Your Regrets Are Late

January 6, 1059.

Madam knew. That my husband died. And the fact that there was a baby in my womb. She told me to run away.

Princess didn’t cry today either. No… she was holding it in.

I couldn’t keep the promise I made that day. I… let go of the princess’s hand first. Those small hands. I… was the one who let go of the princess’s small hands.

May 18, 1510

The princess had a new nanny. She seemed to have followed that nanny well too.

I knew it. The expression princess made when she was being comfortable with some. It had been a long time since I saw that familiar smile.

Madam said… she wished I shouldn’t come back anymore. Princess hadn’t cried in a long time… since I left. I didn’t want to see the princess cry anymore.

* * *

Charelize, who fell asleep while reading Lona’s diary, had a dream about her.

“Princess can play as much as you want today. Madam has allowed it.”

“…Really?”

“Princess, when have I ever lied?”

“Then… I want to see flowers. Let’s go to the garden. Hurry up, Lona.”

She spent time in the garden, holding Lona’s hand and taking a walk.

“The hair of the girl who became happy after meeting the prince sparkled. It turned to gold.”

“Can she be happy only when she meets the prince? Why can’t she make it gold by herself? The main character of this children’s book is the girl. Not the prince.”

“Yes?”

“Listening to it, it reminded me of Jeremy. Please read something else. I don’t like it.”

“Are you referring to the second prince of Kingdom Dwayne?”

“Yes. He said that I would be happy if I married him, a prince.”

“Don’t tell me… the reason why Princess made the prince’s face like that a few days ago…”

“He’s even dumber than me. He doesn’t even understand Aersen’s collapse.”

“…It’s even stranger to know about Aersen’s collapse at your age. And don’t hit your friend…”

“I don’t know. I don’t like it. It’s annoying that I would be happy only after marrying a prince. What did the prince do? And why should it be like that?”

She doesn’t like the ending of the storybook, so she makes Lona troubled for a while because of her grumpiness.

“…Don’t go, Lona.”

“…”

“Who will sing me a lullaby now? Who do I share my snacks with? What about the book? There are too many books I haven’t read yet. Therefore… don’t go.”

“…Princess.”

“When I say you can go… and I don’t want to see you again, are all lies. I also apologize to Jeremy. I won’t use bad words from now on, and I will be nice. Okay? Therefore…”

Unlike her past, when she only watched Lona through the window as she left, she caught her.

“Stay… healthy, Princess.”

“No! Don’t go! Don’t go, Lona!”

In the end, Charelize opened her eyes the moment she shouted don’t go, and Lona turned around.

“…”

Instead of wiping away her tears, Charelize returned to the first page and reread it until dawn, just like that over and over. It was what only she could do for Lona.

* * *

Seeing the two carriages in front of her, Charelize sighed.

“You don’t have to worry, Your Highness. It’s really fine.”

She felt sorry for Hailey, who had to be alone with Lillian instead of her. However, leaving Ibelin and Lillian in the same place could have made things more tiring.

“Your Highness, look to the right.”

“…Baroness Azwell?”

Charelize found Baroness Azwell rushing from afar.

“Princess, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to tell me anytime.”

“You seem to have a fever… Should I bring you some medicine?”

She had been helping Charelize a lot during her stay at Arensis’s palace and during her princess days, but she forgot to say goodbye.

“Your Highness seems to have something to say, so feel free to talk with her. I will tell the coachman.”

“Yes, thank you.”

Charelize, who sent Hailey first, waited for her.

“Baroness Azwell. Thank you for—”

“…Your Highness.”

Baroness Azwell walked slowly with a few steps left and hugged Charelize.

“Baroness… Azwell?” Surprised by her sudden behavior, Charelize asked, widening her eyes.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t tell you sooner…”

“…What?”

“Countess Yoseph… If only I had known that she was your nanny… I should have informed you right away that day…”

Baroness Azwell struggled to say that something had happened with Lona.

“Until Your Highness enrolled in Rosielt Academy… she often comes… She told me about Your Highness’s favorite foods and things to be careful of.”

“…”

“I was asked not to say anything about it… I apologize for not letting you know beforehand.” Baroness Azwell released Charelize’s arm and bowed deeply.

Charelize didn’t let go of Lona’s ashes throughout her journey back to the duchy. She had the appearance of a child desperately trying to protect her things from being taken away by anyone.

Upon arriving at the duchy following the way she came, Charelize and Lillian went straight to the imperial palace. Having heard everything that happened so far, Harbert IV didn’t say anything for a long time, then nodded.

“I’m glad you both returned safely, despite the unfortunate incident.”

Besides that, he didn’t respond much, just saying they did a good job.

“You must be tired. You can leave and rest now.”

Charelize, who received an answer that they were free to leave, headed to the villa with Ibelin without even wasting time traveling.

Charelize was still holding Lona’s ashes. Maybe it was because of her expression from the time they departed from Peschte Empire, Ibelin didn’t create the playful atmosphere as usual.

“Ibelin.”

“…Yes, Charel.”

Charelize, who knew Ibelin was looking at her, spoke first. At her question, Ibelin gave a small nod.

At her question, Ibelin nodded softly.

“She’s been on my side since I was very young.”

“…I see.”

“I guess that’s why I couldn’t forgive her more. She asked me if I believed her until the end, and I said something I shouldn’t have said…”

“…”

“Most of the contents of her diary were filled with the days she was with me. I only knew that after she died.”

Seeing Charelize spit those words calmly, Ibelin moved to a seat beside her. Then she leaned on Charelize’s shoulder. As Charelize’s body was tense, she helped her to relax. She then stroked Charelize’s hand slowly. It was just like when Lona sang a lullaby for her in the old days.

“I’ve never told anyone the real reason why Sister Rosaline hates me… Can you guess it?”

Conveying warmth, Ibelin brought out what she had been hiding.

“The person who gave birth to Sister Rosaline died because of my mother. I feel so sorry for her, even though I know it’s a sin I can’t repay for the rest of my life… I couldn’t abandon my mother. Maybe it’s because I want to be loved. From my mother, who hangs only on my father. I’m really… selfish, right?”

“…”

“The funny thing is, I deliberately enrolled in Rosielt Academy, which is far from my kingdom, to get away from that kind of mother.”

“…”

“Just like you… I only knew it after she died. That wasn’t what my mother did. Because no one trusts her… she even keeps her daughter away so that I wouldn’t get the same gaze from them. That was the story.”

She didn’t ask for details, but Charelize could imagine the expression of Ibelin when she knew the truth.

“Strangely, I laughed… while reading the will she left for me… while holding her funeral… and cleaning up her grave. The person who I held onto all my life and only resented…”

“…”

“Said that… she loved me. And… said she was sorry… for being unable to be a mother for me.”

Charelize thought Ibelin was always bright, so she didn’t expect her to live with memories like that.

“Even though we may not be together in the end… the time we spent together remains a memory. Rather than saying she’s sorry that she didn’t say it in advance… She said to visit her more often and not forget about her.”

“…”

“That’s… how my mother was. Every time the season passed, she asked me to come and let her know. She would be satisfied as long as I lived without forgetting her. She said… she didn’t regret giving birth to me.”

“…”

“Send her well… Charel. Don’t forget, and just keep remembering her. I’m sure… that would be the person who tried to protect you wanted the most.”

Ibelin lifted her head, which had been buried in Charelize’s shoulder, and met her gaze.

“…I know. Because… she was the one who only wanted me to smile.”

“Charel.”

“Thank you, Ibelin. I think… I can send Lona well.”

Hearing Ibelin’s words, Charelize smiled faintly.

“I like it the most when Princess smiles.”

“…Why? My mother always told me not to lose my composure.”

“At that moment…”

“…”

  “Princess who grew up so fast looked like children in your age. You can grow up slowly. And… even when you have grown up… please sometimes smile… like this.”