Kimi no Sei de Kyō Mo Shinenai

Chapter 11

Title: Birthday Party With Just the Two of Us

“Actually, today’s my birthday.”
It was Friday. The sky was very cloudy, and, although it wasn’t raining at present, it was so humid that it could start raining any time.
“So, after school, my friends asked me to go to karaoke with them.”
“Oh, congratulations. You should’ve told me earlier. I would’ve made some preparations or something!”
It was morning. As the two of us waited for the train while continuing our still uncompleted shiritori contest, Mitsumine suddenly began to speak. In response, all I could do was smile and give a harmless reply.
(That means that we aren’t hanging out together after school right…..?)
Maybe Mitsumine telling me is her own way of expressing concern for me. But if there are people who are properly willing to celebrate her birthday, there’s nothing for me to worry about, and it isn’t my place to interfere. Plus, I couldn’t do anything for her birthday anyway.
I had no cake and I had no present.
Despite that, I still wanted to hang out with her because it was the last day of the week, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.
Because I wasn’t sure where the line between Mitsumine and I should be drawn.
“Anyway, happy birthday, Mitsumine.”
“……Yeah. All of a sudden I’m 17 years old, I guess.”
“Why don’t you seem happy about that?”
“That means I’m one step closer to being an adult, you know? My responsibilities are going to increase, so what reason is there to be happy?”
“But aren’t there a bunch of positives too?”
“No, there are more negatives. Probably.”
Mitsumine heaved a sigh. Then, hearing the sounds of the train approaching in the distance, she snapped up from her chair.
Then, she brought out the white headphones which I hadn’t seen in a while and put them on before lining up in a different spot than usual.
“What are you listening to?”
“……..I’m not listening to anything, though—?”
Mitsumine briefly looked back at me, sticking out her tongue.
I wanted to ask her why she was lying, but the announcement of the train arriving interrupted me.
“Later.”
Mitsumine kept her headphones on as she walked over and boarded the train.

—I want to give Mitsumine a birthday present. It can be anything but I want to give her something today.
It was right after fourth period and during lunch break that I came to this conclusion.
I can’t spend time with her after school today. I realize that.
But I should at least give her some sort of small present. By this point we should have a relationship of that level…..Or at least that’s what I want to believe.
There’s probably a bunch of people who are going to celebrate Mitsumine’s birthday, but I’m the only one giving a gift knowing that she might die in a few days.
……Well, that doesn’t really mean anything, though.
Look, I know that I’m just making excuses, okay! What I really want is for Mitsumine to spend her birthday with me. Because, in the end, I just want some sort of reason for me to be special to her. That’s why I want to give her a birthday present.
After all, any words that I tell her will come and go, but anything I give her will remain. I don’t know if she’ll actually accept it, but I should at least be free to make the preparations, right? Despite that, I still continued to desperately make up meaningless excuses in my head.
……Well, I guess I do have a proper reason. If possible, even if it doesn’t do that much, I want this present to be another reason for her to delay her suicide. That’s what I prayed for.
I wouldn’t be able to say something so serious to her face, though.
Obviously, as soon as I made up my mind, I took action. I immediately began making preparations for her present.
I need to get the present to her before she leaves for karaoke, so I can’t go buy something. It has to be handmade.
Luckily my afternoon classes were geology and the classics, classes in which I could get away with doing unrelated work. With the help of my friends, who seemed to be pretty excited and were making rude remarks like “So spring has finally come to you as well!” I managed to finish the present.
Surprisingly, my friends even volunteered to take over my cleaning duty, so, the second class ended, I sprinted out of the classroom and ran all over the school looking for Mitsumine before she left for karaoke, but—.
“Where the hell did she go!?”
I couldn’t find her. No matter where I looked, she wasn’t there.
Thinking that she had perhaps already left for karaoke, I went and asked her friends. They told me, “She said she suddenly felt sick, so we ended up postponing.”
But I went to check the shoe rack and found that her shoes were still there. That meant–
Mitsumine was still on school campus. Yet I couldn’t find her at all.
The only remaining place was the rooftop.
(Please tell me she isn’t already dead…..!!)
Just what is she trying to do on such a joyous day.
Or, conversely, perhaps she is doing this precisely because it is a “joyous day.”
My heart began beating furiously, just like it had on that day. I panickedly ran up the staircase, not even pausing for a second on the final step of the stairs before rushing to open the roof gate.
“Wait, you can’t—-”
“Boo!!”
“Uwaaaa!?”
“Ahaha, that expression–!”
I heard a loud voice and fell on my backside. From the other side of the door, I could hear a very energetic voice.
“A-kun, were you frightened? Ahahaha, my stomach hurts….!!”
Mitsumine was there. And she was really lively. Not only was she lively, she seemed to have hit a funny bone and was rolling with laughter in front of me.
“What happened to karaoke? Also, you look awfully lively for someone who is supposed to be sick.”
“That was a lie. I just didn’t want to go to karaoke.”
“Huh?! Why, that’s such a waste!”
“‘Why?’ You should already know the answer to that question, shouldn’t you? I decided that it would be more fun to hang out with you.”
She replied and then laughed impishly. Caught off guard by this surprise-compliment, I felt happy and ended up unconsciously grinning.
“…………I see, I see. So it’s fun to be with me, huh.”
“Could you not grin so smugly? I was just 80% sure that you would give me a better present.”
“……..Well, I didn’t come prepared with anything, though.”
“Then you can just get me everything I want.”
“How can you be so tyrannical?!”
Well, I did have something prepared. I did, but I felt that handing over the present now when she was expecting it would’ve been too stale.
Besides, what is with this pushiness? At this point, she might as well change her last name to Gouda. [TLN: Doraemon reference. He’s the bully]
………Well, seeing that she’s let her guard down around me makes me really happy, though.
“How about I buy you some sweets on the way home?”
“No. I want something now.”
“Fine, but you have to promise not to laugh, okay!”
“Hmmm, so you’re going to give me something that amusing…Now I’m looking forward to it~~”
“Could you not raise the bar so high!?”
Ugh….It doesn’t seem like I can escape.
I reluctantly took the object out of my pocket and handed it to Mitsumine.
“……..What’s this for?”
“It’s an ‘A-kun railway’ ticket. If there’s anything you want to do or anywhere you want to go, I, your hero A-kun, will take you there.”
Hearing my words, Mitsumine began clapping. Her long eyebrows fluttered as she looked at the slip of paper in her hand that I had dubbed a ticket.
Then, she stared intently at my handwriting on the slip. It read “Happy Birthday Mitsumine☆,” “Destination→Anywhere,” and “Expiration→Never.”
“I really do mean anywhere and any time. If you call me, I’ll take you anywhere on my beloved bicycle.”
“……Seriously? You’re not Santa. That isn’t possible, you know.…..Well, I guess I’ll take it.”
She carefully put the “ticket” she received from me into her ticket holder, treating it like something important.
The moment she did so I spotted something brownish that looked familiar and I was a bit curious about it, but my attention was quickly stolen away by Mitsumine’s words.
“But, um…..! Thank you.”
“Sure.”
Her face was turned downwards making it hard for me to read her expression, but, judging by her tone, she sounded happy at least.
“Then how about we take a seat for now.”
We locked up the roof’s door and then sat down on the steps created by the equipment. Mitsumine rummaged in a plastic bag at her feet and pulled something out.
“Tada–! I brought the Game of Life. Pop-up pirate is way too outdated!”
Then, she happily showed me the box. When I asked her about it, she said that she had bought in on her way to school today, which indicated to me just how serious she was about it.
I guess she had grown so frustrated of constantly losing to me that she decided to bring her own game.
“Today is the day that I’ll finally win! I’m serious!!”
She really hates to lose, huh. The fact that I can think of that part of her as cute is a sign of her greatness.
“Well, I don’t have any intention of losing. Even though it’s your birthday, I’m not going to go easy on you at all!”
And so our honorless game of life began. By the way, we decided to make the win condition simple; The one with the most money at the end wins.
Backing her bold words, Mitsumine began the game perfectly, advancing with ease. It contrasted so heavily with her terrible luck in Pop-up Pirate that I almost wanted to ask her if she had been cursed by a pirate.
“Wow, I’ve hit oil again!! Look, I’m so rich〜♪”
“…….”
“Hmmm, A-kun you’re still just a plain old salaryman? Hurry up and change jobs〜〜〜. Oh wait you can’t cause you’ve been unlucky enough to be stuck with the same job all game–!”
“Oh? Are you trying to pick a fight?? Do you want me to beat you to a pulp?”
“As expected of a peasant, so quick to grow angry. Well, you can barely make ends meet, so it’s no surprise. I feel pity for you, you know–?”
“Huh—!? Stop being so cocky just because you’re a bit richer!! All I’m going to say is that there is happiness that money can’t buy!”
As I said that, I rolled the dice and landed on the ‘new child’ square. For the third time today.
“Oh, another child. Mitsumine you’re still single right? Man, I sure do envy your freedom. Anyway, you should join the celebration. Come on, give me the congratulatory gift.”
“Hm….That’s strange…For some reason, I’ve got this vague feeling that I’ve lost…..!”
Mitsumine, who frustratedly handed over her congratulatory gift, ended up becoming the richest person in the world. I, on the other hand, ended up as the breadwinner of a large family with 5 children, living happily ever after.
Looking at how the game ended, Mitsumine annoyedly murmured, “I wish I could say that this feeling of me winning the battle but losing as a person was false but….”
Perhaps it was because she was so “special” that she longed for an unexpectedly normal family.
“Well, look, it’s fine. All you have to do is create a happy family and get whatever else you might want in the real-life future.”
“Huh!? I didn’t even say that I was jealous of you!! ……In the first place, I’m going to die anyway, so that won’t ever happen!”
“……….”
Mitsumine’s shrill, croaky voice echoed out on the rooftop, where only the two of us were present.
In combination with her face that looked like she was on the verge of tears, her voice, which almost sounded like a cry of grief, made my vision distort.
Why is it so easy for me to accidentally slip into talking about the future?
I guess it’s because I’m living under the assumption that there will be something that comes next. Perhaps I had grown careless because Mitsumine had been smiling so happily recently.
—-Perhaps I had been self-conceited enough to unconsciously believe that I had already saved her.
I blinked hard to keep tears from spilling out of my eyes and forced out a laugh, just as I had when I first met Mitsumine, doing my best to shut out my heart.
“…….Oh, that’s right. Sorry.”
“It’s fine, it’s not something you really need to apologize for.”
It’s fine, I think I can keep faking it.
I can tell by her response and by the lack of tears on her cheeks that she’s fine, but I have no clue what kind of expression I’m making right now, which is making me really anxious.
On the inside, I felt disturbingly cold. The only word to describe it would be that I felt literally “dead” –The same word that I had heard on that day about 2 weeks ago when I had first spoken with Mitsumine. That’s how I felt, but–
(Even so, this isn’t a place for me to be faltering…..!)
In these last 2 weeks, I’ve learned so many new things about Mitsumine that I wouldn’t have learned by just admiring her from afar.
She’s selfish, childish, pushy, and a sore loser. She isn’t perfect, but each part of her is wonderful. I loved this Mitsumine I had come to know. I wanted to continue seeing her smile day after day. So, I took a deep breath before desperately trying to string together some words.
“No, I was insensitive so I should apologize. Sorry……Really, I’m sorry.”
“…….What’s with that? And I’m gonna freak out if you keep looking at me with that face. Come on, it feels weird if you aren’t goofing off like normal, so stop that.”
“……….But–”
“Oh, Jesus, it isn’t something that you have to worry about! I’ll forget about you when I die anyway. Plus, there’s no reason for you to be so concerned about someone who’s going to die soon.”
“…………”
Just why do you continue to care about others even at a moment like this? Why are you trying to be kind to others at the price of killing your own feelings?
I quickly swallowed the words that were about to escape my mouth.
She was looking down, so I couldn’t tell what sort of face she was making.
But I was painfully aware of the amount of meaning hidden in those words that she had just calmly spoken.
Let’s make all the things we did in the game of life happen in the future. Let’s continue playing games and laughing together, like we did today. Let’s continue saying stupid things and fooling around. Hey, Mitsumine. As long as you continue living, I’ll stay beside you and liven up your life so much that it gets annoying.
There were so many words that popped into my mind, but I didn’t know what to actually say, so, in the end, I just sunk into silence.
Even though I’m close enough to her to give her a birthday present, the distance between us still makes it feel impossible for me to tell her to continue living. On the inside, I felt so much self-loathing that it became painful, and there was a part of me that wanted to tear myself apart.
Even so, I could only hope that she, who had turned away from me and fallen silent, would find some sort of meaning in her life just like she had in the game of life.
The atmosphere was heavy, and it felt difficult to breathe. At times like this, I really wish I could read the air. Ironically, that’s the opposite of what I had told Mitsumine in the past.
It’s just that, if the air I breathed had letters in it, perhaps I could think of something tactful to say to her.

After that, we mutually decided to wordlessly watch the sky as it was dyed red. The sun that parted the cloudy skies was incredibly magnificent. As I beheld this spectacle, I vaguely wondered if this was how today was going to end. And so I decided to speak up. Because nothing would change if I didn’t.
“Come to think of it, we’re supposed to be going to the aquarium tomorrow, right? I’m looking forward to it.”
As I spoke, I desperately tried to resurrect my cognizance and put air back into my now parched throat.
“Yeah. Tomorrow’s the special event, after all.”
“Let’s meet at the nearest station at 10 then.”
“Got it. Don’t be late or else you’re going to have to play a punishment game–”
The lukewarm air I inhaled embodied the taste of a summer evening.
“Still, it’s quite surprising– For you to like jellyfish so much.”
“Is it? Jellyfish are great, though. They’re pure white, really pretty, and they’re so spongy too. And, you know–”
She raised her downcast face and stared out somewhere far into the distance. From this rooftop, we could see a sunset so beautiful that it felt like it could swallow you up if you just stretched out your hands.
“At the end of their life, Jellyfish dissolve into the sea and disappear.”
Her voice was low, as if she was telling me a secret, and, as I looked upon her, her face was gradually dyed crimson by the setting sun.
There seemed to be something lonely about her expression as she stared out.