Shattered Memories

It was a full moon night.

Rayan was able to get ashore without any obstruction or disturbance. Still, the process of splitting his tail was not smooth. He didn’t want Erich to find out by any chance, so Rayan, who came out of the water a little early, drank the potion Asha had given him beforehand. He groaned for a while, afterwards, he got up and stumbled once the pain subsided. Just as he was feeling the unfamiliar sensation brushing against the soles of his feet after putting on his clothes, Erich came.

“It still feels unfamiliar.”

It was the same today. Rayan adjusted his clothes, turned his head around, and stepped back in surprise.

“… Uh.”

“Is it strange?”

“Erich?”

Erich, who had dyed his hair black, looked awkward for no reason, tugging the tips of his hair. Rayan approached Erich the same number of steps he had retreated before. Erich, realizing he was stumbling upon the ground, took a wide stride, narrowing the gap between them.

Rayan, who got to Erich’s side safely, reached out and touched his hair. Silky hair curled around his fingertips.

“Your hair is black.”

“I thought blond hair would stand out.”

“Why?”

“As you said, it resembles the sun.”

“Ah.”

Rayan immediately accepted it. Even Rayan had thought of the setting sun when he looked at Erich’s hair the first time they met, thus, he felt like he was being deprived of that scene.

It felt unfamiliar.

Probably because of his dark hair, his features became more distinct, his skin looked much whiter, and his appearance which wasn’t kind-looking in the first place seemed even more aloof.

“I said this as a joke, don’t be so easily convinced.”

“But it’s true. Erich’s hair is like the shining sun.”

“I don’t know if you like me or if you like my hair.”

“I like you.”

Erich scrunched up the top of his nose. Oh. It was an unconscious habit that came out when he was a little embarrassed or startled. It was not something to be ashamed of, but that was definitely what Erich was like when he was shy. Unfamiliar emotions melted like bubbles.

“Fortunately, it seems like your guardian is not here to interfere with today’s outing.”

“Ah… Yes. He’s not here.”

“Rayan?”

“I want to see the festival. We don’t have much time. Let’s go, Erich.”

Rayan didn’t give him any room for questioning. Erich was thrusted ahead with a puzzled expression as Rayan urged him to go quickly, pushing him along. As Rayan pushed him, the corners of his lips pulled upwards together.

Erhart glanced down at Rayan with skeptical eyes.

“…”

As he saw it, the festival was like the average, if not inferior.. From the lanterns that illuminated all directions dazzlingly, the street stalls lining up along the street, the streets which crowded up even though it was not early in the morning, to the countless noises emitted by people regardless of age. None of these matched his taste.

In the first place, Erhart preferred tranquil spaces where silence prevailed, and he did not like to bump into people. These days, he had had no choice but to meet many people, not being able to avoid the accumulation of fatigue.

Nevertheless, Rayan was the whole reason he was here today, Erhart took a close look at him. He had been distracted, busying himself holding out some jewelry in order to buy what he wanted at the festival and suffering from the bustling crowd , thus he didn’t notice anything at first.

However, as he was focusing only on Rayan, suppressing his rising irritation, he could see Rayan wasn’t as excited as he thought he would be.

‘Now I know what Erich looks like when he’s angry! Look at this face!’

Rayan mimicked him, thinking triumphantly he could see the flow of his emotions now, but that was Erhart’s case too. As much as Rayan knew him, Erhart had gotten to know him as well.

In general, it wasn’t difficult to understand Rayan, however although he betrayed nothing on the outside he could infer his emotions by looking at his most trivial habits and actions.

Why was he feeling so down?

Last time they met, he had felt a mixture of excitement for the festival and fear that he might not be able to go. Could it be that the festival was not as good as he had thought it would be? That may have been the case. Had his expectations been originally high, wouldn’t he be disappointed often because the festival didn’t live up to his expectations?

“Is it not fun?”

When he asked him whether he would rather go back, Rayan looked at him as if he had just woken up.

“No. It’s fun. Great. They sell a lot of interesting things.”

Rayan shook his head and answered, pressing down on the cotton doll he had bought earlier.

He didn’t feel too bad about carrying things that children might be interested in.

“So, did you hold out the sapphire without being scared?”

Erhart recalled what had happened at the time of buying things earlier. Then, he had been looking at the pack of gold coins Rayan had brought with him with intrigued eyes. But suddenly, Rayan pulled something out of his arms and smiled brightly. It was sapphire.

Even if he only looked at it rashly, the merchant’s eyes widened as if they were about to pop out when he saw the palm-sized sapphire. Erhart was also stupefied, however he just paid the price and left the place as the merchant looked at them as if they were immature young masters.

“However…”

“What is it? Had it not been for me, you would have been treated like an ignorant young master and ended up in trouble.”

Rayan, who was about to refute, snorted lightly at the stinging words and turned his head quickly. Whenever he couldn’t express his intentions properly his tail curled up ferociously, however, it was strangely cute. Erhart, who barely smoothed the corners of his twitching lips, looked at him again.

He seemed to feel a little better now , but he still seemed low-spirited. At least now he knew it wasn’t because of the festival not living up to his expectations. Erhart carefully retraced the tracks.

“Let’s go see that.”

Rayan said cheerfully, but Erhart did not intend to continue pretending to be unaware.

“Come on.”

Erhart led Rayan in the opposite direction. Rayan grumbled that he wanted to see it, but he followed closely. He didn’t give him any resistance, so if he insisted, he would follow him.

He looked around and found a place with few people.

Since it was a festival held for the first time in two years, it was being visited by foreign countries too. It was not that there were no people somewhere, but that they weren’t enough to interfere with the conversation. Amidst the splendidly lit back and the faint singing of the bard coming from the side of the square, Erhart looked down at Rayan obliquely in the damp summer air.

“Rayan. Tell me.”

“What?”

“What’s going on?”

The smile faded from Rayan’s bright face, and his expression gradually dimmed.

“Nothing happened…”

“…”

“You don’t tell me everything either.”

Rayan, leaving him perplexed, went ahead and spoke sharply. Erich raised one eyebrow.

“There are a lot of things that Erich doesn’t even say.”

Rayan wanted to say something at this time. He hid everything from him. He always denied it, but he seemed to be holding back something. On top of that, he had been very busy these days, not even telling him why; it was unfair for him to be the only one to be told to speak. He might have something he didn’t want to say either.

“If I tell you, will you tell me too?”

It was an unexpected reply. Rayan didn’t know how to react at the moment, so he wasn’t able to reply anything back.

“It’s nothing good to hear, so I wasn’t planning to say it but, well. It’s fine.”

Erich took a long breath. He lowered his eyes for a moment as if he was choosing his words.

“I was kicked out here from where I used to live.”

“Kicked out?”

“Yes. The Emp… My father doesn’t like me very much. To be precise, he hates me so much he doesn’t even want to see my face. Maybe to the point of wishing for my death.”

Erich was calm from beginning to end, like a person lacking emotions. As if it was a natural thing to happen. But was it natural to want your own child to die? It wasn’t. No matter how flawed he was, Mer did not drive him out of Atisa because he couldn’t protect himself, because she didn’t want his death.

Rayan furrowed his brows.

He remembered the way he met him. The figure of the frail boy who had jumped out on his own, who said life was meaningless and uninteresting. It hurted.

“Wrinkles are appearing.”

Erich gently stroked his forehead with his hand.

“Now it’s…”

“Anyway, so Rayan…”

Erich, who had been gently stroking his forehead to smooth out the wrinkles, lowered his voice for an instant. These days, his voice became much lower and thicker, developing into a deeper tone, reminiscent of a cave in the deep sea. He had never been conscious of it before, his ears itched for nothing, so he shrank back, but Erich lowered his body, not paying attention to it.

“I’m coveting my father’s place.”

“…”

“So I have been unintentionally busy.”

Asking whether he had gotten his answer now, Erich casually pinched Rayan’s cheek and straightened his bent body.

Rayan, pulling the hem of his robe, asked:

“Are you okay?”

Erich tilted his head.

“About what?”

“Anything.”

Whatever it was, Erich was a small, young human, it wasn’t fit for him to endure. Still, Erich endured it and was still enduring it, even though he said whatever he was undergoing was nothing.

Erich replayed Rayan’s words a few times, as if pondering over them, and then smiled.

“It’s not bad. No. It’s good.”

He ruffled his short hair. His black hair, not his usual golden hair, ran through the joints of his fingers. His hand lowered and his gaze turned to Rayan again. He lifted Rayan’s hand lightly and pressed his lips on the back. It was hot.

“Because of being kicked out, I was able to meet such a mysterious being. Isn’t that what happened?”

Rayan, suddenly conscious of his warmth, hurriedly pulled out his hand and tried to hide it behind his back. However, Erich was faster, catching up his hand. The moon-reflecting blue eyes’ azure hues looked especially pure and dark today. Even if he twisted his hand to pull it out, Erich didn’t let go.

“Now.”

“Yes?”

“I have said it all, it’s fair for you to say it too.”

His hand was held onto so tightly by him as if he would not let go until he spoke.