Your Distance

“I promised.” Ting Shuang said as he pushed the wheelchair.

Zhu Wenjia followed Ting Shuang and recalled what Ting Shuang had said: When Dad’s recovered, let’s have dinner together.”

Leaves fell from the trees along the street, and Zhu Wenjia wrapped his clothes tightly around himself. He didn’t know what to say, so he responded with an “Mm”.

Ting Shuang turned back to look at Zhu Wenjia, “Why did you dress so lightly?”

Zhu Wenjia sniffed, “… It looks good.”

In actuality, it wasn’t because he wanted to look good. Because he hadn’t left the house for too long, he didn’t know that the weather had already become this cold after an autumn shower.

The meal was eaten in silence, so much so that it was almost a little awkward.

After eating, Ting Shuang explained some important things to look out for when taking care of Zhu Ao to the nurse and the nanny, then went into his room.

The boxes containing his belongings that had been sent home after he had graduated were still piled on the floor of his room. They had not been opened, and even the courier slips were still stuck on the cardboard boxes. Beside the box was a guitar case.

Ting Shuang picked up the guitar, sat down on a random cardboard box, and played a chord.

He thought of the German folk song “The Final Night”. He missed Bai Changyi.

Knock knock. Someone knocked on the door.

“The door’s unlocked.” Ting Shuang continued playing the chords, wondering how that folk song was supposed to be sung.

Zhu Wenjia opened the door, walked in, closed the door, then stood beside it watching Ting Shuang fumble with the guitar. He only spoke after a while, trying to find a topic to talk about. “What does that sentence you just sang mean?”

“Großer Reichtum bringt uns keine Ehr‘… Wealth does not bring us dignity. The next sentence is ‘poverty, too, does not bring shame.’” Ting Shuang plucked the strings twice, lowering his head and laughing, “The lyrics are just nonsense, aren’t they. Why did you come looking for me?”

“…I don’t know.” Zhu Wenjia also sat on a cardboard box. He didn’t know where to put his hands, so he pressed them on the surface of the box, “What’s inside?”

“I forgot.” Ting Shuang put the guitar aside to look for a penknife, “Let’s open it and see.”

Zhu Wenjia watched Ting Shuang scour through the drawer, “What are you looking for?”

“A knife or something.” Ting Shuang found a pair of scissors and went to open the cardboard box.

Zhu Wenjia quickly moved aside to expose the surface of the box.

“Don’t be nervous.” Ting Shuang cut through the tape on the box with the scissors, joking with Zhu Wenjia. “Even if we don’t have a good relationship, I wouldn’t use a pair of scissors to stab you.” After slashing through the tape, he handed the scissors to Zhu Wenjia.

Zhu Wenjia waved the scissors in the air, “If I stab myself with this thing now, can we pretend that everything that had happened didn’t happen?”

“Of course not, so you’d better not stab yourself.” Ting Shuang opened the box and found that it contained clothes from his university years. He pulled out a jacket and threw it to the thinly-dressed Zhu Wenjia. “My old clothes, do you want to try them on?”

Zhu Wenjia put on the jacket over his clothes and tucked his hands into the sleeves, finding it very warm. After wearing it for a while, it became a little too hot.

“What kind of tattered clothes are these, they’re so ugly.” He sniffed at the sleeves, “What kind of material is this?”

“Don’t wear it if you find it ugly,” Ting Shuang said.

Zhu Wenjia went silent, and retracted his neck and chin into the jacket, leaving only the top of his head and half of his face exposed.

Ting Shuang took the scissors from Zhu Wenjia and continued opening several of the other cardboard boxes.

Zhu Wenjia watched Ting Shuang as he did so, “Are you moving back in?”

“No.” Ting Shuang opened a box of old teaching materials and comics, and took them out one by one. “The house I rented is close to the company.”

“But far away from home.” Zhu Wenjia said.

Ting Shuang didn’t speak.

Zhu Wenjia continued saying, “Dad wants you to live at home.”

Ting Shuang pointed to the comic books on the floor, “Do you want them?”

Zhu Wenjia glanced at the bookshelf in the room, “Isn’t it the same, whether you put it in your room or mine?”

“That’s true.” After Ting Shuang said so, he continued on to open another box, and found some miscellaneous items, including a deflated football. He picked it up and weighed it in his hands, then went to find an air pump from inside the drawers.

“Move back in.” Zhu Wenjia walked to Ting Shuang, and called out to him, “… Ge.”

Ting Shuang pumped up the football before saying, “If I live at home, wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable?”

The case was still being investigated, and Weng Yunyi was still in custody.

“I would feel uncomfortable.” Zhu Wenjia paused and said, “I’d feel uncomfortable whether you live at home or not.”

“I know.” Ting Shuang said.

They each sat on a cardboard box, both of them silent.

Ting Shuang tossed the ball a couple of times, then said, “Do you want to go out and play football?”

Zhu Wenjia opened his mouth and said dryly, “I don’t know how to.”

Ting Shuang threw the ball to Zhu Wenjia, “I’ll teach you.”

It was dark out. The lights in the yard were all turned on, the lawn wide.

Ting Shuang started teaching him how to bump the ball, and Zhu Wenjia tried learning for a long time. Even if he used his hands, he could only bump the ball a maximum of three times, looking extremely ragged.

“Can we practice something else?” Zhu Wenjia was sweating profusely, and hugged the ball as he sat on the steps, “Can’t we just start kicking it right away?” He pointed to the trees at both ends of the yard, “That’s your goal, and this is my goal. Let’s see who scores more.”

Ting Shuang stood in front of Zhu Wenjia, “Sure, but if you play with me, you won’t even be able to snatch the ball from me.”

“And if I do?” Zhu Wenjia tied up his sweat-soaked hair and looked up at Ting Shuang.

“There’d be no reward either way.” Ting Shuang kicked Zhu Wenjia’s leg, “Get up and kick the ball, where’s your gusto?”

Zhu Wenjia stood up, “If I manage to snatch the ball from you, then you’ll move back into the house. Otherwise, I’ll straight up follow you back to your rented apartment tonight.”

“Zhu Wenjia, this again?” Ting Shuang said, “Then go ahead and try snatching the ball.”

The two of them played until very late, and the caregiver came out and told Ting Shuang that Zhu Ao had been watching them play football all night by the window. He seemed very happy about it, and was already asleep now.

“It’s good that he’s sleeping.” Ting Shuang turned his head and said to Zhu Wenjia, “I have to go now, I have work tomorrow.”

“You have to move back.” Zhu Wenjia panted, arms akimbo, “Not only did I snatch the ball, I also scored a goal.”

Ting Shuang nodded, “Mm, by pulling down my pants.”

He laughed after saying that.

Zhu Wenjia also laughed, and as he did so, his eyes slowly reddened.

“What are you doing?” Seeing that Zhu Wenjia was about to cry, Ting Shuang teased him, “Dad’s already asleep, and he won’t come out to help you scold me if you cry.”

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“… Ge.” Zhu Wenjia slowly squatted down and buried his head in his knees, the smell of grass permeating his senses.

“Mm, ” Ting Shuang answered.

After a long time, Zhu Wenjia’s lifeless voice sounded from behind his knees, “This is the first time… after I caused trouble, no one’s ratted me out.”

“You… didn’t really cause trouble this time.” Ting Shuang sat down beside Zhu Wenjia, occasionally tossing the ball around. The football flew upwards again and again, becoming very small, as if it was going to disappear, but just as it seemed to disappear from view, it fell from the air instead, falling faster and faster, steadily falling back into the palms of his hands. “Sometimes, things turn out that way. It’s not because of you, but because… It’s also my first time encountering this kind of thing. Maybe I didn’t handle it well.”

Zhu Wenjia’s head remained buried, and he said nothing.

“The sky won’t fall.” Ting Shuang’s voice sounded very reliable.

Zhu Wenjia raised his head a little, revealing a tear-stained face, “… Really.”

“Are you really crying?” Ting Shuang looked for a serviette in his pocket, but to his surprise, instead of a serviette, he found a crumpled handkerchief with “BAI” embroidered on the corner.

He was stunned for a moment, and it took him a while to remember why this handkerchief was in his pocket.

The night they’d just gotten together, Bai Changyi had brought him to the city center on his bike. He’d picked a bunch of cherries along the way for Bai Changyi to eat, and Bai Changyi handed him a handkerchief to wipe his hands.

Back then, he’d said that he wanted to wash and return it, but he ended up leaving it in his pocket and forgetting about it.

Suddenly, the faint scent of the air from the onset of summer began permeating his senses, the smell bringing him back to the simple days when all he did was worry about retaking his course, and fall for Bai Changyi.

It seemed like a long time had passed since then, so long that he couldn’t quite remember everything.(1)

“Alright, stop crying, I didn’t bring any tissues.” Ting Shuang put the handkerchief back into his pocket and thought for a while before saying, “When my mother left this house, I thought the sky would come crumbling down on me, but after a while, I got used to it. The same goes for many other things, such as when I broke up with Liang Zhengxuan, or when Dad got sick. Back then, the thought of having to retake a course was a big deal. But looking back, it can’t even be considered a hurdle.”

Ting Shuang stood up and continued talking to Zhu Wenjia while bumping the ball, “Actually, life is more like bumping a ball. The moment the ball is in your possession, you feel like you’ve succeeded, but that success disappears quickly. You have to struggle to snatch the next ball, and it’s easy to lose it again. Once you lose possession of it, you feel like you’ve failed, and failing is much easier than succeeding. However, failure is just like success. They’re both things that only stick around for a while. All you have to do is pick the ball back up and struggle as you continue bumping it.”

After he finished speaking, he held the football in one hand and pulled Zhu Wenjia up from the ground with the other, “Move, let’s go in, I’ll stay in the house today, and move back in tomorrow after work.”