Your Distance

Ting Shuang closed the door and said to Liang Zhengxuan, “Just say whatever you want to say, and spit it all out now. But stuff like ‘it’s been so many years’, or ‘there’s no next time’, don’t say them over and over again. You keep coming over like this, and I’m really annoyed.”

Liang Zhengxuan held himself back, saying in a low voice, “I know I was wrong. I swear, if you just forgive me this one time—”

Ting Shuang interrupted impatiently, “Liang Zhengxuan, I’ll put it this way. I’ve been with you since I was seventeen. That was seven years ago. If I forgive you because I can’t bear to let go of those seven years, then if you pull this stunt on me again in another twenty years, wouldn’t I have even more of a reason to forgive you? Just how green(1) would I be by then? “

Liang Zhengxuan was slightly irritated, “Can you not turn your back on the decades we could have had together in the future just because of this one incident? You haven’t been with me for twenty years, so how would you know that I’d make the same mistake again? Can you not think about things that haven’t happened?”

Ting Shuang sneered, “A leopard never changes its spots. What, you won’t let me talk about what happened? I’m telling you, with me, you can’t sweep this under the rug.”

“Ting Shuang, this temper of yours, who can manage it?” Liang Zhengxuan pointed at Ting Shuang’s door and said, “I’m used to it, but is he? Can he manage it? He might be able to manage it today, but what about two months later? After being in a relationship for so long, who wouldn’t make some mistakes? I’ll put it out here today, no matter who you switch your partner to, there’s no way that nothing will happen.”

“Are you done?” Ting Shuang lifted his chin in the direction of the front door. “If you’re done, scram.”

“Will you get rid of this habit of telling others to scram without a second thought—” Liang Zhengxuan closed his eyes, held back his anger again, and said slowly, “Lil’ Shuang, calm down for a while, and spend a little longer thinking about it, okay?”

Lil’ Shuang.

In a moment, Ting Shuang recalled a lot of things that happened in the past.

He stood silent for a while before saying, “I didn’t want things to turn out like this. Zhengxuan, I know I have a bad temper, and you have always tolerated me, but I… you know that I’m petty and hold grudges. Even if we get together again, I’ll keep bringing up matters from the past to stir up trouble for you, and be suspicious of you all day long… We don’t have to live a life like that, it’s too tiring. “

Liang Zhengxuan was about to say something when Ting Shuang made a gesture, “Let me finish.”

He pulled out a cigarette case from his pocket and sucked in a breath as he lit the cigarette.

After smoking half of the cigarette, he squinted through the lingering smoke, and exhaled more smoke while softly adding a few sentences.

“After doing some soul-searching, I realised I don’t love you to the point where I’m willing to endure that kind of life.

“I still… love myself a lot.

“I don’t plan on spending my next few decades like that.”

After listening till the end, Liang Zhengxuan opened his mouth, speechless. It seemed as if it was useless to say anything. He finally got that Ting Shuang really didn’t want to do anything but break up. It was a long time before he said, “… So that’s what you think.”

Ting Shuang walked to the bin and tapped off the ash at the end of the cigarette, saying, “Those things should have been said long ago, but I only just came to that understanding.”

Maybe he only came to that understanding today.

All of a sudden he was looking forward to starting a new life.

When Liang Zhengxuan left, Ting Shuang took out another cigarette from the cigarette case and lit it, intending to finish it before entering the house.

As soon as he sucked in a breath, the cigarette left his lips, and the cigarette between his index and middle fingers was taken away from behind.

He turned around to see Bai Changyi holding the cigarette he had just smoked, taking a puff from the mouth of the cigarette his lips had just touched.

Ting Shuang stared at Bai Changyi’s lips, his gaze involuntarily moving along the length of the cigarette between Bai Changyi’s fingers, sometimes leaving his lips, and other times moving closer to them.

Damn it.

He wanted to be the mouth of that white cigarette.

Ting Shuang couldn’t help but take back the cigarette from between Bai Changyi’s fingers, staring at the mouth of the cigarette  for a few seconds, before putting it between his lips again.

It had the exact same mint flavour as before, there was no difference.

He took a draw on the cigarette and passed it back to Bai Changyi.

Fingertips touching again and again, feeling each other’s lips indirectly through a cigarette, the two of them stood outside the door, taking turns to smoke until they finished the cigarette.

“You didn’t wait long, right?” Ting Shuang asked.

Bai Changyi said, “I didn’t.”

Ting Shuang said, “That’s good. I was worried that you’d be bored. “

Bai Changyi put out the cigarette and said, “It wasn’t boring. I finished marking the homework on your desk.”