SAYE

If it wasn’t for all the people around them, he would go up and give it a lick.

         As soon as this kind of dirty thinking starts, it’s as unstoppable as dumb puppies fighting for food, there’s to be no end until both the food and the bowl was chewed up and gone.

         But at the moment, he had no way of getting at the food, let along the rest of the bowl.

         He fixed his eyes on Gu Fei for the longest time, and at last, could only settle for giving his lower back a grouchy slap. Then he yanked on the elastic band of Gu Fei’s sweatpants, and pinched his buttcheeks.

         “Hey,” Gu Fei jumped, and looked back at him. “What do you want?”

         “……To spank you.” Jiang Cheng put his pants back.

         “There’s a whole room of innocent youths here,” Gu Fei started laughing. “Will you watch your actions.”

         “It’s not like I did anything,” Jiang Cheng leaned back in his chair. “Can’t innocent youths do some pinching…… for fun.”

         Gu Fei stared back at him for a while, and smirked as he narrowed his eyes, “Were you thinking about something inappropriate?”

         “Such as?” Jiang Cheng also narrowed his eyes.

         Gu Fei didn’t answer. He turned around and leaned his arm against the back of the chair while still looking at Jiang Cheng, then started chuckling.

         “What are you laughing at?” Jiang Cheng’s face was entirely serious.

         Still Gu Fei didn’t say a word, just kept looking at him and grinning. The meaningful smile that said “I know everything” made it hard for Jiang Cheng to keep up the facade.

         “What,” Jiang Cheng got up and poured himself a cup of water before sitting back down. “A gentleman bares it all, just say what you want to say.”

         “We sure did our share of baring,” Gu Fei couldn’t stop laughing. “What are you thinking about?”

         “What are you thinking about?” Jiang Cheng tsked.

         “I know what you’re thinking about,” Gu Fei snatched the cup from him and took a sip, then put it back in his hand. “And you know that I know what you’re thinking about.”

         “Ah,” Jiang Cheng thought about it for a moment then laughed gleefully. “I was thinking about some stupid obscene stuff, but if it wasn’t for you mentioning it, I’ve really never thought about it in detail before.”

         “Neither have I.” Gu Fei said.

         “Not sure if I can even believe you,” Jiang Cheng gazed at him. “You even said so yourself, you’re well hidden.”

         “It’s not that I haven’t thought about it at all……” Gu Fei said and laughed again, and eventually said after a while. “Though I was remembering something I saw once.”

         “What?” Jiang Cheng asked.

         “So there was a guy, who got himself a boyfriend, and the two of them were getting along great,” Gu Fei said quietly before stopping halfway to turn and glance at Gu Miao, then dragged his chair closer to Jiang Cheng and leaned in close to his ear. “And then they, you know…… slept together……”

         Jiang Cheng choked. He turned around and coughed for a long time, “Fuck, that’s all?”

         “I’m not finished,” Gu Fei said. “Are you done coughing?”

         “I’m done,” Jiang Cheng turned back and stuck his ear next to Gu Fei again. “Go on.”

         “It’s only then that they realized, that their…… uh, alignments…… are the same.” Gu Fei was struggling a little, when he got to the key words his voice was so low it was like it was pixelated for censorship. “And what’s more, both of them were firm on not budging, so they could only…… rub each other into oblivion……”

         Jiang Cheng bursted out laughing before he had a chance to blush at what Gu Fei said, then after a while finally got it together and stopped. 

         “Holy shit,” Jiang Cheng turned to look at Gu Fei. “And your point is?”

         “An after-meal joke.” Gu Fei also put his smile away and answered with a serious face.

         “The hell it’s after-meal, it’s already been years since the end of the meal,” Jiang Cheng said, then paused and thought for almost 20 seconds. When he opened his mouth again, his voice was even more censored than Gu Fei’s just then, it was practically black bars. “Then you…… are…… ah? What?”

         “What what?” Gu Fei was baffled.

         “Shit,” Jiang Cheng also peered in Gu Miao’s direction. Gu Miao was probably having trouble answering questions, she had started drawing circle after circle on a piece of paper, and seemed to be engrossed in the activity. He raised his voice very slightly. “Do the two of us need to rub each other into oblivion?”

         “Ah,” Gu Fei looked at him. He seemed unsure of how to answer. “Ah.”

         For two people whose most intimate activities so far had been rubbing out each other’s sticks, when the conversation suddenly jumped to sleeping together, and directly breached such a shameless 18+ topic as body positions, the mood was all at once a little unspeakable.

         suddenlyawkward.jpg

         Both of them were unable to continue. They could only stare across at each other.

         However, Gu Miao broke the awkward atmosphere in a very timely manner. She must’ve been having trouble doing the calculations on her math questions as well as drawing round enough circles, so she started repeatedly jabbing the paper with her pencil.

         When Gu Fei turned around to take the pencil from her, the tip was already broken, even the wooden casing was splintered from the impact.

         Jiang Cheng was in shock as he stared on, he understood then why Gu Fei refused to buy her mechanical pencils. With strength like that, the more mechanical pencils he bought the more she would break, at least wooden pencils could be fixed with some sharpening.

         After Gu Miao’s hand was free of the pencil, she did not stop the motion of her hand. It continued to come down on the table top rhythmically. There was no trace of anger on her face, which was as calm as ever, the only sign of her displeasure was demonstrated in the thumps of her fist against the table.

         “Er-Miao, Er-Miao, look at me, Er-Miao,” Gu Fei didn’t stop her, just crouched by the table as he repeated the words. “Er-Miao, look at your big brother, Er-Miao……”

         All the ecstatic thoughts Jiang Cheng had earlier was dissipating along with the thump-thumping sounds and Gu Fei’s non-stop words. He didn’t know what he could do at this time, he could only sit by and watch in silence.

         Gu Miao wasn’t like other kids, and her behaviour at this moment wasn’t simply acting out. Other than patience, there was no other way.

         Jiang Cheng watched Gu Fei, he couldn’t understand what Gu Fei must be feeling at that moment, neither could he imagine how much he himself would be able to do if he was in the same position.

         It wasn’t one or two incidents, or one or two days. Gu Miao might appear small for her age, but she was already 10 years old. All these years, he didn’t dare imagine how Gu Fei persisted for so long. 

         But he was slowly starting to see how Gu Fei had developed his air of unwavering composure.

         Gu Miao’s mini tantrum continued for more than ten minutes. Under Gu Fei’s untiring repetitions, she finally looked at him and stilled her movements.

         “You don’t have to do the questions you don’t know how to do,” Gu Fei looked into her eyes, and said steadily. “No need to get mad, do you understand?”

         Gu Miao looked back at him, completely unaffected.

         “Nod to let big brother know that you understand.” Gu Fei said again.

         Gu Miao nodded.

         “Cheng-ge is thirsty,” Gu Fei pointed at Jiang Cheng. “Will you pour him a cup of water?”

         Jiang Cheng was unprepared. Upon hearing this, he immediately picked up his cup to chug down the rest of the water, but not before Gu Miao already nodded, walked to his side, and grabbed the cup from his hand.

         “I……” Jiang Cheng wasn’t sure what he should say.

         Gu Miao looked down at the unfinished half cup of water, and went ahead and dumped it all onto the ground in one smooth motion. She then walked away to pour another cup, and handed it to him.

         “Thank you sweetie,” Jiang Cheng accepted the cup, and immediately gulped down half the contents. “I’m parched.”

         Good thing Gu Miao’s way of thinking wasn’t like normal kids, otherwise just from that sentence alone, she would’ve relegated Jiang Cheng into the category of brainless idiots.

         “How about Cheng-ge play with you on the skateboard for half an hour?” Gu Fei asked.

         “Alright,” Jiang Cheng put down the cup right away, and crouched in front of Gu Miao. “Let’s go on the skateboard for a bit?”

         Gu Miao’s eyes brightened, and she nodded. With her toes, she flicked the edge of the skateboard up, and caught it in her hands, then turned to go outside.

         “Thanks for the hard work,” Gu Fei let out a breath of relief. “Cheng-ge.”

         “You can massage your Cheng-ge’s legs later.” Jiang Cheng stood up and followed Gu Miao outside.

         It was actually very pleasant weather to play on the skateboard, not too cold or too warm. Jiang Cheng could feel the wind gliding past his body as they rolled forth on the road, it was very enjoyable indeed.

         Gu Miao took turns with Jiang Cheng on her skateboard, while sporting her new adorable dollish bob and cool expression.

         Every time she jumped on the skateboard with seasoned familiarity, and carried out all sorts of high difficulty maneuvers, Jiang Cheng would think that if time stopped there, or if it simply extended forth from the state Gu Miao was in when she was skateboarding, how great that would be.

         Gu Miao would be trouble-free, and Gu Fei would not have to continue bearing the pressure.

         Jiang Cheng rolled past the front door of the convenience store, and glanced at Gu Fei sitting on the stoop, who was watching him with a cigarette in his mouth. Jiang Cheng snapped his fingers at him.

         Gu Fei immediately returned a whistle, the sharp trill of it followed him for more than 10 meters before fading.

         Their previous conversation had Jiang Cheng’s mind wandering in all sorts of inappropriate directions, but after half an hour on the skateboard with Gu Miao and working up a sweat, the inappropriate directions were temporarily kept under control.

         He recalled an article he read back in middle school. It talked about using exercise as a way of quitting the vile habit of masturbation…… At the time he assumed it was a crock of bullshit, but thinking about it now, perhaps it had a point……

         However, by the time Gu Miao was back at the table again gathering up her books, and Gu Fei walked into the inner chamber and beckoned him, Jiang Cheng once again realized how much that article was a crock of bullshit.

         He swooped in the room, wrapped Gu Fei in his arms and started nibbling. He only stopped with a sharply drawn breath when Gu Fei suddenly bit down hard on his shoulder.

         “The hell? Why don’t you just bite my face instead?” He rubbed his shoulder, kept his voice low, then reached out and grabbed a handful of Gu Fei’s side again. “Do you have a secret identity as a vampire!”

         “The way you say that with a straight face, as if you hadn’t been biting me.” Gu Fei tugged a little on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder, and pulled his shirt over to cover the teeth mark. “If you keep this up we’re not gonna be able to walk out this door.”

         “I……” Jiang Cheng didn’t finish his sentence, they heard the sound of Gu Miao kicking away the table outside.

         The two of them sprang apart with god-like speed, by the time Gu Miao walked to the doorway of the inner chamber, there was at least one meter of distance between them. Gu Fei was standing by the window, while Jiang Cheng stood beside the bed; he even took out his phone at the speed of thoughts and pretended to scroll through it.

         “All packed up?” Gu Fei asked.

         Gu Miao nodded.

         “Cheng-ge,” Gu Fei called out to Jiang Cheng, a hint of laughter in his voice. “This acting skill.”

         “Let’s go?” Jiang Cheng looked up and put the phone back in his pocket.

         “Mhm.” Gu Fei nodded.

         Gu Miao had been especially clingy with Gu Fei lately, possibly because Gu Fei hadn’t spent very much time with her in the few days around the May 1st break. If Gu Fei wasn’t home at night, she would sit spacing out on the bed, and refuse to sleep.

         “Would you have any objections?” Gu Fei asked quietly when they bid each other goodbye at the crossroads.

         “What objections?” Jiang Cheng asked.

         “I was originally planning to go over to your place tonight……” Gu Fei cleared his throat. “And hang out for a while.”

         “…… I’m not that thirsty.” Jiang Cheng looked at him.

         “I’m talking about hanging out for a while, not doing it for a while,” Gu Fei said. “Not to mention the way you were just now, it’s not convincing at all to say that you’re not thirsty……”

         “Get out,” Jiang Cheng cut him off, and felt like laughing. “It’s a civilized society, don’t be so explicit out in public.”

         “Wait for me at the breakfast stalls again tomorrow morning.” Gu Fei said.

         “Mhm.” Jiang Cheng answered. Relying on extraordinary determination and resolve, Gu Fei hadn’t been late to school once since the leg ‘injury’.

         “Good night.” Gu Fei swayed his handlebar, and whistled at Gu Miao, who was busy weaving around on her skateboard on the sidewalk.

         “Good night.” Jiang Cheng pinched the back of Gu Fei’s hand.

         Jiang Cheng went back to his apartment, and started to methodically shower and change clothes. He checked the teeth mark Gu Fei had left, it was not too bad overall. It wasn’t very obvious, though the two little indents left by his fangs were deeper than the others. If this mark was any closer to his neck, he’d have to wear a button-up shirt tomorrow.

         “Must’ve morphed from a dog!” He grinded his teeth at the mirror, then turned and went back to his room, sat down at his desk, and started doing homework.

         Since the difficulty of said homework was relatively low, he could write it while still leaving a good portion of his brain free to think about other things.

         Such as a topic like body positions, the very thought of which made his heart race and his ears flush.

         He hadn’t carefully considered this question before, or rather, every time they rolled on the bed together, with the sound of Gu Fei’s panting by his ear, he never visualized any scenario other than various fantasies of him on top of Gu Fei……

         But after Gu Fei suddenly told him this story, he just then realized that perhaps his own imagination had been a little simplistic, that perhaps it needed a little more enrichment.

         This top and bottom…… he stared at the tip of his pen. Since he didn’t have any practical experience…… he didn’t know what either one felt like.

         However.

         For such a giving, dashing, handsome…… man, such as himself, it wasn’t entirely out of the question to give in to his boyfriend a little. After all, Gu Fei was a month younger than him. So if Gu Fei…… even though he didn’t know for sure, but if…… So What? [Eng]

         Jiang Cheng tsked. Big deal.

         Though compared to this yet to be determined issue of top or bottom, to Jiang Cheng, he was more concerned with his seeming lack of mental preparation of playing with live ammunitions with Gu Fei.

         Gu Fei also hadn’t taken any steps toward furthering their physical relationship. Anyway, they’d both been pretty satisfied after each shameless session.

         Perhaps the timing was not yet right?

         Jiang Cheng held the pen between his teeth, and swung it up and down.

         How embarrassing, that his head was swarming with this kind of stuff while he was doing homework.

         Neither of them continued the discussion of this topic. The next day, at the sight of Gu Fei’s silhouette appearing at the end of the road, walking toward the breakfast stall, all Jiang Cheng could feel was a sense of comfort in his heart.

         What the hell, why obsess over this stuff, it was enough just to set eyes on this person.

         He only then realized it wasn’t that dumb to fixate your eyes on someone’s face, it all depended on who this person was.

         Take this day for example, when he was listening to the lecture all the while looking at Gu Fei, even the droning of the teachers’ voices sounded much less like religious chanting. Only, he couldn’t stare to his heart’s content during Lao-Lu’s class. Lao-Lu was much too passionate in his teaching, and what more, he took great joy in directing his pointer to the back of the classroom and saying, “Jiang Cheng, you come and answer this.”

         During the self-study period, Jiang Cheng was slumped over the desk writing his homework, but he continued to sweep his gaze over Gu Fei’s face from time to time. Gu Fei glanced at him, smiled, then looked down and swiped a few times on his phone.

         Jiang Cheng’s phone vibrated. He took it out and saw that it was a message from Good Little Bunny.

         – been staring at me more intensely than usual today, huh boyfriend

         Jiang Cheng smiled, and threw him a glance, Gu Fei still had his head down, playing with his phone.

         – why don’t you look at me

         – I just like the way you keep staring at me

         “Why?” Jiang Cheng asked quietly, still slumped over the desk.

         “Makes me feel grounded.” Gu Fei turned and smiled, and bumped his leg against Jiang Cheng’s under the desk.

         – I want, to run free without a care, in your eyes, I want, one look, to last a lifetime

         Jiang Cheng looked at the words Gu Fei just sent him, and looked around to make sure that no one was paying attention, then reached out a hand and rubbed Gu Fei’s leg.

         When they walked out of the school gates at the end of the day, they immediately spotted Liu Fan’s crappy little sedan parked by the side of the road, with Li Yan sitting in the driver’s seat.

         “Come on let’s go,” Li Yan beckoned. “They’ve already headed over, we’re meeting outside the hospital.”

         Gu Fei got in the car, “Is the surgery done?”

         “Did it this morning, he’s probably lying ass up on the hospital bed at this moment thinking about the flavours of life.” Li Yan said.

         “What flavour,” Jiang Cheng got in the backseat, and looked at the giant fruit basket beside him, with a card tacked on it. He read out the words on the card. “Everyone lifts up the little daisy…… just from this heartfelt sincerity alone, he probably won’t even be able to taste the spicy, the only thing left for him is bitterness.” [1]

         “When he gets out he’ll take care of each one of you.” Gu Fei said.

         “You too.” Li Yan said.

         “Ask him if he dares.” Gu Fei tsked.

         After meeting up with Not A Good Bird at the door, the group of them made their way to the inpatient wing with the instigatory fruit basket.

         The room wasn’t too bad, only two of the three bedspaces in Liu Fan’s room were occupied. When they came in, Liu Fan was sitting up on the bed playing with his phone.

         He turned around at the sound of newcomers, and as soon as his eyes focused on them, he let out a wholehearted roar, “Li Yan, I’ll fucking kill you one of these days!”

         “We’re all bros after all,” Li Yan set the fruit basket down on the bedside table. “How could we let you languish in the hospital all by yourself.”

         “Then you can go tell the doctor to give you each a jab and we’ll all lie here together!” Liu Fan glared down the line with his eyes wide. “Holy shit Jiang Cheng, I thought you were a serious fucker, what the hell are you doing here!”

         “I’m just passing by.” Jiang Cheng said.

         “I’ll remember all of you,” Liu Fan clamped his fist at them. “Won’t forget this for the rest of my life!”

         “Fan-ge, how does it feel?” Luo Yu leaned over and asked.

         “Feels like a blasted open ass hole is how I feel! Do you want to try!” Liu Fan glared at him.

         They all had a hearty laugh.

         The family of the patient on the next cot frowned, they must’ve thought these guys were being too noisy. Though truth be told, when this group of guys stood there together, each with “don’t provoke me” hanging out on their faces, they looked no different from gang members out to survey their domain. The family members only stole a few glances but didn’t dare say anything.

         “Keep it down.” Gu Fei leaned against the wall and said.

         The guys finally collected themselves, and started consoling Liu Fan while holding in laughter.

         Like a blasted ass hole.

         Tsk tsk.

         Jiang Cheng stood beside Gu Fei and also leaned against the wall, though he wasn’t at all listening to what the others were saying. These words were the only thing left in his mind.

         Even though Liu Fan was clearly being hyperbolic, still, he could pretty much imagine just how un-delightful a first experience would be…… tsk tsk.

         Jiang Cheng peered at Gu Fei.

         Gu Fei was leaning with the side of his head against the wall, drawing an attractive and sexy curve from his neck to his collarbone.

         If it wasn’t for all the people around them, he would go up and give it a lick.

         Tsk tsk.

         With a Gu Fei like this, how could he bear it?

         They didn’t stay very long with Liu Fan before they were chased out by the nurse, on the ground of disrupting the patients’ rest.

         “Where are you headed?” Li Yan asked in the elevator. “I have Liu Fan’s car, I can drive you.”

         “You can take us back.” Gu Fei said.

         “Let’s all go to Da-Fei’s place then, it’s been a while since we drank together.” Luo Yu said.

         “Alright.” Gu Fei answered.

         The elevator stopped after descending two floors. They could hear a mess of rowdy roars outside before the doors even opened.

         And when the doors opened, the noise suddenly became even louder.

         “YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO CON MY MONEY!” A man’s voice boomed. “What surgery! You had to make me stay in the hospital! Won’t do the surgery if I don’t stay here! Well I damn well ain’t doing no surgery! Some bullshit radiation therapy! It’s all a fucking scam! YOU GUYS CHEATED ME OUT OF MY MONEY AND NOW YOU’RE FUCKING SAYING IT’S NOT ENOUGH? YOU WANNA BET I CAN TAKE THIS PLACE APART!”

         “Da-shu, your treatment protocol can be discussed with the attending doctor, the medications we used on you are all itemized as well……”

         Jiang Cheng stood stunned in the elevator. After the doors opened, he spotted at a glance the man outside, swinging his arms with a face full of anger.

         His biological father, Li Baoguo.

         “I’m not looking at no list! I’ve decided I don’t want to treat this anymore! REFUND!” Li Baoguo pushed and shoved at the doctors and nurses around him. “If I die then I’ll die! I’m not going to let you cheat me of my money! IF YOU DON’T GIVE BACK THE MONEY I PAID, I’LL NEVER LET THIS GO!”

         The people who just entered the elevator were still looking outside, and talking quietly with each other. There was even a person standing in the doorway, not wanting to step in completely lest he missed the drama.

         Jiang Cheng made to move, and Gu Fei grabbed his arm.

         Li Yan was standing by the door. After a glance back at them, he shoved the man in the doorway out with one palm and hit the close button.

         The guy turned around like he wanted to come back in, but stopped in his tracks after taking one look inside the door.

         No one else in the elevator said anything more. When they got to the ground floor, Gu Fei dragged Jiang Cheng out of the elevator by his arm.

         “We’ll just go on then, should we wait for you in the store or……” Li Yan asked.

         “In the store, my mom’s probably out again.” Gu Fei said.

         “Sure.” Li Yan and the others turned and left.

         Numbly, Jiang Cheng followed Gu Fei to a corner of the lobby.

         “Cheng-ge?” Gu Fei called to him.

         “Mhm.” Jiang Cheng answered.

         “This thing……” Gu Fei hesitated for a second. “You can’t get involved.”

         Jiang Cheng glanced at him, and didn’t make a sound.

         “You can’t solve it,” Gu Fei looked straight at him. “You have no way of resolving this, you can wait for him to go home first, and then go talk to him. But you can’t go over there right now, do you know what I’m saying?”

         “I know.” Jiang Cheng closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out.

         Of course he knew what Gu Fei was saying.

Footnotes:

[1] The Chinese for “daisy” is 雏菊, which means baby chrysanthemum, which is common euphemism for anus, because uh… the visual of the uh… wrinkles.