Good Night, Liang Xiao

It was the eve of the Lunar New Year, and early in the morning to boot. The streets were empty of people. 

Liang Xiao’s red Bugatti was speeding down the Fifth Ring Road, and they arrived at the Xishan Welfare Institute before 8.30 am.

The parking lot was rather large, but it was mainly empty save for the orphanage buses and a couple of smaller cars parked horizontally—a good number of which were covered in dust. 

The security guard was standing in front of the gates. Leaning against the car door, Ye Ji’an gave the dean of the orphanage a call, while Liang Xiao retrieved the children’s gifts. The trunk of his car was filled to bursting.

There were several boxes of Lego, two large bags’ worth of plush toys, and a set of science picture books that numbered more than 30 stacked at his feet. 

These had all been bought the previous day, during their afternoon shopping trip. Their shopping cart had been filled to the brim back then, and the two of them huddled around at the cashier. In a hurry, they’d even forgotten to grab the aforementioned adult supplies.

Too bad. I’ll have to buy it on my way home later today, Liang Xiao thought. He had not purchased such items ever since his return to China, nor did he have the habit of shopping online. Liang Xiao wondered if China sold his favourite brand.

It went without saying that pondering over such things wasn’t the most appropriate, given his current location and situation. Ye Ji’an, having ended his call, was already walking back toward him. 

He picked up the boxes of picture books and said, “The dean will lead us in soon.”

Ye Ji’an glanced at the sky.

“She said that we’re the only visitors.”

Liang Xiao gathered up the remaining plush toys and lego sets into a tall pile in his arms. “How many kids are there?”

“Around sixty or so. The kids range from one or two to twelve or thirteen years old,” Ye Ji’an said with a smile, “We’ll be making a whole bunch of dumplings.”

Their feet brought them to the fence as they talked. The iron gate was already open and the dean hurried out to meet them. 

She wasn’t the kind-looking old lady Liang Xiao had imagined—she was very young, looking like she was in her thirties. She had a small nose, small eyes and short hair that fell to the bottom of her ears, giving her a capable look.

Her smile was unexpectedly sweet. All in all, it gave her a very approachable air.

“The children just got up. I just finished getting them some breakfast,” She said, relieving Ye Ji’an’s hands of a box of books before walking at a brisk pace in front of the two of them.

“It’s a long distance. Thank you so much for making the trip.”

“There’s no need to thank me, you’ve been sending me invitations for several years now,” Ye Ji’an replied. Now that one of his hands was empty, he grabbed a bag of plush toys from the pile in Liang Xiao’s arms. In doing so, the other’s face was finally revealed.

“Yeah, you’ve been donating twenty thousand 1every year ever since the year of the World Expo,” the dean said, sighing. “You are still very young. We were surprised too when we found out your age.”

Liang Xiao looked at Ye Ji’an with admiration. “This isn’t the only orphanage you donate to,” he said softly. “Senior’s salary back then wasn’t particularly high either.”

“But I didn’t have a mortgage to pay back then,” Ye Ji’an replied, a little embarrassed. “My salary also increased later.”

“Haha, this must be xiao-Liang,” The dean said cheerily. “Mr Ye has already introduced you to me. I’m honestly pretty surprised that you managed to convince him to come.”

Liang Xiao smiled in response. “Senior just doesn’t know how to deal with children.”

“And you know how to?” Ye Ji’an retorted, jokingly stepping on his shadow.

Liang Xiao deftly avoided him while blinking at him obediently. “Nope, I don’t.”

The dean’s laughter resounded through the empty front yard, sounding exceptionally bright. 

“The children are all cute and well-behaved. They’re really looking forward to making dumplings with their big brothers. There’s no need to be nervous.” She cheered for the two men who had zero experience in raising children.

The high fence of the orphanage surrounded two buildings in total—both of which were small, three-storey buildings. The grey walls were so old that the paint was already starting to flake off.

It was likely that one building was used for accommodation, and the other for day-to-day activities. The dean led the two of them into a building on the south side. They cut through the hall and climbed a flight of stairs.

The first thing they saw upon getting to the second floor was a large activity room. The lighting was very good. Through the small strip of glass on the wooden door, Liang Xiao could see that many children were already gathered inside. Every one of them was sitting rigidly upright.

“All sixty-three of them are here. They’ve changed into their new clothes. It’s all thanks to Mr Ye’s donations.” The dean looked inside with a smile.

“As long as they can stay warm,” Ye Ji’an replied. His customary polite smile hung on his face, but Liang Xiao could see a trace of fleeting embarrassment on it.

“They might be a little awkward at the start,” a teacher with her hair in a ponytail said, opening the door for them. The dean did not hurry in; instead, she paused at the door and continued her explanation.

“I’ve already introduced the two of you to them as smart people working as investment analysts. The two of you are already gold-collar workers at such a young age. The kids are filled with admiration.” 

“There’s no need to be shy. Just give them a quick hello. We’ll divide and hand out the gifts and start making the dumpling fillings and dumplings themselves. Let’s start from the start; the kids will feel a greater sense of involvement that way.”

Liang Xiao personally doubted that kids at that age would admire corporate slaves working in finance. Or, at the very least, he did not have much interest in his father’s field of work when he was a child. The only thing he was interested in was spending his father’s money. 

He’d only discovered the joy of analysing the market and data after going to college and encountering several amazing professors. Only then did Liang Xiao make up his mind to give it his all. 

At the same time, he did not think he would be able to help out much when it came to making the dumplings—though he still nodded along. The brim of his baseball cap slid down with the movements of his head before it was pushed back up Ye Ji’an.

“I can already smell it. We’re going to use celery in our dumpling fillings,” Ye Ji’an whispered beside Liang Xiao’s ear. “Do you like it?”

Save me! Celery, parsley, coriander, watercress—I can’t stand any of those, Liang Xiao thought.

“I’m fine with them,” his mouth said.

“I know you’re picky when it comes to food. I’ll make you something you like after we get home.” Ye Ji’an gave him another glance before following the dean into the room.

Liang Xiao followed behind, a little confused. When had he ever exposed himself? He had always avoided going to restaurants whose dishes would expose his pickiness.

The gifts were distributed in a very orderly manner. Lego blocks and books were shared items, so they were placed on the shelf. The children didn’t make any fuss—instead of turning around to look, they remained still and motionless in their little chairs. On the other hand, there were more than 80 plush dolls—everyone was guaranteed to get one.

The two of them greeted the children simply with words that they had prepared in advance and received enthusiastic replies from the children. They would stand up and head forward to receive their presents only after the teacher called their name.

The children’s little faces were filled with sweet smiles. Liang Xiao found it a little strange, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, and thus simply followed behind Ye Ji’an.

He originally thought that Ye Ji’an would give the children their presents personally, the way Santa Claus would back during his junior high school years. However, Ye Ji’an simply passed the bags over to the Dean and the teacher with a ponytail before sitting down at the side.

“It’s just a small plush toy, there’s no need to make it so ceremonial,” Ye Ji’an looked at the children who were obediently lining up in front of the teacher, then at the slender celery on the low table that was still wet from washing. 

“Look. Don’t you think they look way too obedient?”

“Yeah. It just occurred to me that I must’ve been very annoying as a child. I’d probably fight other kids for a Batman toy.” 

The small bench was not very comfortable to sit on. Liang Xiao bent his long legs and placed his elbows on his knees, his hands cupping his chin. “They’re really quiet.”

Ye Ji’an smiled. “That’s because you’ve never encountered hardship.”

Liang Xiao thought about it and abruptly realised that that truly was the case. The children’s obedient behaviour now made sense. They had no one to rely on since young, and circumstances drove them to learn how to observe the mood and thoughts of those around them. 

In doing so, they also learnt how to encase themselves in a shell of obedience while eliminating the problems and inconveniences that young children often brought. Rather than a new skill, it was closer to a form of self-preservation.

It was similar to how he’d been praised for “suddenly maturing” in the short period after he’d witnessed his mother’s tragic death.

“I shouldn’t have come after all,” Ye Ji’an suddenly blurted out, rubbing his face. He’d arrived at this conclusion after observing the two or three-year-old children with braids standing silently at the back of the queue. 

“We’ll tell a few jokes and tease them a little soon. The atmosphere will become more relaxed.”

Liang Xiao shifted his gaze from the toy to Ye Ji’an’s face.

Unexpectedly, Ye Ji’an shook his head. “I’m not very…how should I put this? I don’t feel very well.”

He pursed his lips and no longer explained any further after those words. His enthusiasm seemed to wane as well. It wasn’t obvious, but Liang Xiao could nonetheless detect it. 

Liang Xiao did not probe any further and started to silently observe the situation. Ye Ji’an blended in very well and was surrounded by a crowd of children. Like the other female teachers, he taught the older children how to mix the dumpling filling and the younger children how to knead the dough.

His efforts not only rewarded him with a coat and face full of white flour but also allowed him to regain his smile. After some comparison, Liang Xiao found it a little funny that the only thing he could do was slowly roll out the dough into dumpling skin.

Nevertheless, Liang Xiao had a good-looking face and a harmless smile, which attracted a considerable number of children to him as well. They crowded around him and followed his lead in rolling out the dough. 

As they made small conversation, Liang Xiao and the children slowly got used to each other. Still maintaining their cautious politeness, the children asked questions such as Big brother, are you really really good at making money?

Liang Xiao felt that he was better at spending money, though he didn’t say this out loud. It was simply too embarrassing. Besides, it might instil the wrong values in the children.

As such, Liang Xiao chose to share his personal experience instead while putting on an unfathomable air: You guys have to study hard. You need to be good at both Maths and English to earn money.

At the same time, Liang Xiao’s eyes were still calmly tracking Ye Ji’an’s movements.

Was it an illusion? He felt that Ye Ji’an was sad. He was sad when he smiled and wiped a child’s nose with a tissue; he was sad when he smiled and ducked a child’s flour-covered hands, and he was also sad when he smiled and taught the children how to curl the edges of the dumpling skin.

He seemed to be very despondent. His melancholy was rooted deep within him and thus did not show on the surface. That was the reason why Ye Ji’an could still laugh and smile.

As he pondered over the matter, Liang Xiao saw Ye Ji’an stand up and make a beeline towards him, wanting to drag him over and teach him how to make dumplings.

Ye Ji’an still remembered his request. Liang Xiao put aside his distractions and studied humbly. 

Liang Xiao was standing amid the pile of children. His position gave him the clearest view of Ye Ji’an; it was no surprise that he was the first to pick up the art of making dumplings. The limp, shapeless dumpling in his hands soon took on the standard crescent shape of dumplings,

However, learning was still undoubted a long and arduous process. While Ye Ji’an prepared a tray of dumplings, Liang Xiao endured the strange smell of celery and cooperated with several children to catch up with Ye Ji’an’s speed. 

Only then were they able to somehow prepare a tray of dumplings approximately equal in number—though it was likely that some would break apart during the cooking.

Soon, the first batch of finished dumplings was ready to cook. Liang Xiao enthusiastically volunteered for the dumpling cooking. He understood the principle of overall profits, and thus decided to use his advantages to maximise his benefits while avoiding the indiscriminate attack of the celery. 

With a large cutting board full of dumplings in one hand, Liang Xiao followed behind the kitchen lady. They cut through the corridor and climbed a flight of stairs before finally arriving at the large kitchen, which was already full of steam. 

The kitchen in the orphanage differed from the one they had at home—the stove and the countertop were all made of metal and were extremely large. Liang Xiao made two trips to get all the dumplings over. Upon completing his delivery, he was assigned to the new task of preparing the table.

Liang Xiao held a tall stack of stainless steel plates in hand and placed them one by one on the table. The table was also made of metal and radiated a metallic sheen. Under the harsh white lights of the kitchen, the reflection of the tabletop was a little glaring.

Seeing that he was a diligent and rather likeable person, the kitchen lady casually struck up a conversation.

While Liang Xiao meticulously prepared a large bowl of condiments according to the values he’d been given, the kitchen lady spoke up once more. 

“I can’t believe xiao-Ye’s back. I didn’t think I’d see him again. So many years have passed since our last meeting. Young lad, thank you so much for bringing him back here.”

Liang Xiao abruptly became alert. “You’ve met him before?”

“Of course. I’d see him every day,” The kitchen lady said, the wrinkles on her face softening as her expression relaxed.

“He stayed here until he was three. I was still a young girl who’d just started working back then. I was in charge of making food for him. His body was very weak, and he was young too. His food was always specially prepared by me. Didn’t he tell you about this?”

Liang Xiao suppressed his shock. In full honesty, he’d considered this possibility before after learning of how distant Ye Ji’an was with his family. Ye Ji’an’s unusual behaviour earlier also caused a wild guess to surface in his heart, though it was immediately dismissed by him.

As for why that thought was dismissed… it was because Liang Xiao would feel pain whenever he gave it deep thought. He instinctively did not want to think of Ye Ji’an having to suffer setbacks.

“He was here until three?” Liang Xiao used the tip of his chopsticks to grind the undissolved lumps of sugar at the bottom of the bowl. Lowering his head, he said as calmly as possible, “He later grew up in Nanjing.”

“That’s because he was brought back by his adoptive parents.  His father seemed to have been dispatched to another region for work,” The kitchen lady said. Her voice slowly became fainter as she slowly sank into old memories.

“They were immediately drawn to xiao-Ye when they came to adopt a child. He was cute and intelligent, and they promised to take good care of him given his poor health. Back then, all he had was a nickname, because he was abandoned at the hospital right after he was born.”

“Three decades ago, the rules weren’t as strict. We raised him here and he didn’t even have any identification documents. Only after being adopted did he finally gain the surname Ye. His parents doted on him a lot.”

Really? Liang Xiao thought in his heart.

“They decided to adopt because his mother couldn’t get pregnant, but I believe they managed to have a child later on. It’s no surprise that they’d dote on their flesh and blood more. Xiao-Ye returned once after his adoption, twenty years ago or so. He was in his early teens and had taken the train by himself to come here.”

“He didn’t say anything when he arrived. It was a quick visit and he left not much later, though he did beg us not to tell his parents. We knew that his later years weren’t the happiest. Children at that age are very sensitive and it’s clear to them whether they’re loved and treated well or not. But what could we even do? He was already their child by law; we couldn’t request that he be returned to us.”

As she spoke, she began to sigh. After sighing for a while, the dumplings in the pot floated to the surface of the water, and the water boiled and roiled. Noticing Liang Xiao’s silence, she asked, “You must be good friends, right? Would you like me to tell you more—”

Liang Xiao interrupted her. “Thank you, but there’s no need for that.”

Without any discernible expression on his face, Liang Xiao enunciated word by word, “I want to know about these private matters, but I want to hear the story from the lips of the person involved, with his full consent.”

The kitchen lady seemed a little unhappy and vaguely expressed her understanding. Liang Xiao looked at her quietly. The sugar cubes at the bottom of the bowl had already been crushed.

Liang Xiao knew that he wanted to vent his anger.

But he did not know the target of his anger and did not know what right he had to take his anger out on someone.

Liang Xiao carried two large plates of boiled dumplings down the stairs and through the long corridor. Only then did the turmoil in his heart finally calm down a little. Liang Xiao’s confusion calmed down a little. Looking into the room through the strip of glass on the door, Liang Xiao once again observed the interior of the room.

The first thing that stood out was a familiar boy. He was no longer making dumplings. Instead, he was sweeping near the doorway. The entire floor of flour was swept up by him alone into the dustpan.

When there was an area that couldn’t be swept clean, he would squat down. His overly long bangs would drape in front of his eyes, and he would quietly use his fingers to press on the dust to get it to stick. He had his sleeves rolled up, probably due to an unwillingness to get his new clothes dirty.

Liang Xiao remembered that the boy had introduced himself while they rolled the dumpling skin. He had shyly stated that he was in fifth grade and that he was twelve this year.

He was such a sensible twelve-year-old.

…Senior, were you once like this too? Did you behave like this when you were trapped in that family? Did you behave this way after your escape back to this place?

Liang Xiao once again sought Ye Ji’an’s figure in the lively room.

He soon caught sight of the other. Ye Ji’an had his side facing Liang Xiao and was still making dumplings with a group of children. 

His smile came more naturally now and it appeared even more beautiful. The sun seeping through the window illuminated his figure with light. Ye Ji’an looked as if he was glowing. His hair looked grey from all the flour, but his appearance wasn’t unkempt in the slightest. Instead, it gave off an extremely gentle, tender air.

His current appearance even excluded a somewhat motherly feeling, just like that of the dean and teachers’. He seemed to have the kind air unique to elders and the never-ending tolerance of mothers. It was as if he was ready to hold a child in his arms and coax them to sleep with soft words at any moment.

The current Ye Ji’an was vastly different from the Ye Ji’an at work, and also shared little similarity with the gentle Ye Ji’an that Liang Xiao usually saw. Liang Xiao was a little dazed. Before entering the room, he saw his own body in that fuzzy, hazy sunlight. He also caught sight of his stark sadness. 

His current feelings could only be described as “unpleasant”. Like a man obsessed, he abruptly started thinking over and over again: Senior, Senior, I don’t want to see you be a tolerant mother figure. I don’t want that. All I want is for you to be a fussy, noisy child.

Because being a child feels great.

There are many, many things that you are owed. Could you give me the honour of returning them to you?

Taking a deep breath, Liang Xiao stabilised his grip on the plates of dumplings and walked towards Ye Ji’an.