Two Ex-Husbands On One Stage

Heirloom? Little Uncle?

I’ve been with Pei Yanzhen for two years and knew that he had a temper of boiling dumplings in a teapot.1A pun on “words stuck in throat” expressed simply by the Chinese proverb “boiling dumplings in a teapot – no way to pour them out.” The Chinese characters “pour” and “speak” have the same pronunciation. His heart was full of things that he wanted to talk about, but he didn’t like to say much, and his face was, as usual, so calm and relaxed that one couldn’t see the slightest hint otherwise. It was like cooking dumplings with a teapot, despite the thin spout being unable to pour any of the dumplings out. 

I often can’t tell if Pei Yanzhen was happy or angry, yet a little child like Tang Yuan can, at times, somehow detect the ups and downs of his mood, so whenever I hear Tang Yuan call him “Little Uncle,” I know that Pei Yanzhen is mostly unhappy.

This time, Tang Yuan called him as such twice, so it seemed that Master Pei was more than a little upset, yet he looked so happy and relaxed that I could not see any sign of displeasure. As I pondered it over, Song Xiyuan stepped onto the shore, smiling gently. “Master Pei, you came at the right time. I was just about to send Miao Miao and her son back home and then write a paper report to an official, but I didn’t expect to meet the magistrate himself here personally.”

“Oh? Is there a problem, Young Master Song?” Pei Yanzhen absentmindedly glanced at Song Xiyuan, then turned his head to me with a raised eyebrow. He slowly said, “Do you still want to ride this bull to Yangzhou City and return home? Its back is quite damp. Come down; you shouldn’t let the cold air get into your bones.” He stretched out his hand to help me.

Unexpectedly, another long, slender hand stretched toward me at the same time. 

It was Song Xiyuan. “Miao Miao, hold my hand and come down.”

I looked at their hands–one fit for holding a pen and the other for counting money–and found neither of them to my liking. I decided to hold on to the slippery back of the buffalo and jump down myself.

Pei Yanzhen gracefully and coolly put down his hand. Song Xiyuan smiled wryly, his hands moving to wring his clothes soaked in river water. After squeezing out a handful of water, he raised his eyebrows provokingly at Pei Yanzhen. “Yesterday, during the birthday banquet of the Shen family, I ended up drunk in the back garden and was beaten up by a court official for no apparent reason. The person responsible did not even think about turning himself in and is still at large. In your opinion, Master Pei, how long can a perpetrator be detained for committing such an offense?”

Although I had a vague suspicion that Pei Yanzhen was the one who injured Song Xiyuan, I was still shocked to hear him say so and felt a sense of disbelief. Pei Yanzhen was so frail and weak that even a change of season had him bedridden for days. I was worried that his long, clean, white hands were unable to hold the official seal, let alone hit someone. I looked at the serious bruises on Song Xiyuan’s face and mouth–it looked as if they were caused by a mallet–and failed to associate them with Pei Yanzhen’s soft hands, which have held a pen for so many years that they smelled of ink.

While I was confused, Pei Yanzhen was stroking the bamboo-embroidered pattern on his sleeve. He said indifferently, “Oh? The case must be clearly stated in detail one by one. Why don’t I first talk to you, Third Young Master Song, about how this rich young master broke into other people’s house in the middle of the night, used the wine to make light of a woman, punched and kicked an official of the court, abducted a child, and slandered an important official with strong words? How many years should he be sentenced?”

“Don’t talk to me in an official manner,” Song Xiyuan said with gritted teeth. “I will not offend people that do not offend me, but if they do, I will show them no mercy. You know who made the first move this time, Master Pei.”

Pei Yanzhen turned around, still indifferent. He took the bamboo-handled umbrella from the boy’s hands to cover me and the little one. “Don’t be misled by that gentle-looking fog,” he said. “It is dense during the rainy season. Miao’er, don’t get your clothes wet.”

Song Xiyuan gave a disdainful huff. Tang Yuan turned around and gently clutched his hem with his small hands, tilted his head, and asked sweetly, “Does San San still hurt?”

Song Xiyuan’s expression softened, then turned sorrowful. He squatted down to the little one’s height and said, “It still hurts! Just what should I do?”

Without another word, Tang Yuan held Song Xiyuan’s face and started blowing on his bruises. 

Looking at the old man and the young boy, Pei Yanzhen squatted down too, reaching for the white handkerchief in his sleeve pocket to gently wipe away the moisture on Tang Yuan’s face.

Tang Yuan stopped blowing and stretched out a finger to lightly poke Pei Yanzhen’s forehead wound. “Does it hurt too, Little Uncle?”

Pei Yanzhen let out a soft “mm-mm,” as if there was nothing there.

But Tang Yuan, like a good and worthy child of the Shen family, immediately and tenderly held Pei Yanzhen’s face and started blowing on it anyway.

Then I saw Song Xiyuan, who was only willing to show the flawless part of his face to others, suddenly put the wounded half completely under the child’s eyes.

Tang Yuan was a kind and softhearted child, so after comparing the color and size of the lumps, he turned his head and blew on Song Xiyuan again.

Pei Yanzhen frowned slightly. When he unintentionally let out a sound of frustration, Tang Yuan immediately turned back to him again.

The two adults fought for the little one’s attention like urchins did for candy, except they fought like their lives depended on it. Tang Yuan was forced to blow so hard until his face was red and he ran out of breath.

Why is this even happening? As I was about to take Tang Yuan away and tell them to go back to dust, I saw a man dressed as a servant galloping in the distance. Judging from his clothes, he was from the Pei family.

The servant came to a stop nearby, hurriedly dismounted, and ran straight to Pei Yanzhen. Breathless, he said, “Young master, someone from the palace has arrived! They are here to announce the empress dowager’s decree, and they want you to return and hear it!”