I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin

Chapter 76 Explosion

Yi Yan abruptly unlocked Mode: Chatterbox and continued to babble after disclosing that he was a 60 or 70-year-old Uncle Bai, forcing Puppet Xiao Wang to accept his grace.

"......"

Uncle, are you a little princess[1] who likes talking with her Barbie doll?

In other words, the uncle who dresses up his doll as Sailor Moon… Wang Xiaomie's mouth corners twitched. Sir, you are far too trendy.

"When Yan Chun and Zhen Bei did not return, I knew they had failed. But it makes no difference. Aside from them, I have many other clients."

Yi Yan rose up, took the luggage, placed it on the table, and opened it. It didn't have any clothing in it. Instead, it was crammed with things Wang Xiaomie couldn't make sense of.

"Actually, I had no intention of doing anything to you at all. Although you and he have been alive for a very long time, I believe it is within the scope of mankind. And I never take a living creature's life."

Wang Xiaomie wanted to punch him in the face when he laughed! You really don't kill! But what you do is even worse than murder!

"It was my puppet who first found you on land," Yi Yan continued, unable to hear Wang Xiaomie's thoughts.

"I left a puppet to protect Bai Yu. That child is extremely gifted. Actually, I don't want him to join the craftsmen's circle, but he keeps researching on his own. I'm powerless to stop it and was forced to protect him in this manner. I didn't anticipate him to provoke you at such an opportune time, and he also forged a fate with you... afterwards, you rescued him from the monster and took him in..."

"At the time, I thought this might be an opportunity." Yi Yan lowered his head and sorted his belongings while adding softly, "Afterwards, the crazy woman and puppet you encountered at Bai Yu's house were all done by me, and I disposed of the monster that broke into your home to have a reason to approach you."

He abruptly tilted his head and grinned at Wang Xiaomie, who was immobile on the chair.

"Your body is truly the most beautiful handicraft in the world, and it is simply the best for making a puppet."

"......"

I also find your skull is smooth and round, so why not let me twist it off! Wang Xiaomie gritted his teeth.

So that's why, when they were at Bai Yu's house that day, he was nearly hacked to death by the girl! It's no surprise that they later encountered further zombie attacks and Yi Yan unexpectedly appeared.

It turns out that this man had planned it for quite some time. Wen Fengjin, however, discovered this as soon as possible. Wen Fengjin mentioned seeing an essay in the ancient book carried by Bai Yu that said, "If you meet a monster surnamed Yan, collect his blood."

Wen Fengjin also stated that he noticed the word 'Bai' written in the craftsmen's unique script on the little flag at Yi Yan's shop door.

Yi Yan (Bai Cheng) probably did not expect anyone to identify the craftsmen's script, but after Wang Xiaomie died, Wen Fengjin recruited talents with bizarre means from all over the world, including craftsmen and Taoist priests, in order to resurrect Wang Xiaomie.

Wen Fengjin had also studied their works.

However, Wen Fengjin simply guessed that Bai Yu and Yi Yan were related, probably father and son.

Wang Xiaomie was so shocked that his chin almost hit the floor when Wen Fengjin told him about his hunch, and after learning from Bai Yu that Bai Yu actually liked Yi Yan, Wang Xiaomie's heart only had a row of ellipses...

Surprisingly, Yi Yan now claimed to be Bai Cheng, Bai Yu's grandfather...

Wang Xiaomie: ...What an amazing grandpa! What an awesome twist!

F*ck! Love between father and son was shocking enough. Now you’re f*cking telling me it’s Grandfather-grandson love?

Grandpa-grandson love!!

Thinking that this was probably Bai Yu's first love, Wang Xiaomie: …

Despite being bitterly disappointed that Da Bai had betrayed him, he felt strangely sympathetic.

This is a truly disastrous relationship, Amen.

May there be no Lao Bai in heaven~

Wang Xiaomie's brain suddenly froze after observing three seconds of silence in respect. Right! Given Yi Yan's kindness, it's natural for Bai Yu to misunderstand. After all, Yi Yan was Bai Yu's grandfather, and it seemed reasonable and natural for a grandfather to spoil his grandchild. Yi Yan didn't notice Bai Yu's feelings at first, or perhaps he was simply too old to think about it at all.

What about later on?

If you can't find it after ten or twenty days, how about a month or two?

How could the astute Yi Yan miss Bai Yu's clear desire to be intimate with him?

Wang Xiaomie believed that Yi Yan must have discovered it after hearing what Yi Yan had just stated when he and Bai Yu were to stay in different rooms...

Tragic!

He personally bent his sole heir and broke the burning joss sticks. Wang Xiaomie desperately wanted to interview Yi Yan's current inner feelings if it weren't for the fact that he couldn't say nonsense.

Was it super sour and energizing[2]?

Ahem, I’m not gloating. Wang Xiaomie grinned secretly to himself: I’m really not, hehe...

Yi Yan simply placed the puppet materials in the room's wooden cabinet. Wang Xiaomie was drawn to an unlocked lacquered red mahogany box.

Wang Xiaomie was fortunate enough to get a few looks as Yi Yan opened it and examined its contents.

Inside was a miniature puppet with movable joints and covered in transparent silk threads. Wang Xiaomie's eyes lit up as he realized it was the thing used to manipulate him.

Yi Yan swiftly closed the wooden box and placed it in the cabinet, locking it.

"I’m going to use that thing to control you and make Wen Fengjin deal with the drought demon for me."

Yi Yan's mouth corners were hooked, his brows and eyes slim like a fox’s[3].

"In a few days, I'll travel to Qishan with a group of tomb raiders to kidnap another zombie that the drought demon adores. Tell me, who will win if I use you and that zombie to threaten the drought demon and Wen Fengjin into fighting? Which of you or that zombie will survive, depending on who wins? Hehe~"

F*ck you, insidious uncle! Wang Xiaomie thought that when the time came, Wen Fengjin, in order for him to live, and An Kai, in order for his family's Purple Hair to live, would undoubtedly fight to the death. Neither of them were easy to deal with, and the one who was left behind would almost certainly be gravely wounded. Ultimately, wouldn't it merely give Yi Yan the final say?

Wang Xiaomie gritted his teeth but made no sound. Yi Yan approached him and stroked his hair like a dog.

"Good boy~"

Wang Xiaomie: To hell with your good boy, scumbag!

Someone suddenly called from downstairs.

"Looks like they are here."

This "they" was referring to Yi Yan’s hired tomb raiders. He checked the quartz clock on the wall and mused, "Wen Fengjin will need at least four days to catch up here. That gives me enough time."

Yi Yan was beaming as he headed downstairs after remarking this, certain that Wang Xiaomie couldn’t escape.

And Wang Xiaomie was indeed unable to make any superfluous movements. He could only obediently sit there motionless.

...Won’t my thighs get numb after an hour of sitting like this? Puppets don’t have any human rights. Wang Xiaomie was in tears.

He had no idea what Yi Yan had told this group of people. The wooden building's sound insulation was poor, and Wang Xiaomie's ears were keen, allowing him to detect the presence of several tomb raiders. They were in the dozens and had awful voices. Several of the men spoke aloud, and Wang Xiaomie could even hear Yi Yan handing each of them a golden tool...

Wow! One per person... It's too bad for An Kai and Little Purple Hair.

The clock was ticking. Yi Yan had considered everything, and after calculating the time it would take Wen Fengjin to catch up, he decided to set off immediately. Yi Yan came upstairs late at night to force Xiaomie to attend to nature's call and made him sit on the chair.

The group's chaotic sounds faded away, and Wang Xiaomie never saw Yi Yan again.

Wang Xiaomie had been given a blood sacrifice for the last time before Yi Yan made his move. As a result, he could move his fingers and body slightly, but he stayed put to avoid getting caught by any surveillance monitor or whatever was in the room.

Meanwhile, Bai Yu appeared the next morning with a suitcase.

Wang Xiaomie, who had sat all night, was convinced he now had a herniated lumbar disc, frozen shoulder, and cervical spondylosis.

Bai Yu used the little key to unlock the cabinet door and remove the wooden box. He used the inside puppet to make Wang Xiaomie rise up. Wang Xiaomie could clearly hear the 'creak creak creak' whining from his joints the instant he got up.

"......"

Fortunately, he couldn't feel the area below the neck too well because of the drug. Otherwise, how sour and energizing it’d be!

Bai Yu's abilities were not as honed as Yi Yan's. Wang Xiaomie had to perform a number of convulsive stances before he could manipulate Xiaomie properly. Wang Xiaomie, who had cleansed his face, was helped back to his chair after using the toilet.

Wang Xiaomie: ….. You’re indeed grandfather and grandson! Can’t you just let me lie down for a while?! Even standing for a while will do!

What a pity Bai Yu was oblivious to Wang Xiaomie's inner voice. He knelt on the floor, organizing the suitcase. There were many Mandarin jackets in cyan or light blue, as well as some personal accessories. It's no surprise that Wang Xiaomie didn't see any toiletries in Yi Yan's suitcase yesterday! They were all here.

Wang Xiaomie sighed in his heart as he sneaked a peek at Bai Yu's serious profile as he tidied Yi Yan's clothes.

Oh Da Bai, do you like him that much?

Abandoning friends, sensing the other party's alienation yet following him without hesitation...

In the eyes of Wang Xiaomie, who had experienced love in two lifetimes (Shura Field[4]), Bai Yu's first relationship was truly a clean and strong love, but it was later twisted by Yi Yan and mixed with a lot of other things.

For example, sadness after being estranged from the person you like, and obstinacy toward the initial feelings. It must be difficult to let go if you really love deeply. There would not have been as many stupid men and resentful women[5] since ancient times if this had not been the case.

This is understandable, but... Wang Xiaomie wanted to cover his face.

Yi Yan is your grandfather, Da Bai!

Your own (flesh and blood) grandpa!

He simply didn't dare to think about what would happen when Bai Yu discovered the truth. Wang Xiaomie imagined a conversation between the two following Bai Yu's confession someday.

The content was as follows:

Da Bai: Yi Yan, I like you. Let's be together!

Yi Yan: Impossible.

Da Bai: Why?

Yi Yan: Because I’m your grandfather, grandson.

Da Bai: ......

Wang Xiaomie, who had finished fantasizing: Too scary, it’s really too scary. I want to shed a few sad tears for the terrifying love story of Lao Bai and Da Bai.

Something made a tinkling sound just as Xiaomie was thinking about this.

Wang Xiaomie stealthily looked over and found that when Bai Yu lifted a piece of clothing, a pocket watch fell out of the inner pocket, and the round silver watch spinned about on the floor a few times before settling flat.

Bai Yu stared blankly, then picked up the pocket watch. The pocket watch's surface felt smooth to the touch. It appeared to be frequently played with in the person's hand. It was clearly a personal item. Something with such a sense of time still fell from Yi Yan's pocket, so it couldn't have come from anywhere else.

Perhaps it was inadvertently left in the inner pocket while changing clothes.

Bai Yu brushed the surface of the pocket watch with a faint smile on his face before opening it. A clock hand that was no longer moving was inside the pocket watch, and on the other side was a circular photograph.

Because men's pocket watches are relatively large, the picture was a miniature photo of two people.

The photo was already fuzzy, and it was only vaguely visible that it was of Yi Yan and a woman.

In the black and white image, the woman appeared somewhat darker than the male next to her. She had round eyes, a small and delicate nose, naturally curled corners of her mouth, pouty lips, a face full of boundless vitality, and she looked beautiful. At first glance, it was evident that she was the cute and playful type.

Wang Xiaomie took a closer look and discovered that this woman resembled Bai Yu!

Bai Yu examined it for a moment, and his smile suddenly froze.

With an expression of disbelief, he flipped over the photo.

The location of the photo on this pocket watch was definitely custom-made, and the small round frame could still be opened. It was the reverse side of the photo after opening, with a few tiny characters scribbled on it.

[To my wife.]

"......"

Wang Xiaomie: Oh no, it's all over.

"How is this possible?!" Bai Yu murmured to himself, then raced out the door, as if recalling something.

Wang Xiaomie heard him running up the stairs a few minutes later, holding a wrinkled photo in his hand. He arranged the photo and the pocket watch next to each other on the ground.

A playful smile, a delicate and lovely appearance...

The woman in the photo and the woman on the pocket watch were obviously the same person!

"Grandma..."

Bai Yu sagged to the ground, his eyes blank.

"How is this possible...how is this possible!?"

The author has something to say: 

Yi Yan avoided approaching his family because he does not want his family to walk on his path. Back then, it took him a long time to recover from his injuries. People from the same trade or some of the tomb raider clans, as well as the monsters Yi Yan had dealt with, could have come to the door.

So he simply feigned death.

As for Yi Yan's feelings for Wang Xiaomie, they’re similar to when we play card games and draw the best hand.

There are no other feelings. He simply feels that Xiaomie’s body is a good material with which to create his best masterpiece.

Footnotes:

[1] A moniker given to some men by netizens. The most distinguishing quality of this type of man is that he has a girlish heart (not sissy).

[2] "This is sour and refreshing," has become an interjection to express an unexpected emotion, such as ecstasy, or to be mildly satirical. WXM is naturally mocking YY.

[3] Obvious but still. "fox" refers to a sly and treacherous individual.

[4] Originally interpreted as "tragic battlefield." It is now used to describe complex interpersonal relationships. People involved have multiple connections or have unequal identities. Source: Baidu

[5] chī nán yuàn nǚ(idiom) refers to men and women who are deeply in love but are not emotionally fulfilled.