The Emperor’s Daily Nitpicking

It was well known that there wasn’t only one god’s tomb on the Mainland.

said that the saddest and most magnificent scene of the Old Gods era was the dusk when the gods fell; the golden-red remnants of the sunset were like blood, the birds and beasts sang in grief, the rivers and seas flowed backwards, and the gods fell like shooting stars, returning to where they belonged. That was the end of the Old Gods era and the beginning of the Later Gods era.

So, there actually was a common giant graveyard known as the Tomb of Ten Thousand Gods for the old gods in those years. Of course, ten thousand is an exaggeration and was made to appear imposing. If one really counted them all, apart from a hundred or so minor gods, only two of the three main gods of the olden days lay in it.

The unconventional one who didn’t lie in the Tomb of Ten Thousand Gods was the God of Light, Phae.

It was because Phae fell later than any other gods, surviving until the end of dusk. When the night arrived, he closed his eyes as the last glimmer of light disappeared.

But all of this was from legendary records, and the facts were unknown, just as nobody knew who built such a perilous tomb for every fallen god and Phae, who died lastly.

“I hate the people who built the god’s tomb…..” Ben hugged the hippogriff’s neck, breathing weakly.

Before coming out of the imperial palace, Kevin had prepared a hippogriff for him. Compared to the others, it was relatively short in size, but it ran no worse than the big guys with its well-built limbs and broad wings. It was a perfect mount for a half-grown boy like Ben.

But nobody knew what was wrong with this little brat that he insisted on running independently. Moreover, he firmly believed he could surpass most hippogriffs on the long and challenging road and led the way.

Thus, he brought himself to his knees.

After half a day of the journey, the hippogriffs were still fast as lightning, but Ben almost died. Finally, Kevin couldn’t put up with it any longer and whistled, beckoning the small hippogriffs to the front. He picked up the foaming lion with one foot in the grave and threw him to the hippogriff.

And then came up with a consolation, “You deserve it!”

“I saw that it clearly wasn’t that far on the map!” Ben wailed, his arms and legs going limp as he changed back to the human form. He slumped on the back of the hippogriffs and couldn’t get up anymore.

Kevin glanced at him and said, “Which retard told you that a straight line between two points on a map represented the actual distance?”

Ben: “……”

Unfortunately, that person was himself.

“How far is it? Can we arrive there before the sky gets dark?” Ben couldn’t help asking as he looked at the road ahead in a half-dead manner.

Kevin laughed while patting his head, raising his hand to point at the distance and gently saying, “Do you see that small hill? We’ll arrive soon after getting there.”

Ben squinted with a dazed expression. After carefully distinguishing amidst the thick drizzle and fog for a long time,  he still couldn’t find the so-called small hill.

“Where are you looking at? It’s over there.” Kevin raised his hand and re-pointed it again.

“Ah?” Ben’s line of sight followed his extended arm, not daring to deviate.

After a long time, the dumbfounded little lion slowly opened his mouth wide, staring in utter petrification. He was in a daze for a moment before suddenly leaping up. He pointed at the column-like mountain that almost touched the sky in the distance and bellowed. “What a damn small hill! Can that thing be called a small hill?!”

Kevin clicked his tongue and lectured him. “You’re still so young and already like to swear at people. Later, I will tell someone to catch you and let you attend an etiquette class.”

The little lion spat in contempt. “Who dares to catch me!”

“The Emperor.” Kevin righteously said.

The little lion expressionlessly looked at him. “…..Your country is so strange. The Emperor has to listen to your words. Are you his dad?”

Kevin: “…..”

***

The sky began to darken slowly.

The heavy rain lessened in the afternoon and dragged on for a few hours before finally tapering off. Once the rain stopped, the flying insects came on even harder.

Oswald had picked out the elite squad consisting of members from the three big legions, which were Bronze, Red Iron, and Wujin, and they all wore the same suit. Although there was no commander or deputy commander, they were well-known figures in the legions, so no one wanted them to get hurt on this long journey.

Before setting off, the legion had given them a pair of close-fitting light armour that could wrap around most of the vital parts of their bodies without being awkward for each person. Each man had a hooded rainproof cloak and a finely meshed copper wire mask.

This kind of full armour would basically ward off most of the flying insects, but everyone still looked very cautious.

Thus, the whole group became a spectacle. The leading small and big pair of mouths never stopped bickering as if they were coming on a trip. Meanwhile, a group of black-clad and black-mount followers behind them was silent and solemn, as if they had come for a memorial service.

The location of the Tomb of the God Phae wasn’t a secret.

Since their childhood, almost everyone has heard that the Tomb of the God Phae was located on Whitehead Hill, below the Eternal Waterfall. But most people also only knew about that. They might never know what Whitehead Hill and the Eternal Waterfall looked like in their lifetime.

The ordinary people’s understanding of Whitehead Hill was relatively uniform – as the name implied, it was a hill with a bit of snow on the peak.

Meanwhile, the word hill always suggested that it was not high and dangerous, and perhaps just a short hill with a bit of mystery.

So, everyone had a sort of ‘are you f**king kidding with me’ ridiculous feeling when Kevin pointed at that ‘heavenly pillar’ and said, “The rain has stopped. Can you see it clearly now? That is the Whitehead Hill.”

Whitehead Hill looked even more appalling from a bit closer – it was narrow and had almost straight-up walls and negligible slope, making people’s necks sore from looking at it.

The so-called ‘white head’ maybe didn’t only indicate that it had snow on the summit, but because its hilltop had already poked through the clouds.

An officer raised his head and looked for a long time before finally choking out some words. “Please tell me that ‘located on Whitehead Hill’ means we’re only passing by it.”

Kevin snorted once and raised his chin, considerately breaking their delusions. “No, we need to climb it.”

Everyone: “…..”

“But not today during the night.” Kevin paused, pointing at the distant peak. “There are some unpleasant things to deal with in the mountain during the night. Going up means losing our lives. We should speed up and stay overnight at the bottom. We will go on as soon as the sky brightens tomorrow.”

Everyone didn’t dare to delay and urged their hippogriffs forward as fast as possible, splashing large clumps of water and drenching the flower shrubs along the forest road.

The officer, who had asked the question, had a flash of doubts when riding amidst the whizzing sound of the wind: Why did Commander Fassbinder know there were some unpleasant things to deal with in the mountain? Had he come here before?

But who would be so painstakingly idle and visit this sort of damn place?!

The night came soon and enveloped everything in darkness.

Here was near the North, and the climate was colder than within the border of the Jinshi Empire. The difference in the temperature between day and night was too significant, combined with the rain, which made it a bit chilly when the night breeze blew on their damp, wet clothes.

Kevin breathed on his hands and rubbed his fingertips together to warm them up. After that, he joined the others and swiftly set up a few simple tents to keep the wind out.

A few of the officers skillfully built fires in the area shielded from the wind, set up stands, and warmed the water bottle they had brought with them by the fire before dividing up the work to find food.

“Don’t go too far. Just look in that brushwood at the front, and don’t cross the foggy miasma border in the woods. Be careful of being poisoned.” Kevin raised his voice to warn them before finding a dry spot and sitting on it.

He stretched his two long legs and leaned against a rock, relaxing as he dried his drenched cloak.

For Kevin himself, he rarely carried much when he went out as it was more convenient to travel lightly. A water bottle, a leather bag with small items like flint and sand messenger, a short melee knife and a long-range longbow were more than enough.

Food could be found along the way, which he had plenty of experience with. He was never fussy about where to stay, and he could just pick a place slightly shielded from the wind to stay overnight.

But now that there were more men and horses, it was natural to bring out more things: tents, emergency medicine, and even a lot of rations. However, no one would touch the rations when they could find wild animals. Who knew if they could still find anything to eat on the border of the Tomb of the God Phae? It was better to have some preparation.

Kevin looked at the high mountain in the back and took out a piece of crumpled parchment and pen from the leather bag, efficiently drawing the pillar-shaped Whitehead Hill. He then boldly wrote a string of words: “Already arrived in the place and will go up tomorrow.”

He let out a whistle. A white eagle, which was released to roam around, spiralled down and landed on the rock beside him.

“Extend your keg.” He indifferently told the white eagle and rolled the piece of parchment into the small metal cylinder tethered to its foot, saying, “Here, go back and report the journey.”

With a flutter of wings, the white eagle soon disappeared into the sky without a trace.

The raptor with the letter fluttered its wings and smashed into the emperor’s desk inside the Wujinxuan palace early in the morning, wetting another large area.

Oswald hadn’t slept properly for several days in a row. Now, he was awakened by this little beast when he had just been lying on his desk for a while, his face smeared with eagle feathers and muddy water.

“…..Can’t you learn how to land properly?” Oswald wiped his face and slapped his forehead, attempting to make himself a little sober while taking out Kevin’s impressionism masterpiece from the small metal cylinder.

Oddly enough, Whitehead Hill originally hadn’t looked very proper. With Kevin’s magical brush distorted it, it didn’t look like a serious thing at all1For anyone wondering, the mountain probably looked like a dick in Kevin’s drawing LOL.

Oswald frowned and stared at the pillar-like thing on the parchment for a while before he finally crumpled it up into a ball and threw it away with a grimace.

It was simply too unpleasant to look at…..

 

1For anyone wondering, the mountain probably looked like a dick in Kevin’s drawing LOL