I [Imperial] Am Not This Kind of Man

Translator: Daed
Editor: Shiny

Qin Nuo and Qin Xun split up, each of them returning to their respective mansions.　　

Qin Nuo turned over the fifty men he had brought back to the steward. The chief steward of the commandery king mansion, Wu Dehai, had been dispatched by the Imperial Household Department. As such, it was like a walk in the park for him to handle affairs of this sort. He swiftly made the arrangements for the men according to convention. 　

Some of the veterans who possessed ample experience would temporarily serve as military instructors for the mansion’s servants, while the rest would join the ranks of either the honor guards or the mansion guards.　　

Among them, the middle-aged man with one eye who was reportedly a divine shot, Luo Dong, was unwilling to be an instructor who stayed inside the mansion all day and made a racket about being a guard no matter what.　　

Wu Dehai grumbled a little that the main point of the honor guards who went on formal trips was to make the individuals and the event appear more presentable—it would be too incongruous if a one-eyed dragon were to enter the picture.  

Qin Nuo, on the other hand, didn’t mind it so much. He was just an idle commandery king. It would be sufficient to get by in appearances; there was no need to make things so magnificent and glorious.　

After having assigned the people to their positions, Qin Nuo brought out the records of his assets and calculated his annual income during the night before getting into bed in a merry mood and having a good night’s sleep.　　

The next day, Qin Xun showed up at his mansion awfully early in the morning.　　

Although the other king had mentioned that he would come find him today when they had split up the previous day, Qin Nuo hadn’t expected Qin Xun to come by this early.　　

When Qin Nuo came to the main doors1 to greet him, he saw Qin Xun enter, the latter’s plump physique clothed in a pearl-white changpao2 with an intersecting collar.　　

In all honesty, Qin Xun’s looks weren’t that bad. Just thinking of Emperor Jingyao’s appearance, and the various beauties with a great number of miens3 in the imperial harem, one ought to know that none of the princes were ugly. But there was just one thing about Qin Xun—he was too fat! He weighed at least two hundred catties4. As he watched Qin Xun lift his leg and cross the doorway, Qin Nuo almost thought that a white, tender, smooth, and round chicken egg had rolled in through the main doors.　　

Holding back his amusement, Qin Nuo went up to him and greeted, “Seventh Older Brother, you’ve come so early.”　　

He led Qin Xun into the reception hall, both host and guest taking their respective seats. Qin Xun surveyed the area and jutted his meaty double-chin out, “Ninth Younger Brother, this mansion of yours has been cleaned up quite neatly.” His gaze fell upon a female attendant who had come forward to serve tea, his eyes lighting up, “Seems like the Imperial Household Department has treated you rather well.”　　　

The female attendant’s features were as delicate as a cherry blossom and she had a slender figure. She was precisely one of the two palace girls whom the Imperial Household Department had designated for special purposes.　　

Honestly, of the unmarried servant girls and married servant women whom the Imperial Household Department had dispatched, these two girls were certainly the most attractive. Therefore, Dong Bo had assigned the two of them to the duty of serving tea in the main hall. Not only were their duties light, they could also help uphold the presentation of the mansion.　　

Qin Nuo responded offhandedly, “Seventh Older Brother is being courteous. This person is filling in for the vacancy that Lǜ Hu left behind.”　　

Lǜ Hu? Qin Xun was taken aback. Wasn’t that the palace girl who was supposed to warm Qin Nuo’s bed at night? His gaze swept across the female attendant and he clicked his tongue ruefully.　　

What kind of expression is that? Had he been planning on requesting for her to be turned over to him? Hey, you’re still in the mourning period, you know?!5　　

When the female attendant who served the tea left, Qin Xun asked offhandedly, “She’s also been ‘taken care of’6 before, right?”　　

Qin Nuo slightly furrowed his brow, “Now this, I7 do not know.”　　

“Oh, you. In this time and age, who can feel at ease using a palace maid who hasn’t been ‘taken care of’ beforehand? Even if they’ve already been ‘taken care of’, you cannot believe it blindly. Those sly dogs in the Imperial Household Department are extremely crafty. Eight years ago, after Ol’ King Xin passed away8, his heir apparent requested several maids from them. They had an understanding that these maids had all consumed the sterilization medicine. Lo and behold, only a few months after they entered the mansion, they all got pregnant one after the other. In the end, King Xin’s heir apparent was ruthlessly impeached and nearly lost his peerage.”  　

He hadn’t noticed before that this seventh older brother of his was actually such a gossip, and one who had the skill of digging up this kind of information. Qin Nuo had thought that his younger sister Qin Zhe was already enough of a gossip. Yet, by the looks of the current situation, Qin Xun was a level higher than Qin Zhe. These two ought to have been born as twins. It couldn’t be that when he (QN) himself had been born, an accidental swap had taken place, could it? 　　

After Qin Xun finished sharing this tidbit of gossip, the conversation returned to their previous topic, “That’s why, in my opinion, it would be better to personally select and purchase two suitable ones. You can rest at ease and use them as you please. If you have such intentions, Ninth Younger Brother, I actually have a good avenue for this.”　　

Qin Nuo was wholly uninterested in this offer. He responded without much care, “Maybe some other time. I’m not in a hurry right now.”　　

“Ai, Ninth Younger Brother, you are able to keep a hold of yourself and save yourself some money9. After all, once you’ve bought a person, not only do you have to spend money on the servant contract, but everything else after that as well—their basic needs10, the designated house with the courtyard, and the acquisition of accessories—they all cost money. In the past, when we were in the palace, we didn’t need to trouble ourselves over it; but now, since we’ve left the palace, we need to pay for everything ourselves. It’s not an easy life.”  　　

Qin Nuo’s heart moved. Why was Qin Xun suddenly crying about how poor he was? Could it be that this was the main purpose of his visit today?　　

“Is Seventh Older Brother in a predicament of any sort? I (Younger Brother) still have some money on my hands and I don’t have any need for it anyway.” 　　

Qin Xun’s eyes lit up, “As expected, Little Nine, you [casual] are a generous one—you’re different from the others. However, I—your older brother—did not seek you out to borrow money from you. Can I not know how many assets you possess? Your older brother—I—have come here to discuss a get-rich scheme with you .” 　　

Qin Nuo was quite surprised. “What clever plan does Seventh Older Brother have?” he inquired.　　

“Well… Since Ninth Younger Brother does not have anything urgent to do today, you can go on a trip with me.”　　

And so, Qin Nuo followed Qin Xun out of his mansion.　　

After boarding Qin Xun’s carriage, Qin Nuo had a pretty good idea why Qin Xun had cried about lacking money. 　　

As expected, Qin Xun placed more value on comfort than he did. Even his (QX) carriage was decorated so splendidly. Below his feet, there was a spotless white fox pelt, and behind his back, there was a cushion made completely from the pelt of a white tiger. The cups, bowls, and plates on the sandalwood table were all made with first-rate jade material that was pure, limpid, and glistened. They were also adorned with exquisite silver-colored decorative designs. Even the cyan phoenix pearl-bearing lamp on the wall of the carriage was embedded with gemstones.   

The fruits on the table were also not seasonal; they were all fruits that could not be found during the current season, such as cherries and watermelon.　　

Having noticed Qin Nuo’s gaze sweep around inside the carriage, Qin Xun sighed, “It is not that I (Older Brother) am extravagant. It is the general state of things within the circle of the capital. If you don’t have a carriage like this, you will be embarrassed to go out. You haven’t even seen Third Older Brother’s carriage yet. The ten or so carriages he has are all made with Phoebe zhennan wood11 and copper. They are pulled by the treasured horses offered as tribute by the Western Regions. It definitely makes for an awe-inspiring sight whenever he goes out.”　　

As they conversed, the carriage made its way towards the west. It only came to a halt once it arrived at a camp.　　

When Qin Nuo disembarked from the carriage, his gaze swept across the area. He couldn’t help his astonishment; on the grand and imposing three-story-tall door built from a huge boulder that was before his eyes, the words “Star Array Martial Arts Arena”12 was written in flamboyant and cursive calligraphy, with each and every character being half the height of an average person.  　　

This place seems to be a martial arts arena that belongs exclusively to the military, right? What’s there to make some money from here?　　

He turned his head to question Qin Xun, inadvertently spotting the disdainful expression on Lu Dong’s (who had followed behind the carriage) face in the process. 　　

Recalling that the man also had a military background, Qin Nuo asked, “Do you [casual] know where this is?”　　

“Responding to the king, this place is an arena that belongs to the Shence Battalion.” Lu Dong answered in a disgruntled manner.　　

The Shence Battalion’s territory? There was too little information that he could glean from that; however, based on Lu Dong’s attitude, Qin Nuo could still hear that something was off. 　　

Qin Xun, who was in front of him, was already pulling him along eagerly. “C’mon, Older Brother will take you [casual] to experience it for yourself. I guarantee you [casual] that this trip will have been worthwhile.”　　

When they entered the arena, the administration office was in front of them. It appeared no different from an ordinary government office. The flowers and plants growing outside were all flourishing.  

The steward who came up to greet them was a thin middle-aged man with a rather comical mustache. He moved closer to them while speaking in an unctuous13 manner, “King Shu, how do you [courteous] have the free time to come over to this humble place of ours again?”　　

“You [casual] call this place ‘humble’?  Just last month, you consumed four thousand and two hundred silvers from me.” 　　

“You [courteous] are being courteous, king. Last month was simply because you [courteous] were benevolent and rewarded us [self-appellation to denote the other party is a superior]. Today, the king has a ruddy complexion14—the picture of someone who possesses extreme luck15 and will surely be successful16.” 　　

“Alright, there’s no need to utter any more nonsense. Tell me—is there anything worth watching today?”　　

The steward smiled obsequiously as he said, “There are three matches of entertainment today. Which type would the king17 like to watch?” 　　

“It’s the first time coming here for this younger brother of mine [casual]. We’ll watch all three matches. I’ll exchange for two thousand taels’ worth of jade cards18 to begin with.”  　　

The steward’s gaze swept across Qin Nuo’s figure; he saluted hastily and said, “King Chun has also graced us with your presence19. Your presence brings light to our humble dwelling20.” 　　

Qin Nuo followed Qin Xun through the back door into a corridor. From the conversation just now, he had a pretty good guess about what kind of place this was. Qin Xun gambled? And he would frequently spend the large sum of several thousand taels, at that. No wonder he earned money fast and spent it just as fast. Qin Nuo was absolutely not interested in this kind of illegal entertainment, nor did he have a favorable impression of it. 　　

But the setup of this gambling den was seriously too roundabout. They made turn after turn in the winding corridor, walking until they came before the entry to a stone chamber.   　　

A servant boy with delicate features promptly stepped forward and opened the door for the both of them. 　　

Although the room wasn’t big, it was decorated quite luxuriously: a sapphire-blue carpet was spread out under their feet, the fragrant pear wood table and chairs were spotless, and a refined lily incense was burning on the bronze red-crowned crane burner21 in the corner. 　　

The attendants stood guard outside the door on their own initiative; Qin Nuo and Qin Xun were the only ones who entered the room. Not long afterwards, a pretty servant girl entered the room and served them refreshments.　　

Qin Nuo got up and walked over to the sole large window in the room. He looked out and couldn’t resist being astounded. 　　

The room occupied the high ground, overlooking an expansive martial arts field below. The bright sunshine shone down from above, giving the place a majestic air. So they were actually in a huge pit. No wonder they kept following the tunnel downwards just now. 　　

From this angle, he was able to see the entire martial arts field. At the same time, he could also see that there was a great number of rooms on all four sides of the field. The entire architectural structure had a layout that was rather similar to an Ancient Roman amphitheatre22.　　

It must not have been an easy feat to turn such an enormous sinkhole—even if it had formed naturally—into the fighting grounds that it was today. 　　

What can you gamble on in this place? Qin Nuo vaguely had a bad premonition. 　　

Not long afterwards, yet another boy-servant entered through the door. He offered up a pamphlet.　　

Qin Xun eagerly took it and opened it. After scanning it, his gaze lit up instantly. “Haha, the first match is a thrilling one. Ninth Younger Brother, you and I are about to see a treat for the eyes.”  

Soon enough, Qin Nuo understood what Qin Nuo had been talking about when he had said that it would be a ‘treat for the eyes’.　　

The first match soon began in the arena. Several people who looked like stewards brought out two people who were about to face off against each other onto the field in the center.　　

The thing that greatly astonished Qin Nuo was that the first match was unexpectedly between two young women with jade-like appearances who were in the precious years of their lives. They were dressed in muslin clothes that were as thin as a cicada’s wings, yet still managed to barely cover up the key parts—the outfits showed their skin without exposing it23 caused a person’s imagination to run even wilder. It looked like this gambling game wasn’t as innocent as he had thought. 　　

He heard a clamor. It came from the viewing platform on the east side. There were no rooms there, just several rows of seats. It was virtually packed with people. With Qin Nuo’s eyesight, he could see that they mainly consisted of men in their prime who were cheering loudly at the two girls who were going against each other in the middle of the arena.  　　

The servant boy attending to them in the room asked deferentially, “Do the two esteemed guests want to make any wagers?”　　

Qin Xun clicked his tongue twice, “What’s there to bet on in this kind of girly match? Ai, forget it. I better make a wager. The one on the left has a big chest, so I’ll wager five hundred taels on the left.”　　

The servant boy instantly received the order and went down to register the wager.　　

Under Qin Nuo’s incredulous gaze, the fight on the stage below began.　　

One of the two girls used a longsword 24 whilst the other used emei piercers25. This was the first proper fight between two people who knew martial arts that Qin Nuo had witnessed since his transmigration here, so he watched closely. However, he had only watched for a short while before he perceived that something was amiss. The two girls’ moves were swift and fierce; soon enough, they were both bleeding and wounded, especially the girl who was using the longsword. But, due to their struggle, their flimsy clothes were all tattered and disheveled, revealing their key areas. Whistles and cheers—each more sordid than the ones before—rang out from all sides; the sounds made Qin Nuo keep furrowing his brow. 　

In the current ways of the world, although there were numerous martial arts practitioners, there were still relatively fewer girls who practiced martial arts. These two girls seemed pretty decent in their martial arts. How had they wound up in this place, reduced to fighting at close quarters and selling their talents? Not to mention how such a barbarous thing existed in the capital itself, right beneath the feet of the Son of Heaven. When Qin Xun had brought him here to gamble, he had thought that it would be something along the lines of gambling with dice or mahjong. At the time, Qin Nuo had made up his mind to just accompany his brother in playing a couple games before finding an excuse to leave; he would not lose himself in gambling. After seeing the vast space, he had suspected that it would be something similar to betting on horse-racing or dogfighting. Never would he have guessed that they weren’t pitching dogs against each other, but humans instead. 

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Footnotes

Visual Examples: (from this source) and (from this source). Some more info about these main doors here.Traditional Chinese men’s robe.Yes, this is a word.二百斤 (èrbǎijīn) = 200 catties. According to MDBG, 1 catty = (PRC) weight equal to 500 g / (Tw) weight equal to 600 g / (HK, Malaysia, Singapore) slightly over 604 g. 1 catty = 1.3 pounds (lbs), and about 0.6 kilograms (kg). According to Google’s measurement units converter, 200 catties would be approximately 120 kilograms today.This is Qin Nuo “talking” to Qin Xun. Essentially he is reminding his brother that he was still supposed to be in mourning for their dad (the emperor) and should refrain from such practices.He’s most likely referring to sterilization or consumption of medicine to prevent the girl from being able to produce offspring/get pregnant.To be more accurate, he refers to himself as “younger brother”.“驾鹤西去” (jiàhèxīqù) -lit. to fly on a crane to the Western Paradise / fig. to pass away (idiom)Basically Qin Xun is giving Qin Nuo kudos for being able to control his sexual urges/keep himself from indulging in women because in doing so, he (QN) saves money衣食住行 (yīshízhùxíng) – clothing, food, housing and transport (idiom); people’s basic needs金丝楠木 (jīnsīnánmù). ”The phoebe zhennan is known for glowing with a golden lustre when polished and varnished. Its Chinese name means ‘golden silk wood’. It was used by Ming dynasty emperors for their thrones and bedroom furniture, and whole logs of the wood were used in the construction of the Forbidden City. It is now under second-class national protection and sells for a fortune, a report said” (The Straits Times, 2017). Baidu link here. Wikipedia link 1 here and link 2 here.It’s just a place for people to practice martial arts点头哈腰 (diǎntóuhāyāo) -to nod one’s head and bow (idiom); bowing and scraping / unctuous fawning红光满面 (hóng guāng mǎn miàn)- in ruddy health. Baidu link here.To be more accurate/literal, it would be something like “strong/vigorous/exuberant fortune” but meh马到功成 (mǎ dào gōng chéng) – Achieve immediate victory (Baidu)He uses the courteous/formal “you” when asking, if anyone cares.I’m thinking of it like how you exchange money for game tokens at an arcade or something. QX exchanged the money for jade cards(?). It could have just been one card too. Visual example: (from this source) 大驾光临 (dàjiàguānglín) – we are honored by your presence蓬荜生辉 (péngbìshēnghuī) – Your presence brings light to my/our humble dwellingVisual example: (from this source)Visual example: (from this source)Visual example: (from this source)Visual example:   (from this source). Here’s the Baidu link and the Wikipedia (English) link for it.Visual example: (from this source). Here is the Baidu link and the Wikipedia (English) link.