Chapter 21: Library

I’m at the library right now.

Because I have nothing but free time during the summer vacation.

It was blazing hot outside, but the moment I entered the library, the cool air caressed my cheeks.

It’s really too hot these days.

I examine the books while complaining inwardly.

Picking up a novel, I moved to the reading area.

There I saw a familiar face.

“Yoo, Seo. What a coincidence.”

Yes, Ryoka Seo was there.

“Oh, what are you doing here?”

Seo asked me in a casual manner.

“No? I just came to borrow a book because I was free?”

“I see.”

Seo said, and then slipped into the world of the book she was holding.

I’ll read it as well.

How many minutes had passed?

Seo and I were reading a book without saying a word.

“Hey, Shinzaki-kun!”

Seo suddenly called out to me.

“What is it?”

I was a little surprised, but I answered in return.

“Is there something wrong with you?”

“W-What’s with you all of a sudden?”

What does it mean?

I haven’t talked to anyone, I haven’t met anyone other than Himari.

“No, you look a little different.”

“It’s just your imagination, isn’t it?”

I tried my best to cover it up.

“It’s not my imagination,”

Seo assured me.

“There’s really nothing wrong.”

Seo pretended to think for a moment.

“You’re not really pushing yourself away again, are you?”

How do you know so much?

I forced down my voice, which was rising to my throat.

I became a little silent.

Seo did not miss that.

“I knew it.”

Seo looked as if she was convinced.

I can’t do this.

“You understand perfectly, don’t you?”

“Yes, I understand. That much.”

“How did you know?”

I ask a simple question.

“I told you. You and I are alike.”

Was that really all?

I don’t think I could have known that much.

“Is that really all there is to it?”

I found myself saying that question out loud.

“Y-yes, that’s it?”

What?

Seo’s face seemed to turn a little red.

“… You look kind of red?”

Seo immediately replied

“T-that’s not true at all!?”

Oh, it’s so unusual for Seo to be distraught.

“I see?”

“Yes.”

I didn’t want to ask any more questions, so I didn’t go deeper.

“And so? How did that happen?”

Seo looked at me with serious eyes and said so.

I wondered what I should do.

Should I tell Seo about my true feelings regarding Himari?

After much hesitation, I decided to tell Seo.

I told Seo that Himari had apologized to me.

Both of them are me.

But still, I might not be able to forgive her.

Why is it?

Why do I tell Seo honestly?

“I see.”

Seo said so.

Ah, after all, it is easier to talk to someone.

“What do you want to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want to forgive her?”

“No, Seo. I can’t forgive Himari”

“Is that your true feelings?”

My true feelings.

When you say so… I don’t understand it myself.

[True feelings, right?]

You again.

[You can’t forgive Himari Shiroukawa, can you?]

Shut up for a minute.

[She’s been avoiding you for a long time.]

Be quiet.

[Just because she said I’m sorry, you can forgive her?]

…

[You’re too good-natured, you know that? At heart.]

…

[Accept me with a clean heart. It’ll be easier.]

…

“—-Kun”

I hear something.

“Shinzaki-kun.”

“What is it? Seo.”

Seo was talking to me.

“What is it? It’s not that. What’s wrong? Suddenly you got all fuzzy.”

“Nothing.”

“I see. So? What is it?”

“I also don’t know.”

“….I see. This is not my problem. It’s your problem. Shinzaki-kun.”

I understand.

I know.

“Yes, I know.”

And yet I can’t help myself.

I don’t know myself anymore.

“Well, that’s okay. But if you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

In fact, it really helps.

Expressing what you are thinking in words is important.

I can’t say it to the person I want to say it to, though.