SAYE

“Fuck the diem as they say, we’ll do it tonight then.”

         Jiang Cheng was actually a little annoyed today, which was why he didn’t tell Gu Fei the reason Lao-Xu called him into the office earlier.

         Gu Fei once said that he didn’t know how to play the guitar, so earlier today when he suddenly heard Lao-Xu say “Gu Fei plays the guitar, why don’t you two work on a program together”, he felt a strange urge to rush over and beat Lao-Xu up.

         Why beat up Lao-Xu? Who knows. After all, he was also the one who told him last time that Gu Fei liked to drink tea.

         This dog-fucker Gu Fei lied to him.

         I don’t know how to play the guitar. It sounded so real.

         Although, the reason Gu Fei just gave also made sense. The two of them were nothing more than mere desk-mates at that time. For someone like Gu Fei who never participated in any group activities in the school, if it wasn’t for the basketball tournament last time, he would probably speak no more than ten sentences to his classmates all semester if he could help it. It was normal that he didn’t tell him the truth.

         Only, Jiang Cheng couldn’t quite understand why Gu Fei always lingered on the fringe of his classmates, never joining in the school events, and never really interacting with his peers either. At most he would go have some meat pies at Wang Xu’s place.

         Frankly, Jiang Cheng didn’t much like hanging around with a bunch of other students either. Pan Zhi also said before that he was a bit of a loner. Yet unlike Gu Fei, he would still participate in school events and occasionally go out with his peers.

         When Lao-Xu was telling him about the performance, he already knew that Gu Fei wouldn’t agree to it. And now, as expected, Gu Fei had refused, and rather decisively too.

         Even though he had already guessed the outcome, he was still somewhat disappointed.

         To perform a program for a Fourth High school event isn’t anything to write home about, but if it’s the two of them collaborating, it’s a whole nother ordeal altogether. More importantly, he wished for other people to see a different Gu Fei, to see a different side to the quiet and aloof troublemaker who no one dared offend. To see his talents. He wanted them all to see how Gu Fei could shine.

         He wanted everyone around them to see how Gu Fei was different from the rest.

         And for Gu Fei to see, just how extraordinary he was.

         Sitting behind him, Gu Fei did not speak up again. He had his arms around Jiang Cheng, and his head leaned against his back. Judging by the sound of his breathing, he must be asleep.

         After class officially began for the semester, Gu Fei stopped arranging photoshoots for Jiang Cheng, but did not lessen the workload at all for himself. There would always be a couple of afternoons a week when he skipped class, and often had to shoot into the evening as well.

         It must be really tiring. Jiang Cheng bowed his head and gently stroked Gu Fei’s hands. How exactly did this person manage to live this kind of tedious life for all these years.

         “Hmm?” Gu Fei shifted groggily behind him.

         “Nothing.” Jiang Cheng patted his hands. “Go to sleep.”

         It would seem that Fourth High treated its senior year classes as though the rate of getting into a university was nil. The preparation for Sports Day began as soon as the school year started, and even the seniors were allowed to sign up and participate, while the ones who were not participating could go watch during class time.

         Compared to his old school, where starting from their last summer, it was as though all the senior year students disappeared from the sight of everyone else in the school, Jiang Cheng sincerely believed that this principal was somebody who genuinely treated professional accomplishments as dirt.

         Under these circumstances, he could only rely on himself. Even between classes, Jiang Cheng remained unmoving in his seat, slumped over his desk. Pretty much everyone else in the classroom was frolicking outside in the corridor. He swept a glance forward, and saw that only Yi Jing and him were still here studying.

         And of course, the captain Wang Jiuri, who was silently studying her from his seat one row behind.

         “I have to pee.” Gu Fei was flopped over a textbook, looking at him with his head turned.

         “Mhm.” Jiang Cheng answered.

         “I have to go to the washroom.” Gu Fei said again.

         “Go on.” Jiang Cheng said.

         “Ay…” Gu Fei sighed. “Let’s go. Together.”

         “Ah?” Jiang Cheng glanced at him.

         “Stretch a little,” Gu Fei said. “You haven’t moved that spot all morning.”

         After Gu Fei dragged him out of the classroom, Jiang Cheng did feel that his neck was a little sore. Even his arms were sore. He sighed as he rotated his joints, “So I’ve never been this nervous prior to a test before, not sure what’s going on this time. I keep getting the feeling that with one less glance at the books I’m going to miss something important.”

         “Well it’s not just any ordinary test this time, is it.” Gu Fei put one hand on the back of Jiang Cheng’s neck and started massaging him. “I bought a little present for you, it arrived today. Why don’t you come get it with me after school.”

         “What present?” Jiang Cheng blinked, then leaned in closer and asked in a quiet voice. “Don’t tell me you fucking went and bought some shameless sex toy?”

         “……Cheng-ge,” Gu Fei  blinked as well, then sighed as he also answered in a quiet voice. “Do your fangirls know that your head is filled with obscene material?”

         “It was just a casual question.” Jiang Cheng laughed.

         “It’s a very serious present.” Gu Fei chuckled as he said. “Truly, I realize now how much more innocent I am compared to you, when it comes to filling in the blank with lewd content.”

         “Give me a break,” Jiang Cheng glanced around and lowered his voice. “As if you’re short on tricks.”

         “That’s different, I only express it in two ways.” Gu Fei said. “One is just thinking about it in my own head, and the other one is putting it directly into action. Unlike you.”

         “……Right, you’re right sir, so damn innocent.” Jiang Cheng nodded. “Well then I only have one way, and that’s talk.”

         Gu Fei kept it together for two whole seconds before he bursted out laughing. Jiang Cheng giggled along with him all the way to the washroom, where they ran into Lao-Xu coming out the door just as they were walking in.

         “What’s the good news,” Upon seeing them, Lao-Xu started laughing along even while he had no idea what they were laughing about. “Let me hear it too?”

         “It’s all from holding in piss for too long.” Gu Fei went into the washroom.

         “Just dumb giggles.” Jiang Cheng laughed along with Lao-Xu a little.

         “Can you come by my office during your self-study period?” Lao-Xu said. “For a little chat.”

         “Oh.” Jiang Cheng answered. He figured Lao-Xu was going to ask him about the performance.

         If Gu Fei didn’t want to join, then Jiang Cheng didn’t want to keep pushing him. Just like last time when He Zhou invited them to play ball, Gu Fei didn’t end up going in the end. Jiang Cheng had gone and played with He Zhou and the others once during cram school times to let out some steam, but Gu Fei didn’t even go watch.

         Which is why he didn’t want to say anything more this time. Nor did he want to ask why Gu Fei was like this. He had thought before that there was something about Gu Fei that he couldn’t quite put a finger on, and even now he couldn’t figure it out. On top of Gu Fei’s way of keeping himself on the fringe of everything, Jiang Cheng didn’t really have the courage to get to the bottom of this.

         Gu Fei had said that he would be here, that he would be behind him, always. That was enough.

         That’s what it’s like to be in a relationship sometimes, it’s enough just to hold onto what felt good.

         “Ayy……” Lao-Xu sat down at his desk and sighed. “I thought since you two are so close and won the tournament together last time, that he’d say yes if you talked to him.”

         “He probably has his own ideas.” Jiang Cheng stood leaning against the edge of the desk.

         “Then what are your ideas?” Lao-Xu looked at him.

         If Gu Fei is not going to participate, then I’ll probably just forget it.

         That was what Jiang Cheng thought. He wasn’t very interested in these kinds of performances on their own. If Gu Fei didn’t want to join, then he honestly didn’t want to bother at all. After all, rehearsing takes time.

         But the expectation shining through Lao-Xu’s eyes made him swallow the words.

         Lao-Xu was a good teacher with a low emotional acuity. He gave wholeheartedly to his students in his own fumbling way. Even though the result was so negligible that it could practically be ignored.

         Yet the kindness and care Lao-Xu brought him since he arrived here, was impossible for him to ignore.

         After a few seconds of hesitation, he spoke up, “I……can do it, but it’s been a long time since I touched a piano, and there’s not much time to rehearse these days……”

         “Oh that’s alright that’s alright,” Lao-Xu said ecstatically. “Honestly you don’t need to feel any pressure. And for me, I have my own selfish considerations too. I’ve led so many students, but never met such a good kid as you. I’m just kind of proud…… Do you have any other thoughts on the performance? Do you still need a partner?”

         “A partner?” Jiang Cheng hadn’t even considered what he wanted to play, but if Lao-Xu had wanted him to play with Gu Fei before…… He considered it, then said without thinking, “Let’s get another guitar then.”

         “Okay okay,” Lao-Xu stood up a little too excitedly, and paced around his office a few times. “Let me think who else there is, let me think…… I’ll let you know when I think of someone, you head back to class to study.”

         Jiang Cheng didn’t continue discussing the performance with Gu Fei, and Gu Fei didn’t ask.

         After school, the two of them went straight to the convenience store. Gu Fei went into the inside room and brought out a cardboard box, placing it on the counter.

         “This……” Jiang Cheng started laughing as soon as he saw what it was. “You’re way too……adorable.”

         He never would’ve guessed that Gu Fei would give him a shawl-style shoulder massager.

         “Give it a try?” Gu Fei opened the box. “Apparently it feels really good, as though somebody is kneading your shoulders.”

         Jiang Cheng glanced toward the back courtyard. Gu Fei’s mom was standing there talking on the phone, it made him a little uneasy.

         “Go in the room,” Gu Fei gave him a little shove. “I told my mom I bought this for you.”

         “Didn’t she think it’s strange?” Jiang Cheng went to sit down in the inner room. “That you’re buying this for your desk-mate?”

         “What’s so strange about it,” Gu Fei said. “Li Yan even bought me a foot soaking tub before, complete with infrared and massaging functions……way more fantastical than this thing.”

         Jiang Cheng laughed, “Why do you guys all have such fascinating ideas.”

         Gu Fei took the massager out and wrapped it around his shoulder, then turned it on.

         The massager instantly started making thumping sounds. Jiang Cheng could feel something continue to knock against his shoulder.

         “How is it?” Gu Fei bent down and looked at his face. “Does it work? Does it get to the right spots?”

“Mhm,” Jiang Cheng nodded. This thing is actually quite powerful, it really feels like someone is knocking on his shoulder. “It feels pretty good……can you move it a little lower?”

         Gu Fei shifted the massager a little lower, “Here?”

         “Ah……” Jiang Cheng closed his eyes. “Yes yes, ah…… Fuck, it really does feel good.”

         “Can you not make this kind of noise?” Gu Fei said.

         Jiang Cheng froze, then stared at Gu Fei for a long time before suddenly closing his eyes and letting out a moan, “Ah……mnng……hah……”

         It was much too genuine of a moan. Jiang Cheng wondered if he might have gotten a little too into it too quickly.

         “I……fuck?” Gu Fei stood frozen for a good while before managing to say.

         “Right here?” Jiang Cheng opened his eyes and grinned.

         “You really are asking for it!” Gu Fei said in resignation with a lowered voice. He turned to glance at the outer room, then lunged over and grabbed Jiang Cheng, planting a couple of firm kisses on his lips.

         Jiang Cheng was just about to reach his hand toward Gu Fei’s crotch, when Gu Fei’s mom suddenly shouted outside, “Ah Da-Fei! I’m going out okay——”

         Gu Fei had just closed the door of the small room, but Jiang Cheng was still so startled that he almost slapped his own face in his scramble to draw his hand back.

         Gu Fei didn’t answer, nor did he open the door to go out. Instead he drew open the curtains.

         The window of the small room faced the street. As soon as the curtains were drawn, Jiang Cheng could see the motorcycle parked outside the front door. It had only been a moment but Gu Fei’s mom had already jumped onto the backseat, grabbed the rider’s waist, and almost immediately, the bike set off.

         Even though it was quick, Jiang Cheng was still able to make out that the motorcyclist’s head was shaved on either side, with a long ponytail tied in the middle.

         “This is……your mom’s new boyfriend?” Jiang Cheng was a little shocked.

         “Mhm,” Gu Fei put the curtains back down. “It’s only her good luck that nobody’s sold her into the mountains all these years, though she’s probably above their age limit.”

         It made Jiang Cheng want to laugh, but after a moment’s thought, he also felt a little down. Looking at Gu Fei’s side profile, he could understand almost exactly what Gu Fei was feeling right now.

         And perhaps understand some of the things he had been feeling all this time.

         Jiang Cheng’s phone was ringing. It took a long time before he pulled it out to look.

         Wang Jiuri.

         “Hello?” Jiang Cheng answered the phone.

         “Jiang Cheng!” Wang Xu’s excited voice came over the receiver. “What do you think of me?!”

         Jiang Cheng was baffled by this question out of the blue. After a pause, he answered earnestly, “Not very much.”

         “Shit, don’t be like that!” Wang Xu was a little worked up. “I can play the guitar pretty well! If you don’t believe me I can play something for you…… You wait here, I’m gonna go get the guitar……”

         “No no, no need,” Jiang Cheng only now realized what Wang Xu was referring to. He glanced in Gu Fei’s direction. “If you wanna join then go ahead.”

         “You don’t need to consider our friendship either, I’ll send over a clip to you in a bit.” Wang Xu said seriously. “You can check out my skill first.”

         “……Sure.” Jiang Cheng answered.

         “Hey,” Wang Xu lowered his voice. “What song should we do?”

         “I’ll talk to you about it at school tomorrow,” Jiang Cheng said. “I haven’t decided yet.”

         “No problem, you can check out my skill level first!” Wang Xu said. “Although I have a suggestion, let’s not do something that’s too popular, there’s not much point in that. You’re great at piano anyways, just pick something no one’s heard of……”

         “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Jiang Cheng hung up.

         For some reason, even though it was Gu Fei who didn’t want to participate, he still didn’t want to be discussing this with someone else in front of Gu Fei.

         After all, it was something he originally wanted to do with Gu Fei. But now, not only were they not doing it together, there was instead a Wang Jiuri stuck in the middle. It was a little upsetting just to think about it.

         “You’re……gonna do the show with Wang Xu?” Gu Fei asked.

         “Ah, yeah,” Jiang Cheng said. “Didn’t you say that he also plays the guitar?”

         “He does,” Gu Fei nodded. “Though you probably have to write down the tabs for him, he only plays by the tabs.”

         “Mhm.” Jiang Cheng answered.

         Gu Fei’s words got him even more down. If he played with Wang Xu, the guitar section would probably be some basic chords at most. But if it was Gu Fei……with the way Gu Fei composed music……

         Gu Fei’s music.

         Gu Fei’s music?

         Jiang Cheng figured his eyes must’ve lit up. Perhaps there was even a little lightbulb coming out of his head.

         He looked up and smiled at Gu Fei.

         “Hm?” Gu Fei looked back at him.

         “Let’s cook some frozen dumplings to eat, after that I have to go back and do homework.” Jiang Cheng said.

         “Alright,” Gu Fei asked as he opened the door and walked out of the room. “What filling do you want?”

         “Fennel.” Jiang Cheng said.

         “Don’t have that.” Gu Fei paused.

         “Then……” Jiang Cheng pondered over what other flavour to switch to.

         “I’ll go buy it.” Gu Fei said. “They have that over by the market, just wait.”

         Jiang Cheng was about to say no need to make a trip just for that, but Gu Fei was already out the door.

         Tsk.

         He stood up, followed to the doorway and looked out. Gu Fei was already on his way to the market with his bike. Jiang Cheng raised his arms to stretch, then sat down behind the cash register. 

         Tsk tsk tsk.

         He had just sat down, when Wang Xu’s message came in. It was a short video clip.

         The recording was of a very sombre-faced Wang Xu playing the guitar.

         He hadn’t even opened it, when Wang Xu continued to send over several more videos.

                 – some of these were recorded before, have a listen

         Jiang Cheng chuckled and opened the video.

         He was surprised to find that Wang Xu was not half bad. He wondered how it would compare with Gu Fei…… Though he thought it probably would not compare. After all Gu Fei was someone who once played in a band and even wrote his own music but he didn’t want to participate so it was all meaningless anyway. Wang Xu’s skill level could be considered cream of the crop among the average dudes who only played to pick up girls.

         In the videos he sent, there were ones of Wang Xu singing with his own accompaniment, as well as ones of just guitar playing. His singing was nothing to rave about, but the playing was pretty good.

         Gu Fei practically flew on his bike to the market, bought the dumplings, then flew right back to the store.

         Jiang Cheng didn’t say that he must have the fennel filling dumplings, but he still wanted to make the trip.

         Regarding the fact that he didn’t want to participate in the performance, Jiang Cheng didn’t so much as say another word about it, nor did he willingly bring it up to Gu Fei in the past few days. Gu Fei couldn’t quite guess what Jiang Cheng was thinking, but he knew that he must’ve been a little unhappy.

         Right now, even if Jiang Cheng was craving the grilled meat from the barbecue restaurant in the shopping center, he’d fly there and buy it without any hesitation, let alone some dumplings. 

         He had no way of explaining himself, so he could only try his best to smooth out Jiang Cheng’s feathers.

         He could guess why Jiang Cheng wanted him to participate in the performance. Jiang Cheng wasn’t someone who liked to show off in this particular area. It was only because it would be the two of them together, and also because……

         “You’re clearly so excellent.” Jiang Cheng had already said this before.

         You’re clearly so excellent.

         He would feel proud for Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Cheng would also feel proud because of him.

         Only, the more that was the case, the more he wanted to break away.

         Certain resolves could not bear to see the tiniest shred of hope. Even a small glimmer of light would make him descend into anguish.

         When he returned to the store, Jiang Cheng was sitting with his legs propped up on the counter, scribbling something into a notebook. He didn’t even notice when Gu Fei came in.

         Only when Gu Fei got near did Jiang Cheng abruptly raise his head, and closed the notebook, “Damnit, how come you didn’t even make a sound when coming in?”

         “How loud does it have to be to count as making a sound,” Gu Fei saw that Jiang Cheng was writing down music, and couldn’t help but marvel. The overachiever Jiang Cheng could make even sheet music look ugly. “Does somebody coming in and hauling away all the merchandise count as making a sound?”

         “Why don’t you try hauling it and see if I hear?” Jiang Cheng said with a smile.

         Gu Fei thought that Jiang Cheng was in a pretty good mood. He reached out and stroked Jiang Cheng’s face, then walked to the back courtyard to cook the dumplings.

         “What will Gu Miao eat?” Jiang Cheng followed him.

         “She’ll make her way here later when she gets hungry, I’ll just save some for her.” Gu Fei said.

         “Oh.” Jiang Cheng replied, then turned back into the store with light steps.

         Gu Fei was suddenly a little curious. What kind of music was Jiang Cheng writing that put him in such a good mood……or was it Wang Xu who put him in such a good mood?

         ……That’s not very likely.

         If that was the case then he would have to have a little chat with Wang Xu.

         After the dumplings, Jiang Cheng gathered his stuff and got ready to head back to his apartment, “Are you coming over tonight?”

         “Yep,” Gu Fei nodded. “I’ll come over after Er-Miao’s asleep.”

         “Wha—” Jiang Cheng lowered his voice. “The way you keep sneaking out every night, does she not suspect anything?”

         “Nope.” Gu Fei said. “And it’s not every day……Though I would like to go every day.”

         Jiang Cheng laughed as he leaned in close and nuzzled his nose gently against Gu Fei’s cheek, then went to pick up his backpack, “Then why don’t you bring me a snack when you come over tonight.”

         “Mhm,” Gu Fei grabbed his arm and pulled toward himself. “Give me a kiss before you leave.”

         “Hey hey hey,” Jiang Cheng glanced out the door nervously. “Be mindful of the surroundings.”

         Gu Fei turned back to have a look, there was no one outside, so he leaned in and chomped down on Jiang Cheng’s neck.

         “Day after day like this,” Jiang Cheng touched his neck. “A bite here and a bite there, how about next time you put some sauce on it, to make it go down better.”

         “Good idea,” Gu Fei squinted his eyes slightly and looked him up and down, finally stopping the gaze below his abdomen. “Chocolate sauce, or peanut butter, or mayonnaise……”

         “Go away!” Jiang Cheng realized what he meant, and pointed a finger at him. “And you call me shameless!”        

        “I follow my words with action,” Gu Fei pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. “Fuck the diem as they say, we’ll do it tonight then.”