Chapter 7

Cinderella’s Pumpkin Carriage

That day, that bright sunny bridge across the sea

You said as long as we keep running

That side is the end of the world for us

That night, the white waves of the starry sky

You said we are very small

Can’t hide from the whim of fate

Liu Ruying <The Origin of Humans>

The winter holidays have arrived.

The wind is not so harsh on the face anymore, the sun is a little bit pale yellow, and there are unknown small flowers blooming timidly. Outside the window, spring is leaping forward. During the winter break, I have completed a large part of my long novel. All that’s missing is an ending, and I’ve been pondering whether I should give a tragedy or a comedy.

Although I’m torn between tragedy and comedy, overall this is the best thing I’ve written since I fell in love with writing, perhaps because there’s so much of myself in it, which I’ m not eager to share. Maybe there should be one or two people to review it, but this person is not Ye Xixi, not Yu Feng ,of course it will not be mother, father, uncle or whatever. Thinking about it a name popped into my head, I had a strange stubborn feeling that he would be my best reader, just as he take me as the best listener.

That person, is my neighbor Ling Xia.

He went back home for New Year’s Eve, and I didn’t see him for many days.

I was not used to the lonely balcony of the lonely late night. We will occasionally text each other, but only to exchange New Year’s greetings, I did not ask him when he will return, I know that once this kind of question was asked, the circumstances will more or less spoiled, and that is what I do not want, perhaps, is also Ling Xia does not want.

I wrote in my e-diary: we are just two lonely people who met at the right place and time, so we comfort each other, that’s all.

As I wrote this, Luo Lin entered, I quickly turned off the computer and silently took out a large stack of math test papers.

“Happy Chinese New Year!” She said with a smile, “Got a lot of New Year’s money, right?”

I laughed: “Still think I’m a kid?”

“You are a child!” Luo Lin made a sour face and said, “One day you will know that there is no more pampered age than seventeen or eighteen.”

I giggled and didn’t say anything.

But to be honest, I was quite grateful to Luo Lin, and with her help, my math improved by leaps and bounds, and I actually made it to the top ten in the class on the final exam, which was a good score I had never achieved before, and Old Ding looked at me with a gleaming gaze and said, “Keep up the good work, and try to get into the Chinese Department of Peking University!”

“I don’t dare to think.” I said.

“Didn’t Wu Mei who lives next door to you get in? Give yourself a little more confidence!” Old Ding said, “I’m really relieved that you caught up in math, otherwise I really don’t know how to tell your uncle!”

I don’t know what she needs to tell my uncle, really!

Mother treated Luo Lin like God, and even bought weight loss capsules to please her, saying that she had taken them and they were quite effective so she could try them too. If it was me, my pride would have been shattered, but Luo Lin put it away with a smile and said, “Thank you, thank you, I’ll try it, I can’t put on all my clothes, I’m in a panic.”

After Luo Lin left, father scolded mother, ” How can you just take diet pills? Don’t you see in the newspaper that it can kill you? All you do is fooling around and don’t know what you’re doing!”

Mother, uncharacteristically, didn’t argue with Father, but said, “I ate it myself, it was effective, there were no side effects, it was expensive, and I wouldn’t have bought it for her if it wasn’t for the fact that Tianyi’s math was better.”

I stared at my mother, I really do not see where the “effect” she said, besides, I do not think she is fat, I really do not understand why she would be motivated to lose weight.

When Luo Lin came again, my mother and father happened to be visiting my aunt’s house. When she was leaving, my mother whispered to me, “When Luo Lin comes, you must remember to ask her if it works, and if it does, I will send her another box!”

“Sure.” I said.

” Study your books at home.” Mother said, “We’ll try to be back before dinner.”

“Hey, that’s not necessary. Have fun! I’ll fix my own dinner.”

“That’s good!” Ever since my grades went up, my mother’s mood has been so good that she said loudly, “Give your mother a break for the two days of Chinese New Year, and if I have a good hand today, I’ll play two more rounds!”

“With your level!” My father shook his head.

Mother tilted her head to my ear and said, “Don’t forget!” After that, she took my father’s hand and went out happily.

I always remembered what Mother had asked me to do, so as soon as Lio Lin walked in the door I asked her, “Did you lose any weight?”

Luo Lin laughed and said frankly, ” I really eat ah, your mother’s good intention, it is not good for me not to accept.”

“Oh, my mother must be expecting to see a Lin Daiyu today, it seems that you will let her down.”

“Then show her a Yang Guifei, she is not at a loss!”

I laughed and asked her, “Have you always been this fat?”

“I didn’t gain weight until after I was sixteen.” Luo Lin said, ” I got a strange disease, have to eat hormone-containing drugs every day, after the disease is cured, can no longer be thin.” She pulled out her wallet and showed me a photo of two very skinny girls standing together, and I looked over and over, but none of them looked like Luo Lin.

“This one is me.” Luo Lin pointed to the one on the left and said to me.

I was so surprised, I couldn’t recognize it! I had to point to the one on the right and ask, “What about her?”

“It’s my sick friend. We were admitted to the hospital on the same day and had the same disease. I survived, and she died.” Luo Lin put her purse away and said, “Let’s not talk about the sad past, come on, let’s do the exercises.”

I said softly, “I had a very good friend who died last year, too, of leukemia.”

“Life is unpredictable. But it’s not easy to live either.” Luo Lin turned the paper over and said, “We have to deal with graduation after the entrance exams, and we have to deal with work after graduation, and we have to deal with all kinds of relationships after work, day by day, never stopping.”

I laugh: “According to you, it is better to die?”

“That’s not true. People can only prove themselves by living.” Luo Lin said, “For example, you can prove now that you can still learn math better.”

“You’re lecturing me?” I said.

“Your uncle was right, you’re a sensitive little girl.” Luo Lin said, “I’m not trying to lecture you about anything, I just think that you haven’t been happy enough, when I was seventeen, my daily happiness was that I could take a lesser pills, it was that simple.”

Luo Lin’s words put me to shame.

Perhaps it’s true that since Bowen went to England to study, I’ve been wearing that mask of cold loneliness and fear, until today, when Luo Lin ruthlessly tore it off in front of me.

I opened my novel on the computer after Luo Lin left, and the novel, which lacked only ending, was full of dissatisfaction with life and confusion about love, and the pain of those bluffs made me blush at the moment. I pressed the delete button as soon as my fingers moved, but after only a minute I began to feel reluctant and rushed to retrieve it from the trash.

Affliction, infinite shame.

Suddenly, I missed Ling Xia and his songs.

I was thinking about it when the doorbell rang and it was him standing outside the door. He asked me, “Do you have electricity?”

“Yes.” I pointed to the light that was on.

“Can I borrow your electric pen for a while? I haven’t lived here for a long time, and I don’t know why the power went out.”

I ran to the bottom of the TV cabinet to find the toolbox, but I couldn’t recognize which one was the electric pen, so I brought the whole toolbox to him and said, “Here, find what you want.”

He quickly found what he wanted, took it in his hand and said to me, “Thank you, I’ll return it soon.”

” You are welcome.” I said.

He continued to poke his head in and said, “Are your mother and father not home?”

“Yeah.” I said, “They’ve gone to visit their relatives.”

“Yeah, well, the year’s not over yet.”

“Well, it’s not over until after the 15th.” I simply didn’t know what to say.

After having these boring conversations, he left and I closed my door. In fact, I should have a lot to say to him, but I couldn’t say a word when I saw him. I was regretful when the doorbell rang again, and when I opened the door, it was him again, handing me back the electric pen, rubbing his hands together sarcastically and saying, “Look at my memory, I turned off the main electricity when I left, I can’t believe I forgot!”

“You just arrived home?” I asked him.

“Yes. By the way, the band is coming to my house to rehearse, want to come and listen?  We have two new songs lined up.”

“No.” I shook my head with difficulty. Mostly because I was afraid that my mother would come back halfway, and when that happen, I won’t be able to explain even I jumped into the yellow river.

“Yeah.” He scratched his head and said, “You must be very nervous with the exam coming up. Bye, study hard.”

I sat back at my desk and read my book, and the words on the book became little worms flying around, none of which could be caught in the bottom of my eyes. The sound of music began to come from next door, their rehearsal has apparently begun, I struggled with myself for a long time, but finally stood up, walked out of the house and rang the doorbell next door.

Ling Xia opened the door and was happy and a little surprised to see me, asking me, “Why, did I disturb your reading?”

“No.” I said, “The sound is much less after you changed the doors and windows.”

“Then ……”

“Can’t I listen to the song?” I raised my eyebrows.

He smiled and made a gesture towards me to come in.

This was the first time I got up close to Ling Xia and his band, all same type of boys, but all very friendly, and I could tell they all had an almost silly obsession with music, and were completely in the same boat as Ling Xia.

Rehearsals are not that pretty, they rehearse a new song, often stopping with a stutter and not hearing the full melody. After several rounds, Ling Xia said with a frown, “No, it never feels right.”

I took a look at the lyrics on the table, the name of the song was “Happy” Together. Couldn’t help but say : “Wong Kar Wai?”

(T/N : Happy Together (1997) is Wong Kar Wai movie, starred Tony Leung ).

Ling Xia said, “Wow, seen it?”

“This should be Lin Xi’s lyrics.” I didn’t answer him positively.

“Professional.” He reviews me.

“I like her words, each one is so strong and just right. Just like this one, it makes you hope and despair at the same time.”

“That’s right.” Inspired, Ling Xia said to the band, “Again!”

The familiar music boomed through the small room once again :

You can appreciate with your eyes the beauty you can see

How can it resemble the romance that you can touch

A twinkle of warmth for two people to share

Is it enough to fill a night?

A moment of passion is hard to find again in a lifetime

Afraid won’t be able to get a glimpse of the infinite light of spring

Love is not a joyful passion but like a breath of air

Did the longer you wait, will it more beautiful and meaningful ?

No matter how dim the light is, no matter how gray the sky is

Can’t hide the naked splendor

Every morning has a different blue color

How can we hope for a longer time?

I quietly gave Ling Xia a big thumbs up.

After listening to this song, I was afraid that my mother would come back, and I was too embarrassed to remain seated, so I stood up and said goodbye. The guy who played the keyboard jokingly said: “Stay a little longer, you’re here our Ah Ken got special feeling!”

Everyone laughed, and I realized that Ling Xia’s English name was Ken.

“No jokes about little girls!” Ling Xia smiled and sent me to the door, whispered and asked me: “Come to Silk Street tonight? I haven’t performed for many days, so I should be in good shape tonight.”

I shook my head.

I could tell he was disappointed and walked me to the door and watched me enter before he turned around and went back.

Forced myself to finish the homework Luo Lin had assigned. I started to take out a blank piece of paper to doodle, one of my favorite things to do when I was upset, but I didn’t understand why I was upset, was it because I saw him who I hadn’t seen in a long time? Is it because I see the same worry in his eyes as I do? Impossible! It must be because I’m too stressed out that I’m imagining things, it must be because the house is too quiet tonight which makes me so frantic.

I leaned over the table and heard Ling Xia and their band out the door together, I didn’t get up and tried hard to ignore the sound of footsteps that were hurrying down the stairs.

Luo Lin said, “You’re such a sensitive girl.”

She was absolutely right.

I scribbled on the paper while hating myself for it.

Turns out, that night after 7:30 mom didn’t come home, my uncle called and said, “Your mother won at the poker table and didn’t want to leave, do you want me to bring you something to eat?”

“No need.” I hurriedly said, “I’ve been reading at home all day, my head hurts, I want to go to Silk Street to listen to songs, can you pick me up at 10 o’clock?”

“Not good, you want me to lie for you again?” Uncle laughed lightly over there.

“Okay?” I continued to beg him.

” Go , go  go and relax too.” Uncle said, “I’ll be waiting for you outside at ten o’clock sharp.”

“Thanks uncle!” I put down the phone, took a taxi and headed for Silk Street.

Twenty minutes later, I was standing in front of the “Silk Street Bar”, a chic signboard that shone seductively in the dark night. I stood for a long time, not knowing if I should go in, and if I did, what should I say when I saw him, “I was passing by?

“I’m here to listen to the song?”

“I also do not know why I came?”

There was no one reason that could be sufficient to convince myself first, so I kept standing there, unable to move my feet.

It was at this point that I suddenly heard a man call my name: “Tianyi!”

It was him.

He was coming out of the bar with his cell phone in his hand. He must have thought the bar was too noisy, so he came out to answer the phone and saw me just in time.

“Tianyi, it’s really you.” He came running towards me and said, “Why are you here? Why don’t you go in?”

“I ……” I said after hesitated for a long time, “I was trying to think of a reason to come here.”

“Haha.” He laughed happily, “A whim of fate?”

“Maybe.” I know I have an awkward smile on my face.

He suddenly reached out and pulled me in, “Come on, let’s go inside, break time is almost over.”

“Not going.” I took a piece of paper out of my pocket that I had crumpled up and handed it to him and said, “Let me show you the lyrics I wrote.”

It was the result of my scribbling on my desk all dusk, a little poem that I loved and feared to love, a poem called “Pumpkin Carriage”:

Pumpkin wagon hurry up and take me away

Let’s go home before we fall in love with him

Can only be the Cinderella in the poem

These curly fragrant hair and dancing skirts

All are the end of twelve o’clock

After twelve bells ring the moon becomes like water

This last waltz

There will be a prince holding someone else’s little hand

Lightly like the leaves in the wind swirling

Gently reminiscing about Cinderella

Tomorrow the little pink crystal shoes

Will be loved and worn by another pair of slender feet

That beautiful crown of petals

He will crown another’s hair with his own hands lovingly

This Cinderella and her gentle sighs

Blows out the candle  and light in front of God’s feet

Fluttering some dust

Descending from heaven to heaven

Pumpkin carriage hurry up and take me away

 I’m afraid I already fall for him before I’ve got home

I don’t know what Ling Xia’s face will be after reading it, because I left in a hurry after shoving it into his hands in a panic. I rushed home like a fleeing soldier and threw myself to the bed as fast as I could. I put on my Diskman, and what came to my ears was Liu Ruying’s line: You say we are very small, and we can’t hide from the whim of fate.

I threw away the Diskman, and used the quilt to cover my head tightly, so the phone rang a long time before I heard it. The first time I picked up, it was my uncle, who said anxiously, “You’re home, no wonder I didn’t meet you on Xiushui Street.”

Right, I forgot to make an appointment with my uncle at 10 o’clock.

“I’m sorry.” I hurriedly said, “I have a little headache, so …… so I didn’t go there in the evening.”

My uncle chided me unhappily and said, “You kid, you didn’t go without saying to me, so I was in a hurry and caught random people asking questions!”

“Who did you ask?” My heart picked up.

“Ling Xia ah.” Uncle said, “He said he didn’t see you, and he reminded me to call home to ask. How is it? Does your head still hurt?”

“Much better.”

“Then go to bed early.” Uncle ordered and hung up the phone.

I jumped out of bed and opened my phone, there was no text message. I actually didn’t fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning, I heard my mother and father come back gently, and my mother pulled open the door to look at me.

Only, the sound of the guitar on the balcony never sounded.

I went to sleep with a deep sense of fear and regret. I had already messed up once, was I going to mess up again in a single slip-up?

Pumpkin carriage, can you take me back?