Turns Out I’m Crazy

Since Chen Qianqing smashed Lu Zhengfei’s face into the mirror, he hadn't said a word; he only kept on stubbornly staring at the broken shards of mirror that were on the ground. How could that scene look anything but alarming?

Lu Zhengfei had no choice but to bind Chen Qianqing’s hands and embrace him. Only when he knew the doctor was there did he let go of his hands and allow the doctor to treat the injuries on Chen Qianqing’s hands.

Ruan Wenhong saw how Lu Zhengfei was holding Chen Qianqing and laughed coldly. “Lu Zhengfei, your head is still bleeding.”

Lu Zhengfei couldn’t help himself. “Don’t talk to me. If not because of you, how could all this have happened?”

Ruan Wenhong, “Do you think I wanted to deal with you? Fine. Go home and come out of the closet, say who it is that you like. How about that?”

Lu Zhengfei heard this and didn’t say a word. The only thing that revealed his emotions was his furrowed brow.

Both of Chen Qianqing’s hands were wrapped up in bandages. He sat silently in Lu Zhengfei’s embrace: it was as if he couldn’t hear Lu Zhengfei and Ruan Wenhong’s exchange.

Once Chen Qianqing’s injuries were treated, the doctor checked Lu Zhengfei’s head. “You need to undergo a more in-depth workup, I can't tell if you have a concussion.”

Lu Zhengfei impatiently said, “Wrap it up first, then we’ll speak.”

The doctor didn’t say anything. He disinfected Lu Zhengfei’s head wound and then wrapped it up.

Lu Zhengfei wanted to question Ruan Wenhong to understand what exactly he told Chen Qianqing for him to end up like this, but he had to take Chen Qianqing into consideration; he didn’t dare ask directly. He casually put on his clothes and with a gloomy expression he carried Chen Qianqing away.

Ruan Wenhong looked at Lu Zhengfei’s back and felt a little helpless. "Lu Zhengfei, if I had known how you'd turn out to be, I would have said anything to have you brought abroad."

Generally, Lu Zhengfei’s mother stayed abroad and very rarely returned home.

Ruan Wenhong saw Lu Zhengfei's indifference to his words, and he felt an urge to smoke a cigarette.

Chen Qianqing felt very tired. It was as if his entire body had turned into paste, constantly stirred by others. Everything around him was a blur and his ears felt like they were clogged; other people's voices sounded like buzzing thunder.

This feeling eased when he got into the car.

Chen Qianqing was lying down on Lu Zhengfei’s legs, his eyes half-open, his face pale, and his entire person looking awful.

(2.)

When Lu Zhengfei observed him, he felt an ache in his heart. He stroked Chen Qianqing’s face, which was covered in cold sweat. He lowered his head and kissed(2.) Chen Qianqing’s forehead, whispering in a low voice, “Qianqing, don’t be scared, I’m here.”

Chen Qianqing was silent, as if his soul was leaving his body.

Lu Zhengfei brought Chen Qianqing home and after placing him on the bed, he called Xu Shaoren.

Xu Shaoren listened to Lu Zhengfei’s explanation of Chen Qianqing’s situation. He then said hesitantly, “He definitely has a serious mental disorder, but whether it is Dissociative Identity Disorder or not is still unknown. Lu Zhengfei, you still haven’t had him examined?”

Lu Zhengfei laughed bitterly. “Do you think he would agree to go for a check up with me?”

Xu Shaoren paused for a while. He knew that right now the best psychiatric hospital was abroad, but considering Chen Qianqing’s temper, it would be impossible for him to agree to travel with Lu Zhengfei and get treatment.

Xu Shaoren sighed, “It’s too late to regret it, now.”

Lu Zhengfei’s head was still aching and he felt faint. He smoked while talking, “Forget it, if his situation doesn't improve, then I’ll bring him abroad, even if I have to tie him up.”

Xu Shaoren was silent for a while, then he asked, “What are you going to do about your family?”

Lu Zhengfei really wanted to boldly say, ‘I can protect him well’, but Ruan Wenhong’s arrival had shown him the hard truth: he was too naive.

If one Ruan Wenhong could cause this, what about his family, who were determined to harm Chen Qianqing? He was afraid that he couldn’t protect him.

Xu Shaoren, “Lu Zhengfei, are you not going to reconsider parting with him?”

Lu Zhengfei tightened his grip on his phone and didn’t say anything for a while. In the end he firmly uttered two words, “Hell no.”

Xu Shaoren sighed softly. “Where are you right now? I’ll come over.”

Lu Zhengfei hummed in agreement and hung up the phone. He threw the cigarette into the trash can, then turned around and returned to Chen Qianqing’s bedroom.

Chen Qianqing had woken up.

The adrenaline from earlier had already left his body. At that moment, he returned to normal, he was calm. The only abnormality was that his face was pale. Seeing Lu Zhengfei entering, Chen Qianqing asked, “Is your head alright?”

Lu Zhengfei caressed his bandaged head and said while shaking his head, “It’s alright, how about you?”

Chen Qianqing observed Lu Zhengfei’s face, “Okay.”

Lu Zhengfei, “What were you and Ruan Wenhong talking about? Chen Qianqing, that woman and I are not in a relationship; won’t you believe me? You can be upset and hit me, but don’t harm yourself.”

Chen Qianqing realized only now that his hands were injured. He looked down and saw his bandaged hands. A twinge of pain unintentionally appeared in his eyes.

Lu Zhengfei thought that this pain was caused by Chen Qianqing’s hands. “Don’t worry, it should get better soon.”

But why would Chen Qianqing fear pain? He was just sad that he injured Chen Qianqing’s body.

Lu Zhengfei, “Qianqing, when we have time, will you accompany me abroad?”

Chen Qianqing didn’t raise his head. “I’m not sick.”

Lu Zhengfei, “I know you’re not sick, I just want to bring you along to relieve boredom.” He and Chen Qianqing had been together for almost a year now. They practically hadn't travelled anywhere. Seeing Chen Qianqing’s complexion, he just wanted to go out for a walk to relieve some stress.

Chen Qianqing felt sleepy again. When he did, he didn’t feel like talking; but at the same time he couldn’t sleep, so he would only stare blankly, being silent and sad.

Seeing him like this, Lu Zhengfei felt distressed. But there was nothing he could do, he could only suppress a sigh.

He kept in mind that he should seek Ruan Wenhong to settle this matter. If it hadn’t been for him, Chen Qianqing's health wouldn’t have deteriorated like that.

Chen Qianqing, “Lu Zhengfei, do you really love Chen Qianqing?”

Lu Zhengfei, “If I didn’t love you, then I would have no reason to worry about you.” Compared to Chen Qianqing's, his world was a lot broader. It was simply the difference between a pool and the sea. If not because he loved Chen Qianqing, he would’ve already rejoined his world.

Chen Qianqing looked at Lu Zhengfei with an indescribable sadness. He said, “If you loved him, how could you be willing to break his leg?”

This was what anyone who felt uncertain would ask. If you loved someone, how could you injure them?

Lu Zhengfei looked at Chen Qianqing, then he extended his hand towards his face, saying, “Because if I didn’t break his leg, he would leave me forever.”

A youngster’s answer, a rash answer; nevertheless, Lu Zhengfei firmly believed it.

Chen Qianqing laughed bitterly. He suddenly realized why he and the original Chen Qianqing reached that kind of ending – they weren’t meant to be from the get-go. Both stubborn, both unwilling to compromise, both ready to use each other’s weak spots as armor. Their younger selves really didn’t know how to retreat and be able to see the boundless sea and sky. It just took a breath for their circumstances to worsen bit by bit.

Lu Zhengfei, even Chen Qianqing… if they had come across an accommodating opponent, then they wouldn’t have had that kind of ending.

If Lu Zhengfei had been a bit more patient, if Chen Qianqing had been a bit more tolerant…

Chen Qianqing, “Lu Zhengfei, let me tell you, I will never love you. Do you still wish to be with me?”

Lu Zhengfei nodded.

Chen Qianqing still wanted to say something, but Lu Zhengfei’s phone started ringing, and the latter rushed to look at the screen. “Qianqing, I’ll go out for a moment, rest for a while.”

Chen Qianqing closed his eyes.

Lu Zhengfei went out and opened the door for Xu Shaoren, saying, “You were quick.”

Xu Shaoren couldn’t help but answer, “I was on my way to play with Sun Baiqi, but then I heard what happened and hastily came over.”

Lu Zhengfei, “He’s resting inside, do you want to go have a look?”

Xu Shaoren shook his head. “First tell me exactly how the situation is.”

They sat on the couch and Lu Zhengfei let out all his uncertainties. Among them he mentioned Chen Qianqing’s personality change and other small details he couldn’t recall.

Xu Shaoren, “You said that he wouldn’t play for you; that he couldn’t play, even?”

When this was mentioned, Lu Zhengfei was displeased. He nodded his head and said, “He’s not as easy to anger as before… His attitude towards me also improved, but he can’t get it up.”

Xu Shaoren didn't laugh at Lu Zhengfei. “Is there anything you haven’t told me yet?”

Lu Zhengfei, “He…watching himself in the mirror…calling his own name…”

He still hadn’t said that Chen Qianqing masturbated in front of the mirror.

Xu Shaoren, “I suggest you observe him for a while. Recently, you’ve been quite busy. It’s better to ask a specialized nurse to keep an eye on him. I think his condition is very serious.”

Lu Zhengfei, “Could we not treat him without his knowledge?”

Xu Shaoren laughed. "How can hypnosis be that powerful? Generally, people don’t believe it. Perhaps people with more mature minds can’t be hypnotized without their knowledge. Of course, he could also take drugs; but these kinds of drugs would definitely harm him."

Hearing the word 'harm', Lu Zhengfei's heart stopped.

(3.)

Xu Shaoren, “I think it’s also not that simple for you. It’s not good when someone is in love with a stone man(3.).”

Lu Zhengfei, “That's your point of view. If you were a friend of Chen Qianqing's, you would only think that I am a pervert.”

This was very clear to him.

Xu Shaoren, “I’ll give you a piece of advice: once you’re not busy anymore, speak to him openly. Otherwise, I suggest reconsidering your decision to come out of the closet.”

Lu Zhengfei nodded his head. “I will.”

Xu Shaoren, “Come on, take me to see him.”

Saying that, they both entered Chen Qianqing’s bedroom. Chen Qianqing was sitting on the bed with his eyes closed. Upon hearing a sound, he opened his eyes, not expecting to see Xu Shaoren there.

Xu Shaoren smiled. “It’s been a while, Qianqing.”

Chen Qianqing, “I’m not seeing a psychiatrist.”

How could Xu Shaoren know that as soon as Chen Qianqing opened his mouth he would interrupt him? He could only force a smile. “I’m not here to persuade you to go see a doctor. Lu Zhengfei is just worried, so he asked me to take a look at you.”

Chen Qianqing, "Hmm."

After a while, Xu Shaoren tried again. “Qianqing, do you want to go on a vacation with Lu Zhengfei?”

Chen Qianqing, “Where?”

Xu Shaoren, “Wherever you want to go is fine.”

Chen Qianqing didn’t know where he wanted to go the most, but he did know that the original Chen Qianqing wanted to go to D City. In the end, though, this wish was unfulfilled.

The atmosphere was quiet for a while, then Chen Qianqing heard it. A voice that didn’t seem to belong to him said, “Let’s go to City D.”

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Footnotes:

‘Go realize your dream’ - ‘dream’ comes from the chapter summary on jjwxc; the title itself would otherwise be 'Go realize your…'

‘Kissed’ - this could either mean kiss or getting really close to his forehead

‘Stone man’ - someone who’s as cold as stone