Ferocious Dog of Old

The fussy child managed to sleep himself into a pitiful state, his face full of tears. Chi Cheng hugged him, stroking the back of his head helplessly. “What kind of messed up dream did you have this time?” he said.

Tao Huainan kept kissing Chi Cheng again and again, pasting his soft, burning lips on him; they brought a sense of careful cajoling and pleading.

Chi Cheng pressed his face against his too. His face was boiling hot. Chi Cheng called his name again.

Tao Huainan still wanted to kiss. Chi Cheng tilted his own neck back, saying, “Take your medicine.”

Tao Huainan didn’t manage to kiss him, so he stopped where he was, his face raised and motionless. His large eyes open, he blinked slowly, weak with sickness. He didn’t complain about not being able to kiss; he only lifted his face quietly in its previous direction.

Chi Cheng wanted to let go of him and bring the medicine over, but after looking at him for two seconds, he couldn’t bear to. He lowered his head and touched upon Tao Huainan’s mouth.

“Take your medicine for now, or the fever will burn you silly.”

Chi Cheng got down from the bed. Tao Huainan sat there alone, wrapped in his blanket, unmoving.

After Chi Cheng had retrieved the medicine but before he turned around, Tao Huainan coughed; he couldn’t help but lower his head and heave twice. Immediately, he covered his mouth with his hand. When Chi Cheng turned, Tao Huainan was dry-heaving non-stop.

“It’s fine, let go,” Chi Cheng told him as he went to get a basin. “Just puke, don’t worry.”

–

They had only just been touching lips fervently, but in a blink of an eye he was throwing up. He puked up all the congee he had eaten earlier.

Chi Cheng held the basin in his hand and let him puke. Tao Huainan was in too much discomfort, his stomach turning like a stormy sea; his whole body felt so cold he was shivering.

He puked for ages, until his guts were empty and all that was left was convulsive dry-heaving.

Chi Cheng had him rinse his mouth out, then took his clothes off, wrapped him up in a blanket and a duvet that wasn’t dirty, and carried him into ge’s room. Tao Huainan was completely awake now that he was done puking. He lay there looking absolutely helpless.

Chi Cheng brought a hot towel over to wipe his hands. Tao Huainan took it and said, “Let me wipe myself.”

His throat was already hoarse before, and now it had been scalded by his stomach fluids—he almost couldn’t speak. Chi Cheng handed him the towel and turned to tidy their room. Tao Huainan didn’t know what time it was; he’d been making so much trouble that Chi Cheng still hadn’t gone to sleep.

Tao Huainan’s physical condition was weak indeed. Right now, lying on an unwarmed bed, his whole body was uncomfortable, as was his heart.

–

Chi Cheng cleaned things up very quickly. He threw away what needed to be thrown away and soaked whatever needed to be soaked. When he walked in after washing his hands, Tao Huainan was waiting, facing in his direction.

Chi Cheng made him take his medicine, then stroked his forehead and said, “Let’s not trouble you in the middle of the night. Take your meds and let your fever go down. You can get your IV drip tomorrow morning.”

Tao Huainan said “okay”.

The slight tender emotion exceeding brotherliness was all puked away by Tao Huainan, but perhaps because they were just too close, so close that no matter the surroundings or the situation they would not feel awkward or unnatural with each other, it seemed that whatever happened between them, they wouldn’t lose their composure. Just like every regular night, and like every time Tao Huainan came down with a fever, he curled up in Chi Cheng’s embrace, taking in Chi Cheng’s scent and warmth.

Chi Cheng massaged his stomach; it was empty, so his belly had flattened down. Chi Cheng’s palm pasted against him as he said, “You’re like a sick cat.”

Tao Huainan closed his eyes in his embrace, first going “mhm”, then “sorry”.

“You don’t have to apologise yet.” Chi Cheng lowered his eyes and swept them across the back of his head. “Say it the next time I bring you to get an IV drip and you drag your feet. The reason I’m not hitting you right now is because you’re ill.”

Just hearing his voice, one could tell that his mood right now was very bad, as was his temper; he was suppressing it forcefully. Yet his palm was warm, constantly pressed upon Tao Huainan’s stomach. It was very comfortable, giving a strong sense of security to the little blind boy who couldn’t see.

He didn’t know why, but hearing Chi Cheng speak with suppressed rage put Tao Huainan in a slightly better mood. He covered Chi Cheng’s hand with his own. His palm was boiling hot; this soft, heated covering really did seem like a kitten’s paw.

Tao Huainan scratched the back of Chi Cheng’s hand with his fingers, saying, “Sorry… You guys spoil me too much, it’s made me stubborn.”

The child was obedient, and would blame himself at the first instance of a problem. It wasn’t really his fault anyway. He just didn’t want to be poked by needles and didn’t want to go to the hospital; he didn’t think his fever would get this bad in the middle of the night. If he knew he would be troubling Chi Cheng in the middle of the night, he would’ve asked for the IV needle himself.

He could barely make a sound when he tried to speak, and even panting was very taxing. This dispirited, listless appearance deeply frustrated Chi Cheng. He pressed Tao Huainan onto his own body again, frowning as he said, “You just know how to say nice words.”

After Tao Huainan took off his pyjamas earlier, he didn’t put them back on. Now, his back was pasted against Chi Cheng’s pyjamas, and it was warm and cosy under the covers too. It was too comfortable; not long after he shut his eyes, he fell asleep.

–

The fever medicine was useful, but the effects could only last a few hours.

The moment the sky brightened, Chi Cheng brought Tao Huainan to the hospital without another word, even forgetting to ask for leave of absence. The teacher called his cellphone twice, and ge called a few times too.

When Chi Cheng noticed, he texted ge first, saying that Tao Huainan had a bit of a cold and was going to get an IV drip.

Then he called the teacher back and asked for leave of absence.

–

The emergency room was noisy and chaotic. Tao Huainan took his shoes off, sitting on the bed with his IV drip. His feet were cold, so he felt around for his jacket and pulled it over his feet.

Chi Cheng came over and touched his forehead to check his temperature. “Not hot, that’s good,” he said.

“Is it not hot now.” Tao Huainan still couldn’t quite speak, his voice coming out in wheezes. He said softly, “I still feel a little cold.”

Chi Cheng took his jacket off and draped it over him. Tao Huainan asked, “Aren’t you cold?”

“I’m not.” Chi Cheng looked at his pale lips. He fished a lip balm out of Tao Huainan’s jacket and applied it for him.

–

He was hooked up to the IV drip till noon, taking three bottles of medication in total. After the first one, Tao Huainan began to sweat, and looked much more lively.

Chi Cheng’s hand held the arm that took the drip. Tao Huainan didn’t like the chilling sensation of medication streaming into his blood vessels. Chi Cheng warmed him.

The radiator and air conditioning in the ward were both fully functioning. Now that Tao Huainan was sweating, he didn’t keep the clothing draped over him. He was still like a child, the severity of his illness written all over his face: when it was bad he wilted, and when it was a little better he grew lively.

He began to use that hoarse voice to speak to Chi Cheng, constantly saying that he was hungry.

Chi Cheng asked him, “Do you want me to warm your arm, or buy you food?”

Tao Huainan thought it over, then laughed and said, “I want you to warm my arm. But I’m hungry.”

“Stay hungry for now. We’ll go out and eat once you’re done,” said Chi Cheng.

Tao Huainan grabbed one of Chi Cheng’s hands and pressed it over his stomach, asking, “Can you feel it? Rumble rumble rumble.”

No amount of rumble-rumbling could help; Chi Cheng couldn’t leave him in the hospital by himself, not when Tao Huainan could see nothing and wouldn’t even be able to tell if the IV needle moved or if the medication was finished. Chi Cheng never left Tao Huainan on his own outside; when they were little, it was because he was afraid of losing him, and later it was because nothing could put his mind at ease.

–

Three bottles of medication finished dripping. Tao Huainan was utterly pleased.

Though he couldn’t be well right away, it didn’t feel so bad anymore. Chi Cheng first brought him out to eat a bit of congee, but Tao Huainan said it was too runny, so he had another two custard buns.

Chi Cheng didn’t dare to let him eat too much. After he ate those two custard buns, Chi Cheng only let him drink half a bowl of congee. Tao Huainan wasn’t full, but didn’t ask for more. He was afraid he might throw up again himself.

After eating, they took a car home. On the car, Tao Huainan couldn’t resist letting his large eyes wander. He leaned his head a little closer, softly asking Chi Cheng, “Last night, did you…”

Chi Cheng swept a look over him, then shifted his gaze to look out the car window.

“Did you call me Nan Nan?” Tao Huainan bumped into his shoulders, grinning like a little fox. “Did you think I didn’t notice?”

Chi Cheng ignored him. Tao Huainan bumped into him again. “Why don’t you call me that normally? Normally you’re all cold, like ‘Tao Huainan, Tao Huainan’.”

The driver heard him and laughed aloud in the front, perhaps finding the child oddly interesting.

How could Chi Cheng possibly have responded? It was impossible that he would even pay any attention to Tao Huainan.

His lack of attention was no deterrent to Tao Huainan speaking. The driver was in front, so it was hard to speak too freely; after they got down, when Chi Cheng held his hand as they walked, crunch-crunch, through the snow, Tao Huainan’s eyes were slits from smiling. “You secretly called me Nan Nan. Shameless.”

Chi Cheng raised his eyebrows and looked at him for ages, but still didn’t say anything.

–

The “Nan Nan” incident really made Tao Huainan terribly happy. He was so smug he almost took flight.

Chi Cheng had never called him something so sappy. The cold little Xiao Chi suddenly being so gentle was too unexpected. Tao Huainan felt like laughing every time it came to mind.

Who knew whether his brain only had that “Nan Nan” in it, or if he was feigning ignorance. He absolutely did not mention anything other than that “Nan Nan” from the night before.

He only said that Xiao Chi embarrassed him. He didn’t talk about how shameless Xiao Tao was.

–

There weren’t many days left of extra winter classes anyway; because of Tao Huainan’s illness, they stopped going for the rest of them. They only went on the final day to get their workbooks when they were distributed.

Actually, Tao Huainan had already recovered in the last two days, but he didn’t want to go even though he was well. With a proper reason to take a holiday, who would want to go to school?

Every day, he would cling to Chi Cheng asking him to call him “Nan Nan”, annoying Chi Cheng so much that Chi Cheng abandoned him in the toilet to shower by himself. Tao Huainan opened the door and came out. “The heater isn’t hot yet. It’s still cold.”

“Then come back out and lie down,” said Chi Cheng.

Chi Cheng really was afraid of how bothersome he was. This little cub was too troublesome. Tao Huainan’s head leaned against his body. Chi Cheng said, “Say another word and I’ll stuff your mouth.”

“I won’t say anything, then.” Tao Huainan adjusted his posture from sitting to lying down, his head resting on Chi Cheng’s legs. He even took the blanket next to him and covered himself. After putting himself in a comfy position, he said, “Read your book, I won’t bother you.”

He said he wouldn’t, and he really didn’t speak, lying on Chi Cheng’s legs and listening to his book, very well-behaved.

Chi Cheng’s gaze shifted away from his book, moving downwards to look at him. After looking for a long time, he reached out a hand and stroked his hair. Tao Huainan was deeply engrossed in listening; when Chi Cheng’s hand reached over, he lifted a hand unconsciously to touch back.

–

A single cold managed to shave several catties off Tao Huainan’s weight. His chin was sharper now.

Outside, a huge snowstorm fell, raging all night. When morning came, a single step into the snow outside their little residential block could make one’s foot disappear up to one’s ankle. Hearing Chi Cheng say that the snow outside was thick, Tao Huainan wanted to go out to play, but he only just recovered from his cold, so Chi Cheng wouldn’t let him go anywhere.

“Xiao Chi, come downstairs with me and play for a while,” Tao Huainan ordered, his legs crossed as he sat on the sofa.

Xiao Chi didn’t even look at him. It was like he hadn’t even heard.

His commands only worked on Xiaodong. They were useless with Xiao Chi. So Tao Huainan felt his way over and sat on Chi Cheng, hugging his neck and starting to parlay. “Xiao-ge, I want to go out and walk around. I haven’t gone downstairs for days.”

Coldly, Chi Cheng refused. “Wait till you’re not coughing.”

“I haven’t coughed today,” said Tao Huainan. “The top of my throat doesn’t even itch anymore.”

“You really think I didn’t hear you?” Chi Cheng was unmoved. “You were secretly coughing just now. Your voice even went hoarse afterwards.”

–

Tao Huainan had wheedled softly and ordered harshly; soft or harsh, Chi Cheng wouldn’t budge.

Afterwards, Tao Huainan straddled xiao-ge’s legs—if he couldn’t move him with begging, he would be unreasonable. “If you don’t come with me now, I’ll cry. I tear up really fast!”

“Get up, don’t bother me.” Chi Cheng pulled him aside.

“I’ll count down, three two one! My tears will be out by the count of one! Don’t you doubt it, Xiao Chi.” Tao Huainan prodded him. “I’m gonna count!”

Chi Cheng: “One.”

Tao Huainan didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He flipped over and got off, feeling his way along the sofa back and leaving. “It’s one of those times when you won’t call me Nan Nan again! Nan Nan, Nan Nan, all insincere sweet talk!”