huainan didn’t bother talking him around. He thought to himself, you only know how to get angry at me. I’ve never seen you get angry at anyone else. You’re angriest at me.

When Tao Xiaodong came back and saw one child in each room, each with a long face, he could tell with one glance that they had fought.

An adult’s first reaction when seeing children fight was always to laugh. They were children, after all. It was funny.

“My two ancestors, what’s up with you two this time?” Tao Xiaodong put down the dried fruit Tian Yi had given him in the day and went to wash his hands. As he washed, he said, “Tell me. Let this gold medallist in mediating help you to mediate.”

Neither spoke.

Tao Xiaodong went to look at each of them separately. One lay on the bed frowning, looking aggravated; the other sat in his brother’s room facing the window, his legs crossed.

“Ancestors, pay me some attention.” Tao Xiaodong tapped the doors one after another.

Chi Ku called out, “Ge.”

“Good.” Tao Xiaodong poked his head into his own room to look at the other miserable one. “And this one?”

Tao Huainan’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, with a heavy nasal tone as he said, “I won’t.”

“Oh.” Tao Xiaodong was quite surprised. He walked over and bent down to look at him. “Let me see. What happened to our little ancestor? Why is he wiping tears?”

Tao Huainan had wiped his tears away ages ago; right now, no traces were left. Who knew his voice would betray him? Vexed, he turned his back, not letting him look.

Tao Xiaodong grabbed his ribs and picked him up with both arms. Tao Huainan started in shock, shouting; his brother laughed as he carried him out and threw him onto the sofa.

“You’re so annoying,” Tao Huainan complained of his brother.

Tao Xiaodong rubbed his face and called him a crybaby.

Tao Huainan had been treated coldly for so many days; today, he’d finally given in and held onto Chi Ku’s neck to coax him, and still failed. He’d even been called wrong in the head. His mood was terrible, and he was hurt.

–

Tao Xiaodong called Chi Ku out to eat fruit instead of lying down.

Chi Ku always listened to him. He came out with drooping eyelids, sitting on the single-seater sofa in the furthest corner. Just the sight of Tao Huainan made him angry.

Tao Huainan wanted to turn his back towards him and stay further away too, but when he thought of how Chi Ku had rushed to fight people on his behalf earlier in the day, even wounding his face, he couldn’t bear to.

It was too hard to bear. He wanted to coax him, but instead angered him again; Chi Ku even said he was wrong in the head. But when he thought of them both ignoring each other completely, his heart was unwilling, unable to bear it.

The two emotions tugged him either way, pulling his innocent heart into a mess. He was almost in tears from holding his grievances in.

–

Tao Xiaodong, the peacemaker, sat between them. He prodded one in the face and the other in the arm, laughing as he asked what was wrong.

Tao Huainan spoke first. “He said there’s something wrong with my head.”

On the other side, Chi Ku talked back immediately. “There is.”

“You see!” Tao Huainan slapped his brother’s arm. “Look at him.”

All Tao Xiaodong did was chuckle like a fool, thinking that, though older now, his baby brother was just as fun to tease as when he was little. Pinching Tao Huainan’s face, he said, “Why did he say there’s something wrong with your head? Tell me.”

Because he’d said that Chi Ku had a partner. This was too embarrassing to say. The two of them never told anyone each other’s secrets, no matter how much they fought.

Tao Huainan’s words spun around in his head for a moment before he said, “He just can’t stand the look of me. I couldn’t talk him out of his anger. He’s ignoring me.”

Here he was, keeping his anger in check to help keep Chi Ku’s secret, while Chi Ku simply didn’t care at all, exposing it himself: “He said I have a partner.”

Tao Xiaodong was stunned. He couldn’t help but laugh. “Is it true?”

Chi Ku’s face was completely expressionless. His gaze was empty and he didn’t speak.

“You really have one?” Tao Xiaodong’s expression turned gossipy. “Fair enough, you’re already in junior high, and these days people start in elementary school.”

Since the boy himself had already revealed it, Tao Huainan didn’t bother helping him to hide it anymore, telling his brother, “He goes to classes and finishes school with our academic rep every day.”

“I go to classes?” Chi Ku asked.

“Before this!” Tao Huainan immediately amended.

Chi Ku nodded, saying “alright”.

“He’s not embarrassed about dating, and he says that I’m wrong in the head,” Tao Huainan said as he rubbed his nose.

Tao Xiaodong whispered to Chi Ku, “Are you really dating?”

Facing him, Chi Ku gently shook his head.

Beside them, Tao Huainan said, “You see? He’s not even speaking. He admits it.”

Chi Ku calmly ah-ed, then said, “I am.”

Tao Huainan almost choked on his anger; Chi Ku’s attitude made his nose ache. He blinked a little, then stood from the sofa, feeling his way into his brother’s room to continue his sullen sitting.

–

From that day onwards, these two enemies began the longest ever cold war they’d had since they were children.

Tao Huainan didn’t even stay in their shared room anymore, pulling his blanket over to his brother’s room to sleep with his brother. He was so angry he couldn’t sleep at night, thinking that Chi Ku had changed, that he wasn’t the same as he used to be.

What little dog? He went back on his words.

The two of them no longer held hands when they walked. Tao Huainan held the adjustable strap that hung from the back of Chi Ku’s backpack, neither touching the other’s hand. Tao Huainan would occasionally reach for his hand out of habit, then realise and quickly pull back—who wants to hold hands with you? You can just hold the academic rep’s hand.

At school, they didn’t speak to each other either. Tao Huainan turned the back of his head to Chi Ku every day. After finishing the homework Chi Ku gave him, he would throw it to Chi Ku for Chi Ku to check, then take it back once he was done marking it to feel the ticks and crosses himself.

When the end-of-term exams came, Tao Huainan didn’t have to go to school. Chi Ku went alone.

Tao Huainan went to work with his brother, sitting in the shop with his head full of Chi Ku and the academic rep.

Tao Xiaodong secretly told him that Chi Ku wasn’t dating. Tao Huainan said, didn’t he admit it himself? He’s lying to you.

–

During the winter holidays, they had half a month of extra classes, but they were able to go to school a little later than usual—it was less strict than regular classes. The teacher didn’t force Tao Huainan to attend, telling him that it was alright for him to stay home.

Tao Huainan went anyway. He held Chi Ku’s bag strap to school every day, holding it back home at night.

Chi Ku’s bad temper had always been long-lasting, but it was rare that Tao Huainan was able to stand such a long time without trying to talk him around. He really was hurt this time.

The girls who cared about Tao Huainan noticed the brothers fighting after a while. Chi Ku seemed rather low, and Tao Huainan rather bullied. When Chi Ku was away, they asked worriedly, “Does your family know about Chi Ku dating?”

Tao Huainan nodded and said yes.

“Oh god, did they hit him?” The girls peeked at the academic rep.

Fuming, Tao Huainan replied, “If only.”

Chi Ku came back to his seat after cleaning the blackboard. The girls left. Tao Huainan propped his face on his arm, feeling for a pen and spinning it in his hand.

–

During the afternoon break on the final day of extra classes, Tao Huainan pulled a tangerine from his bag after he came back from lunch, peeling half of it himself. The other half sat within the skin. The tangerine skin opened like a flower.

Tao Huainan put the remaining half with its skin still on next to Chi Ku’s book.

Chi Ku took one look and shoved it back over with his arm.

Tao Huainan heard it. Since Chi Ku didn’t want it, he ate the rest himself, bit by bit.

He rolled the skin up and binned it. Before he’d managed to throw it all away, he heard someone at the door shouting, “Chi Ku, come out here!”

There weren’t many people in class during the afternoon break; there weren’t many people in school generally. The few that remained in class all looked up and gazed outside.

Chi Ku looked up too. At the door were two people, two of the four that had been in the bathroom that time. The one who had been punched by Chi Ku slammed the door, yelling for him to come out.

Chi Ku put down his pen and stood.

Tao Huainan grabbed his wrist.

Chi Ku shook his arm to shake him off, saying in a low voice, “Sit here. Don’t move.”

“Don’t go.” Tao Huainan held him, not letting go.

“It’s fine.” Chi Ku pushed his hand away, then said again, “As long as you sit here and don’t move, it’ll be fine.”

–

Casually, Chi Ku went out. Tao Huainan didn’t dare to move a single inch, afraid he would get in the way and give Chi Ku even more trouble.

Over the long ten minutes, Tao Huainan’s hands trembled as he sat in his seat.

Chi Ku was panting slightly when he came back, rubbing behind his ear with the back of his hand. Tao Huainan reached out to touch him; Chi Ku pulled back, saying, “It’s dirty.”

“What did you do?” Tao Huainan asked in a low voice.

Chi Ku pulled out a tissue and pressed it around his ear, saying, “Nothing.”

“Are you bleeding again?” Tao Huainan was so worried his expression turned ugly.

This was the first time they were speaking so much to each other in many days. Chi Ku didn’t stay frigid either, saying to him, “It’s fine.”

After a while, the noise moved in from the corridor, stopping at the classroom door. It sounded like many people. Tao Huainan was worried that Chi Ku would lose, even wanting to call his brother, but Chi Ku stopped him.

In the end, the group of people at the door clamoured for a while and then left, not doing anything else.

Tao Huainan breathed a sigh of relief. He buried his face in Chi Ku’s arm on the table, his eyelashes fluttering. “That scared me to death…”

Chi Ku didn’t push him away, letting him lie on his arm. He repeated, “It’s fine.”

–

Tao Huainan passed the final day of extra classes in a fit of anxiety, afraid that people would block Chi Ku on the way home after school.

When they reached home safely, Tao Huainan relaxed. He put his bag and coat on the sofa, wanting to say something to Chi Ku, but now remembered that they were in a cold war and shut his mouth again.

Chi Ku went to shower. Tao Huainan slowly edged his way in too.

He was too pale; even the green veins in his arms and legs were very visible. City children were fragile; whenever he knocked against anything, he would bruise for very long without healing.

The last time he had knocked into the corner of the table was ages ago, and even now there was a light yellow mark at his groin, yet to vanish completely.

On his back was another purple patch, from who knows when. Chi Ku’s hand was wet; he wiped it damply across Tao Huainan’s back and asked, “How did this happen?”

Tao Huainan bowed his head and said, “I knocked against ge’s cupboard door.”

Chi Ku pressed against the purple bruising. Tao Huainan said “it hurts” in a small voice.

Chi Ku pulled him into the shower and let the water run over him. He lowered his eyes and said emotionlessly, “Don’t sleep in ge’s room anymore.”

“Oh.” Tao Huainan nodded, lowering his eyes too as he replied, “Okay.”