Your Distance

Wait, that wasn’t right.

Something wasn’t right.

Zhu Ao could finally react, “Ting Shuang, don’t try and rope me in.”

Was this a matter of who scored and who lost out?

He had almost been roped into this kid’s logic.

Ting Shuang said, “Dad, I wouldn’t dare rope you in… Aren’t we discussing this… We’re trying to reach a consensus…”

As he said so, he was mapping out plans in his mind, the first consensus-

The first was that the whole family would benefit from one of them being involved with someone of a higher social status – a professor; Both sides had come to an agreement on that.

So he went on to find their next consensus, “Dad, surely you want me to be happy?”

This time Zhu Ao ignored him, and took a drink from his cup of tea.

Ting Shuang rephrased his sentence so it didn’t seem so mushy, “Dad, you don’t want me to live a bad life, do you?”

“Just what are you talking about?” From behind the cup, Zhu Ao raised his gaze, annoyed, “I’m your father, why would I hope for you to live a bad life?”

Ting Shuang immediately said, “That’s right, that’s right…”

After those two phrases, his next words steered the conversation in another direction, “But dad, say, whether someone lives a good life or not, who’s to judge that? At the root of it all, isn’t it like a cup of water? Only the person drinking it would know if it’s cold or warm, right?”

“Yes, it’s up to you to decide whether you’re living a good life or not,” Zhu Ao lit a cigarette. But before Ting Shuang could rejoice, he quickly followed up by adding, “But it’s not the current you that has the final say. People have to look at the long-term picture. It may all seem fine and dandy when you’re young, but what about when you grow older? As your current self, yes, you may be happy. I was once young too, so I know how happy you might feel muddling through life when you’re young, but when you’re in your seventies and eighties? Others may have a big family with many children and grandchildren who can take care of them when they’re old, but what about you? What will you do then?”

Ting Shuang was about to refute, when Zhu Ao said seriously, “I’ll be dead by then, unable to see anything and unable to feel anything. When you’re left alone, who would care about you then?”

After that, he glanced at Bai Changyi, then turned his gaze back to Ting Shuang, his eyes expressing his thoughts clearly: If you find someone so much older than you, how can you expect him to take care of you for the rest of your life? The fact that you don’t have to wait upon him is good enough.

This matter was too heavy to talk about. Whether it was said explicitly or not, it was just too heavy.

“Ting Shuang, don’t tell me that when you’re old and rich, there’d be nursing homes, care workers, society, law and the government. It’s not the same as a real family.” Zhu Ao exhaled a mouthful of cigarette smoke, the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes deepening, “How much longer do you think I can care for you? I can’t do so for much longer. Professor Bai—”

He looked at Bai Changyi, “The psychiatrist you introduced to me is good, but a doctor can only tell me what is a disease and what is not. He has the authority to treat diseases, but not for how I live my life. I’ve lived more than half of my life without his teachings. Professor Bai, your achievements are good. I don’t know how many people are queuing up to serve you, but this son of mine, this son of Zhu Ao’s, won’t do so. You and I, if we can’t be brothers then so be it. We’ll only talk about work in the future. I, Zhu Ao, can make clear distinctions between work and private matters. Another conversation like today’s will no longer be necessary in the future.”

After saying so, he hung up without giving Bai Changyi and Ting Shuang a chance to say another word.

For a long time after the video call ended, Zhu Ao sat on the sofa smoking, not saying a word.

Weng Yunyi sat next to him, and gently persuaded him, “Actually… the kid’s affairs, just let the kid settle them himself. Let children find their own blessings. If you meddle too much, it’ll be fine if it turns out well, but if it doesn’t, you’ll just make him hate you.”

Zhu Ao turned to look at Weng Yunyi, and asked, “What if it was Zhu Wenjia on the other side of that video call today? Would you say the same if he too wanted to live with a man ten years older than him?”

Weng Yunyi was taken aback, and then started laughing after a moment, “Lil’ Jia– Lil’ Jia wouldn’t. He’s not like Ting Shuang. Oh, yes, from our dinner last time, didn’t President Lin’s daughter just graduate from Imperial College? Should we ask Lil’ Jia to come back and invite President Lin and the rest to have a meal together?”

“… You can arrange it.” Zhu Ao put out the cigarette in his hand and stood up, “I’ll take a bath.”

Zhu Wenjia turned on his phone and saw the message his mother had sent him: Lil’ Jia, it’s not convenient for you to live with your brother. You can apply to university from anywhere. Come back to China first. Your mother, I, have someone I want to introduce you to.

Zhu Wenjia replied: No, I want to look at and decide on the university I want to apply to myself.

After replying to the message, he threw the phone aside and played with the dog for a while. When he turned around, he saw that Ting Shuang’s expression was still the same, so he just continued patting the dog.

The atmosphere at home was not very good.

Bai Changyi was cooking in the kitchen.

Ting Shuang leaned against the kitchen door frame in a daze.

“Come on, have a taste.” Bai Changyi said.

“Mm…” Ting Shuang went over and drank the soup from the spoon Bai Changyi was holding up.

“How is it?” Bai Changyi asked.

Ting Shuang nodded, “… Delicious.”

As Bai Changyi was about to take back the spoon, when Ting Shuang wrapped his arms around Bai Changyi’s waist and nestled his head into the crook of his neck.

“What’s the matter?” Bai Changyi touched the back of Ting Shuang’s neck.

Ting Shuang didn’t say anything for a long time.

Bai Changyi asked, “Still thinking about what happened just now?”

“I didn’t expect him to say that…” Ting Shuang muttered, “… Are you sad?”

Bai Changyi said, “I’m fine, what he said was the truth.”

“What he said was not the truth!” Ting Shuang said, “That’s just what he thinks. I don’t think like that. Is life really only about those last ten years?”

“I know.” Bai Changyi said, “But people’s views aren’t that easy to change. If a single conversation could eliminate disagreements that have existed for decades, then why would wars still happen on Earth?”

“But, I thought…” Ting Shuang said in frustration, “I thought we could have resolved it a little better… We planned it out so well before the video call… I thought…”

Bai Changyi was silent for a while, before he said, “Ting, can you not accept the fact that I failed?”

Ting Shuang suddenly raised his head and looked into Bai Changyi’s eyes, “I’m not—”

“There are also problems I can’t solve.” Bai Changyi lowered his gaze and looked into the depths of Ting Shuang’s eyes, “Just like how I can’t stop myself from aging.”

The lid of the pot in which the soup was boiling moved around, white steam emerging from the hole in the lid.

Outside the window, without a sound(1), leaves started falling from the trees in the yard.

Summer had already passed, and on a day unbeknownst to them, the cherries that had once fallen all over the ground had disappeared without a trace.