Chapter 59.1 – Loving You Is Instinct

Song Yu was flustered and angry, “No, I was talking about just now, why…”

His brain crashed. Why what? Why did you stick your tongue in? F*ck! How could he ask that out loud?!

They were still in the dark and he couldn’t let out his inner confusion. He felt like his anger was just stuck there; he almost angered himself to death.

Xie Sui was very close to him and could clearly feel Song Yu’s chaotic breathing.

The air was a little heated. He didn’t have to guess to know that he was blushing.

The teenager’s eyes were round and bright in the darkness, filled with chagrin and anger that burned as soon as it was ignited and exploded as soon as he was kissed.

Xie Sui smiled and asked, “Why what?”

As someone who could normally verbally spar against countless people, Song Yu’s tongue now seemed to be tied up in a knot. He still couldn’t find the right words to express his meaning even after stumbling and stalling for a long time.

He smashed the cracked pot1 before he could suffocate himself to death. Since no one could see anyone else now due to the power failure, he said, “No, why did you, tongue, why did it…”

In fact, his brain was now a mess and he didn’t know what he wanted to say.

Xie Sui was addicted to teasing him. He changed the topic and laughed, “Did you eat a peppermint candy?”

Song Yu’s confused thoughts were interrupted, “Wha?”

Xie Sui lightly commented, “It’s quite sweet.”

Song Yu: “……”

Dammit.

He felt that his ears must be thoroughly red by now.

F*ck!

“Meow~”

The cat broke free from Ma Xiaoding’s hand and complacently jumped up onto Song Yu’s leg. However, it sensed killing intent directed at it before it could stand still and the cat’s body grew stiff.

“It was you, wasn’t it.”

Song Yu had simply found an outlet for his anger. He gritted his teeth and directly held its body, rubbing at it fiercely.

This damned cat!

It didn’t have anything better to do in the middle of the night and came out to run around!

“Meow—!!!” The Internet cafe rang out with the cat’s pitiful cry.

At this time, the lights over everyone’s heads came on.

The Internet cafe had electricity again.

“F*ck me! Is it fixed?”

The boss cursed and grumbled as he came back in from outside, “It wasn’t the construction team’s fault. The fuse tripped.”

Everyone in the Internet cafe cheered.

“Great! I was worried I’d miss the queue qualifying time!”

“Hurry up, hurry up!”

In their corner of the Internet cafe, Ma Xiaoding, who’d been frightened by the cat, was silent for a moment after the electricity came back.

Everyone looked at each other. They were either pressing someone down or hugging each other; their chairs were turned over, their keyboards had fallen, and the scene was very embarrassing.

Ma Xiaoding was the biggest culprit and was soon beaten up.

Everyone smacked him with their keyboards, angrily scolding, “What the hell are you calling out blindly for ahhhhh! You scared Laozi to death!”

Ma Xiaoding wrapped his arms around his head and had to admit that he was wrong. He could only try to change the target of their venting, “Don’t hit me anymore. You guys should go fight that cat, it’s the one who deserves to be beaten up the most.”

Only then did they think to look for that damned cat. They angrily set their keyboards down and looked around, noticing Song Yu and Xie Sui.

Then, the group of them were stunned.

“???”

Had they gone blind?

The cat was in Brother Yu’s hands and was currently getting ravaged, its life no better than death as it heedlessly cried out. Brother Yu had his head bowed, his ears were obviously red, and his face looked like he was gnashing his teeth.

Everyone was used to seeing his casual posture and disdainful arrogance so they were all confused after seeing him like this for the first time.

What the hell? What was going on with Brother Yu? Was he shy?

Compared with him, Xie Sui was much calmer. His hands were on the table, his eyes were curved, and his smile was happy and pleasant.

“……”

There was a faint sense of strangeness in everyone’s hearts.

Between Brother Yu and God Xie… why did it feel a bit weird?

Ma Xiaoding took the lead in getting up and leaning over. He crouched down in front of Song Yu and was particularly surprised when he looked up, “Brother Yu, what’s the matter with you? Why is your face so red? Are you hot? Oh god, Brother Yu, what’s the matter with you? Don’t scare me, you can’t be sick.”

Song Yu raised the cat in his hands and shoved it towards his face, “Shut up!”

“Bah, bah, bah.”

Ma Xiaoding had been stuffed with a mouthful of cat fur. He held the cat and sat down on the ground. His head filled with fog and he was even more confused.

Everyone was scared by Song Yu’s angry tone and shivered. They all tacitly shut up.

The battle for supremacy at Shushan Building had been broadcast live across the whole forum. He’d dragged Gao Feng over to stand at the edge of the top floor to say hi; Brother Yu was cruel, and they couldn’t afford to provoke him, they really couldn’t.

Song Yu put on headphones and played music at the loudest volume. He didn’t want to look at Xie Sui, and he also didn’t want to pay attention to anyone else nearby.

He clicked his mouse randomly on the computer screen, opening a program before closing it, on and off with no purpose in mind.

His brain was a mess, filled with the things that had happened in the dark—the strong hand that wrapped around his waist, the tongue that had licked his mouth, their ambiguous intertwined breaths, and the low laughter by his ear.

Song Yu reflexively took out a mint candy, wanting to calm down a bit, but he thought of Xie Sui’s sentence, ‘It’s quite sweet’ before he even tore open the candy wrapper

He swore and set the candy aside.

He’d been kissed for the first time in his life. Song Yu felt that he needed a lot of time to recover. In fact, shame and indignation came second; what he was most depressed about was the sense of loss he felt in his heart.

There was even a moment when, amidst a tangle of messy assumptions, he thought about how if the person he’d kissed in the dark wasn’t Xie Sui and he’d kissed someone else, then what? What kind of reaction would he have had—oh, that assumption didn’t work, because another person wouldn’t have stuck out their tongue.

F*ck.

Although his heart was agitated, his face was now calm. His pale face was cold and exquisite, but clusters of fire were hidden in his light pupils.

He faced the screen, his expression looking like he was about to livestream eating the computer at any second.

The group of nearby people were all shivering and trembling, “……”

They were afraid to use too much force when typing on the keyboard.

Brother Yu was really a very mysterious person. His monthly exams were like a crematorium for flamers, but once he grew shy, they were the unlucky ones.

Xie Sui chuckled lightly from beside him. It was very simple for him if he really wanted to understand what someone was thinking.

Besides, Song Yu was the person he liked, and they got along together morning and night. It could be said that he knew him like the palm of his own hand.

He chose not to trigger him into exploding at this point in time.

Xie Sui leaned back in his chair, moving his gaze away. He started playing with his cell phone.

Song Yu had been looking forward fixedly, forcing himself to treat Xie Sui like he was air.

He was really angry! How could he not be angry! Dammit, his first kiss.

His spirit was tense, but he could sense that Xie Sui’s heavy gaze had disappeared.

He let out a sigh of relief, his entire person relaxing.

Beep, beep.

The QQ message indicator on his computer rang out.

Song Yu clicked on it and a familiar chat box window popped out.

[ Xie Sui: Are you angry? ]

Song Yu: “……” Hold it. He held back his anger and controlled himself to not turn his head to look at Xie Sui.

He placed his mouse over the ‘x’, but then stopped again.

This wasn’t right. If he acted shy like this, then didn’t it seem like he put too much importance on it? Like a young kid who’d never seen the world and cared more about his first kiss than anything else.

He had to be steady. The Brother Yu who’d ‘seen the world’ replied calmly.

[ Your Husband, Brother Yu: No, what’s there to be angry about? ]

Xie Sui’s lips curved, but he didn’t expose Song Yu’s act.

[ Xie Sui: Then, are you curious? ]

[ Your Husband, Brother Yu: ? Curious about what? ]

[ Xie Sui: Why I kissed you. ]

[ Your Husband, Brother Yu: Oh, that was an accident. It’s the cat’s fault. I’ll take responsibility and help you beat it up. ]

[ Xie Sui: Do you really believe that it was an accident? ]

Song Yu’s entire person froze. The cold expression he’d tried so hard to maintain shattered, his eyes appearing dazed beneath his long, curly eyelashes.

An accident… an accidental kiss was alright, but what happened wasn’t accidental.

He wasn’t that much of a straight man. That kind of ambiguity should not have appeared between him and Xie Sui.

He felt that the hands that he used to type weren’t quite matching up to his will, and he was flustered and panicked.

[ Your Husband, Brother Yu: If it wasn’t an accident, then what was it ]

The two of them sat next to each other, but neither party looked at the other and communicated in another way.

Xie Sui smiled slightly, a trace of tenderness flashing through his eyes.

[ Xie Sui: Instinct. ]

Song Yu blinked incredulously.

He typed out a question mark.

[ Your Husband, Brother Yu: ? ]

[ Xie Sui: I want to kiss you ]

[ Xie Sui: Or in other words, I like you ]

[ Xie Sui: This is instinct. ]

Thump. Song Yu abruptly pulled off his headphones and suddenly turned his head, his eyes wide. He was so scared that he’d already forgotten his earlier mood.

Xie Sui also slowly put away his cell phone. He lifted his head and looked at him, smiling as he blinked his eyes. His expression was calm, as though what he’d said just now was nothing but a very, very small secret.

The Internet cafe was crowded, the environment noisy, and Song Yu’s brain was completely blank.

This time, he could no longer attribute ‘like’ to liking a certain type of weather or liking a certain taste.

It was tainted with desire and physical intimacy. It was the like between lovers.

What was this—he’d lived for so long, but this was the first time he’d been confessed to so seriously? And it came from Xie Sui, his self-proclaimed best friend in this world.

Song Yu looked at Xie Sui in a daze. He parted his lips, wanting to say something.

But Xie Sui had already gotten up. He stretched out his hand and pressed it against the teenager’s soft lips, the action to prevent him from talking. His eyes were dark, and the momentum behind them wasn’t reduced at all even if they were smiling and gentle.

His voice was hoarse as he said, “This is just my instinct. You don’t have to answer it.”

“—!” What kind of bullshit logic was this!

Song Yu really wanted to bite down on his hand.

Back up a little. The information he’d gotten was too explosive and had overturned his cognition. His brain was muddled and his eyes were dazed, confused, and out of focus.

Xie Sui dared to say it so early because he wasn’t afraid of scaring Song Yu away.

There was a faint smile on his lips and a trace of deep meaning in his eyes.

—You know what’s going to happen in the future, don’t you?

You came to my side because you felt heartache for me?

Well, then… feel a little more heartache2 for me, Yuyu.

Chapter 59.2 – Loving You Is Instinct

Song Yu was thrown into confusion and it was difficult for him to start talking about this topic, “That’s not it, how could you like me?”

Xie Sui simply said, “Isn’t it normal to like a person who’s good to me?”

Song Yu: “???!!!”

F*ck me!

It was like he’d gotten an instant epiphany.

Song Yu couldn’t even speak. His entire body was stiff.

—Isn’t it normal to like a person who’s good to me?

Yes, it was. How could he forget? The memories from the original story suddenly flooded in.

Hadn’t Qin Mo been able to walk into his heart because he was kind to Xie Sui? Because he’d given him salvation when he was in the dark? Because he’d a as the only light in his chaotic life?

But in the original story, Xie Sui had only treated Qin Mo like his best friend. Where did this ‘liking him’ come from?!

Friendship had degenerated into love.

—Could it be that he’d been too kind to Xie Sui?

… F*ck. The more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed to be the case.

Song Yu was upset, but he also felt that this definitely wasn’t liking him. He looked at Xie Sui’s clear and warm eyes for a long time, then scratched his head and hesitated as he spoke again.

“That’s not it. If you think about it carefully, could you have gotten it wrong? What you feel isn’t like. To like someone because they’re good to you, this… it’s too hasty. How about going back and thinking about it first? It might be that it’s more gratitude and friendship than love.”

Xie Sui was temporarily stunned, a bit of confusion appearing in his eyes. It seemed as though Song Yu had hit on a certain point.

He smiled briefly, “Is that so?”

It was.

Your life was too bitter when you were a child, so even a small bit of gentleness and care was enough for you to commit yourself.

Song Yu didn’t know how to describe the changes in his mood. In short, it was very complicated. He felt like he’d led a child astray and was now trying to straighten out his thoughts for him.

Because he knew the Xie Sui from the book, he knew that his life before high school was like a living hell. So he’d had a mission when he came to his side.

Xie Sui had been so stumped by his kindness the first time they met. It was reasonable for Xie Sui to fall for someone who was good to him. He was clueless and unsuspecting; he’d been good to him, so he liked him.

Xie Sui was very circumspect. He planted the seeds in Song Yu’s heart, then backed off. He knew that he’d really lose him if he backed him into a corner.

He observed Song Yu’s expression. After pausing for a moment, he hesitated, then smiled and said, “In that case, I’ll think about it.”

Song Yu breathed a sigh of relief.

Xie Sui continued, “If you’re going to alienate me because I like you, then it’s better that I don’t like you.”

The stone that was pressing down on Song Yu’s heart disappeared.

Hey, he’d almost been frightened to death. Like he’d said, Xie Sui really couldn’t tell what liking was.

It was just that this one night, this one kiss, this one ‘I like you’ was destined to make him unable to sleep for a long time, and even left with him with a kind of confused and regretful feeling.

Song Yu added, “Don’t say such misleading words next time.” It had made his heart experience huge ups and downs in one night.

Xie Sui’s tone was meaningful, “Okay.”

Song Yu was finally able to concentrate on playing a few games after turning back to the screen.

He discovered that Meng Guang had sent messages to his cell phone after he finished playing.

[ You left so suddenly, just like that? ]

[ What am I supposed to say when grandma asks about it? ]

[ Cousin, you’re really unkind! And you left even before the main character showed up. You’re going to be scolded when you go back. ]

Song Yu thought about how miserable his life would be when his grandmother told him off.

The corners of his lips turned down.

When he went out today, his grandmother had thought that he and Qin Mo could become friends since they had similar family backgrounds and were of similar ages.

To hell with being friends; they might as well be enemies. It was already pretty good for him to not pick up a knife and cut him down at the school gates when school started again.

Although he really had been unkind, Song Yu thought that it would be better to go back later after his grandmother’s anger had passed.

After all, it had been very impolite for him to disrespect Qin Mo like this.

[ It’s okay. Just say that I suddenly recalled that there was a test paper that I hadn’t written yet, so I went back to school for the time being and won’t go home tonight. ]

Learning was the most important thing.

Meng Guang sent over a long string of ellipsis.

[ ………….. ]

[ ?????? ]

[ That’s your excuse? Are you going to leave me to face the elderly alone?!! ]

Song Yu felt guilty as he flattered the other party.

[ Elder cousin, it’s been hard on you. Handsome people always have more responsibilities ]

He turned off his cell phone and took a look at the lower right corner of his computer, where it showed that it was almost 11:30. Ma Xiaoding was in trouble with his father, who’d stopped just short of coming to the Internet cafe to drag him out. He lied humbly and vehemently denied everything, saying that he was already on his way home before turning off his computer in a hurry. He only spared time to say goodbye to Song Yu before slipping away, and the others all started to leave one after another.

“Brother Yu, see you on Monday!”

Song Yu and Xie Sui were the last to leave and did so together.

Xie Sui stood under a street lamp and asked, “Are you waiting for someone to pick you up?”

He was very calm and easy after they’d spoken about the earlier matter, as though nothing had happened at all.

Song Yu secretly spurned himself, thinking that he really hadn’t seen enough of the world. He shook his head, “No, I’m going back to school to sleep for the night.”

Xie Sui nodded.

The two of them separated at the crossroads.

The cool wind blew by, dispersing a bit of the hot dryness Song Yu felt.

He took out his cell phone and chose to call Song Wanying. This elder sister of his had had countless boyfriends, and out of his entire family, it was only her who he dared to ask about emotional matters.

The call was soon connected.

Song Wanying’s voice was light, “It’s a rare guest, a rare guest. What kind of good thing happened for you to come looking for me? Did your teacher finally find out that he marked your monthly exam paper wrong and accidentally added an extra zero?”

Song Yu rolled his eyes. He wasn’t in the right mood to fight with her and spoke into his cell phone, “I want to ask you something.”

Song Wanying laughed, “Tsk, you’re so young and yet you’re already asking about matters of the heart? I have to go to bed before 12 o’clock, so you’d better hurry up if you have something to talk about.”

Song Yu’s tone was solemn, “Listen to me.”

“Mm.”

“I have a friend…”

Song Wanying was already unable to hold back and had started laughing loudly before he could finish.

Song Yu was very indignant, “Can’t you be a bit more respectful? I’m talking to you about my friend’s affairs!”

“Okay, okay, I’m very curious about what happened to your friend.”

Song Yu lightly continued, “He recently encountered an emotional problem and came to ask me, but I don’t really understand so I wanted to ask you about it.”

“He pities a classmate who was bullied all the time. That classmate’s life was really miserable. They were alone for most of the time from childhood, and no one was kind to them. Their life was lonely and empty. My friend finally couldn’t bear it and got close to him, treating him very kindly. Then something happened. That classmate confessed to my friend today, saying that they like my friend. But from his words and expressions, it doesn’t seem like he really likes him. My friend feels that they’re attaching too much importance to kindness and misunderstood the boundary between friendship and love, so they became particularly confused for a moment.”

Song Wanying suppressed her smile as she listened, “So what do you want to ask? Are you asking if they actually like you or not?”

Song Yu coldly corrected her, “It’s my friend.”

Song Wanying: “Oh, your friend. Then asking if they actually like your friend or not?”

Song Yu: “No, I want to ask—how can my friend help him correct this misconception?”

Song Wanying didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, “What’s wrong with this? What misconception do you want to correct? Tell your friend that if you don’t like them, then don’t leave the little girl hanging and refuse directly. If you can’t become friends, then break it off so that the other party won’t fall deeper and deeper.”

Song Yu: “… Things can’t be said that way. For better or worse, there are still some feelings involved.”

Song Wanying: “Yo, here comes the classic scum man speech.”

The corners of Song Yu’s mouth curved down. He refused to wear this scum man hat, okay?

And he always felt that Xie Sui’s attitude didn’t seem like his feelings were getting deeper and more dangerous. Just now, he’d acted so naturally that it was like it had nothing to do with him! It was as though the person who’d confessed in the Internet cafe was a ghost! Like it was a dream he’d just had!

He was the one who became more caught up in it the more he thought about it, thinking more deeply and more dangerously, okay? 

Song Wanying: “First of all, I don’t have any standards for family status, and I don’t reject puppy love. But you need to first polish your eyes before you go and find a girlfriend. After all, the threshold for the Song Family is still a little high, and I’m afraid that she might feel bad when the time comes. You’ll also end up regretting it.”

Song Yu: “…… What does this have to do with my girlfriend?”

I already said that it was my friend!

Song Wanying was too lazy to expose him, “It’s not a girlfriend? Then, boyfriend? Tsk. That’s even more difficult. You have to think about how to come out of the closet.”

Song Yu: “I feel that I can’t continue this conversation with you.”

Song Wanying laughed and couldn’t stop.

After finally laughing enough, her soft voice came through the cell phone, carrying hints of a smile.

“Their confession affected your heart and mood, to the point where you even called me. This shows that you are, in fact, not very calm.”

“Friendship and love, and whether or not it came out of kindness, is that so important? Liking someone is liking someone. If two people have feelings for each other, then just be together.”

Song Yu: “In fact, my friend’s situation is very complicated.”

Song Wanying: “I feel that your friend is just finding problems out of nowhere.”

Song Yu: “……”

It really hadn’t been easy for them to maintain their brother-sister relationship until now.

Song Wanying: “First of all, being good to someone because they’re miserable is a very strange premise to start with. How good do they have to be for someone to fall in love with them because of it? What kind of compassion does it take to lead to such a high degree of goodness? Is it doing all sorts of things, no matter how big or small? Is it accompanying them all the time? Darling, you’re so gentle. Why didn’t I know this before?”

Song Yu: … Not only that, it was ‘good’ to the point where he’d transferred schools and came to this city for him.

Song Wanying: “Compared to thinking about how much of that classmate’s ‘like’ is made up of gratitude, maybe you should think about whether or not your friend being good to them is compassion, and whether or not that compassion is really the main reason they’re good to them.”

In fact, compassion only made up a small part of the reason. He was stunned for a moment and felt something that he’d been reluctant to think about flash through his mind. As soon as he’d transmigrated into the book, he’d come straight to Jing City. Was his persistence really because he’d read about Xie Sui’s life in the novel?

But he didn’t know Xie Sui before this!

His mind was in a whirl.

Song Yu spoke into his cell phone very seriously, “Forget it. My friend feels that it’s very troublesome and he doesn’t want to think about it anymore. Goodbye!”

Song Wanying disdained him, “Not only is your friend finding problems out of nowhere, he also has no patience. His classmate’s probably after him for his money.”