When I Shall Say Goodbye
Chapter 9
Little did she know, that the man beside her was long awakened when she pushed herself snugly in his chest. Somehow, he waited until she was really asleep. He, then, pulled up above her with an elbow and watched her for a long time. As his thoughts flew back when they were yet in their fourth year in high school, he tightened his arm over her waist and pulled her closer. No one knew other than him how he tried to pursue her back then when their friendship started out. He believed that a good relationship should be founded in a strong bond of friendship. He remembered how careful he was to win her trust. He did many plans on how he would reveal his affection only to be overcome by a sense of insufficiency and cowardice. The feeling of not being good enough and the fear of being rejected always thwarted his plans. His obsession grew but only to get frustrated once again when he unintentionally read her diary.
"I saw you at a distance and I knew you would be the one I would want to be with in my whole life through.. After last night, when I hold you close..."
He did not finished reading it. Anger and frustration overtook him. All the while he had been trying to win her, there was someone else in her heart. After all, he was not worthy. Was she not the school's representative in several competitions from division to national meet? What about him? Getting a line of 90's for a grade was even difficult. How could a brilliant one like her would ever be proud of someone who never had a single achievement?
One time, he also saw her so thrilled and infatuated with a schoolmate who sang like Martin Nieverra. And he would never forget when she exclaimed, "a beatiful voice would always make way to my heart... "
His insecurities were sealed the moment he thought that even a national anthem would go out of tune if he was the one to sing the piece.
After high school, he went to their place somewhere to visit her. He missed her company and their friendship. Perhaps, he could start working out for their friendship once again. He knew that it was about his hurt ego back then that prompted him to pretend he was in a relationship with Ayanna,
When he was finally able to gather his courage to visit her at home, he then found out that she and her family moved out to a distant province no one in the neighborhood knew about. He never knew that she was only hiding from them and that she was just working in the city. Most of all, Jay never told her about their constant communication even if he asked her many times.
Just as a feeling of regret clouded his mind, he raised up a hand to caress her head gently. For what seemed like an eternity, the sense of agony fighting with an inner desire to have her as his own, his haze deepened and his head slowly bent down. A feather - like kiss touched her forehead but with the influence of the alcohol intoxication in his system, the light stroke suddenly turned into a deep, possesive conquer of her lips...
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