I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin

Chapter 78 Lǎo ruò bìng cán[1]

Wang Xiaomie had a dream.

In the dream, he returned to the period when he was chosen by the system for the first time to travel back in time a thousand years.

"Take advantage of the villain's youth and be his little padded jacket[2]!" yelled the system.

Wang Xiaomie was compelled to use love to influence the Big Boss villain, to be his white moonlight, his heart mole, and to let the villain develop a comprehensive moral, intellectual, physical, and attractive look.

If he failed, Wang Xiaomie and the villain would perish.

Wang Xiaomie, who accepted this misfortune as fate, dreamed that he painstakingly fed, ahem, brought up Wen Fengjin, raising him from a little wolf pup to a handsome young man, enduring all sorts of hardship.

A gust of wind blew over Wang Xiaomie just as he was feeling proud of himself. He closed his eyes and opened them again to find that Wen Fengjin was still as handsome, but he now had gray wolf ears on his head and a wolf tail dangling from his a$$!

Wang Xiaomie, on the other hand, had two little sheep horns on both sides of his head, like two croissants glued to his head.

Wang Xiaomie was dumbfounded as he stared at Wen Fengjin. A odd sensation on his buttocks was followed by a bad premonition. He swiftly turned his head to look over and discovered a small fluffy snow-white tail sticking to his a$$...

The little tail wagged: bilingbiling~ Surprise, mie[3], tee hee!

Wang Xiaomie: ...

When he turned his head, the academy and the seats behind him transformed into large red mushrooms! He was now in a house made of a big mushroom, staring out the door’s circular glass insert towards Wen Fengjin.

Wang Xiaomie: ... Died smiling.

I’m giving this dream a bad review.

"Little Rabbit, Little Rabbit!"

Outside the mushroom, Wen Fengjin smiled like a flower at Wang Xiaomie inside, his too good-looking handsome face almost twisted.

The wolf ears moved, the wolf tail swished madly above the ground, and Wen Fengjin’s two sharp fangs were exposed when he grinned, which contrasted horribly with his beauty.

Yikes! Big Brother, this is you wanting to eat people.

Wang Xiaomie gulped, and just as he began to shake, Wen Fengjin started singing affectionately.

"Darling bunny, open the door; I can’t open it, I can’t open it, Mama didn’t come back~~~"[4]

Wang Xiaomie: "..."

"F*ck you! Devil!"

Wang Xiaomie, who had fallen asleep unintentionally, awoke with a start, gasping for air. He was so terrified that he swiftly felt his head and buttocks while sweeping his gaze around the room.

"Whew~ it's okay, it’s okay; no horns on the head and no sheep tail on the buttocks. The house hasn’t turned into a giant mushroom either..."

Wang Xiaomie exhaled a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat from his brow. He was still in the gloomy log cabin; it must have been dark outside. Little Purple Hair from An Kai's family stirred and moved around in the sack.

Wang Xiaomie clutched his chest and trembled all over, remembering Wen Fengjin singing the bunny song in his dream, and mumbled quietly.

"Thank goodness it was just a dream."

"This dream is far too magical..."

Wen Fengjin singing Little White Rabbit with a soft and cute face, resembling the novel's great devil king? Wow.

Wang Xiaomie rubbed his arms, which were covered in goosebumps. Feeling that it was almost time, he patted the dust off his body and stood up from the ground, returned to the corner where he had been standing at the start, stopped speaking and moving, removing all expression from his eyes and face, and began to 'AFK'.

He was considering his next move. Thanks to Wen Fengjin's blood sacrifice, he was temporarily under control but not fully unable to manage his own body. Yi Yan would undoubtedly take him and Purple Hair out to threaten Wen Fengjin and An Kai when the moment came.

Then Yi Yan would also take out the puppet that manipulated him...

What if I stood behind him and stabbed him? Kill him when he's off guard?

Wang Xiaomie tapped his inner thigh with his dagger, KaiMing.

KaiMing was an artifact, and its lethality was unrivaled. It was like cutting tofu, even if the opponent was rough and tough. But, knowing Yi Yan's vigilance and inhuman strength stats, could a weak chicken like him succeed?

Yi Yan was normally all smiles, as if he was unprepared, but Wang Xiaomie guessed that if he did take out his weapon, he would be caught immediately, and then there was Bai Yu...

Wang Xiaomie recalled the scene he witnessed that day while thinking of Bai Yu. Bai Yu didn't appear to be intending to expose the truth, and Xiaomie had no idea what Bai Yu was thinking. Was he planning to play dumb and live this way with Yi Yan?

Wang Xiaomie's mind raced, conjuring up all sorts of messes.

He was no match for Yi Yan.

And he didn’t dare trust Bai Yu now.

Then there was Little Purple Hair without legs beside him...

Oh, Jesus! Oh, Mary! Please have pity on your poor child! Wang Xiaomie's head hurt from all of his anxiety.

Wang Xiaomie felt at ease again when he thought of Yi Yan's actions, which had been pretty much guessed by his family's Xiao Wenzi, so much so that he had considered several possibilities and solutions.

Sure enough! This was a duel between two bigshots, and a little trash like him had no business guessing.

From a personal standpoint, Wang Xiaomie was certain that his family's Xiao Wenzi was more powerful, but what was this annoying disquiet...

Wang Xiaomie pressed his chest with stiff hands, the restlessness and gloomy foreboding he'd felt earlier in the tomb palace flooding up again, making his chest stuffy and causing misery.

Xiaomie remained withered like this until daybreak, when the wooden house suddenly filled with a series of sounds of something being dragged, accompanied by a huge clanging of metal slamming against wooden sticks or something.

It was as though there were dozens of individuals outside who couldn't speak but were working hard at the time.

Wang Xiaomie frowned.

"Is it the villagers?"

In other words, he didn't see any villagers when he arrived here.

The sounds outside were becoming louder and closer to the log house. The wood building's doors and windows were all pasted with white paper in the antique style, making the house exceedingly dark after they were closed tightly.

The poor lighting hindered eyesight and improved hearing, and the noises of dragging became increasingly clear to Xiaomie's ears, as if he were dragging his eardrums on the gravel-covered ground.

Xiaomie’s hair stood up one by one.

Wang Xiaomei pursed his lips and glanced at the large sack on the side, his black pupils gradually contracting. Purple Hair was most likely injured and had been resting since their exchange.

The sounds were really close, but he didn't hear anyone speaking, only dragging noises.

Rubbing his arms, Wang Xiaomie moved his body laboriously and staggered towards the wooden door step by step. The sound became clearer as he approached...

What could it be…

Wang Xiaomie took a deep breath and came to a halt in front of the wooden door lightly. His face moved steadily closer to the wooden door, where a piece of paper on the recently pasted door's edge was not stuck. He cautiously lifted it with his fingernails and peered out.

At first glance, he noticed a light that was brighter than the room, forcing his black pupils to constrict and dilate rapidly. After adjusting to the brightness, he saw a staggering figure on the right side of his line of view, his head violently shaking as he wandered around his door.

That person was dressed in an ordinary navy blue striped T-shirt and pants that cost roughly $20 a pair on the market. He wore a frayed belt around his waist and leaned to the right, as if carrying something heavy.

The sound of metal scraping against sandstone was enough to make people's teeth ache.

The hole next to the dusty white paper showed an eye, closely examining the situation.

When the figure approached, those black pupils blinked as he realized what was in the person’s hand—

It was a copper-gold broadsword with a three or four centimeter thick blade and the width of a saber. It would probably reach a person's waist if raised upright.

So that’s why you’re dragging it around! Such a big knife must be hefty!

Wang Xiaomie then looked into the distance and spotted many such villagers dragging their broadswords around the wooden buildings without saying anything. Both men and women were wandering about with their heads down, circling where they resided.

Wang Xiaomie examined their weapons with trepidation and murmured: "Aren't golden weapons the hardest to refine? How come Yi Yan appears to be running a mass production line here?"

He believed his voice was low enough, but as soon as he finished speaking, the villager who was walking around outside his door abruptly halted!

F*ck! What’s the deal with this hearing!

Wang Xiaomie was going to move away from the entrance when he caught the man raising his head in his direction...

"!!!"

Wang Xiaomie's mind went blank after seeing his face fully, and his lips trembled a few times.

Faceless...

That man's face was as flat as a piece of wood! It had no mouth, nose, or brows, and only one huge blood-red eye that took up virtually the entire face!!!

That blood-red eyeball was now swiveling and staring at Wang Xiaomie!

"Sss—"

Wang Xiaomie sucked a chilly breath, his hands and feet turning ice-cold as he took two stiff steps back and almost screamed.

Monster!

He immediately turned and hurried back, rushing to Little Purple Hair's side, grabbing the sack and dragging it to a corner, panting and pallid as he huddled in the corner, peering intently at the entrance.

There was a reflection of a human figure on the door. Wang Xiaomie was so nervous that even his slow-beating heart was about to leap into his throat. The monster remained still.

The door was locked from the outside, and Wang Xiaomie didn't hear the sound of it unlocking.

Outside, the monster stood motionless.

Wang Xiaomie didn't dare to blink as he stared at the door, his palm clenched over Little Purple Hair's sack.

Time seemed to have slowed down. The shadow on the door eventually vanished after dozens of minutes or only a few minutes.

He’s gone...

Wang Xiaomie sagged on the ground, his hands and feet freezing, and slowly wiped the sweat from his brow.

In his thoughts, the empty face and the massive blood-red eyeball kept replaying.

Wang Xiaomie pursed his lips but couldn't stop himself from cursing: "F*ck! Damn pervert!"

What demonic aesthetics does he have to create such a puppet?!

No wonder I didn't see any villagers! So these terrifying puppets built this village temporarily. How can I play when this entire f*cking village is full of monsters wielding dragon-slaying swords?!

Wang Xiaomie clenched his fists and began counting: Wen Fengjin (old), he (weak), Little Purple Hair (disabled), and An Kai... After meeting Yi Yan, who had brought so much equipment and tomb raiders to fight, and bringing his own 'Since ancient times, Spearmen are lucky E'[5] buff, he already belonged to 'the sick.'

...Well, seeing that our foursome is made up of the old, the weak, the disabled, and the sick, could you please tell me how we kill a village full of monsters holding dragon-slaying swords and Yi Yan whose strength stats are off the charts?

By adding funds[6]?!

Wang Xiaomie: Hello, customer service? Give me a V8 Noble[7], the kind with a halo that can shake people.

This f*cker doesn't have a halo, what do I do?!

Wang Xiaomie gazed at the door, deeply concerned. The sultry air crept in, the cicadas chirped anxiously, and the air smelled like rain.

"Fengjin..."

Originally, there was a 70% chance of winning, but now this 70% chance is expected to be cut in half!

Wang Xiaomie shut his eyes.

His thick black eyelashes trembled.

His mouth was bitter.

[The author has something to say: [Small Theater]

Wen Fengjin: Why am I the elderly in lǎo ruò bìng cán, huh?

Wang Xiaomie: You’re over a thousand years old. Doesn’t that make you old?

Wen Fengjin: Xiaomie, you’re also a thousand...

"Pow!"

Boss Wen, covering his legs: … ]

Footnotes:

[1] The title of the chapter is a four-character idiom that translates as: the old (elderly), the weak (as in young children), the sick, and the disabled.

[2] The Chinese use this expression metaphorically to allude to daughters, who are often attentive and heartwarming, and are thus compared to a "padded jacket in winter" for parents. The system basically urged WXM to be attentive and caring to WFJ.

[3] Bleating of a sheep which is also the "mie" in Xiaomie.

[4] These are the lyrics to a children's song called "小兔子乖乖" by 小蓓蕾组合.

[5] This was apparently an anime meme inspired by Fate/Stay Night. If I'm not mistaken, it indicates that melee fighters who use spears and the like have E level Luck, which means they're unlucky.

[6] This refers to spending money to level up in games.

[7] There are eight noble, or VIP, levels in the game Glory of Kings, with V8 being the highest. V8 will cost you approximately 5400 yuan, which is a significant sum.

Translator:

Final battle...