SAYE

Jiang Cheng and Gu Miao were walking at the very front while Gu Fei and Wang Xu were on their bikes, using their legs to push and follow behind them.

Wang Xu kept on talking on the side about his plans for the competition while Gu Fei wasn’t listening carefully; what Wang Xu wanted was only to speak anyways, having an audience wasn’t the most important. 

Gu Fei continued to play games on his phone. He had already made it to the last level of Craz3 Match and intended to pass it before the next level update, but he still hadn’t made any progress in the past three days.  

“Give me a heart,” Gu Fei spoke. 

“… and then you could bring the ball…” Wang Xu stopped, “What?” 

Gu Fei waved the phone screen in front of him. 

“Oh, wait a sec.” Wang Xu took out his phone and sent him a heart, then glanced ahead. “Ai, that troublemaker Jiang Cheng is actually pretty likable to children. Your sister hasn’t even looked at me straight in the eye yet, right?” 

“At this age, your face matters in whatever you do.”[1] Gu Fei continued to play the game, “It even matters when you’re playing with kids.”

“Really?” Wang Xu stepped on the pedal of the bike and stood upright, then took a look at his reflection from the glass on a store by the road. “I don’t think I look any worse than Jiang Cheng. It’s just that I don’t look very friendly.” 

“En,” Gu Fei sounded in response. 

In truth, Wang Xu actually looked pretty friendly, and this was the reason why his attempts at being the boss by pretending to be cool were never successful.  

If you’re talking about lacking friendliness, Jiang Cheng’s type of appearance was what really lacked friendliness.

Gu Fei always felt that people with slightly drooping eyes gave off two types of feelings; one was pitiful, and the other was Jiang Cheng’s type – one that made people want to punch him. Adding on the impatient expression he usually had on his face, he appeared much less easy to pick on in comparison to Wang Jiuri. 

But… when they were drinking in the steel mill that day, Jiang Cheng had a few split moments where he became the first type. After getting drunk, he carried a slightly excited look, appearing a little well-behaved. 

It was a pity that this sort of state only lasted for a really short amount of time; once he picked up a cigarette, he would return to his usual state. 

Even when he was embarrassed, it would be like that. 

Gu Fei looked at the silhouettes of Jiang Cheng and Gu Miao jumping on and off the skateboard… he had already completely forgotten how he felt when Jiang Cheng personally came that day; or it may be more accurate to say that he didn’t have enough time to feel anything. But Jiang Cheng’s “nothing happened, nobody remembers anything” expression when he violently slammed and leaned on the other side of the sofa was really funny. 

If Jiang Cheng didn’t do anything, then he wouldn’t think much of it either. Bu Shi Hao Niao…  fine, when Bu Shi Hao Niao drank too much they were much, much more dramatic than this. Liu Fan even had the desire to make a public performance before; he even prepared a camera, but sadly he fell to the ground and passed out before his pants could even come off. 

Jiang Cheng’s reaction was a little big but considering his habit of making the other person suffer a punch if they even pat his shoulder, tug at his clothes, or poke his face, it may not mean anything. 

Gu Fei didn’t plan on thinking about it anymore. If it was something that they were willing to show, then nobody would deliberately hide it, and if it was something that they didn’t want to be noticed, then he wouldn’t feel good even if he knew. 

That kind of feeling of being probed open, one can remember for a lifetime if they have experienced it once. 

He didn’t think about much else regarding Jiang Cheng; he was curious about him, admired him, had a good opinion of him, and was willing to grow closer to him. Plus, Gu Miao, that little girl also really liked Jiang Cheng… when Gu Miao immediately grew fond of Jiang Cheng, who she only knew for less than two days, it really made him incredibly shocked.

Some people attracted cats, some people attracted dogs, it seemed that Jiang Cheng attracted weird children…  

Wang Er Stuffed Flatbread’s business wasn’t bad; it was packed in both the noon and the evening. 

There was no available boxed room today; Wang Xu’s mom placed them in the room where they would usually eat themselves. 

“It’s too messy outside,” she said. “It would be fine if you guys sit here. You can even chat.” 

“Thank you, auntie,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

Since Wang Xu had to run in and out to get things, he sat near the door. He and Gu Fei were seated a little more inside, with Gu Miao sitting directly in between the two of them. 

“Wipe your hands.” Jiang Cheng grabbed a bag of wet wipes from his bag and took one out for Gu Miao, “Your palms are all dark now, did you fall today?” 

Gu Miao shook her head, took the wet wipes, and briskly wiped her hands a couple of times before putting it down. 

Jiang Cheng sighed. He glanced at Gu Fei, “Do you want one?”

Gu Fei smiled. “Actually, my philosophy is eating without being clean means without being sick…” 

Jiang Cheng ignored him and took out a wet wipe preparing to clean his own hands, but he hadn’t even gotten a firm grasp on it yet when Gu Fei’s hand reached out to pinch it with two fingers, snatching away the wet wipe. 

“Can you not be so hypocritical?” Jiang Cheng looked at him, “Be a little more honest and the world would be a better place.”[2] 

“Did you hear that?” Gu Fei looked at Wang Xu and wiped his hands while saying, “Be a little more honest.” 

“I don’t want to!” Wang Xu immediately replied honestly. 

Jiang Cheng sighed. 

It wasn’t the first time Gu Miao came to eat flatbread. Wang Xu placed the small basket containing the flatbread in front of her and she accurately took a donkey meat one. 

“You only eat this type every time.” Wang Xu laughed, “Don’t you want to try another flavor?”

Gu Miao ignored him and lowered her head to take a big bite. 

“Say thank you,” Gu Fei said. 

Gu Miao immediately stood up, eating and bowing at Wang Xu at the same time. 

“Ai, ai, ai, you’re welcome.” Wang Xu had just sat down but sprang back up again, also bowing back to Gu Miao, “Please enjoy, my Queen.”[3]

“You’ve got potential,”[4] Gu Fei remarked. 

“She’s too cold,” Wang Xu replied. “I am being sincere.” 

“You don’t want your image as a big boss anymore?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“With you two here, what big boss can I be?” Wang Xu squinted at him, “But don’t you guys drag my hind leg[5] when I arrange the formation in the afternoon.” 

“Oh.” Jiang Cheng lowered his head to look underneath the table. 

“What are you looking for?” Wang Xu looked down with him. 

“Looking for your hind leg,” Gu Fei stated as he ate. 

“Fuck!” Wang Xu cried out in dissatisfaction, “Deskmates really are different! Just by training together for a couple days and you can cooperate so tacitly!” 

Jiang Cheng wasn’t too hungry today; he didn’t get to eat as much as last time before he started burping. He felt like he didn’t even eat as much as Gu Miao. 

Gu Miao ate so much that her face was flushing, her forehead all sweaty. 

“Ey,” Jiang Cheng took off her hat and saw a mess of hair, “Your hair…” 

Gu Miao put down the flatbread in her hand and raised her hand to grab at her hair. 

“Ai!” Jiang Cheng grabbed her hand, “It’s all oily!”

“It’s fine,” Gu Fei spoke from the side. 

“She’s a girl in any case,” Jiang Cheng looked at him. 

“It’ll be fine if you just treat her as a kid.” Gu Fei took Gu Miao’s hat and looked over it, “Is it ripped? Because you fell?”

Gu Miao glanced at the hole on the hat and nodded her head. 

“Let’s get you another one, okay?” Gu Fei asked. 

Gu Miao thought for a while, then grabbed the corner of her sweater and motioned towards Gu Fei.

“You want a yellow one now?” Gu Fei asked, “Alright.” 

“You’re…  going to knit one for her?” Jiang Cheng couldn’t help asking. 

“Of course,” Gu Fei glanced at him. 

Gu Miao was very excited over the fact that she was getting a new hat. From when they left Wang Xu’s home, she dragged Jiang Cheng to buy yarns. 

“I’ll take you there,” Gu Fei told her. “Cheng-ge doesn’t have to go.” 

Gu Miao didn’t react. She still held tightly onto Jiang Cheng’s hand and didn’t bother to loosen her grasp as she half-leaned on him and held on. 

“Cheng-ge has to rest at noon every day. He has to take a nap.” Gu Fei squatted down and gazed at Gu Miao as he spoke. 

Gu Miao gazed back at him, her eyes open wide, but still she didn’t have any reaction. 

“It’s fine,” Jiang Cheng spoke. “Let’s just go. I won’t nap today.” 

Gu Miao still maintained that posture, as if she didn’t hear what Jiang Cheng said. 

“You…” Gu Fei raised his head, beckoning to him. “Let her look at you, then speak again.” 

“Oh.” Jiang Cheng squatted down and moved in front of Gu Miao’s line of sight. “I’ll go with you. I won’t take an afternoon nap today.” 

Gu Miao finally had a reaction; she turned and pulled him forward. 

Gu Fei sighed lightly from the side. 

“Where will we go to buy?” Jiang Cheng asked him. 

“Past the bridge, there’s a street that sells yarn,” Gu Fei answered, he thought for a while and asked, “You take an afternoon nap every day?” 

“It’s you who said that I take an afternoon nap every day,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

“Oh.” Gu Fei smiled, “I have to take an afternoon nap every day. If I don’t sleep, I’ll get tired.” 

“You can sleep while in class, you don’t listen anyway.” Jiang Cheng pulled Gu Miao, who was standing on the skateboard, forward. 

“Can’t do that,” Gu Fei said with a righteous expression. “I have to pass that level in Craz3 Match. I’m competing with Li Yan. I have to pass that level before him.” 

“You’re sick.” Jiang Cheng thought for a moment, then reached out to him, “Hand it over, let me try.” 

“Weren’t you not playing?” Gu Fei took out his phone. 

“I don’t play only because I’m sick of it.” Jiang Cheng took his phone, “Plus my luck was always pretty good. I am a xueba with both luck and IQ, understand?” 

“Now it’s you who can’t stop bringing up this joke. Don’t blame me again,” Gu Fei said. “I might only have three hearts, is that enough?”

Jiang Cheng didn’t answer as he lowered his head and started playing. 

From Wang Xu’s family’s flatbread restaurant to the yarn-selling place past the bridge, it was a pretty long trip, but Jiang Cheng stared at the phone with his head down the entire time. 

Gu Fei didn’t have much patience when playing with this game. He was too lazy to think about it step-by-step, so he usually just eliminated wherever he saw could be eliminated. But Jiang Cheng was different from him, he would stare at the screen for an incredibly long time before making a move. 

He took the amount of time that would normally allow him to play at least three rounds before raising his head. 

“Did you pass?” Gu Fei asked. 

“Nope,” Jiang Cheng continued to lower his head and stare at the phone, “Died.” 

Gu Miao tugged at the edge of his clothes, excitedly looking around without paying attention to the road. He wasn’t paying attention to the road either, leading Gu Miao over to a broken step beside the bridge. 

Gu Fei hurriedly pedaled the bike over and grabbed his arm.  

Jiang Cheng abruptly froze and pulled back the arm that was positioned behind him. Gu Fei couldn’t evade on time atop of the bike and could only watch as his clenched fist flew towards his nose with a small gust of wind. 

Had the dormancy of his conditional reflex ended? 

But when there was still a bit of distance away from his face, Jiang Cheng’s hand stopped.   

“You didn’t brake so hard that your arm broke right?” Gu Fei loosened his grip on his arm. 

“Sorry about that.” Jiang Cheng turned his head over and glanced at the steps, “Fuck.” 

“Er Miao, help Cheng-ge watch the road, lead him.” Gu Fei flicked Gu Miao’s head.  

Gu Miao nodded her head and with one hand hugging her skateboard and the other tugging at the hem of Jiang Cheng’s clothes, she continued forward. 

Past the bridge, when they arrived at the storefront of the shop Gu Fei usually bought from on the yarn-selling street, Jiang Cheng still had his gaze fixated to the screen. 

“Three hearts can last you this long?” Gu Fei asked. “We’re here. It’s fine if you can’t pass. Even if you don’t succeed, you’ll still be a xueba.”

“Take a look.”  Jiang Cheng positioned the phone with the screen facing him. There was only one move left. 

“En?” Gu Fei looked at the screen.  

Jiang Cheng extended a finger, made a stroke on the screen, and after the burst and disappearance of multiple explosions, he passed the level. 

“… amazing.” Gu Fei made a heartfelt sigh. 

“No applause?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

Gu Fei made a round of applause. 

“Uhh…” Jiang Cheng handed him the phone, “You just received a message.” 

“Oh,” Gu Fei lowered his head and placed his phone back into his pocket. 

Jiang Cheng told him that he didn’t look, but then felt that seemed a little deliberate. After all, he did take a glance when the message first arrived, and even saw the sender and the content…  

– Zhuxin: Come over and listen to me sing today, okay? 

If there was anything after that then he didn’t see. 

Initially, Jiang Cheng had always thought that Gu Fei and Ding Zhuxin had a romantic relationship; they had a sort of familiarity and tacit understanding that people can feel. Plus, the musical note patterns that they both had on their bodies, and that day Gu Fei turned on the do not disturb mode, he had also arrived at the hospital accompanied by Ding Zhuxin. 

But when he saw Ding Zhuxin’s message, the word “okay” made it seem like the two were actually a little distant. 

People with a very close relationship would more likely directly tell somebody to go over and listen to them sing. 

Jiang Cheng entered the yarn shop with Gu Fei and once again felt that always thinking over other people’s private affairs for no reason was a little unethical. What did whether or not those two are a couple had to do with him? 

“Come to pick out some yarn again?” The proprietress greeted the moment she saw Gu Fei. “It just so happened that some new yarn came in these two days. This batch isn’t very thick when knitted, perfect for use when spring comes by. There’s plenty of colours, and we also have green.” 

“She doesn’t want green now.” Gu Fei smiled and patted Gu Miao on the shoulder, “Go pick out a colour.” 

Gu Miao ran over to the rows of priced yarns and looked back and forth. 

Jiang Cheng didn’t know a thing about yarn. He never saw anybody knit a sweater before at home. Now seeing the bundles and rolls of yarn was actually pretty interesting. He also made his way over and reached out his hand to grab at the bundles of yarn. 

Both thick and fluffy, so comfortable to touch…  

“Isn’t it nice to touch?” Gu Fei asked from beside him. 

“Ah.” Jiang Cheng nodded, “It seems like a bundle of yarn and a bunched-up sweater feels pretty different to touch.” 

“Hand-knitted stuff feels just like a bundle of yarn,” the proprietress smiled and said. “Machine-knitted stuff doesn’t feel as good as hand-knitted ones.” 

“Really?” Jiang Cheng was a little mystified, “I never wore hand-knitted stuff before.” 

“Let your friend knit you something then.” The proprietress picked up a bundle of dark blue yarn and rubbed it a little on his hand, “This one has a lot of yarn and feels good, dark colours are also suitable for boys.” 

“Ah?” Jiang Cheng was stunned, feeling like the proprietress, for the sake of promoting her yarn, was really…[6]   

“You want it?” Gu Fei asked laughingly as he leaned against the counter beside them. 

“No, no, no, no need.” Jiang Cheng hastily pushed aside the bundle of yarn, “I have quite a lot of sweaters, and I don’t really need them with the weather growing warmer.”

“You can still wear it next year,” the proprietress picked up yet another lump of yarn. “This yarn is suitable for…” 

“No, no, no, no…” Jiang Cheng’s face was nearly all red, continuously backing up till he was almost outside the door as if wanting to hide. “I really don’t need it.” 

Gu Fei continued to have fun at the side, not making a sound, just laughing and watching the show. 

“Your friend didn’t even say that he wouldn’t knit one for you.” The proprietress kept lifting up the yarn and even chased after Jiang Cheng with extreme fervor. “Take a look at this type…”

“Jie, jie, auntie, auntie…” Jiang Cheng looked at her with a sincere gaze, “I really don’t need him to knit for me. That, I… I also know how to knit.”

Gu Fei raised his eyebrows with interest. 

“Really?” The proprietress was really surprised. She turned back to look at Gu Fei, “You know how to knit, your friend also knows how to knit, youngsters these days are really impressive.” 

“En, that’s right.” Gu Fei nodded his head, “We are the youngsters of the new age.” 

“Then won’t you buy some?” The proprietress once again looked back at Jiang Cheng, “Aiyo, let me tell you, those who know how to knit would find their hands itching if they don’t knit for one day.”

 Jiang Cheng didn’t want to say anything else after he said that. In his heart, he was burying himself and expressing extreme dissatisfaction toward his own behavior. 

The proprietress’s attempts at promoting her yarn were overwhelming.[7] To escape from it, Jiang Cheng could only finally nod his head, “Fine, then I’ll… have a bundle.” 

“Just one?” The proprietress looked at him, “One bundle to knit a sweater?” 

“No, I’ll just knit…” Jiang Cheng really didn’t know what one bundle could knit, so he could only send a quick glance at Gu Fei to beg for help. Gu Fei raised his hands and he hurriedly answered, “Gloves.” 

When they finished buying the yarn and left the store, Jiang Cheng felt like he was dripping with nervous sweat. 

“You didn’t even help me a bit.” He sighed, “This proprietress is really…” 

“You said it yourself, that you know how to knit,” Gu Fei stated. 

“Take a look at me,” Jiang Cheng pointed at himself. “Do you think somebody with my appearance looks like somebody who would know how to knit a sweater?” 

“Do you think I look like one?” Gu Fei asked. 

“… fine.” Jiang Cheng’s words failed him.[8] He handed over the small bag containing the bundle of yarn and a set of bamboo knitting needles in his hand over to him. “I’ll gift this to you since I have no use for this. You can make another pair of gloves or a small scarf or something for Gu Miao.” 

Gu Fei smiled and took the bag, “Thank you.” 

There wasn’t any time to go home after buying the yarn. Gu Fei told Gu Miao to go straight to the shop at the intersection, then walked back to school with Jiang Cheng while carrying a bag of yarn. 

“You’re not going to ask her to take this with her?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“No need,” Gu Fei replied. “Since you passed that level in that retarded Craz3 Match game, I now happen to have nothing to do in the afternoon…” 

“You want to knit a sweater in the classroom?” Jiang Cheng was shocked. 

“What?” Gu Fei retorted, “If you want to learn then I can teach you.” 

“No need!” Jiang Cheng immediately answered. 

Gu Fei really was an unbelievable person. He actually kept his head lowered as he knitted a hat for Gu Miao for the entire afternoon. 

Jiang Cheng didn’t really care to listen to the lessons in the afternoon classes and couldn’t help but constantly take peaks at Gu Fei. On one hand, he was shocked by how Gu Fei’s level of skill was no less than the old ladies who would carry around their grandchildren, knit, and chat at the same time, and on the other hand, he was shocked by Gu Fei’s hands… a person that had a head of only an inch-long shaved hair with even engraved patterns, and could press a person against a tree with one arm, actually had hands that could be so pretty when holding a knitting needle. 

And what was more unbelievable was that not a person around them was surprised by his behavior. Perhaps they were already surprised long ago and were already used to it by now. 

“Ai,” Gu Fei quietly sighed. 

“What is it?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“I dropped a needle,” Gu Fei replied as he kicked a needle over. “I have to…” 

“Fuck!” Jiang Cheng couldn’t help quietly crying out loud, “You need to do so much all over again? She won’t be able to tell, right?” 

“You probably won’t be able to tell,” Gu Fei quietly answered. “But Er Miao is pretty particular about things. She can’t even accept it if the start of the thread is too big. She would throw a tantrum, and you won’t be able to coax her.” 

“Oh…” Jiang Cheng recalled the day where Gu Miao was screaming like mad and felt that it really wasn’t easy for Gu Fei to be a big brother. 

Gu Fei’s speed was pretty fast. When school was over in the late afternoon[9], he had already finished a small part, there were even some swirls in it. Jiang Cheng had an impulse to raise a fist and cry out he was awesome. 

“Don’t go yet for now,” Wang Xu said. “I’m going over to Lao Xu’s to get our uniforms. Wait for a bit guys. Let’s head over to my place at night to eat some flatbread and discuss tomorrow’s tactics along the way.” 

The group of basketball-playing people all surrounded Gu Fei’s table and chatted while waiting for Lao Xu’s borrowed uniforms. 

“I think it’s better not to have any expectations,” Guo Xu said. “Remember the uniforms from last year.” 

“What kind of uniforms were there last year?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“No. 4 Prison Basketball Team,” Gu Fei replied as he knitted. 

“… even that could be borrowed?” Jiang Cheng was stupefied. 

“This year, we have so much hope. We shouldn’t have to wear a prison uniform again, right?” Lu Xiaobin wondered. 

“Who knows, Lao Xu’s aesthetics have always been different from most.” 

Everybody chatted for a while. Wang Xu carried two big bags of uniforms back to the classroom, and from the expression on his face, they knew that these uniforms probably weren’t much better than No. 4 Prison’s uniforms. 

“I think we will have to mainly rely on our temperament.”[10] He placed the bag on the table. 

Everybody took out the uniforms for a look and then suddenly collectively collapsed. 

“Five Star… Farmers?” Guo Xu pulled at one of the uniforms and read aloud the words on it. “Isn’t Five Star Farmers, the farmer’s market two stops north of our school?”

“Yes.” Gu Fei put away the yarn, stared at the pile of uniforms, and sighed. 

“There’s even a fucking advertisement.” Wang Xu pointed at the uniform, “Fresh Noodles.”

Jiang Cheng really couldn’t hold himself back from laughing; laughing and taking pictures of the uniforms with his phone at the same time. He then sent them to Pan Zhi. 

– Grandson, we have a basketball competition tomorrow, come admire our uniforms. 

“Let’s put away the uniforms,” Gu Fei spoke. “I’ll bring over some uniforms for you all tomorrow.” 

“That’ll be great.” Wang Xu immediately stuffed the uniforms back into the bag, “What’re they like?” 

“My friends’ team’s,” Gu Fei answered. “There’s also a team name and stuff, but at least it’s not some Team Farmer’s Market.”

“Fuck, why didn’t you say this earlier? If you had said that, I wouldn’t have let Lao Xu go over there.” Wang Xu stuffed the uniforms into the desk, “Let’s go. Let’s eat dinner and discuss some tactics.” 

Jiang Cheng packed up his things and followed the group of people outside the classroom. 

Pan Zhi’s reply came when they went downstairs. 

– Grandpa, I feel so pleased that my tears have almost covered my face. You’ve finally fucking turned back to the old grandpa. 

***

The author has something to say: Resting tomorrow, continuing on Friday. 

“Every day’s “the author has something to say” is so long-winded and not in line with my style, so I’ll keep it short.” The author who is kneeling on the floor with a cup of coffee says coldly. 

“So cold!” The black cashmere cushion hanging in front of the heater because it got dirtied by coffee powder and had to be washed cried loudly. 

[1] “At this age, your face matters in whatever you do.” – HAHAHAHA Gu Fei is basically telling Wang Xu that Jiang Cheng is better-looking than him HAHAHAHA XD

[2] “Your mouth says yes but your heart disagrees” (口是心非) saying one thing but doing/thinking the opposite.

[3] Please enjoy, my Queen.” (女王您慢用) – Although it literally translates to “eat slowly, my Queen”, what 慢用 actually means is to take your time to enjoy (the food).

[4] “You’ve got potential,” – He’s praising Wang Xu’s acting skills (sarcastic) here. The literal meaning is “promising”.

[5] Drag my hind leg… (拖我后腿) – Literally meaning “drag my hind leg/to hold back somebody’s legs”. It means to hinder somebody or to hold someone back, aka drag someone down.

[6] Really…(简直) you would normally put something after 简直, the word itself is basically used to say “really something/simply something” but some people nowadays just say 简直了 to express what they want to say and the other just gets what they mean so I can only use “really…” here.

[7] overwhelming (势不可挡) – an idiom meaning overwhelming, uncontrollable, or unstoppable.

[8] words failed him (无言以对) – idiom, meaning “no words to reply with”. Basically it means to be speechless.

[9] afternoon – To indicate a.m. and p.m. in Chinese we say “in the morning,” “in the afternoon” or “in the evening.” There’s no direct translation of a.m. and p.m. Most of the time, a.m. and p.m. is understood in context.

Morning 5 am to 12 pm (noon) | Early morning: 5 to 8 am | Late morning: 11 am to 12pm

Afternoon 12 pm to 5 pm | Early afternoon: 1 to 3pm | Late afternoon 4 to 5pm 

Evening 5 pm to 9 pm | Early evening: 5 to 7 pm  // Night 9 pm to 4 am

** Gu Fei, Gu Miao and Jiang Cheng went to buy the yarn during the early afternoon break which is two hours; I’ll indicate early or late afternoon from now on – Sae

[10] temperament (气质) – personality traits/manners. The word can be translated to the actual nature of a person depending on the context though it’s the same word. Perhaps the word charisma works best here