Ferocious Dog of Old

After that night, every time Tao Xiaodong wasn’t home, Tao Huainan would sleep on the inside, and Chi Ku would sleep on the outer edge.

Chi Ku was a neat sleeper. It might have come from being beaten by his father, but he slept lightly, waking even at the sound of a car passing by. Tao Huainan was completely different, sleeping as soundly as a little pig and rolling all over the place. Sometimes he would go to sleep with his head on the pillow and wake up the next morning at the foot of the bed.

It was all a matter of how they were raised. He often threw his leg over the person next to him as he slept, his plump little calf resting on them. Chi Ku would suddenly wake up in the middle of the night when this happened. At first, he would push the leg down, but after a while he didn’t bother, since it would eventually move back on top of him again at some point in the night.

Of their 1.5-metre bed, Chi Ku took up thirty square centimetres and Tao Huainan flopped over the remaining 1.2 metres, sleeping upward, downward, diagonally, every which way.

–

Tao Xiaodong only came back at dawn. He had rushed a design overnight, and he had to travel in the next two days too.

He had only just opened his business with his friend, so there were many matters to settle and much networking to be done; he had to establish all these business relationships one by one. He shouldn’t really have come back today, since he had work to do in the morning; the old him would simply have slept in the shop. But now that he had his brother with him, two days of being away made him constantly think of coming back, so he could be a little more assured.

The nanny was sleeping deeply on the sofa, not even waking when he opened the door and walked in.

Tao Huainan wasn’t in his brother’s bed. Tao Xiaodong stood at the door and peeked. Tao Huainan was lying on his side, diagonally across the bed with his head against the wall. His body was half-covered with his blanket and a calf stuck out, pressing against Chi Ku’s abdomen. With this weight on him, Chi Ku was struggling slightly to catch his breath, breathing in long and deeply.

Tao Xiaodong walked over and pushed Tao Huainan’s leg down lightly, wanting to pick him up and straighten his form.

The rustle of clothing made Chi Ku open his eyes, alert. Seeing him pick Tao Huainan up, he stared rather blankly at Tao Xiaodong.

“If he pushes you, push him back,” Tao Xiaodong told him softly. “You should each take half the bed.”

Chi Ku blinked. Holding Tao Huainan, Tao Xiaodong prepared to put him back on his pillow. Tao Huainan stirred slightly. He opened his eyes and reached out to feel; when he touched his brother’s arm and wrist, he gave a low sigh and wrapped his arms around his brother’s neck.

Half asleep and half awake, he pulled himself up and buried his face into the curve of his brother’s neck. “Ge, you’re back?” he asked, breathing warmly against his brother.

“Mhm,” murmured Tao Xiaodong, patting his back. “Sleep.”

Tao Huainan harrumphed and didn’t let go. His brother had been away for two days, and he missed him a lot. When Tao Xiaodong tried to rise, he clung on with his arms and hung on until Tao Xiaodong finally laughed helplessly and picked him up. Tao Huainan threw his legs around his waist and hugged his brother as tightly as he could.

Holding him with one hand, Tao Xiaodong reached out another to pull up Chi Ku’s blanket, which had fallen to his chest.

Tao Huainan was carried away by his brother. Chi Ku watched the two of them leave, then closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

–

Even after quite a long time with the family, Chi Ku stayed much the same, not speaking and not getting close with anyone. Other than the first time Tao Xiaodong had asked him to call him “Ge”, he never said it again, generally not greeting people at all. 

The nanny once secretly said to Tao Xiaodong that the child would never be familiar with them, and that it was best to send him away; he wouldn’t cause them any trouble when he grew up anyway, since he was so cold.

Tao Xiaodong waved her off and told her it was fine.

Tao Xiaodong was twenty-five at the time, the age at which a man had the most fight and vigour in him. He exuded the rashness and constant dissatisfaction of youth. He had only just debuted in the tattoo industry, full of ideas and demands. Half of his thoughts dwelled on work and the other half on his brother.

Chi Ku’s lack of intimacy with him, whether he spoke, whether he would ever become family to them—Tao Xiaodong didn’t think too much about that. He never had any plans for the boy when they first took him in anyway, so he would just go with the flow. And if he really prospected deep into the way he felt, Tao Xiaodong had never held any hope that the boy would be affectionate towards him. In fact, if he really was as clingy and spoilt as a normal child, Tao Xiaodong might even have been annoyed.

–

In this family, the eldest brother was the adult, and adults saw things differently from the way children did.

The eldest brother thought it was fine that Chi Ku carried an indifferent expression all day, never speaking, never laughing; a child would not think in the same way. Tao Huainan was thoroughly disappointed. Chi Ku never paid him any attention; at first, Tao Huainan would frequently share snacks with him and speak to him, but afterwards, he stopped speaking to him entirely.

When a child’s feelings are unreciprocated, the hopes they hold shift exponentially in the opposite direction. A child’s mood is capricious; love and hatred come easily.

–

Winter went, spring came; the old poplars that lined the streets outside began to bud greenly. Tao Huainan had to start school this year.

Tao Xiaodong had been taking care of his school registration recently, which was easy enough. Chi Ku’s was not. Chi Ku’s household registration was still in his old house, so Tao Xiaodong had to think of a way to use his connections and shift his registration over.

As for the two of them going to blind school together, Tao Xiaodong had his own selfish motivations here. One of the reasons he had brought Chi Ku home in the first place was this.

Tao Huainan couldn’t go to school independently, but Tao Xiaodong couldn’t keep him at home for the rest of his life; he had to go to school. Thus, when Chi Ku’s grandmother had said “Your little brother’s eyes are bad”, it struck a chord within him.

Tao Huainan needs someone to attend to him from a young age, Tao Xiaodong decided.

He didn’t hide this from Chi Ku, either. While Tao Huainan was taking his afternoon nap, Tao Xiaodong called Chi Ku over. The two of them sat on the sofa. “Ge has something to say to you,” Tao Xiaodong began.

Chi Ku nodded. He sat next to him, one full space apart, with his back straight and his eyes downcast.

He had been here for a few months now. The two patches of frostbitten red on his cheeks he had back then were gone, and those little wounds all over his body were gone, only leaving scars behind. He was still dark though, completely different from the porcelain white milky child that Tao Huainan was.

“To be frank, I shouldn’t be sending you to blind school with Xiao Nan. Blind school is for the vision-impaired, and you’re not one of them.”

Chi Ku listened without raising his head or reacting in any way.

“Xiao Nan’s eyes are bad. Help me to look after him for a year,” said Tao Xiaodong. “Once he can live independently and gets used to the school, I’ll transfer you out and you can go to whatever school you should be attending. I won’t leave you there and hold you back.”

Chi Ku was older than Tao Huainan by half a year; by his next birthday he’d be nine. Tao Xiaodong claimed that he wouldn’t be held back, but by the time he was transferred out, he would be ten. Even Tao Xiaodong was embarrassed by this, feeling that he was maltreating the child.

It was an unreasonable demand, but he really had no other way. Tao Xiaodong wasn’t confident enough to let Tao Huainan stay at a blind school for five days a week on his own.

Chi Ku simply nodded. It wasn’t clear whether he understood. The injury his father had dealt to the back of his head had healed already, leaving a scar that his short hair failed to cover completely—a tiny bit of it was visible still.

Tao Xiaodong lifted his hand and stroked his head, pressing and shaking it slightly.

–

Tao Huainan didn’t have any particular objections to going to school. He was just unwilling to part from his brother and Shi Yeye.

The golden retriever stayed by him quietly. Tao Huainan hugged his neck, his hand caressing his back again and again. The golden retriever wagged his tail slowly, the fur sweeping across the bend of Tao Huainan’s foot.

Tao Huainan curled his toes. “What’ll you do when I go to school?” he said.

The golden retriever lay prone by the child, his head against his leg.

“When I go to school, Auntie won’t come anymore. What’ll you do?” Tao Huainan fell silent for a moment. After a long pause, he finally said, “Will Tian Yi-ge take you away?”

The golden retriever lifted his head slightly, softly nibbling on the edge of Tao Huainan’s pyjama bottoms.

The kid and the dog accompanied each other on the couch. Time seemed to slow. The halo of the evening sun shone in, making the scene both sweet and yet lonely.

–

At home, Tao Huainan would talk to the golden retriever but not Chi Ku, because Chi Ku never responded nor paid him any mind. The two of them had not spoken for a long while. They were neither companions nor good friends.

Tao Huainan even hated him a little.

To him, Chi Ku was just like every child he had ever met. Nobody was willing to talk to a little blind boy of their own accord; everyone was afraid of him.

On nights when his brother was away, Tao Huainan would grab his little blanket and come over. Chi Ku would move aside and let him in. Tao Huainan would grope at the foot of the bed and then clamber up, turning his body towards the wall.

In a few days, the two would be going to school together. Tao Huainan never spoke of it, but he was scared. He was entering a totally new environment, with a lot of strangers, spending many days without seeing his brother.

Chi Ku turned his back towards him too. Tao Huainan could hear it.

Tao Huainan pressed his face against his pillow, closing his large round eyes. His eyelids trembled uncontrollably. He pulled his hand from his blanket and carefully wiped the corners of his eyes with the back of his hand.

–

Before he slept, a lot of unpleasant emotions surged to the fore. After a night of fitful sleeping, he forgot them all when he woke.

When he awoke, one of his legs lay atop Chi Ku and his head was as far from his pillow as ever; he had slept quite wildly. He raised his hands and rubbed his eyes—they itched slightly.

Chi Ku was awake too. He put his hand on the leg across him and pushed it down; the leg had pressed on his cock and it hurt like hell.

Tao Huainan wasn’t fully awake yet. Being pushed away, he suddenly remembered that Chi Ku never paid him any attention; he pouted and moved his leg far away. His exaggerated movements sent his leg smashing into the wall, his ankle knocking loudly; his eyes suddenly turned red with pain.