Chapter 62: Blackening

June 14th, 2023

Content warning: Elements of nonconsent

……………………

“A’Yan, where did you hide the black jade talisman?”

Shixiong’s voice suddenly rang out.

Fang Li was startled for a moment, and the pain in his head abruptly crescendoed. The darksteel sword suddenly became scorching hot, and his vision seemed to overlap with something. 

One scene was of mountains of blades and oceans of fire.

One scene was of peace and quiet.

Fang Li’s expression struggled for a moment. He took a deep breath and suddenly spoke up slowly. “I’m carrying the black jade talisman, did Shixiong forget?”

The white-robed man set him down and turned to face him, gazing at him with a gentle expression. He said softly, “Is that so? A’Yan, think some more.”

The white-robed man’s face held a tender smile, just as always. When he gazed at you, it made you unable to help but want to open your heart to him, to tell him everything without hesitation, to pour your heart out to him.

Fang Li fixed his eyes on the person before him, his expression savage.

Shixiong hadn’t died. 

Not only had he not died, he’d even found the youth hiding in the mountain cave, bringing him out of the darkness and into the light.

His world was no longer lonely and solitary.

His Shixiong was by his side the whole time. 

This was Yan Sui’s dream. 

It was the illusion that Yan Sui had longed for until his final breaths, it was the deepest obsession and fantasy in his heart, but…… it wasn’t his, Fang Li’s.

Fang Li had finally realized that everything before his eyes was a fabrication.

He’d been trapped in an illusion created from Yan Sui’s memories, forgotten his own identity, and re-walked Yan Sui’s past, fulfilling the dream that he hadn’t been able to fulfill. If he really were Yan Sui, perhaps he wouldn’t want to wake up from this dream, would he? He would tell everything he knew to this “Shixiong” before his eyes……

But in the end, Fang Li wasn’t Yan Sui.

That sentence of “Where did you hide the black jade talisman?” made Fang Li realize in an instant the difference between the illusion and reality and find back the memories that belonged to him.

A’Yan’s Shixiong.

He definitely, absolutely wouldn’t ask that question.

The white-robed man was still gazing at him tenderly and dotingly, asking, “A’Yan, what’s wrong?”

Fang Li let out a low laugh, his gaze abruptly sharpening.

He gripped the darksteel sword in his hand tightly, striking out without any hesitation.

The white-robed man in front of him didn’t dodge.

He stared blankly at the sword through his chest, fresh blood seeping through his white clothes, dying them an eye-piercing red. His expression was sorrowful and pained as he asked, “Why?”

Fang Li watched him coldly without speaking.

The quiet mountain forest.

The serene little path.

The man in white robes.

They disappeared like a mirage.

Everything was gone.

Fang Li lowered his head. The darksteel sword in his hand had disappeared, too.

What was fake was fake.

Within this illusion, the only real thing had been himself.

Dizziness rose up in his mind.

After everything had disappeared, he finally saw Xie Huai again. Thank goodness, Xie Huai had been by his side the whole time.

He smiled at Xie Huai, wanting to say, I’m fine, don’t worry, but before he could open his mouth, everything before his eyes turned dark, and he fell unconscious.

Xie Huai caught the young man on the verge of falling over.

Because he had just broken out of the illusion by force, the young man’s complexion was pale and weak right now. He fell into Xie Huai’s arms just like that, docile and well-behaved as if he relied on you, as if you were the one that he cared about, the one that he could entrust himself to without worry.

But Xie Huai knew that all of it was pretend, nothing more.

Even this person’s smile, every bit of tender concern, and all of the goodness from the past…… were all fake.

He had never been the one this person wanted. 

His Shixiong was the presence that he actually stored carefully in his heart.

He would scold Xie Huai for an entire night without mercy because he’d injured his Shixiong.

He would overlook and ignore him because his Shixiong had appeared.

He would admire and adore that person, he would nestle up against that person’s side. As long as he could see that person, his eyes would be full of joy and radiance.

He would read and practice the sword with that person, he would sneak off the mountain with him, do anything at all with him……

As long as his Shixiong was before his eyes, he wouldn’t see anything else at all.

The Fang Li in the illusion had revealed a side of himself that Xie Huai had never seen, only the recipient wasn’t himself.

All of the doubts and mysteries from before had their answer in this moment.

He finally understood.

Why Fang Li clearly didn’t love him, yet insisted on keeping him by his side, going so far as to besiege Cloudbank Keep to obtain him. But despite having taken him by force, he’d refused to truly harm him and had even looked at him with so much gentleness……

Because he had only been looking at another person through him.

Why Fang Li clearly didn’t love him, yet had wanted to sleep beside him night after night. Why he’d used the love parasite on him, watching him suffer unsuppressable feelings, yet had refused to be touched by him even a bit.

Because the one he wanted was actually his Shixiong, while Xie Huai naturally wasn’t worthy of touching him.

All of his tenderness, carefulness, protection, and care had only been because Xie Huai resembled his Shixiong. 

While his refusal to get close, his evasiveness and avoidance, his cold ruthlessness were only because Xie Huai wasn’t his Shixiong.

He had only been using him as a shadow to fantasize about something that he would never be able to have again.

Even your insistence on restoring my name even at your death was probably only because you didn’t wish for me, who resembled your Shixiong, to fall to such an extent, wasn’t it? That was what you spared nothing to protect……

As for whether I would suffer or feel pain, that was never something that you cared about.

Xie Huai laughed wretchedly.

There was nothing more absurd and  laughable than this.

This was the truth that he had been looking for all this time, but in reality, the truth was a thousand times crueler than the fact that this person didn’t love him.

You’ve never once loved me, but all on your own, you decided to push the goodness meant for someone else onto me, standing high above, watching with amusement as I developed desire for you, as I wavered because of you……. Then leaving coldly and ruthlessly in the end, because ultimately, I’m not that person, I’m not worthy of your sincerity, I can be thrown away so easily.

You’ve never cared about what I want, nor would you respond to my feelings, because that has never been important. 

That moment, Xie Huai felt like he was less than even a joke.

His dignity had been placed on the ground and trampled.

His sincerity had been mocked and then torn to pieces.

This person had tricked him over and over again, and he had endured it over and over again, only hoping that one day, this person could treat him with honesty, without any more lies.

But that day would never arrive.

This is the reason you’re unwilling to answer me, the reason you won’t acknowledge yourself to me.

He had abandoned his position and fallen in love with a devil, willing to fall into hell and suffer a thousand tribulations for him.

But this devil only took him as a cheap substitute.

The murkiness in the depths of Xie Huai’s eyes roiled up, intermingling with mocking and self-ridicule. The seed of darkness at the bottom of his heart struggled to break free of the soil and sprout. That other side of him that he had been suppressing with all his might, that he had told himself over and over again shouldn’t exist, was full of unwillingness, struggling to escape from its dark cage.

Xie Huai fiercely closed his eyes.

…………………

This time, Fang Li slept for a long time before he woke up again.

A bit of dizziness lingered in his mind. He shook his head and started to contemplate what had happened with the illusion.

Its creator’s technique had truly been skillful, for even him to have been caught by it. This opponent definitely couldn’t be looked down upon.

Moreover, for them to have created an illusion like this, it meant at least two things: first, this person already knew his identity, and second, this person understood his past very well.

If not for the fact that he wasn’t Yan Sui and wasn’t as immersed in the illusion, and the fact that the darksteel sword had been reminding him the whole time, he might really have been tricked into revealing what he knew.

Speaking of which, the darksteel sword in the illusion had been a little off as well, to the point that during practice, it had even hurt Shixiong. Actually, it had been trying to remind him the whole time. Perhaps it was because his subconscious had sensed something wrong with the illusion, so it had been trying to warn him through the darksteel sword, but only at the end, when Shixiong had asked that question, had he finally woken up.

Who was it who had set up all of this?

For a second, the image of Shixiong waking up after falling unconscious appeared in Fang Li’s mind…… had Shixiong been possessed? No, that wasn’t right. The first one who had obtained the jade talismans was Yan Sui. Even if someone were to have been possessed, it should have been Yan Sui, not his Shixiong.

Yan Sui had been completely fine, so it wasn’t too likely to be possession.

But if it wasn’t possession, then it couldn’t be that it was…… Fang Li’s expression sank minutely. Such a possibility was really too small, too coincidental.

Perhaps it wasn’t actually Yan Sui’s Shixiong.

Not everything in the illusion was real. Although part of it had been created from Yan Sui’s memories, part of it was a lie that had been fabricated by the enemy. After Shixiong had survived after rescuing him, it had deviated from reality.

But no matter who the enemy was, at least he knew their purpose now. They had come for the black jade talisman. It looked like the storm brought by the Great Sage’s holy treasure had yet to abate……

Chong Wanshan was already dead.

At the time, Fang Li had only cared about finishing the plot and clocking out of work and hadn’t actually investigated matters to the root. It was very likely that a few of the fish by Chong Wanshan’s side had escaped the net and knew of this matter.

Although the Windbearer Sect had been razed to the ground nineteen years ago, in the end, he wasn’t sure whether every single person had died.

Both were possibilities.

But since he knew his opponent’s purpose, he wasn’t completely in the dark. He could very well make use of this and set up a trap for the enemy……

Fang Li was pensive.

He rubbed his forehead.

Right, where was Xie Huai?

Fang Li looked around. He seemed to be in an inn. Xie Huai had probably brought him back.

Thank goodness Xie Huai had been beside him at the time. That was why the opponent had only dared to probe him from the shadows, or else, with his cultivation not yet recovered, that person might have acted against him directly. Xie Huai had helped him yet again.

He was just about to go outside to search when he saw the door being pushed open.

Xie Huai walked in, in his white robes, his black eyes murky and deep, looking at him impassively.

Although Xie Huai didn’t look too different from usual, being stared at by those black eyes, Fang Li suddenly felt a chill rise from the soles of his feet. He instinctively felt that something was off……

But he couldn’t say what it was.

Xie Huai looked at the young man in front of him, meeting his somewhat nervous gaze, and slowly raised the corners of his lips, revealing a smile as he said, “You’re awake.”

Fang Li stared blankly, nodding.

Xie Huai walked over to him, and a transparent crystal box appeared in his hands. In the crystal box was precisely that wisdom pill. He opened his mouth blandly. “I have always accomplished what I’ve promised. Seeing as I promised your father to cure your illness, then I will certainly cure it. Once you take this wisdom pill, you’ll naturally recover completely.”

Fang Li: “……”

Cure what illness?

You and I both know perfectly well that I don’t have any illness at all.

Had Xie Huai run out of patience and decided to expose him? Fang Li’s state of mind was complicated. He still hadn’t figured out how to face Xie Huai, and Xie Huai had played along with him without ever pressuring him before. Why was he now suddenly……

Seeing Fang Li’s hesitation, Xie Huai smiled faintly and opened the crystal box, placing it in front of Fang Li.

Fang Li didn’t want to take it. He didn’t need this wisdom pill at all.

A trace of ridicule appeared in the depths of Xie Huai’s eyes. He suddenly pressed a finger to Fang Li’s shoulder, and Fang Li was promptly frozen in place. Xie Huai slowly and unhurriedly took out the pill, and with a flick of his fingers, sent it into Fang Li’s mouth.

Fang Li was forced to swallow it, his expression anxious.

As soon as the divine pill entered his body, it swelled up like a vast ocean, enveloping his consciousness. The gentle energy nourished and reinforced his consciousness, and his consciousness, which had been at the Soul Formation stage to start with, became even more secure. In the midst of his daze, he touched a boundary that he’d never reached before…… As if he only needed to take a single step forward to break through to Void Refining……

Time passed second by second.

Finally.

Fang Li suddenly opened his eyes, a streak of light flashing through his eyes.

He looked at Xie Huai with a complicated expression.

Xie Huai had already run out of patience. With things at this point……

As he had been absorbing the pill just now, Fang Li had already thoroughly thought things through. Although he didn’t dislike Xie Huai and even cared about Xie Huai, thinking of him as a friend……

He couldn’t tarry on so ambiguously like this anymore.

He could do anything for Xie Huai. Even if it was giving away this life of his, he wouldn’t hesitate to pay back everything that Xie Huai had done for him, but only that one thing……

He couldn’t do it.

Fang Li didn’t want to give up his current identity, didn’t want to return to being the demon lord, and more than that, he couldn’t accept Xie Huai’s feelings.

Then they should take this opportunity to separate and become strangers who had met by chance.

At this thought, his chest seemed to throb with a dull ache, but a short pain was better than long pain. Hesitating instead of being decisive would instead lead to more chaos.

Right now, he was only the Fang family’s young master.

He wasn’t anyone else.

Fang Li took a deep breath and stood up to give Xie Huai a bow, slowly opening his mouth. “There is no way for me to repay Yuyi-jun’s great kindness. I……”

Just as he was about to say something about working like a horse and putting his life on the line……

Xie Huai suddenly let out a low laugh.

He lifted up Fang Li’s chin, his voice low and hoarse with a trace of amusement. “Then pay it back with your body.”

Fang Li: ?

That was the only thing that was absolutely impossible!

Just as he was about to open his mouth to refuse, Xie Huai placed a finger to his lips and sealed the rest of his words. In his black eyes were a dark, indistinct expression, seemingly with a touch of derision. “Since you and I have a fated union from a previous life, then in this life and the next, we’ll be tied together, never to part lifetime after lifetime……”

With a push from Xie Huai, Fang Li staggered backwards a step and tumbled onto the bed. Xie Huai rested a knee beside Fang Li, his entire figure enveloping him. As he watched the endlessly anxious young man, the black in his eyes seemed to deepen.

Seeing as this person had never loved him, and even all the goodness he had treated him with was because of another person, seeing as he had played around with him like this and trampled over his feelings and even wanted to run away from him now……

Someone like this wasn’t worth his sincerity. What need was there to keep him by his side?

His rationality told him, he should either kill this cunning and deceitful devil right now, or he should let go.

Xie Huai’s fingertips stroked the side of Fang Li’s neck lightly, the depths of his eyes murky. Right now was precisely when the devil was weak. Killing him would be less difficult than blowing away some dust…… But, he didn’t want to kill this person, because that was really letting him off too easily. But letting him go just like this? Xie Huai truly felt unresigned.

In the entirety of a person’s life, if one could maintain their reason at all times, then one wouldn’t be a human, but a god.

And in the end, he was only human.

He would feel unresigned, he would feel pain, he would know full well that everything he was doing was like drinking poison to slake his thirst, yet still allow himself to fall……

In his entire life, other than falling in love with this devil, he had never done a single thing that went against the Dao. He had taken cutting down demons and protecting the people as his personal duty, he cherished his fellow sect members and aided the weak, constantly reminding himself to act as an example for the righteous sects.

He had been bound by too many rules and restrictions, so that even when loving someone, he did it with the utmost caution, refusing to cause the slightest bit of harm or grievance to them.

But what about this person?

Had he treated him with even a fraction of his sincerity?

Back then, you were the one who pulled me down.

Now you want to cut things off and leave cleanly and neatly? You think things will work out so perfectly?

Who decided that he had to be a perfect, flawless saint, and that even after being lied to, made a fool of, and hurt, he would still magnanimously let the other person go free, fulfilling the wishes of someone who had trampled over his sincerity over and over again?

At this moment, he didn’t want to suppress his feelings again, he didn’t want to let reason tie him down, didn’t want to make himself live so painfully……

Even if it meant falling into hell, they ought to be together lifetime after lifetime……

Fang Li met Xie Huai’s murky eyes and shivered minutely. His subconscious was telling him that something was wrong, but he couldn’t figure out why? Clearly, Xie Huai had been just fine before.

Xie Huai was such a rational and cool-headed person that even after discovering that Fang Li hadn’t died, even after discovering that he’d lied to him, he hadn’t done anything unreasonable. At most, he would pretend to threaten him with a few words……

He was always gentle and serene, letting you face him without restraint.

But the Xie Huai right now.

Seemed like he might do anything at all……

Fang Li’s lips quivered, and a strong sense of foreboding made him suddenly spring up. He was just about to charge outside, but Xie Huai caught him in his arms.

Xie Huai’s lips were nearly pressed to Fang Li’s ears as he let out a teasing laugh. “Where are you going?”

Fang Li forced out an awkward laugh. “I, I……”

Xie Huai’s tone was meaningful as he said slowly, in a low voice, “Let’s return to the ridge right now. After we hold the union ceremony, you’ll be my Dao companion…… After that, we’ll be able to dual cultivate, hm?”

Fang Li’s hair immediately stood on end.

Dual cultivation!

He grit his teeth. “You, you said you wouldn’t dual cultivate with me before!”

At that, Xie Huai laughed.

He fixed his eyes thoroughly on Fang Li’s turned face, his tone light as a breeze, carrying a trace of carelessness. “That, was to trick you.”

Fang Li’s eyes immediately widened.

He was full of disbelief.

To think that Xie Huai would actually so nonchalantly say, I was tricking you!

Xie Huai never, ever tricked anyone!

He was upright to the point that he wouldn’t even tell a lie!

Xie Huai’s fingertips brushed past Fang Li’s neck, watching his eyes intently, a mocking laugh on the corners of his lips. What, are you really so surprised?

You’ve tricked me again and again.

You’ve told so many lies that you don’t even remember them all yourself, so why were you so sure that I would never trick you?

Fang Li took a deep breath and said decisively, “I can’t become your Dao companion!”

There was no need to keep feigning ignorance anymore.

Becoming Dao companions with Xie Huai in such an ambiguous manner like this was what would really be irresponsible. Making Xie Huai misunderstand was his own fault, but since it was a mistake, it had to be stopped, instead of making more and more mistakes……

Xie Huai’s hand around Fang Li suddenly tightened.

That’s right.

Of course you’re not willing to become my Dao companion.

Because that person is the only one in your heart.

How could a substitute compare with him?

Even being touched by me……

Would make you feel disgusted, wouldn’t it?

You can do any kind of unreasonable thing to me, but you’re unwilling to let me get even a little bit closer.

You think that I’ll never change, letting you treat me as an illusion for you to seek consolation from…… But you’ve never cared about what it is that I want……

Then why should I be careful in everything I do, worrying about you?

Xie Huai’s eyes were derisive and icy-cold.

Fang Li attempted to escape, but he was firmly restrained in Xie Huai’s arms. His hands were like red-hot irons, leaving him with no way to resist at all. The world before Fang Li’s eyes spun as Xie Huai pressed him down.

With a light hook of his fingertips, Xie Huai undid his belt. He lowered his head, his scorching hot breath falling onto this neck, and he placed a very soft kiss……

His voice seemed to have traveled from the depths of an abyss, leisurely and irreverent. “If you’re not willing to become Dao companions, that’s fine, too……”

Fang Li looked at Xie Huai blankly.

The corners of Xie Huai’s lips rose slightly, his tone suggestive and enchanting, carrying a hazily discernible trace of sensuality. “Even without becoming Dao companions, we can still dual cultivate. There’s no time like the present. As I see it, right now is perfect.”