I Am Not Fit to Be the Male Lead’s First Love

Chapter 46- He cried (3)

Lu Zhen looked down at his phone.

Chu Yin got first place in the city and defeated the top student in the No.1 Middle School. The whole school praised her.

Lu Zhen curled his lips and smiled. Great.

The young man sat on the edge of the bed, his white t-shirt was loose, his exposed skin was very pale, and the light blue blood vessels under his skin could be seen.

He hesitated for a long time and sent a congratulatory message to Chu Yin.

[Congratulations] 

After he sent the message, a triggering pain floated in his heart.

Lu Zhen touched his chest.

This is fine. This kind of pain has nothing to do with her.

As of today, Lu Zhen couldn’t count how many fragments he had dreamed of.

Countless faces, endless emotions, jumbled like broken glass. When he knelt on the ground to pick it up, his fingers were cut, and endless blood poured out.

In the last broken dream just now, he saw his…mother.

Her beauty faded, her expression dazed, and she mumbled something.

Lu Zhen woke up in horror and suddenly realized that he seemed to have found the ticket to the second dream.

Just like that day after he confessed under the moon, he had his first dream. Lu Zhen had a hunch that he could find the answer from his mother.

Find the worst pain of all pain, and then…understand everything.

Lu Zhen got up, took off his crumpled clothes, and pulled out his coat from the closet with his upper body naked.

Subconsciously, there was a voice asking.

…Do you want to go in?

Into the black hole.

If you don’t go, you won’t know. You’ll continue to live dumbly.

He could simply wait for the girl he likes to respond to him

Although there was no hope, he could still chase.

Lu Zhen tightened his fingers on the closet, two or three blue veins stretched out on the back of his hand.

The cold voice he heard from the first night, telling him to die, came again.

Can he still deceive himself? After knowing it could be true?

Lu Zhen pinched the corner of his clothes and put on his clothes. His eyes were half-closed under his loose black hair.

Even if he knew he would die.

He had to endure it.

…

Outside the nursing home.

When the nurse saw Young Master Lu walk in at this time of the night, she was a little surprised.

Lu Zhen nodded lightly. He didn’t say hello nor alarmed anyone. As he did countless times in the past, he went upstairs quietly.

Su Yumin wasn’t asleep yet.

Through the glass of the ward door, Lu Zhen saw her sitting on the bedside, swaying, and looking at the moon outside the window.

Since she began to show resistance against him many years ago, Lu Zhen hadn’t walked in front of her for a long time.

But today, Lu Zhen held the door handle and slowly opened the door.

Su Yumin didn’t notice him at first.

When she found out, Lu Zhen had already walked to her bedside, and the tall young man was silent, his silhouette visible under the moonlight.

Su Yumin opened her eyes wide and suddenly began to shrink back. The calmness in her body broke and her expression looked terrified.

Before, when Lu Zhen saw her showing such a look, he immediately went away.

But this time he suddenly stretched out his hand and grabbed his mother’s weak wrist.

The scene that flashed by in the dream slowly overlapped with the woman’s face at the moment.

Lu Zhen took a breath and asked in a low voice, “What are you afraid of?”

Su Yumin’s hand suddenly trembled.

Lu Zhen was patient and waited quietly.

He didn’t know how long it took until Lu Zhen felt that his whole life was about to pass,  he suddenly heard Su Yumin’s whisper.

Mumbling, low voice…Lu Zhen couldn’t hear her voice in his dream.

Now, at last, he heard it clearly.

In the middle of the night, Chu Yin saw Lu Zhen’s message after finishing her homework.

It took her two seconds to understand that she took first place in the city.

Chu Yin snorted from the bottom of her heart.

Dog man, it’s a good dog.

Suddenly Chu Yin scanned his WeChat name. She couldn’t guess the meaning before, but now suddenly…

Four letters, facing his WeChat name.

It turned out that Lu Zhen had already hinted very early.

…A dog man.

Chu Yin casually sent back a two-character response, then threw the phone away and went to bed.

Looking at it now, although the dog man had not completely given up, he was indeed very different from his previous life.

If Lu Zhen no longer acted crooked in this life and no longer became the paranoid and crazy male lead in the future, then in this life, she would gradually forget the past.

She may completely forget the person who had left the most profound impression in her life.

In this way, one person would slowly forget his love and the other would no longer take revenge.

All these mixed feelings they had together would turn into ashes…it could be considered a successful life.

With the particularly bright moonlight tonight, Chu Yin thought about a lot of things inexplicably.

Then amidst various emotions, she gradually fell asleep.

After a long time, there was a long and shallow breath in the room, and the girl fell asleep in the bed.

At this moment, a familiar “Ding” suddenly sounded in her brain.

(T/N: Parts below contain suicide content. Please be advised. If it’s triggering, please skip this part until my next t/n.)*

Lu Zhen opened his eyes in the early hours of the morning.

The world was still quiet.

And his eyes were dark and hollow, like a wasteland.

Lu Zhen laid there, not moving for a long time, like a corpse.

Finally, the dream came to an end. He finally came out of the black hole. He finally got the result he wanted to find.

But in the end, he was heartbroken.

…Betrayed, hurt, and tortured.

People who were in pain couldn’t help but talk.

Countless nights when he hugged her, she would scream silently in pain.

Self-control and out of control. Deep love and pain.

And that year after she left, he spent many years living like the dead. Alone.

With a knife, he cut his veins.

At the age of 17, on the night of early summer, Lu Zhen knew that his tragic life came to an end.

In other words, the man who was at the end of the road returned to the year he was 17 years old.

There was no joy of coming back from the dead. There was no luck to do it again.

He was in pain as he thought…

She’s doing well in this life.

Smart. Excellent. Bright as a beam of light.

She doesn’t need me.

That’s good.

***(T/N: End of triggering part. You can comfortably read below.)****

…

Early the next morning, Chu Yin opened the door and walked out.

Under the edge of the opposite wall, stood a boy in black.

The cloth on Lu Zhen’s shoulders was slightly wet as if he was standing there all night. His cheeks were cold and pale, and the mole at the end of his eyes looked red hot.

Chu Yin frowned for a moment, walked up to him, and asked, “What’s wrong?” 

The voice was the same as before.

Lu Zhen shuddered all over. He restrained his gaze and every burning desire he had.

Lively, good, she…

His fingertips trembled for a long time. He didn’t dare to lift them and touch her.

Chu Yin couldn’t wait for an answer, and raised her eyes impatiently: “You–“

Before she even finished speaking, she suddenly saw that a tear fell under Lu Zhen’s right eye.

He cried.

Lu Zhen cried?

The boy strode away quickly.

And from that day on, Chu Yin found that Lu Zhen…

Had disappeared from her life.