I [Imperial] Am Not This Kind of Man

Translator: Daed
Editor: Shiny

Seeming to have sensed his gaze, Huo Bin abruptly turned his head before Qin Nuo could even react. In that instant, their eyes met.   　

Huo Bin smiled. With a raise of his hand, the longsword sliced through the air with a flash of light before landing precisely in the scabbard on the stand. Then, he lifted his foot and headed towards them.　　

Qin Xun just so happened to have finished selecting his men. He returned to the platform and greeted, “Hm? Isn’t this the second noble son of the Huo family?”　　

“The second noble son of the Huo family has just finished his studies and returned to the capital last month. Imperial Duke Meng thought highly of us, so he arranged for him (Huo Bin) to hold a post in our Shence Battalion.” Jia Bi explained with a smile.  　　

To his immediate superior, Huo Bin was still rather deferential. He cupped his hands in obeisance and said, “Commander is being too courteous. Prince Su, I am currently on duty as a military officer of the left army.”　　

“Who would have thought that us two brothers would become colleagues? This news is truly pleasing to the ears.1” Qin Xun patted Huo Bin’s arm as he spoke. That was a talent that Qin Xun  had: he could form a connection with anyone using just two phrases.2 　

Huo Bin smiled as well and responded. The two of them chatted for a while. Huo Bin’s gaze fell upon Qin Nuo’s figure, “Having been away from the capital for many days, it is my first time meeting the Ninth Highness since my return.” 　　

Who doesn’t know how to act? Qin Nuo smiled and said, “The Second Master3 is being courteous. I just saw Second Master’s blade shining, so cool.” 　　

Huo Bin naturally did not take the praise of a layman seriously. He smiled and said, “I’ve heard that in school, Your Highness was only interested in military science4. It seems like you share the same interests as me.”5　

Before Qin Nuo could answer, Qin Xun, who stood beside him, smiled and spoke in a bright voice, “This younger brother of mine, he appears weak6, but he’s got enough strength for sure. If he practiced martial arts, he would definitely be a first-class practitioner.”　　

“Seventh Older Brother is making me out to be bigger than I am7. I merely have a greater appetite.” Qin Nuo played things down. 　　

They conversed for a while. Suddenly, Huo Bin remarked8, “I’ve heard that Your Highness has a palace maid named Lü He by your side.”　　

Qin Nuo’s gaze locked onto him9. With a smile, he replied, “Yeah, you’ve actually heard her name before?”　　

“Oh, Lü He? She’s Ninth Younger Brother’s bedfellow. But she is an unfortunate one; she fell into the water and died some days ago.” Qin Xun remarked offhandedly.　　

At this time, this very moment, Qin Nuo could not be more grateful for Qin Xun’s loose mouth.　

Huo Bin was taken aback. He hadn’t foreseen that Lu He was actually Qin Nuo’s chamber concubine10. It was exceptionally improper to show concern regarding another person’s concubines for no reason. He immediately offered an apology, smiling as he said, “Forgive me for my impropriety. An attendant in my mansion reportedly has an older sister named Lü He who was sent into the imperial palace and had always wanted to ask about her.”　

“I see. Lü He’s fate with her relatives is shallow.11” Qin Nuo said with a smile, glossing over the topic. However, he was secretly on his guard. Why would Huo Bin bring up Lu He for no rhyme or reason?　　

No one cared about the matter of a servant. Qin Xun’s attention returned to the guards whom he had just selected.　　

He waved his hand excitedly at Qin Nuo, “General Jia, Ninth Younger Brother, what do you [casual] think of my [casual] choices?”　　

Qin Nuo looked over at them. As expected, Qin Xun had chosen several of the strong men who were the most built to join his troop. Each and every man resembled Arnold Schwarzenegger12 and stood there in order. The dense testosterone hit him in the face13; Qin Nuo felt that his eyes were a little sore.14 　　

He didn’t know about the combat ability of this troop of personal guards, but they were definitely imposing. Qin Nuo surmised that when this seventh older brother of his visited places of entertainment15, he ought not to encounter the kind of unfortunate fate that befell King An’s heir apparent.　　

It was Qin Nuo’s turn next. He walked amidst the crowd, his gaze sweeping across them. None of the soldiers’16 eyes expressed any eagerness or anticipation. Once he pondered over it, he could also understand. He was an inspector of the forbidden army, as well as a commandery prince of the imperial clan. Being his guard was essentially a secure job17. Their work wouldn’t be too hard. They wouldn’t need to eat outside, sleep in the open, stand guard overnight, or join the fray whenever there was a battle.18 But, would someone who was genuinely competent and ambitious anticipate this kind of secure job that was the same as being the family servant of a noble family?  　　

Seeing Qin Nuo walking amongst the soldiers with a visible lack of interest and no soldier selected yet, Zhao Pingyi couldn’t resist inquiring, “Does the king have any specific requests for the kind of personal guards you want?” 　　

“Are there many kinds of personal guards?” Qin Nuo asked offhandedly.　　

“Ha, they’re supposed to be personal guards after all. Since you’ll be having them by your side, not only should they protect your safety, but—since you have to see them every day—they have to make you feel comfortable when you use them. For example, the personal guards whom Pili Camp’s19 deputy commander selected were all handsome and nimble youngsters. He said that they were a pleasant sight and that his interactions with them were enjoyable.”  　　

His words were spoken diplomatically. This deputy commander was clearly a sucker for good looks. Though, it was unknown if he had any particular interests.　　

“Or, for example, myself [humble appellation]. Because my ancestral hometown is in Jiangnan (province), my family remembers our homeland with longing, and cannot bear to part from it. Thus, frequent back-and-forth exchanges cannot be avoided. Hence, my [humble appellation] personal guards are mostly those who are swift-footed20 and efficient in carrying out their tasks. Their martial arts ability ends up being second.” Zhao Pingyi said indifferently.   　　

Qin Nuo smiled, “Now that Commander Zhao has mentioned it, it has actually come to my [casual] mind that with the king’s mansion currently being in the pioneering stage, there are a ton of miscellaneous tasks to do. I also hope to appoint some people who can execute their tasks smartly. Furthermore, the Imperial Household Department has dispatched some imperial bodyguards for everyday use. However, most of them are usually sloppy in their skills, so I would like to request the battalion to allocate a few individuals who are able to instruct the disciples as well as command and train these worthless personnel.“　　

His king’s mansion still had two hundred imperial guards. Since he was providing for their daily necessities, he couldn’t allow them to not earn their keep, could he?　　

A glint of approbation flashed in Zhao Pingyi’s eyes. He smiled and said, “If the king has faith in me, then I [humble appellation] can help make the selection in your place.”　　

Qin Nuo promptly agreed to this without any hesitation. He surmised that everyone else must have also gotten tired of him circling around and around.　　

Since he didn’t need to make any selections, Qin Nuo returned to the reception room with Qin Xun and the others. Not long afterwards, Zhao Pingyi came over with fifty imperial guards.　　

Qin Nuo went out to greet them with Qin Xun at his side. Before the person himself said anything, the latter began to make a fuss.　　

“It can’t be, can it? Hey, Ol’ Zhao, you haven’t taken my ninth younger brother’s King Chun Mansion to be a retirement home, have you?”　　

Qin Xun’s words were not without reason. As far as the eye could see, among the fifty imperial bodyguards, a quarter of them were actually aged people in their forties and fifties. Furthermore, some of them were clearly maimed while the rest mostly appeared mediocre with average physiques. 　　

The man who stood at the very front snorted at Qin Xun’s words, glowering at him. His physique was tall and sturdy, yet he only had one eye left, making him appear to be rather fierce. 　　

Qin Xun was startled, unable to resist commenting, “Personal guards are the face of the king’s mansion. How could one with this kind of appearance be used?”　　

The one-eyed man responded gruffly, “If we aren’t going to be used, then let us go back and rest.”　　

Zhao Pingyi frowned and rebuked, “Lu Dong21, you must not forget your manners in front of the two kings.”　　

He turned and explained to Qin Nuo and Qin Xun, “Lu Dong used to be our Shence Battalion’s sharpshooting godly archer. Now he is getting on in age and has withdrawn temporarily due to wounds sustained during the war North of Xinjiang22 If Your Highness wishes to ask someone to instruct the imperial bodyguards within your mansion, he is quite suitable.” 　　

“A sharpshooting ace who’s gone blind? Why, my mansion has a gatekeeper with a lame leg and unrivalled qinggong skills!23” Qin Xun was angry. He clicked his tongue and said, “Can this kind of deadbeat be brought outside?”  　　

Qin Nuo smiled, “Many thanks to Commander Zhao. Seventh Older Brother, I’m different from you. I don’t go out that often. What need do I have of those who possess strong and highly-skilled martial arts?”　　

Qin Xun did not comment any further. Anyway, this younger brother of his has always been dim-witted and slow on the uptake. He (QN) can’t even tell that he is being fobbed off. So why should he (QX) bother to mind his (QN) business? 　　

Qin Nuo’s thoughts regarding the matter were quite simple. In any case, he was a prince, and they had no grudges nor any hard feelings between them (QN & ZPY). He believed that Zhao Pingyi would not specifically dig a pit for him to jump into. Furthermore, he didn’t plan on being one of the hedonistic sons in the capital, so what was the point in having any of that ‘imposing presence’ and ‘magnificence’? Especially since he could be considered as someone who had just stepped foot into the Dao of martial arts, so he understood well that a true master would not be someone who appeared menacing; a book was not judged by its cover.  　　

Seeing that Qin Nuo agreed to the men, Zhao Pingyi was extremely delighted. He immediately summoned the secretariat to conduct the assignment procedures. Soon, these soldiers became the two kings’ exclusive imperial bodyguards. 　　

When this process was finished, Zhao Pingyi firmly declined their invitation to a meal and deferentially saw the two high-ranking idlers out the door.　　

Qin Nuo had initially wanted to inquire what the general responsibilities of the post ‘Forbidden Army Inspector’ entailed.　　

As he stood in the great doorway of the Shence Barracks, Qin Nuo was quite dazed. They were just going to leave? 　　

“Let us go.” An arm came up around his shoulder. To be able to be so overly friendly, it was none other than that seventh older brother of his. He had changed from being the circumspect person who had always tried to avoid offending anybody when they were in the imperial palace. Away from the palace, Qin Xun’s disposition became more flamboyant and reckless. Of course, his slick and sly nature had not changed. And for some reason, he became closer to Qin Nuo, this younger brother whom he hadn’t been close with before—even following the latter onto his carriage. 

“We have already obtained enough benefits. What are ya still standing around for?”　　

That was it? But he had come to do his job! Qin Nuo was speechless. He couldn’t help but ask, “Seventh Older Brother, do we not need to do anything as Forbidden Army Inspectors?”　　

Qin Xun looked at him like he was an alien, “What do you want to do? Report here for duty every day early in the morning at roll call and lead the troops and horses in drills? Do you [casual] think that Imperial Brother intends to torment us? Besides, even if you [casual] want to come, they probably do not want to receive you.”    　　

Qin Nuo had already perceived this point. Regardless of how dense he might be, he could clearly see how both Jia Bi and Zhao Pingyi were extremely averse to him. Just the unchanged appellation which Zhao Pingyi addressed him with in spite of the encouragement he had voiced several times to do otherwise was a clear indication of how Qin Nuo hadn’t been accepted as one of their own.  　　

That was why this so-called “position” was nothing more than a decorative post in which the individual received an official salary without needing to do anything. Qin Nuo rubbed his nose. That’s fair. If someone really were to come here every day and become familiar with these military generals who surrounded and protected the capital, the emperor might hold suspicions that they were up to something.  　　

After he thought of this, he extrapolated24, “Then, Third Older Brother, Sixth Older Brother, and the others’ (positions)…” 　　

“They’re the same: holding the position in name only. Although, Third Older Brother’s nominal position is worth it. Once that compilation of history is complete, it is bound to have his signature. Who knows, perhaps his name will be passed down through future generations; people might think that he is some kind of brilliant intellectual. Heh-heh. As for us, well, we can just amass wealth while keeping a low profile.”  　　

Was the so-called ‘wealth’ that he was referring to…these fifty soldiers? Qin Nuo cast a glance through the carriage window out at the troops who followed behind them, feeling somewhat speechless. 

“Ha, you better not underestimate them. The people in Shence Battalion are all elites. Of course, Older Brother knows that the true masters are all lifting their heads up high, waiting to be selected and promoted; there is no way that they would come towards the two of us [dialect] kings’ mansions which have no future prospects. But it is better than nothing, right? Within the boundary of this capital, we must have some people at hand under our command. They are from the Shence Battalion; it will be much more convenient to have them handle affairs than the regular old servant25 of the king’s mansion.” 

Qin Nuo was slightly persuaded26 He hadn’t thought of this point yet; these fifty soldiers would follow closely behind him with their identification as part of the Shence Battalion visible27. No matter if it was lodging in an inn or exchanges with the government offices, their presence would make matters much easier. Furthermore, he wouldn’t have to provide for them himself: the Inspector of the Forbidden Army’s personal soldiers and bodyguards all received salaries from the Shence Battalion. Now that he thought of it this way, this deal was absolutely cost-effective!  　　

" "

Although Qin Xun was only three years older than himself, the former had already received an assignment and ran to the government office of the Ministry of (Confucian) Rites two or three times. Hence, he was extremely familiar with the outside world. On top of that, he had a slick and sly personal character, as well as being adept at social intercourse28. He was very well-known among the capital’s scions.　　

“How did Younger Brother feel living at that place after leaving the palace? Aren’t the days much more comfortable than when you had been living in the palace?” 　　

This question was a little subtle29. Qin Nuo decided to continue down the road of being ‘simple and honest’. “It is just that the place of residence has gotten bigger, and I [casual] cannot occupy so many rooms by myself.”　　

Seeming to have been tickled by his answer, Qin Xun roared in laughter and then patted Qin Nuo’s shoulder with strength.　　

“Good brother, the days outside of the palace are not so simple. Tomorrow I [casual] will go find you [casual] and bring Younger Brother out to broaden your horizons.”

Like this translation? Consider supporting me by turning off adblock or through kofi!

Footnotes

当浮一大白啊. I’m not quite sure if I translated it correctly. Baidu link here.秦勋就是有这个本事，跟谁都能攀扯上两句关系。”Master” in this context is being used in the same way as “Second Miss” would.武学“听说在学堂里殿下就对武学感兴趣，也是我道中人啊。” Baidu explanation of “道中人” here.文弱. Baidu link here. It’s implying that he looks as weak as a scholar.The raw is “给我脸上贴金”, which literally means “pasting gold to my face”. It’s something like overpraising him, or blowing his trumpet on his behalf (blowing one’s own trumpet/boasting). We used “making me out to be bigger than I am” to say that QX was exaggerating and making QN seem like a bigger deal than he really was.In the raw, it says he inquired about Lu He (几个人谈了几句，霍彬突然问起：“听闻殿下身边有一个叫绿荷的宫女。”). I decided to use a different verb because I interpreted this line being delivered as a statement rather than as a question.I’m actually not sure if that is accurate. I was waffling over whether I should translate it as “QN’s gaze became fixed”, “QN’s eyes constricted”, or “QN’s gaze locked onto him”. Here’s the raw: 秦诺目光一紧，笑道：“是啊，你竟然还听说过她的名字？房内侍妾亲缘浅薄. This means that she doesn’t have much luck with family. 施瓦辛格 (Shīwǎxīngé) – Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947-), US actor and politician, governor of California 2003-2011. Visual Example here:   (from this site)浓重的雄性荷尔蒙气息扑面而来 His eyes hurt from the sight since it’s uh quite a sight.秦楼楚馆. Baidu link here. It’s referring to places of song and dance, namely brothels.甲士 -armored soldier; refers to soldiers in general. Baidu link here.铁饭碗 = iron rice bowl. Baidu explanation here.，未来的活计不会太辛苦，也不用餐风露宿夙夜值守，万一有了战事还要上阵厮杀。霹雳 (Pīlì) -clap of thunder / thunderbolt / (slang) awesome / shocking / terrifyingI interpreted this as them exchanging letters so instead of “with movable and quick legs and feet” (rough translation of the raw 腿脚灵便), I translated it as “swift-footed”.鲁冬 (Lǔ dōng)I don’t know. The raw was this: “鲁冬曾是我神策营中百步穿杨的神射高手，如今年龄已大，又在北疆的战事中受伤暂退，殿下若要请人教导府中侍卫，他正合使用。” 北疆 (Běi Jiāng) = North of Xinjiang, aka Dzungaria. The country in the novel with a similar name is Bei Shuo (北朔 běishuò), which was first mentioned in Chapter 2. It just means “the North” or “North Place” (Baidu link here).Qin Xun is being sarcastic.Once he thought of this point, QN applied this thinking to the posts that his other brothers hold and confirms with QX if the others are also in the same boat.Not necessarily physically old in this case, but specifically servants who have been in the labor force of the household for years; they were usually either born into it or had entered the servant forces of the household at a young age and trained since then.秦诺心里一动. To be more accurate, it meant something along the lines of the notion appealing to him.I’m not sure exactly what the soldiers may use as their identification card, but here is an article about that.他为人圆滑，擅长交际In this case, it’s a pretty sensitive question to ask. Qin Nuo really has to be careful about how he answers, because Qin Xun phrases it in such a guileful manner.