I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin

A woman’s weeping sound like none other erupted from the side hall. It was the same as the last time the graverobbers intruded. This came from one of the creatures Wen Feng Jin kept. Every time a graverobber managed to enter the tomb, she would issue this warning from the position of the intruder.

Hearing the woman’s cry, Wen Feng Jin was able to quickly deduce location from the sound. His face turned murderously dangerous!

Mian Deng!

The graverobbers are heading for Mian Deng!

In the meantime, Wang Xiao Mie was staring speechless at the man sitting on the ground and waving a black donkey’s hoof at him. He was screaming and crying excessively.

Buddy, you’ve been doing that for ten minutes already, aren’t you tired?

Wang Xiao Mie opened his mouth and was about to say: “I….” I’m not a bad guy.

But before he could finish his sentence, the other party cried: “Don’t come any closer! Ah—!”

Wang Xiao Mie: “…..”

Wang Xiao Mie was squatting awkwardly. He tried to adjust his position and at the same time pulled down his clothes to cover up. Although we’re all men, he still couldn’t let him see.

Perhaps his action caused the other person to misunderstand. The man with a dirt-stained face yelled out a battle cry ‘I’m gonna get you’, then sent out an intimidating attack with the donkey’s hoof right on Wang Xiao Mie’s forehead!

Dong!

“…..”

The absolutely fine Wang Xiao Mie stared back at him with dead fish eyes.

The attacker started shaking: “How’s this possible?! Why is this zombie not affected?! It must be because I haven’t used enough strength!” with that, he raised the weapon high and made a skull-splitting chop!

Wang Xiao Mie who was close by could even hear the swish of the wind made from the incoming donkey’s hoof!

What the f**k! Are you trying to impale or smash this innocent dumpling?!!

His facial expression changed drastically. Even though as a zombie, his skin was hardened considerably and could withstand a beating, and also resistant to pain, this did not mean that he would be immune to the impact from the hoof!

What if his skin wasn’t thick enough and his head was punctured. Wouldn’t he be disfigured?!!

In his horror, the donkey’s hoof even looked like it was shining with a cold light.

The lizard man Mu Yi was waiting for his command that did not come in time. Seeing the man’s assault, its eyes flashed red and in a split second, with its wide-open jaws, pounced forward to chomp off the man’s head!

When Wang Xiao Mie saw the creature’s movement, he grabbed the donkey hoof and unexpectedly, was strong enough to pull it out of the man’s hand!

“Don’t move!” Wang Xiao Mie yelled.

The monster crawling at the top stopped. The man, oblivious to the fact that he had just barely escaped death’s door, looked at his empty hand and turned pale.

I’m done for. This dumpling’s cultivation is too high. Even the hoof was taken away!

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Seeing that the graverobber was about to faint, Wang Xiao Mie, who still had no paper to wipe his butt, announced in a loud voice: “Don’t panic! You don’t have to fear me! Rest assured, I won’t hurt you. I was just using the toilet and god knows how you fell from above and came here. Buddy, I’m very much in need of toilet paper at this moment. Give me some toilet paper and I’ll give you back the donkey’s hoof! I’ll even tell you the way out of here! How about that?”

The man’s mind was blown away. He glanced at Wang Xiao Mie’s standard squatting posture and the obviously abnormal clothes and skin color, then asked with some difficulty: “Zombie….still needs to use the toilet?”

Wang Xiao Mie: “…..why not. Don’t you discriminate against zombies!”

The man was speechless for a long time reconditioning his mentality. He wiped his dirtied face with his hand, making it even blacker.

At last, he opened his backpack and pulled out a brand new bag of tissue and passed it to Wang Xiao Mie.

“Thank you!” This dude is not bad, he actually believed me. Wang Xiao Mie took the tissue with immense gratitude.

The grave robber who saw a dumpling opening the packaging with proficiency and preparing to use it: “…..”

If his face was big enough, the words “Who am I? Where am I? Why does a zombie know how to use toilet paper?” would be written all over it.

Wang Xiao Mie was finally about to clean himself when he felt awkward from the unblinking gaze. “Buddy, with you staring at me like that, I’m a little embarrassed. Can you turn around?”

“Oh ok!” the man turned quickly, also with a little embarrassment. 

Wang Xiao Mie was relieved. When it was finally done, he stood up with the hoof and walked out of the doorless latrine towards the man.

One good thing about being turned into a zombie: no leg cramps even after squatting for so long.

After some deep thinking, the man suddenly patted Wang Xiao Mie’s shoulder and laughed: “I finally got it! You were hired by my brother to scare me in the tomb, isn’t that right?! This is to prevent me from exploring the tomb with them, right?! Hahaha, I’m so clever!”

How can a zombie speak so fluently? How can a zombie have a bowel movement? How can a zombie not attack a live person?

Therefore this guy must be my brother’s lackey hired to scare me off.

“Haha, you’re someone from my brother’s shop, aren’t you? It must’ve been hard on you, having to squat here all this time. Give me back the donkey’s hoof, I have to find the fish pearl.”

Wang Xiao Mie laughed with his white teeth showing, wondering what the man had supplemented his brains with. But now that he thought Wang Xiao Mie was human, things should be less complicated. He gave the man back his donkey’s hoof.

After he passed over the item, Wang Xiao Mie noticed that his hand was smudged with black paint!

“What the! Your black donkey’s hoof was dyed? And I was wondering why your face would get blacker the more you wiped it.” Wang Xiao Mie had black lines over his head: “Buddy, no matter how poor we are, we shouldn’t dye a donkey’s hoof black to deceive others.”

Tut tut, who are you trying to fool? Do you think that zombies are stupid? 

The man was stumped for a while before scratching his head and smiled: “I, I’m also not sure about this. We’re out of stock at home so I ordered it from Bing Xi Xi…” (TN: the actual name is Pin Duo Duo, it’s something like Amazon.)

Wang Xiao Mie: “…..” Hehe, you’re quite amusing.

Wang Xiao Mie discerned that this guy was still young and with one look, he could tell that he was a gullible one. 

“By the way, are you my brother’s new employee? How come I’ve never met you?” He asked casually.

“I don’t work for your brother. I’m Wang Xiao Mie, and I don’t know your brother either.”

“Oh, I’m Zhen Bei. if you’re not sent by my brother then who are you? Could it be…..” he became alert and said: “Could it be that you’re also a graverobber?!”

No, I’m the unfortunate homeowner who’s being robbed….