I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin

Wen Feng Jin’s initial thought was: after Shixiong knew the portion of truth that he deliberately revealed, he would be so guilt-ridden that he completely let down his guard, relying on him wholeheartedly. And then eventually, he would entrust his heart and body to him and they can live the lovey-dovey life of “Feng Jin I’m cold” and “Shixiong let me warm you in my arms”!

However, as an ancient relic, our little gong Wen Feng Jin obviously did not know about the modern day’s dating rituals….

As for Wang Xiao Mie…

Before knowing the truth: A scaredy-cat who could cry a river when bullied.

Wang Xiao Mie after knowing he was the boss’s white moonlight: The corner of his mouth raised to form a smirk as he snobbishly laughed in his heart!

His change was as drastic as the in-laws before and after marriage.

“Xiao Wen Zi, it’s time to wash the clothes.” (TN: wen zi means mosquito in Chinese. It sounds the same as Wen Feng Jin’s surname, so Wang Xiao Mie gave him this nickname)

Wen Feng Jin: “…” Xiao Wen Zi???

“Xiao Wenzi, I’m using that weapon display as a clothes rack.”

Wen Feng Jin: “….. where is my Liao Yue sword?”

“Ha? Oh, I threw it on the floor!”

Wen Feng Jin: “…..”

“Xiao Wenzi! Mu Yi stole the snack I left here! Tell him to return it to me!”

Wen Feng Jin: “…..”

“Xiao Wenzi, you said that the mermaid lamps cannot be extinguished even after so many years, then why don’t I use it to cook my hotpot….”

“Wah! Fire! Quickly put out the fire! Xiao Wenzi!”

Wang Xiao Mie who had set the place on fire was wailing and running in circles. Wen Feng Jin sighed and expelled the evil expression on his face. He quickly flew over to the puppy-like Wang Xiao Mie and held him in his arms. With a wave of his hand, the stone slab on the ground broke and the shattered pieces instantly put out the fire.

Wen Feng Jin looked at the weeping little thing in his arms with a tuft of frizzy burnt frontal hair and an innocent look on his face.

Wen Feng Jin frowned and before he could say anything, Wang Xiao Mie glared at him with puffing cheeks!

“What are you staring at? Are you going to be violent with me!”

Wen Feng Jin: “…..” Well, all I’m going to do is love you to death.

Wen Feng Jin felt helpless and amused. As he looked at the daring expression on Wang Xiao Mie’s face, he felt his teeth itch and could not help but pinched his nose and took a bite of his cheek, feeling the cold but soft skin of his cherished beloved.

Wen Feng Jin’s heart was filled with a certain type of warmth.

Lately, Wang Xiao Mie found that Wen Feng Jin was not smiling as much. But the smile that disappeared was the twisted and paranoid kind. Now, whenever Wang Xiao Mie called him Xiao Wenzi, he would drop everything he was doing and turned to look at him with a helpless smile that one would show a child. 

His brows were frowning, but he was actually happier than any other time.

The Wang Xiao Mie who had deliberately caused trouble was laughing secretly at the vivid change in his expression.

If you’re sad, I’ll give you my everything to warm you up. I am making a ruckus because I don’t want you to be so lonely….

There is a kind of angel in this world, while others called them goblins and ghosts, would always grant you a kiss after making their mischief.

To deal with these mischievous beings who would cause your heart to sprout, you don’t need violence. All you have to do is kiss him real hard.

…..

At night, the little goblin who used to secretly touch the big guy’s chest before sleeping was now doing it openly. His hands would even reach down to grope the southernmost part and give it a pinch before going to sleep.

Looking down at the head leaning against his chest and the thighs that were nonchalantly placed on top of his belly as soft teasing grunts were made, Wen Feng Jin was having a very hard time enduring. And yet, his efforts were rejected.

Wang Xiao Mie: “Why isn’t your gun loaded?! I’m almost at my limit!” Hmph! How hateful! (TN: In case the more innocent readers do not get this, Wang Xiao Mie is actually questioning why Wen Feng Jin isn’t getting hard)

Wen Feng Jin: “…..”

Buyer beware, actual product may differ from packaging! On the label: a warm and desirable Shixiong, actual product: a mischievous Wang Xiao Mie full of dirty thoughts.

Wen Feng Jin could not bear it a second more and had to push Wang Xiao Mie away, causing him to bare his teeth and said: “Do you not like me anymore? Ha? Just say it! Wan wan wan!”

Wen Feng Jin: “…..Xiao Mie, stop making barking sounds.”

Wang Xiao Mie: “….. wan wan wan!” I’m getting a bite of you!

Without him realizing it, Wen Feng Jin had called Wang Xiao Mie by his name. He just could not look at the mischievous thing and call him Shixiong or Mian Deng. And so with his dark and black pupils filled with absolute sweetness and indulgence, he changed from the man who had been looking at his Shixiong with admiration to an ‘old’ man who helplessly fell in love with a little rascal. 

…..

On a certain day, Wang Xiao Mie was kneading the mud out of boredom. The underground lacked so many things, namely electricity and the internet. Only gold, treasures, and soil are abundant.

Wang Xiao Mie once asked Wen Feng Jin: “Shouldn’t there be fishes in such a long underground river?”

Wen Feng Jin hesitated: “Back then I did throw in a few fishes that could survive in it. But their role is to prevent graverobbers….”

“Wow! There’s fish?! Then we can finally eat grilled fish!” Wang Xiao Mie was in high spirits as he suggested they do some fishing. He completely ignored Wen Feng Jin’s last sentence.

When Wang Xiao Mie actually caught a big fish with a human head and long hair that was grinning at him, he had nightmares for two days straight. 

Wang Xiao Mie: “…..” I was stupid for thinking that there is normal fish in this place!

Since then, Wang Xiao Mie never spoke of fishing or grilling again.

He sat quietly by the river molding the mud. His finished products were two ash urns, one for himself, and the other for Wen Feng Jin. If they were ever discovered by scientists and dug out from the mud later on, the urns are ready to be used. 

…..

From time to time, Wang Xiao Mie would dream of the past and whenever he woke up, there would be a bitter taste in his mouth. But he just attributed it to the strange tree.

And maybe because he was recovering his past memories, the duration he could stay away from it was extended.

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He also got to know the ‘little cuties’ that Wen Feng Jin kept.

Those unique looking little things ….

In comparison, the blood lizard Mu Yi was indeed the best-looking one.

Wen Feng Jin gestured his hand to introduce each of them to him: “This is Mu Er.” A female ghost with long hair and a ferocious expression who lived in the water. 

Wang Xiao Mie: she can easily steal Sadako’s job (TN: Sadako is the female ghost in the Ring movie)

“This is Mu San.” This one did not even look human. It was almost like a mushroom that grew hands. From afar, it resembled a walking *cough*, you know, the thing all men are familiar with….

Wen Feng Jin told him never to touch the mucus on his body. It would turn any living person into a pool of water, leaving behind only their clothes.

“This is Mu Si.”

“This is Mu Wu.”

“This is…..” (TN: Basically, Wen Feng Jin just added numbers to the word Mu (木=wood), and that’s their names.)

In one go, Wang Xiao Mie was introduced to the ten protectors of the tomb palace. Wen Feng Jin said with a smile: “Aren’t they cute?”

Wang Xiao Mie: “….um, very cute.” Perfect to start a horror movie franchise with the most terrifying monsters.

Wen Feng Jin rubbed his head gently: “Bring them along when you’re going for a stroll, got it? The location of our tomb is not entirely hidden, the number of grave robbers that appeared is becoming annoying. Don’t ever let yourself be hurt.”

Bring them along? How about they walk in the front while I hold a leash at the back?

We’ll either be walking our pets or two onmyouji with their demons. Oh and what would the graverobbers think when they see our grand family?!

Wang Xiao Mie stared expressionlessly at his monstrous family members: “I refuse, they’re too ugly.”

The group of monsters began sobbing with different sounds. Aw, it sounded quite pitiful—As if! It’s f**king sending chills up my spine!

Wang Xiao Mie: “…. can you not get too serious with your acting?”

The group of monsters: “We can’t. The master is watching!”

Wang Xiao Mie raised his head and saw Wen Feng Jin grinning. See, he’s staring at us!

“Xiao Wenzi….”

“Hm?”

“Get down!”

“……”

On that day, Wang Xiao Mie not only rode on the back of the grimacing Xiao Wen Zi, he was also escorted by ten monster bodyguards to tour the underground palace.

Wang Xiao Mie who had found his joy began this habit of walking around their tomb palace every night before going to bed. Ten days later, Wen Feng Jin had lost a lot of weight.

During this time, Wang Xiao Mie also discovered an interesting phenomenon. It seemed the lizard Mu Yi and the mushroom Mu San have a rather bad relationship.

Whenever they went for their walks, Mu Yi would hang on the tomb wall and secretly spit at Mu San….

Mu San tolerated him for the first two times. But when he saw that Mu Yi was giggling at him as he continued to provoke him, the mushroom began to secrete its corrosive mucus, making Mu Er and Mu Si next to him screech…

“…..”

“You don’t have to mind them. Mu Yi and Mu San had been at loggerheads even when they were still alive.” Wen Feng Jin whispered to the Wang Xiao Mie on his back. After which, he gave the gang of monsters a glance. Mu San immediately stopped expelling his acid and Mu Yi jumped off the wall and walked alongside the rest obediently.

The group of rowdy monsters was like a bunch of mutated huskies. They marched back in line and continued to walk along the dark and gloomy pathway after being reprimanded.

“…..” Wang Xiao Mie thought it was quite amusing and began to tease Wen Feng Jin: “The children’s dad, you’re too fierce.”

Wen Feng Jin was stunned. He widened his eyes in surprise: “What did you call me?”

Riding on his back, Wang Xiao Mie could not see the expression on Wen Feng Jin’s face. He smiled and said: “The children’s dad! Look at us two and the ten of them, don’t we look like a family of twelve?”

Wen Feng Jin stopped walking and stayed silent for a long time. The monsters in front looked back in curiosity and so did Wang Xiao Mie who stretched his neck to look at Wen Feng Jin.

“Xiao Wenzi, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Wen Feng Jin seemed to come back to his senses. He bumped up Wang Xiao Mie on his back and continued walking in silence.

“Feng Jin, what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing….. Xiao Mie…”

“Hm?”

“The children’s … mother.”

“…..”

The hoarse voice which carried a hint of happiness swept gently into his ears. Wang Xiao Mie blushed instantly. Although the atmosphere had returned to its soundless state, this time it was filled with sweet silence.

Back on the high platform, Wang Xiao Mie and Wen Feng Jin returned to their coffin.

They laid on their backs and neither slept. This night, Wang Xiao Mie also did not let his hands run wild. In their silence, Wen Feng Jin’s soft breathing was amplified infinitely.

The opened casket allowed them to watch the scenic fiery peach tree in full bloom.

A cold and bony hand lightly covered Wang Xiao Mie’s colder one.

“You….”

“You….”

The two turned and faced each other. It was almost as if the air was filled with thick honey, intensely sweet and breathless…

Wen Feng Jin suddenly laughed. The evil and handsome face was strangely tranquil for the first time as he moved closer. Wang Xiao Mie closed his eyes in silent anticipation.

The two pairs of cold and pale pink lips finally touched…