Seeing Gu Sui’er’s calm expression when she talked about his marriage, Xiao Heng even had some doubts. If he did indeed take marry someone, would she turn a blind eye to it? Would she really not feel even a sliver of bitterness in her heart?

 

He stared at the woman in his arms deeply, feeling suffocated and unhappy.

 

He himself didn’t understand why he felt like this. He should have been happy that Sui’er was being thoughtful about this matter.

 

But… that stifling feeling didn’t make him feel better at all.

 

He recalled her docile character, her thoughtfulness, the tender feelings between them, as well as him taking the stand to not marry anyone in front of the Old Madam. However, she just felt that he would inevitably marry another woman.

 

Unable to do anything, Xiao Heng felt uncomfortable.

 

Gu Sui’er seemed to realize something. She blinked, feeling a little apprehensive: “Third Master, what happened? I… did I say something wrong?”

 

Xiao Heng turned his face away and pursed his lips, replying in a low voice, “Did not.”

 

Gu Sui’er felt more confused.

 

She knew Xiao Heng. From these two cold and stiff words, she could surmise that something was definitely wrong.

 

She… what did she do?

 

She couldn’t pinpoint anything even after thinking for a while. After a long moment of silence, she lowered her head and continued sorting out Ah Chen’s little clothes.

 

After a while, seeing that Gu Sui’er simply ignored himself, Xiao Heng turned his head, only to discover her tidying up the clothes.

 

She raised her white and beautiful hands to fold Ah Chen’s delicate and cute little clothes neatly.

 

Xiao Heng watched her fingers fly as she folded one piece after another and finally put them all in the cabinet before taking out a pouch to embroider.

 

She was very busy- busy with Ah Chen, busy with embroidery; she just didn’t have the time to look after him.

 

Xiao Heng sat there silently.

 

He recalled his childhood. Once when he was very young, his mom took him through a street market where someone was selling meat patties. At that time, smelling the aroma of a meat patty, he had made a fuss because he wanted to eat it.

 

His mom said, “No one is selling meat patties, you must have smelled something else.”

 

But he stood on tiptoe and pointed to the stall, saying, “Meat patty, meat patty, there is meat patty. I didn’t make a mistake.”

 

His mom used her body to block the meat patty stall from his sight while coaxing him, “You are wrong, there is no meat patty.” Then she dragged him away from the place and bought him a small piece of pastry.

 

While he ate the pastry, he kept thinking about the meat patty.

 

How could he have smelled it wrong? How could he have seen it wrong? That was truly a meat patty stall.

 

However, he didn’t say anything.

 

Because he suddenly understood that his mom deceived him since she couldn’t afford to buy it for him.

 

He made his mom feel embarrassed and distressed.

 

From that day on, he no longer dared to ask for anything willfully. Sometimes his mom would ask him if he wanted to eat anything, but he would say no.

 

He didn’t want to eat, didn’t like anything, didn’t want anything, didn’t feel hurt, didn’t feel sad…

 

As a result, he became more and more taciturn.

 

This kind of silence had persisted to date. Even though he didn’t lack any food or care now, there were still some things that he couldn’t speak out about effortlessly.

 

And it was still these kinds of matters.

 

If she really didn’t care, even if he mentioned it, she won’t pay too much attention.

 

“Third Master, you… do you feel unhappy?” At night, after the two of them got in bed, Gu Sui’er, who was nestling in his arms, asked.

 

She could sense that he was upset but she didn’t know why.

 

“It’s nothing.” Xiao Heng closed his eyes and said hoarsely.

 

The future is long1Future is long [来日方长] – It is an idiom that refers to the fact that they still have ample time left together so he would discuss it with her later., he told himself.

 

Ever since Zuo XiuYan began living in the RuiDing residence, she and Xiao Jin did everything together. And soon they grew close enough to share all the things that happened with them.

 

When Xiao Jin hung out with her brothers during childhood, she liked to play with Jiang Zheng, Xiao Heng’s guard. After she came of age, the family arranged a marriage for Xiao Jin early.

 

Although she didn’t feel anything at first, after a long time, her thoughts slowly began to bend in that direction.

 

But how could her family let her go that way? They naturally had to stop it early.

 

Xiao Jin came up with another idea to get along with Jiang Zheng. When she begged Xiao Heng to take her to the GuiYuan, it was actually a case of the wine-lover’s heart being not in the cup2Wine-lover’s heart not being in the cup [醉翁之意不在酒] – It is an idiom which refers to having other things in mind or having an ulterior motive.. She wanted to go for Jiang Zheng, because only if she went out with Xiao Heng would she have the opportunity to have more contact with Jiang Zheng.

 

Just as she expected, Xiao Heng asked him to escort her at that time, conveniently giving her an opportunity.

 

Later, she wanted to give Jiang Zheng something but lacked the skill. So she simply gave him the handkerchief Gu Sui’er made for her.

 

However, Xiao Jin felt like a fool after giving it.

 

Especially when she saw the handkerchief in Jiang Zheng’s room that day. At that moment, she wanted to slap herself.

 

From then on, she became suspicious but didn’t dare to say it.

 

Unfortunately, Jiang Zheng was transferred out of YanJing City and now, she had almost no chance of seeing him again in the future. Because of this, she was actually somewhat dissatisfied with Gu Sui’er. She felt that if the latter could hide this, Jiang Zheng would not have been sent away.

 

She was unhappy but it was difficult for her to speak out. As a result, having no one to confide in these thoughts, she became depressed. Now that she had met Zuo XiuYan, Xiao Jin finally had someone to confide in. When she comforted her, she felt that this girl was her closest boudoir friend.

 

Zuo XiuYan had a gentle personality and treated everyone kindly. She also regarded the servants with due respect and was quite liberal with money. Gradually every person of the RuiDing family came to speak highly of this Zuo girl with a good temper.

 

Gu Sui’er eventually finished embroidering the pouch she intended to give to Zuo XiuYan. It was embroidered using the same color thread as Xiao Heng’s. The style was also quite similar, except that this pouch was adorned with a few loti.

 

It was snowing heavily outside that day. After she fed Ah Chen, Gu Sui’er hurried over to the eldest Young Madam’s yard, knowing that Zuo XiuYan and Xiao Jin had gone to hang out with her. When she entered the room, she saw Xiao Jin, Lu QingYi, Zuo XiuYan and the two Young Madams playing feihualing3Feihualing [飞花令] – I don’t know what it is called in English or if it has an English name at all, but it’s an ancient Chinese poetry game where the players recite poems with a certain chosen word placed in a certain position of a sentence, the most basic one being flower or huā (花) and also spring or chūn (春). The players who are unable to do so have to drink wine as a punishment. This name comes from a Tang poet, Han Hong’s poem «After the Day of No Fire» or «寒食» where he says: Petals of spring fly all through the city, from the wind in the willows of the Imperial river. (春城无处不飞花, 寒食东风御柳斜。).

 

Gu Sui’er stepped forward and greeted the women before mentioning the reason for her arrival: “I embroidered some things for the young ladies and the two Young Madams. I happened to have some free time, so I also embroidered this pouch for Zuo girl. I hope you will not disdain it.”

 

Saying this, she offered her the pouch.

 

When Xiao Jin saw it, she remembered that there seemed to be one like this at Xiao Heng’s waist too.

 

Because he never wore such things, it felt particularly conspicuous when he did wear one.

 

“It looks very similar to the one hanging at my third Brother’s waist ah!” Xiao Jin had just lost this round of feihualing, so she was currently holding a cup of warm yellow wine4T/N: By yellow wine (literal translation of ‘黄酒’), it doesn’t refer to the French Vin jaune but mulled rice wine (also called spiced wine) which has an alcohol content of about 7.5%. to stuff into her mouth. Seeing this pouch, she couldn’t help but exclaim.

 

“Oh, is that so?” Zuo XiuYan glanced at Gu Sui’er with a bit of surprise: “The third Master seems to cherish that pouch very much. I saw him wear it every day. It looks pretty good too. You made it too?”

 

Gu Sui’er hastily replied: “It was made by this slave.”

 

Zuo XiuYan smiled: “I never thought you would have such skills.”

 

While speaking, she took the pouch from Gu Sui’er’s and examined it carefully.

 

The little pouch in her hand was really unique and exquisite, making one want to stroke it in admiration for a long time. When hung at the waist or held in hand, it added an aura of extravagance as one could expect from an aristocratic family’s daughter.

 

Zuo XiuYan cast another glance at Gu Sui’er. She nodded her head and said, “It’s beautiful, very beautiful.”

 

The eldest Young Madam, who was seated beside her smiled, and said, “She is a very skilled person. But the most remarkable thing is that she handles matters very attentively. Just see, she realized that she hadn’t given you anything on your first meeting so she embroidered this pouch for you.”

 

The second Young Madam covered her lips and echoed with a smile, “Yes, we feel so wronged. Why did you gift such a beautiful pouch to Zuo girl only? Why not us too?”

 

When she said this, naturally, she was merely joking. She was quite fond of Gu Sui’er. Moreover, she was not petty so she didn’t mind it in reality.

 

However, Gu Sui’er was very embarrassed. She explained quite earnestly: “Second Young Madam if you are fond of pouches, I will embroider another one for you.”

 

The second Young Mistress’s pouch naturally could not be similar to Xiao Heng’s.

 

The second Young Madam couldn’t help laughing when she saw her attempt at explaining herself. The eldest Young Madam hurried over and said, “It hasn’t been a day or two since you have been hearing her talk nonsense. Do you still not understand that she’s teasing you?!”

 

When she said this, Lu QingYi and Xiao Jin also laughed.

 

While everyone was laughing, from another side, Zuo XiuYan pursed her lips and pinched the purse before saying with a smile: “Such a good pouch. I will accept it. Oh, that’s right. We are playing feihualing, you should play with us too.”

 

“Zuo girl, this won’t do. How can I play this without knowing more than a few words? Besides that, I also can’t drink now.”

 

“Why ah?”

 

“I’m breastfeeding, so I cannot drink alcohol.” 

 

Seeing this, the eldest Young Madam smiled, “Zuo girl is not married, so she naturally doesn’t realize these things. But Sui’er, even if you haven’t read much, you can play with us. We are playing just for fun. Since you can’t drink, just have tea instead.”

 

As the eldest Young Madam had already said this, Gu Sui’er could only sit down and play the game with them.

 

This feihualing was a game where the players had to recite many different poems. Although Gu Sui’er hadn’t learned much, she had a good memory. She remembered all the poems taught by Xiao Heng and the ones Lu QingYi asked her to memorize.

 

Now that she has nothing to do, she would flip through them, relying on the memory she had and comparing it with the words in the poems, she slowly recognized most of the characters.

 

When they began playing, she couldn’t react in time at first and drank a few cups of punitive tea, making everyone laugh. After those rounds, she gradually started to get a hang of it.

 

When her turn came and she needed to say a line with ‘flower’ as the fifth word, she blurted out, “The candle burns short, and one has to scrape off the molten flowers of wax to reinvigorate the light; however, the long, far night only exceeded by its silence is not warmed any5T/N: An immensely grateful shout-out to a fellow translator who decoded this for I would’ve absolutely butchered this line’s beauty had I tried to translate it by myself. In the original version of the poem, this line has the word ‘flower’ in the fifth place [短焰剔残花, 夜久边声寂] and is the opening line of the poem «生查子» by Nalan Xingde, a Qing dynasty poet. It basically tells how the poet/speaker attempts to make his surroundings a little brighter because he couldn’t fall asleep at night. However, this light wasn’t able to relieve his loneliness. The silence prevailed as he spent a long night in the borderland, thousands of miles away from his home..“

 

This was a poem that Xiao Heng had asked her to memorize. Although it was a frontier poem with gleaming swords, it had the word ‘flower’ in it, and fortunately, that just happened to be in the fifth place.

 

It was Zuo XiuYan’s turn after her.

 

When she heard Gu Sui’er’s speak up, her heart sank.

 

It was the seventh round of the game and everyone had almost exhausted their brainpower by this time. After all, the well-known poems were already recited and couldn’t be used any longer.

 

Getting to know that Gu Sui’er hadn’t been much educated, she believed she would certainly not be able to say anything. Hence, she had already thought of a poem in which the fifth word was ‘flower’.

 

But unfortunately, Gu Sui’er passed this round.

 

At this moment, Zuo XiuYan’s mind was blank; she was totally unable to think of a poem that had ‘flower’ as the sixth word.

 

She really didn’t expect Gu Sui’er to come up with a line.

 

At this time, everyone’s gaze was focused on her.

 

Her lips moved a few times but she couldn’t speak.

 

Although Xiao Jin was on good terms with her, she was a straightforward person. And such people were rarely able to comprehend the difficulties of others. As a result, Xiao Jin yelled: “One, two, three! Nice ah, XiuYan hasn’t spoken up so she has to drink now!”

 

Zuo XiuYan’s face instantly turned red.

 

She didn’t expect that she would lose to Gu Sui’er in the mere game of feihualing.

 

But recalling it, she suddenly felt something amiss.

 

She had read a lot of poetry, but she had not come across this poem at all. Was it something that Gu Sui’er randomly made up to pass this round?

 

It must be borne in mind that those frontier poems with powerful armies had never been liked by the womenfolk, not to mention this one was written by a general who was not very well-known in the current days. Consequently, it became so uncommon that an average person did not know about it at all.

 

So her hand, that was going to pick the wine cup, halted: “Which poem is this? Who composed it?”

 

When she said that, Gu Sui’er froze.

 

And this action immediately made her feel convinced.

 

Is there really something wrong with this poem?

 

Holding the wine cup, Zuo XiuYan lowered her eyes to conceal her excitement and said in a light tone: “I am ignorant and inexperienced. I never heard of such a good poem.”

Thanks for reading ٩(๑ᴗ๑)۶! If you found any typos or want to suggest some corrections, feel free to do so in the comment section or in our discord server. And if you like my translations, please consider rating it on NU and supporting me on:

 

 

1Future is long [来日方长] – It is an idiom that refers to the fact that they still have ample time left together so he would discuss it with her later.2Wine-lover’s heart not being in the cup [醉翁之意不在酒] – It is an idiom which refers to having other things in mind or having an ulterior motive.3Feihualing [飞花令] – I don’t know what it is called in English or if it has an English name at all, but it’s an ancient Chinese poetry game where the players recite poems with a certain chosen word placed in a certain position of a sentence, the most basic one being flower or huā (花) and also spring or chūn (春). The players who are unable to do so have to drink wine as a punishment. This name comes from a Tang poet, Han Hong’s poem «After the Day of No Fire» or «寒食» where he says: Petals of spring fly all through the city, from the wind in the willows of the Imperial river. (春城无处不飞花, 寒食东风御柳斜。)4T/N: By yellow wine (literal translation of ‘黄酒’), it doesn’t refer to the French Vin jaune but mulled rice wine (also called spiced wine) which has an alcohol content of about 7.5%.5T/N: An immensely grateful shout-out to a fellow translator who decoded this for I would’ve absolutely butchered this line’s beauty had I tried to translate it by myself. In the original version of the poem, this line has the word ‘flower’ in the fifth place [短焰剔残花, 夜久边声寂] and is the opening line of the poem «生查子» by Nalan Xingde, a Qing dynasty poet. It basically tells how the poet/speaker attempts to make his surroundings a little brighter because he couldn’t fall asleep at night. However, this light wasn’t able to relieve his loneliness. The silence prevailed as he spent a long night in the borderland, thousands of miles away from his home.

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