Master, This Poor Disciple Died Again Today

Well, that about summarizes it, Healer said. Got caught by Gui Delun, met some depressing injured disciples… ah, Shen Aiguo never returned after that. I don’t know if she’s still processing it, or if she’s already dead, but I never saw her and the others again.

Rogue clicked his tongue. That’s pretty depressing, yeah.

Healer nodded. He looked around him. An empty room stood around him. Although the drapes still hung in the window, and the outside still stood, the room had been hollowed to the extent that the tiles had been pried from the floor and the rafters had been torn from the ceiling. He stood inside a hollowed room, not a single thing of substance left in the space. On the positive side, I’ve taken everything that I could put my little paws on, without ruining its appearance from the outside, so Gui Yutong won’t suspect a thing. Luckily, she doesn’t come by my palace often.

Is it my turn, yet? Peak Lord asked.

Healer laughed. Go ahead. I know you’ve been waiting.

Peak Lord smiled. So, while you were gone…

--

Months Ago

Panting, Hui came to a stop, Bai Xue at his side. He stood, looking up at the black-haired man before him. “Patriarch Bai Bing, Weiheng Hui wishes to wed your child, Bai Xue!”

“This dead criminal has the gall to demand the hand of my firstborn in marriage?” Bai Bing intoned darkly, narrowing his eyes. He waved his hand, and a wave of fire charged at Hui.

Hui stiffened. Ah… that’s right. I am both dead and a criminal. I… really should’ve thought about that—but I was in such a rush to marry her, with Healer marrying Gui Yutong!

Bai Xue stepped forward, throwing her palm forward. A wall of ice met the wave of fire. The fire melted away the ice, dwindling it rapidly. Bai Xue gritted her teeth and pushed more qi into the spell, casting more ice, but her casting rate couldn’t outpace the melting rate of Bai Bing’s fire.

“Father! I’m pregnant!” Bai Xue shouted.

The fire abruptly stopped. Bai Bing’s eyes narrowed to slits. “What did you say?”

“Huh?” Peak Lord asked, startled. I’m suddenly having déjà vu. Am I going to marry everyone I marry out of wedlock? Or at least, supposed wedlock?

Eh, wait. How many women have I ‘impregnated’ now? In how many weeks? I need to keep it in my pants! …and Bai Jingwen needs to keep it in her pants, too, dammit!

Bai Xue nodded. “It’s true. Why do you think I haven’t swapped forms? I want to keep the child safe.”

Bai Bing abruptly swapped forms. She waved her hand at Hui again.

A massive block of ice formed around Hui, freezing him in place. He tried to blink, only to discover he couldn’t. The ice invaded his plant body, breaking him open one cell at a time. Quickly, Hui retreated to his core and circulated his life qi, keeping himself alive by fighting against the encroaching ice with life qi alone.

Bai Xue scowled. “Mother! Let him go. You approved of him earlier!”

“I approved of him before he became a criminal under the eyes of All-Heavens, declared himself dead, and moreover, impregnated my eldest child,” Bai Bing murmured, displeased. “And you, you unfilial child, you dare—”

“Mother, if you allow us to marry now, isn’t it as if this never happened? If you don’t make a big deal of it, then it’ll look exactly the same as if we conceived on the wedding night.” Bai Xue crossed her arms matter-of-factly.

Bai Bing squinted at Bai Xue. “And we’re simply ignoring the problem of his death and criminal status?”

Bai Xue shrugged. “It’s Xiao Hui. He’s dead more than he’s alive. And for that matter, you and I both know he isn’t truly a criminal. Mother, I know you thought my interest in Xiao Hui was merely a momentary fling. I know you never truly wanted me to marry Bai Jingwen, and were willing to accept any way out of that situation you’d been backed into. But Mother, I love him. I want to bear his children. Isn’t that enough?”

Bai Bing harrumphed. “I surely thought you were never going to bear anyone’s children, the way you were acting.”

“And yet, I’ve overcome that hurdle with Xiao Hui,” Bai Xue said, putting a warm hand on the block of ice.

Frozen inside it, Peak Lord stared at her. Yes, yes, but could you maybe thaw your beloved and allow me to speak my part?

“And yet, you are the eldest. The heir to Bai Clan. You need to set the example for your siblings.”

“Siblings?” Bai Xue raised her eyebrows.

Bai Bing waved her hand. “When they come. I cannot condone you marrying a man out of wedlock, and a criminal at that. Although I have connections in a great many places, ultimately, we are a small clan. We cannot afford to poke All-Heavens in the eye the way you are attempting to do.”

Bai Xue frowned. “And why not? Why do we have to treat All-Heavens as though they’re the Heavenly Emperor? Mother, I refuse. I’m marrying Xiao Hui.”

From across the hall, hurried footsteps sounded. “Bai Bing, darling, whatever is the problem?” Bai Luoren asked as he walked over, tilting his head innocently.

“Father! What’s gotten into Mother?” Bai Xue asked.

“This unfilial child has—with this criminal—” Bai Bing snarled.

Bai Luoren took her hand. “Darling, don’t be so angry. It worked out for us, didn’t it? Now we have our beautiful Bai Xue.”

Eh—eh. That uh. Huh. Is wedlock a habit of the Bai clan, then? Hui wondered.

“I wanted better for them. And besides, you weren’t a criminal,” Bai Bing murmured. She clutched Bai Luoren’s hand.

“Better? Darling… how could it get better than what we have?” Bai Luoren murmured. He shook his head. “Criminal… you know it’s merely a one-sided accusation from All-Heavens. Xiao Hui is a fine man.”

“You ignore me half the time, sit in that stupid pavilion of yours and write talismans,” Bai Bing snapped, shaking her head.

Bai Luoren sighed, casting a loving glance over Bai Bing. “But darling, you told me to stay away, or we might spend all our days tangled together…”

Yuck. Oh dear. I really hope they don’t forget about this small icicle over here and… go for it… Hui thought to himself.

Bai Xue cast a small fire spell on the ice. It slowly thawed Hui until he fell limply into her arms. Helpless for a moment, Hui focused on circulating his qi and healing the shattered plant cells inside his body. Ice sucks. Ice sucks nearly as much as fire does! This plant body… it’s useful, but it’s far too delicate. I’ll look forward to having my crystal form again for situations like this, once I get my real body back!

“Shall we proceed, then?” Bai Xue asked, picking up Hui.

“Proceed?” Hui asked weakly.

“Proceed with the marriage!” Bai Xue said excitedly, charging into the main hall of the Bai Clan.

“Your—your parents…” Hui said, still healing.

Bai Xue nodded. “They’ve given their blessing.”

“Have they?” Hui wondered.

“Mother always acts like that, volatile and high and mighty. Father will talk sense into her. It might take a week, but there’s no need for us to wait. We can go ahead and get married while they chat,” Bai Xue said.

Hui wiggled free of her arms, finally healed enough to stand on his own. He looked at Bai Xue. “Just like that?”

“Well… we must have a party!” Bai Xue declared. Bursting into the main hall, she stomped her foot and shouted, “I’m getting married! Prepare the ceremonies!”

Instantly, servants came running from every direction, carrying swathes of red fabric and bundles of lanterns and candles. Red decorations covered the black and white hall. The heady scent of spiritual food welled up from the Bai Clan kitchens, mixing with the sweetness of spiritual wine as servants readied bottles in the corner. A pair of servants ran up to Hui and Bai Xue, gently prying them apart and whisking them off.

“Where—where am I going?” Hui asked.

“To get dressed, obviously!” the male servant said, shaking his head. “You mean to get married in those robes?”

It was good enough for Gui Yutong… ah, I digress. I do… I do actually… love Bai Xue, so—so I want this to have meaning! Hui nodded. “Yes, yes, let’s go!”

Bai Xue waved. “See you soon, hubby!”

The Bai Clan is so professional about this! It’s as if they’ve practiced a thousand times… practiced… a thousand times…

Hui rolled his eyes at himself. Obviously! What clan but the Bai Clan would have practiced weddings to the point that they’re polished professionals at weddings! After all, they… they, they deeply value… the free sharing of energy and… and, in any case, they get married a lot!

“Come, let’s get you sparkling and beautiful. What wonderful hair… yes, I can work with this. Here, what do you think? These robes, or these?” The male servant quickly held up a set of red robes embroidered with swallows, then a set with rabbits.

“Uh… do you have one with snakes?” Hui tried, reaching to his neck, only for his hand to fall flat, no Zhubi present.

The servant clicked his tongue. He peered at Hui. “Dragons?”

“Dragons… dragons are good,” Hui said.

“I can do dragons,” the servant replied, hustling him into a small room. “You’re marrying the Young Master, after all. That’s an occasion that deserves dragons.”

“Small cultivator is grateful—”

The door shut.

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