Chapter 4: Memory

After I lost consciousness, Rouge, who laid me on the bed, went back to work as if nothing had happened, and reported to the head maid, saying, “Alice-sama was tired from her long hours of study, and she fell asleep. You might want to prepare her a nightcap and leave her alone.”

The chief maid cheerfully believed the report and continued to let me sleep. It was not until the next morning that they found out something was wrong with me.

After the Rouge incident, I was in a state of shock and changed.

First of all, I couldn’t speak, and secondly, I couldn’t read or write.

Furthermore, I began to have panic attacks if I so much as tried either reading or writing.

I had been able to study much better than other children my age, but the mere attempt of a teacher to read to me caused me to have an attack.

I was afraid of books, of the written word. I shuddered at the thought of what horrible things would be written this time.

I couldn’t even make eye contact with people anymore. It was because I had seen the madness in Rouge’s eyes.

Even in the mansion, I was powerless to talk to anyone or do anything. I couldn’t dissipate even a little bit of the sadness and fear that raged in my head, and it was all I could do to hide the fact that I was about to explode.

My parents were utterly confused by their daughter’s sudden “severe depression.” The disappointment was especially noticeable to the mother, who was not very strong and had been told it would be difficult to have a second child.

When she asked me what was wrong, I would just shake my head. She tried to comfort me and read to me from a book I loved, but I was too panicked to do so. Eventually, I was frightened just to get close. My mother made many efforts, but even contact with her was painful to me at the time. I wondered about if the truth would be known and if I would be sent away like Rouge had said…

There were a few people close to me outside of the family, but the closer they were, the more my fears seemed to boil over and the worse it was.

I trembled when I was hugged, and I kept looking down when someone called out to me.

They consulted the doctors many times, but eventually they gave up, treating my case as hopeless.

Such a girl was, to the public eye, nothing but an invalid who hated studying and could not manage even the simplest of social interactions.

It was fatal for a nobleman.

Since she could no longer take her daughter to tea parties and socializer, my mother grew more and more ashamed. And so she became reclusive.

She blamed herself for completely failing to make an heir, one of the most important tasks of a nobleman’s full-time wife. It was said that she would only ever be able to have one child in her life, so she started condemning herself over her failure as a wife.

My father also faced a problem.

If the head of the family could not hope to have an heir, there would likely be an uproar involving his relatives. So, people told him to divorce and remarry immediately, or at least surround himself with concubines and have children. Some forced my father, who didn’t want to do so, to take him around to social gatherings and meetings for other women. My father probably couldn’t say no to them because of his position.

He didn’t actually surround himself with concubines, but of course his relationship with his mother was strained.

Thus, everyone was hurt on both sides, unable to confirm the other side’s feelings, leaving nothing but the outward appearance of a family.

***

That woman is unforgivable.

I remembered the sequence of events and was burning with rage.

Moreover, that damn maid dares to continue scheming behind the scenes even now. She is attacking my parents’ relationship from both sides!

For example, to my father, she would say, “The Mistress is in such a pitiful situation…it can’t go on this way…” or “Why don’t you try to keep your distance a bit? Why don’t you go out as a distraction?”

To my mother, she said, “Our poor Mistress. Why don’t you try to recuperate at your parents’ house for a bit?” or “The Master is out again today…Oh, ma’am, please don’t cry.” and so on. It It was a parade of things that made me want to smash here to death

This had been going on for two years.

Though as a maid, saying such things is normally seen as impudent, because she only ever said them in a roundabout way every once in a while, no one ever found fault with her. And steadily, she was trying to lead my parents into unhappiness.

As further protection, she never said such things while other people were around, though I was an exception. She seemed to think of me as a broken doll now, and he did it unapologetically, regardless of whether I was there or not. That’s how I knew everything, but it’s just so annoying.

In this way, everything just kept getting more and more complicated.

That’s how I spent two precious years of my life until I turned five years old. The air in the house had grown cold and gloomy.

And my little body, unable to withstand such excessive stress, would frequently fall ill. I often fell asleep for several days.

When I woke up earlier, the maid jumped up and was surprised because I had already been bedridden for more than ten days without them knowing the cause.

“She’s losing the will to live. I vaguely remember the doctor saying, “At this point, it might already be too late to do anything for her.”

…Anyway, I must think of something to do as soon as possible.

First of all, I have to stop worrying about the question whether or not I was their real child.

I don’t know even if I think about it.

Moreover, that document didn’t have a stamp or thumbprint on it. From what I remember from my previous life, a contract would normally have something like that.

I think it was written in simple words on purpose so that I could pick up the contents.

In addition, even if it was true that I was an orphan and there was a contract, I don’t think it would be available to Rouge, a mere maid.

Secondly, I’m not sure if I should divulge the fact that I can now speak. It is no good if I suddenly show  it to everyone in the mansion, as it’s a matter of life and death.

If Rouge finds out that I am now in a state to speak about that day, she will try to kill me by any means necessary. I don’t know what will be put in my food or tea.

Moreover, that damn maid often comes to my private room when I fall asleep.

She pretended to be worried about me to those around her, but she would come to my bedside to verbally tease me. And she enjoyed deliberately frightening me by staring at me with those crazy eyes.

With a situation like that, I could be attacked in my sleep.

The  last step is to deal with my parents. In this regard, I believe that I should first make peace with my father before my mother.

Because my mother is already deeply ill. My mother, who has never been able to keep up with the changes in the family, might go mad if she sees her daughter who has changed again.

I have to take the side of my father, who is relatively rational, first. I must communicate with my father unobserved and figure out a way to banish that damn maid.

As for my mother, that’s how I have to ensure her safety.

As I returned to my bed and was thinking about this, I heard footsteps clattering closer.

***

“Alice…!”

The first person to fly into my room was my father, Siegmund. Behind him was Alphonse-san, the butler who must have been with him. There was no sign of my mother.

“I thought this time that this time you might never wake up!!”

My father looks into my face as I lie on the bed, holding my hands in his and looking into my eyes.

This could be an opportunity.

No one else is here but my father and the butler.

I made eye contact with my father as much as I could.

“!!”

My father seems surprised at the way his daughter looks at him after not meeting his eyes for so long. His heart is trembling.

Next, I continue by encouraging my nearly dead facial muscles to somehow curve up into a smile.

“……!!!”

“Ah—!! It’s—!!!!”

The butler covered his mouth with one hand. My father broke down in tears.

……Wow. All I did  was smile and make some eye contact with him. Would it be too much for my father if I spoke to him?

However, I really should strike while the iron’s hot. Good things come first and what will be, will be.

“……Fa…ther.”

“!!!!!”

My father and the butler looked at me quickly, this time with eyes so wide they almost popped out. Well, I guess they’d be surprised. It’s been two years since they’ve heard my voice.

“Alice…? Just now…your voice…?”

I gave a small nod and continued.

It was painful for me to speak for so long, as my throat wasn’t yet used to it, but I was in a hurry and needed to explain the situation to him.

“Oh, please, I have a request…need to clear away the people…and tell my maid, Connie, not to  talk about my condition…”

“O-Okay…Alphonse, please!”

Despite the fact that this was an unexpected request, my father moved swiftly.

“I’ll get right on it!”

Alphonse-san quickly gets to work, composes his face and leaves the room.

After seeing him off, my father turns to me and looks at me again.

“Alice…Oh, my Alice. I see you’ve finally recovered.”

My heart warmed as my father slowly stroked my cheeks as if to say he loved me, spilling tears. Even though I have memories of an adult from a previous life, this man is also my father. I’m glad I was able to reassure him after  causing him so much worry.

“Father, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry that mother and father are in so much trouble because of me…”

“No—it’s okay, it’s okay, Alice…! It’s just good that  you’ve recovered this way. Just being alive is enough!”

My father has many layers of tears on his handsome face.

From my father’s point of view, who doesn’t know anything about Rouge, what a forgiving man he is, even though he is on the verge of divorce because of me.

And more importantly, I might not even be his own child. If what Rouge told me is true, then this is a man who cares so much for me as an adopted child.

I loved my father more and more.

But I felt indescribably guilty about what I was about to tell him =.

“Thank you, father…but please don’t tell mother about this yet.”

My father was shocked.

“But why? Of all people, she was probably the most distressed by your illness. We should tell her as soon as possible.”

Since I know that is impossible, I continue,

“I’d like to reassure her as soon as possible… but I can’t let certain people know about this.”

“?! No way, you can’t mean…”

There is someone who cannot be allowed to know about my recovery. In other words, that means there is someone in the family with harmful intentions who must not want me to recover.

As he starts to suspect something of this sort, Father’s face hardens and he cries out,

“What have they done to you…Don’t tell me that you have been poisoned?!”

“Poison…I guess in a way, I was…”

I decided to tell my father the truth without hiding it.

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T/N: Here is a picture of her father!