No, It was My Fault for Loving You

Chapter 76 : Still a little more to go.

Every day, day after day, I dream of the same view.

Behind you is a forest and in front of you is a large stream of water.

Alejandro was standing on the bridge.

The wind ruffled his hair softly.

How could this be a dream? My skin can feel the coolness of the wind.

The sound of water running gently and faintly, the rustling of leaves on the trees.

I don’t know why, but I only feel nostalgia for this scene, and I feel that something is missing, but I am afraid to find out what it is.

Alejandro always stands on the railing of the bridge in this dream.

And then watch the river flow below.

Struggling to look hard, as if searching for something.

But at the same time, he knows he won’t find anything there.

The current is terribly slow and there is not a single disturbance on the surface of the river. It is obvious that nothing is hidden there.

Yes. So this is all in my mind.

The same reddish-brown hair and amber eyes as him, he felt like he could see them in his field of view.

The image of a young child smiling softly and being swallowed by the water calmly and lightly, as if heading out for a walk, is only a moment away.

Alejandro shook his head violently.

He held his chest, with deep wrinkles on his brow.

…no.

That’s not Milch.

Because my Milch.

My Milch was right there.

Alejandro thought of the face of the woman who often shows up in his hospital room.

Yes, my Milch has the same color as the sky on a clear day.

And she has beautiful, clear, green eyes.

So that’s not Milch.

What I see there is not Milch.

That child who is sinking into the water is not my Milch.

Because, if she wasn’t…

If not, where is Milch?

Where is the real Milch now?

Alejandro bit his lip.

It was a dream, but he felt pain, and the thin trickle of blood.

“Milch…”

Alejandro’s mutterings are carried on the wind.

In a dream world where no one exists but him, no one would pick up on his mutterings.

Not a single person answered his call, not a single person was horrified by Alejandro’s name, not a single person stabbed Alejandro with an icy stare.

“No, no, Milch…”

Alejandro actually knows the answer.

I know, but…

But I never pay attention to it.

Knowing this, I dared to avert my eyes.

Only Alejandro in his dreams is aware of this.

Even after he wakes up, he doesn’t know it.

So it’s all right.

The only time I suffer is now, in this dream.

If he does this, if he gets by this way, he can dream in the real world without noticing anything.

That he has really lost everything.

He can spend the rest of his life not knowing that he has nothing left in his hands.

I, over there, haven’t noticed anything yet.

It’s enough, if only one suffers alone, night after night, on this beautiful stream. That’s the end.

So it’s okay.　

Even if it hurts like my heart is about to burst, even if my vision is blurred by tears.

No matter how many times I suffer from the phantom of that young child being swallowed up in the water at the edge of my vision.

I can still endure. Just a little bit more.

Just a little bit more.

Let me dream a little more happily in the reality of the world beyond.

Let me believe that such a world may have existed.

“Milch…”

Was it the other side or this side that let out the last mutter?

It doesn’t matter anymore.

Because when Alejandro wakes up, he no longer remembers anything from his dream.

“···? that···?”

But still.

Every time the morning sun envelops him in his hospital bed, Alejandro feels bewildered.

Every morning, yes, every morning, every time I wake up.

I am just puzzled as to what this is all about.

Because when he woke up, Alejandro’s pillow was soaked with tears and his lips and palms were smeared with blood.