Two Ex-Husbands On One Stage

Purple Peony? Red Rouge?

Today was the sixth day of the lunar new year. The sun was happily hanging in the middle of the sky, looking like a cracked fresh duck egg, its yolk, and egg white completely separated, to be mashed and stirred evenly at dusk. Soon, I was going to bring my son to participate in my ex-husband’s wedding ceremony. 

Lu Ying opened the cabinet and chose a set of crimson-purple ru luo qun1a traditional Chinese attire which contains a short jacket and a long skirt and helped me change into it. I looked into the mirror for a long time and felt that something seemed wrong, like a prick in the throat, and turned my head to see the peonies in full bloom under the window.

I vaguely remembered the scene of peonies blossoming that year. Someone had invited me to watch the flowers and, in the end, took the opportunity to lead me into the depths of peony trees. We laid under the flowers, prattling and flirting like lovers, our clothes soon scattered in disarray. The branches of peonies beside us started to sway, their flowers falling down one after another. 

As we lost track of time, drunk on the scent of peonies, I felt his breath on my cheeks and he began to speak, as though reciting a poem. “Peony has three beauties; one is graceful, two is rich with fragrance, three is splendid colors of all kinds. Today, I became aware of the most beautiful of them all; the scattered petals of fallen peonies, sprinkling upon the white jade body of a lady. There are a hundred colors and a hundred kinds of fragrances, but none of them could compare to your phoenix eyes and their boundless charm.”

After that day, my cabinet was filled with purple clothes overnight. Crimson purple, royal purple, misty purple—all kinds of peony purple. Although I never cared much about the clothes I had and wasn’t fussy about what I wore, I was inevitably shocked to see the cabinet full of purple clothes like this. Before I turned my head to ask, I heard Lu Ying cover her mouth with her hand. She said with a smile, “Gu Ye said he likes to see the miss wearing purple clothes, so he ordered the tailors and embroiderers that very night to fill this cabinet full of purple clothes. The maidservants can only serve to Miss these purple clothes in the future.”

Back then, I only thought my face felt very hot. Although I didn’t like such bright and flashy colors in the past, it sat poorly to waste the all-night-long hard work of the skilled craftsmen, so I complied with it silently. This became a habit, and I had never changed to another color. Pei Yanzhen always smiled lovingly whenever he saw my purple dress, so it wasn’t that bad. Sometimes, he leaned in my eyes and softly whispered, “Wife, when will you go to my appointment under the flowers again?” 

He had spoken such words charmingly yet calmly—if only I could use an iron shield to cover my face completely and a big pair of scissors to destroy the backyard which filled the front hall with fragrance. Only after I dug it bare would I be at peace.

Who would have thought that only after two years, those purple clothes would be left behind at the Pei family’s after the bright yellow imperial edict. I went back to wearing light-colored clothes again; no more purple-colored clothes in my cabinet. If Lu Ying hadn’t chosen this dress for me today, I would have forgotten that I had ever worn such an enchanting and flamboyant color…

I frowned at the thought and looked down to see Lu Ying bending down and straightening the hem of my dress as if nothing had happened. I said to her, “This dress isn’t good. I’d better change it.”

Lu Ying kept her head down and said, “What’s wrong? Does the miss think the material isn’t good? Is it the workmanship, perhaps? Or is the style bad?” 

It’s the color… The color is different.

Her persistence made me hesitate to go further, but I picked the cuff up and let her look closer. “Look, the material is piling here,” I nitpicked. “It’s worn—I’m afraid it won’t hold.”

Lu Ying raised her head and glanced at it. “Lu Ying has poor eyes and doesn’t see it.”

I put my sleeve in the light and said to her, “Stand up and look carefully. There, in the light. Isn’t there a lump of wool right–?”

Before I could finish, Lu Ying interrupted me. This servant girl crudely reached out, grabbed my cuff, and put it down. “Miss, do you really not know, or are you feigning ignorance?”

I was startled. Lu Ying sighed while shaking her head. “There’s only this set of clothes in the cabinet today,” she said angrily. “Miss has to wear it, whether she wants to or not.” 

I didn’t know where she borrowed such overbearing ruthlessness, like a bandit who robbed women forcefully. I paused and thought of the saying, “You have to follow today, whether you follow or not,” and found them rather similar. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, I didn’t argue with her any longer and let her handle it.

“Wonderful! You are the best. You look good and affable. You can catch souls with those two phoenix eyes!”

Here we go again… As I stroked my head and noticed the beginnings of a headache, I saw the big wren bouncing around on the shelf, shaking its head lively and cheerfully. “Since I met you, other girls cannot enter my eyes. Since I saw you, other beautiful sceneries cannot enter my eyes. You live in Yangzhou head, and I live in Yangzhou tail. I miss you every day but can’t see you. However, we have a bird to entrust our love. I’ve been grilled by you thinner and thinner every day, but I’m never remorseful! I’m never remorseful! I’m never remorseful!”

“Quickly give it some food to shut its mouth.” 

I waved my hand and asked Lu Ying to feed it. I didn’t know how a capable person like Song Xiyuan trained this big Wren, but whenever it was hungry, it started to recite some crooked poems with the wrong words. In the end, it kept repeating the verse, “I’m getting thinner and thinner but I’m never remorseful,” making people dizzy. Only fresh food could make it stop for a moment.

Today, I think my family was busy preparing to go to Lord Pei’s wedding and forgot to feed it. But this master made people haggard until the food arrived with the repetitive chanting of, “I’m getting thinner and thinner but I’m never remorseful.” This accusation made me feel guilty that I even wanted to roast it and give it to Tang Yuan to supplement his body. 

While giving more water to it, Lu Ying said, “Miss, all these years, I have been a silent observer and kept much in my heart. To speak of this may be overstepping the rule, but…the Third Young Master is a really good man.”

I paused. Without looking at her, I turned back and went to the room next door to see how the wet nurse was tidying up Tang Yuan. 

Pushing open the door, I saw Tang Yuan in a bright red buttoned jacket sitting at the bedside. With the only absence of a koi in his bosom to hold, he looked like he was from last year’s painting. I couldn’t help but sigh over the wet nurse’s festive taste. Tang Yuan looked up and saw me, immediately bursting with a smile on his face, and slid down gently from the edge of the bed. “Mother.”

I squatted down, touched his head, pulled his clothes to arrange it, and then examined the button thoroughly. I pondered for a long time before asking him, “Does Xiao’er have a stomach ache?”

Tang Yuan blinked and said adorably, “Not hurt.”

“Does your tooth hurt?” I touched his face. 

“Not hurt.” Tang Yuan shook his head. 

“What about your fingers? Do they hurt?” I persevered. 

“It doesn’t hurt.” Tang Yuan stared at me with moist eyes. I sighed disappointedly and, with no other choice, took his small hand and went outside. Who would have thought that not even after five steps, Tang Yuan stopped and tugged at my clothes, indicating to me to stop. I bent down and heard Tang Yuan say softly, “Mother, Xiao’er’s feet hurt.”

Finally, the big stone in my heart fell to the ground. I picked up Tang Yuan and called over the servant. “The young master’s feet hurt. Take him back to the room for a rest. Tell the wet nurse to take care of him well.”

The servant carried Tang Yuan back to the house. I straightened my clothes and sat in a sedan chair with my family to the Pei family’s house to attend the banquet. 

The wedding ceremony the empress dowager bestowed was really spectacular. Ten miles of red decorations adorned the street and all the way down to the gate of the Pei house. Music and esteemed guests filled the house, bustling with people going in and out. The Pei family’s heads personally greeted the guests at the entrance, smiling from ear to ear, full of joy. 

At the sight of our whole Shen family, awkward expressions appeared on their faces, at a loss for words. In the end, my father magnanimously said congratulatory words and greetings to them. Pei Yanzhen’s mother held my hand for a while before she sighed lightly. “Why don’t I see Xiao’er?”

“Xiao’er’s feet hurt a little. I’m afraid he might have sprained his foot, so I let him rest at home,” I replied with a downcast expression. 

The elderly woman became a bit anxious. “Is it serious? There’s a ready-made prescription for bruises at home. I’ll ask someone to prepare the medicine and send it over later.”

“It’s not serious. I think with a night’s rest, he will be fine by tomorrow,” I reassured her. 

Only then did the elderly woman’s complexion improve a little. Seeing my father and yiniangs calling me over, she let go of my hand. I turned around and heard her let out a sigh behind me. “Miao’er, don’t blame Yanzhen. He didn’t have a choice…”

“I don’t,” I whispered back and continued walking inside. Peonies bloomed along the way to the main hall, its sweet fragrance pervading the air, the clouds as white as snow but dyed red with the setting sun—which stopped me in my tracks. I saw the difference between today and five years ago. What caught my eyes was the same radiance of spring that perched on the petals every year. It’s just relevant with the verse, “the flowers are the same every year.” Thinking of this, I couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh. 

How could I not? Everyone has a choice, except me.

The festive red color overflowed the inside of the inner hall. The hall light illuminated this long, typical endless night as bright as day. People came and went continuously, their happy waves of laughter without a single moment of pause. I looked for my father and sat in a secluded place behind him. I listened to people greet him, whether they were familiar or not. My father also acted like a spectator and responded happily, avoiding any talk about my past. 

When I looked up, I saw a big red “囍”2Character for Xi. at the head of the hall. When I looked down, a long, dark red carpet filled my view. Listening to the sound of a suona horn inside out and thinking about my maternal aunt’s red rouge tomorrow, I felt a burst of pain in my throat. I couldn’t help but sigh, thinking that the doctors nowadays were becoming more and more incompetent. Even after drinking an uncountable amount of medicine, there wasn’t the slightest improvement. The leftover medicine dregs were poured out dustpan after dustpan. People who were unaware might think that our Shen family had a member who was terminally ill. If they knew that it was due to a carp thorn that has been stuck for a month or so, we would definitely become a laughingstock. 

I wonder how Tang Yuan is doing at home right now. My thoughts wandered a bit and I became absentminded, not knowing who came next and what was said. 

It was only when I heard a sharp voice repeatedly shouting in a loud tone several times—“The new couple worship heaven and earth!”—did I come back to my senses. 

When I looked up, I saw the two heads of the Pei family at the head of the hall go pale white. The gong gong presiding over the ceremony also looked anxious. The bride with a red veil draped over her head had already finished bending over and worshiping heaven and earth and now stood up straight, but the groom at the other end of the silk remained tall and stiff, with no signs of bending down. 

Dazed, I looked at the fluttering crimson silk on the groom’s wrist and saw him clasp his hands and bow deeply to the bride. “Miss Qin,” he said clearly, “I’m afraid this Pei has to let you down. This marriage, no matter what, cannot be tied!”

One person stood up across the red carpet at the other end of the hall, full of shock. It was Song Xiyuan, who came in at some point. 

In an instant, the hall fell silent. 

“Why?” Only that word spilled out from under the red veil. Unexpectedly, it didn’t sound mournful but seemed to hide some inexplicable joy. 

Pei Yangzhen straightened up and looked at me with clear eyes. My heart jumped, and I heard him say unhurriedly, “In Yangzhou, no matter if it’s the gray-haired elderly man and the shaking old woman or the young boys and girls who are yet to be adults, they all know that inside my, Pei Yangzhen’s, heart, there’s only one person. Although improper, it is simply how it is. However, I don’t ask for much. As long as I can watch her from afar and occasionally listen to her talk, my life will be fulfilled. If I were to marry today, I’m afraid I would not be able to maintain this infatuation of looking at the shadow of the moon across the water…”

That man from the palace who officiated the marriage raised his voice expressionlessly and asked harshly, “Lord Pei, you do realize the crime of resisting the decree is a capital offense punishable by beheading?”

Amidst the red curtain of the sky, Pei Yanzhen smiled and declared, “The heart has already broken, how could one live?”

My nose was sour and my throat was still pricked by the fishbone. I felt the long-lost sensation of cool water sliding down my face and falling onto the red carpet, unseen.