Ch16 - And I thanked them for always being here

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The cigarette was already burnt to the end and with a gentle tap, the accumulated ashes crumpled and fell, searing the back of my hand and creating a scorching pain. 

“You should listen to her.”

A shadow loomed over me and I raised my head to see Sheng Min Ou already standing in front of me.

He blocked the only light source and his face was cast in darkness, the only light emitted from his pupils cold and heavy.

I laughed, hearing my own chuckle and replied, “Yes, I should listen to her.” 

With no warning, I leapt up and lunged at him, like a wild beast showing their claws and formed a fist with my hands as I swung it fiercely at him.

My fist found its mark as it accurately struck his cheek and Sheng Min Ou’s face swerved to one side as a result. I panted heavily and waved my first again, this time he blocked it and in one clean move landed a blow at my abdomen.

In an instant, all my organs felt like they were being ripped to shreds, I ignored the excruciating pain and continued with my relentless attack.

The two of us were entwined, exchanging blows and ripping at the other’s clothes, tumbling on the dirtied floor without a care for appearing dignified anymore.

The continuous escalation of my body temperature made my head swirl, as the meagre amount of energy I was able to harness disappeared instantly.

Sheng Min Ou found the opportunity and pushed me onto the floor.

He pinned me at my shoulders and leaned his whole weight on me, “Are you done being crazy?” His suit, which was always impeccable, was now crumpled and messed beyond fixing. A trace of blood stained the corner of his lips as his fringe fell to cover his eyes. He was discomposed and enraged, “I warned you long ago to not approach me, you’re the one being shameless and guilty so who’s to blame here? Lu Feng, the world does not revolve around you, being able to have something just because you like is a child’s delusion, how old are you now to still have these dreams?”

To him, I was just acting crazy and being shameless. 

I lay on the cold, chilling floor and suddenly felt so exhausted. My body was tired, my heart even more so.

In the ten years, days accumulated to form months which formed years. I thought I could continue being pertinacious, but the avalanche came so unexpectedly that I could not brace myself against it, making it so I could no longer hold on anymore.

“Sheng Min Ou, I’ll just ask you one question.” I said quietly, staring intently at his eyes, not wanting to miss any trace of emotion displayed there, “Ten years ago, did you purposefully plan it so… so I could go seek Qi Yang?”

I had always avoided thinking about this question since long ago, and avoided asking it, but today I desperately wanted to know the answer. Perhaps in my subconscious I already knew that once I got the answer, I could whole-heartedly give up. 

Sheng Min Ou heard what I said and at first he appeared as if he didn’t quite comprehend what I was saying, as he furrowed his brows slightly.

I saw that he wasn’t answering, so I asked again through gritted teeth, “Did you do it on purpose?”

He looked at me for a long time, then stood up and released his grip on my shoulder.

“I did it on purpose?” He repeated slowly, then in the next second he suddenly leaned over and gripped my neck with a choking hold, his handsome features appearing sinister to the point it was frightening, “Yes, I did it on purpose.” 

His palm gripped forcefully at my throat with enough force to crush my windpipe, obstructing oxygen from flowing in. I scratched at the hands which were like metal clamped down on me but was unable to move it in the slightest.

He choked me and pressed his lips beside my ears, softly whispering, “Everything was by my design. You were going to die anyways, it’s a pity Qi Yang was too useless, he was involved in that way and in the end it only resulted in you serving ten years in prison.”

I couldn’t stop my whole body from shaking, because I couldn’t breathe, and also because of his words.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

Perhaps if I died like this things would be better… 

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The oxygen suddenly flowed into my lungs, I coughed, and reflexively started gulping down air, choking as the corner of my eyes teared up.

Sheng Min Ou got up as if he wasn’t involved in any of the prior action and straightened this crooked collar, patted away the dust on his clothes and then combed through his dishevelled hair with his fingers, attempting to make himself appear as presentable as possible. 

I clutched my throat and wanted to get up, however because I didn’t have any energy, I could only lean towards one side and cough, bearing the excruciating pain that reverbed through my ribcage as I did so.

While I coughed, leather shoes firmly echoed against the tiles on floor tiles as they headed towards the fire door.

“Lu Feng, not only are you shameless, you’re also a coward.”

The safety door opened and then closed again, my breathing started to even out and the surroundings became quiet once more. 

I stared at the spaces between the bricks in front of me and slowly lowered my head, pressing my blistering hot forehead against its surface.

“Lu Feng, you’re utterly shameless.” My voice was hoarse as I crouched there, my fists finding no target to vent aside from the ground. It was only through hurting myself that I could make myself calm down and not lose my cool.

Time passed and I didn’t know how long, maybe ten minutes, or perhaps half an hour. I stumbled as I got up from the ground, my knuckles covered in bruises as my hands still trembled even as I let them hang by my side.

I didn’t take the elevator, instead, like a walking corpse, I descended down the stairs step by step, and then hailed a taxi by the side of the road and returned home. 

Once I arrived home, I didn’t even have time to take off my clothes before I crashed onto the bed.

There wasn’t a single part of my body that didn’t hurt, not a single part that wasn’t cold. If I died like this on my bed, in my home, that would be an okay ending.

My eyelids felt like they were filled with lead and I was unable to discern my chaotic thoughts, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sink into darkness.

When I slept, it was extremely turbulent, in one scene I would see the horrific scene of my father passing away, then in another I would see the cat on Sheng Min Ou’s bed. 

The two pieces of memories intertwined with each other and dyed the dream world a cruel, macabre red.

My father had an accident on his way back from work, back then my mother had been waiting for him for a long time and saw that he had not returned so had already prepared to head outside to look for him. Just as she was putting on a jacket, the call from the hospital arrived – a truck hadn’t seen my father and directly plowed over his body.

By the time my mother had hysterically scrambled to bring us to the hospital, the doctor was blunt in letting us know that my father was almost going to pass, and wanted us to see him one last time.

In the emergency room was a horrifying scene I would never be able to forget for the rest of my life. My father lay on the stretcher bed and all sorts of tubes were pierced into his body, a single white bed sheet covering his body below his neck. 

His whole body below his abdomen was like a broken water pipe, as blood slowly leaked out from the white bed sheets and continued spreading across the fabric. A continuous stream of blood splattered onto the floor, quickly forming a puddle of red beneath the bed.

Seeing the grisly scene in front of her, my mother finally couldn’t hold it back anymore and started bawling my fathers name, pleading with him to not leave us behind, begging him to hold on for our sake.

My father was in a more lucid state of mind than my mother and was aware of what condition he was currently in. He didn’t say any unnecessary words and used the last of his energy to leave his parting remarks with each one of us, not wasting any time.

He first asked my mother to raise us well and to provide for both our university fees, especially Sheng Min Ou, he must continue to attend high school and then sit the university exams. My mother agreed, he then looked towards me and asked me to listen obediently to whatever my mother asked of me, and to not be mischievous anymore in the future. 

This was the first time I came face to face with death and I was still unable to fully grasp the situation at hand. I was terrified and also in pain, and all I could do was to imitate my mother, begging him to not die, to not abandon us like this.

Yet this wasn’t something he could achieve if he simply wished for it, as his fond gaze swept by my mother and I reluctantly, then finally landed on Sheng Min Ou.

Sheng Min Ou’s eyes were downcast, focused on the vibrant pool of red at his feet. From beginning to end, he was like a statue with no presence, standing to one side. He wasn’t panicked, nor did he shed tears.

He seemed to feel my father’s gaze on him as he lifted his head to meet it and gently called out, “Dad.” 

He wore a white shirt, the school uniform, and stood by my father’s side. One was on the peripheral of death and the other was in the full bloom of adolescence. As if God had arranged it, it was the most realistic yet cruel juxtaposition.

“Don’t be afraid…” My father’s voice had become gradually quieter, his complexion visibly becoming more grey, but he still exerted great effort to give a smile to Sheng Min Ou, “Dad believes, you will become a…. very… very good person…”

To be able to distinguish the words that came after, Sheng Min Ou had to step into the bloody puddle and lean over, nearing my father’s mouth.

I could see that my father’s mouth was moving, but I was unable to hear any sound that came out. 

After a second, Sheng Min Ou straightened up, stunned as he stared back at him, and finally nodded, “Okay.”

Even to this day, I still did not know what that one “okay” meant. Only after my father heard his response, he was able to smile as he closed his eyes. A short moment later, the machine let out a shrill sound, as the heart rate monitor on the electrocardiograph flattened into a straight line.

My mother let out an explosive, piercing howl as she pushed Sheng Min Ou to one side and threw herself on my father.

I stood there at a loss, as the doctors and nurses came and crowded in front of me until I was pushed back. 

The sounds of sobs filled my ears; in my eyes I could only see two colours, white and red.

I swallowed my saliva and scanned my surroundings to see there was no trace of Sheng Min Ou. There was only a trail of bloody footprints, extending beyond the door.

I followed the footprints and found him by the door, leaning against the wall as he sat there.

He buried his face in the crooks of his arms, his hands tightly gripped onto his elbows. His fingernails dug into the sides of his arms, leaving crimson moon red crescents. 

I sunk down to squat next to him, uneasy as I touched his body, “…Ge?”

He shook from head to toe and raised his head, his eyes were red all over, but there weren’t any tears.

“Dad died…” I buried my head in his shoulder, whimpering, “We won’t ever have a dad anymore.”

He allowed me to cry, and after a long time he replied, “I know.” 

From my father’s accident until the funeral, Sheng Min Ou had never once shed a tear from beginning to end. Once, I unintentionally heard my mother complaining to her friend, saying that Sheng Min Ou was a ungrateful, selfish son. My father treated him so well, yet he did not feel an iota of pain from my father’s horrific death.

At first I did not agree with her words, I thought that Sheng Min Ou must’ve hid himself and secretly cried, he wasn’t as cold blooded as they thought.

Then… I realised that tears were something he did not possess. If you weren’t capable of it, how could you make someone show it?

Perhaps it wasn’t time for me to die, as I laid on my bed for two days and two nights without eating or drinking, and somehow my fever actually subsided. However, my body continued perspiring, and if I took two steps I would start feeling unsteady. 

I originally wanted to order some takeout for myself, however I found that the store which sold congee had closed early. In hindsight, I realised that today was Chinese New Year’s eve.

I scooped out the only remaining portion of rice and cooked porridge for myself. It was a meal that was better than having no where to eat at all, and after I had finished eating I wanted to lay on my bed again.

From outside the door there suddenly was a loud knocking noise, each thud was frantic and strident, as if someone had come to chase up on outstanding debt.

I shifted towards the door with weak steps and peered outside through the peephole, only to see Wei Shi and Shen Xiao Shi standing side by side like two door gods. 

Seeing that I did not move to open the door after a while had passed, Wei Shi raised his chin at Shen Xiao Shi, signalling for him to continue pounding on my door.

I quickly unlocked the door before it was splintered into pieces by these two bastards.

“Is something up?”

Wei Shi and Shen Xiao Shi saw that I had finally opened the door and their expressions lightened up in response, as they squeezed through from either side of me and entered my house. 

“I called you but your phone was off, I had thought something might have happened to you.” Wei Shi placed the bags that he was holding onto the table and saw leftovers of the porridge that was so diluted the bottom of the pot could be seen. He furrowed his brow and commented, “You’re just eating this? Here here, San Ge bought you good food, prawns, dumplings, shao mai and big wontons, come eat some.”

Shen Xiao Shi also placed the plastic bag he was holding onto the table, and in one glance I could see an abundance of vegetables, meatballs and the like.

“Feng Ge, let’s eat hotpot tonight!” He hummed a small tune as he brought out items from the bag one by one.

I didn’t actually have much of an appetite but I still sat down and ate a prawn dumpling, “Today is Chinese New Year’s eve, aren’t you guys going to go back home to celebrate it?” 

Wei Shi dismissed my thoughts with a wave of his hand, “My parents get annoyed by me whenever they see me, and I can’t be bothered heading back, this year I’ll spend it with you.”

Shen Xiao Shi also agreed, “Yeah, this year we’ll spend it with you.”

I knew it wasn’t that they didn’t have a place to celebrate the new year, but rather they were worried about me, which was why they insisted on celebrating Chinese New Year’s eve with me.

Looking at it this way, my life wasn’t so much of a failure. 

I swallowed the food in my mouth and nodded as I replied, “Okay, then you guys prepare the hotpot, I’ll head back to sleep for a bit longer.”

With swaying steps, I entered my bedroom, and this time when I fell asleep I didn’t have any disturbing dreams again.

Once I woke up, the entire room was filled with the delectable scent of food and the television which I rarely turned on was now playing the Chinese New Year Gala. Wei Shi and Shen Xiao Shi moved the dining table to the living room and set up the dipping sauces, having prepared everything and now ready to go.

The doorbell rang and Shen Xiao Shi ran to get it, Yi Da Zhuang appeared outside the door holding two bags of beer. 

Amidst the lively atmosphere, surrounded by friends and the billowing hotpot steam, the once pessimistic thought that flashed in my mind now seemed like a joke.

To hell with dying, if I died then wouldn’t I be doing exactly what Sheng Min Ou wanted? Living was already a cowardly enough thing, did I really have to die in an even more cowardly way?

No, definitely not.

Even if all my teeth rotted off and my body deteriorated until I couldn’t move a single step anymore, I still had to live longer than Sheng Min Ou. 

While eating, Wei Shi saw the injury on my hand and asked me what happened.

“I accidentally tripped and hurt myself.” I placed that hand back down beneath the table.

He looked at me for a while, suspicion evident in his eyes, but he didn’t press further.

From outside the windows, someone had lit up the firecrackers, as it crackled, reverberating rattling noises and adding to the bustle of noise and excitement. 

The sound of the hotpot, the sound of the firecrackers, the sound of the television, and the sound of people, amidst this exuberant atmosphere I raised my drink and toasted the three people sitting with me.

I wished them a happy new year, and I thanked them for always being here.