Unspeakable

After half a month of continuous rain in this city, Shen Kanyu’s old waist could finally take a breather. Although it was still so stiff it seemed like a steel plate, and would hurt like it’d break when twisted a little, in any case, he could still make a proper meal for Gu Tiantian.

Gu Yutian was his and Gu Yansheng’s daughter. She was turning three years old this year and attending kindergarten. Although she was a super lively and rowdy little girl, she was also very obedient and clever. She liked all the dishes Shen Kanyu made for her, and liked any activity Gu Yansheng took her out to do.

While Shen Kanyu was cooking in the kitchen, Gu Yutian, who was in the middle of playing in the living room, suddenly ran to the door of the kitchen with her short little legs, and shouted with her childish sweet voice, “Papa Papa, Daddy said he’s coming home today ye!”

Gu Yansheng was coming home today?

Today, how could that be?

Shen Kanyu moved off the hand supporting his waist, turned his head, and blinked, “Really? He told you so?”

“Rweally ya!” Gu Yutian nodded vigorously.

Shen Kanyu watched as his daughter’s confident expression turned into a foolish stare for a while before she happily curved her eyes into a smile. “Hai~ Daddy must miss me bei, he couldn’t wait to come home.”

“Then I must make a few more dishes.” Shen Kanyu suddenly felt that his waist didn’t hurt that much anymore. He happily grabbed more ingredients out of the refrigerator. He also took out a notebook to organize the menu because he thought his brain was heating up due to his over-excitement, and he couldn’t think straight.

Tiantian’s favorite egg yolk puffs, cod fishcakes, and pork bone congee with peanuts.

Gu Yusheng’s favorite fried meatballs, salad pork liver, and sake clam chicken noodle soup.

And two tasty vegetable dishes: bamboo shoots and boiled Chinese broccoli.

Perfect.

   ***

As Shen Kanyu ladled out the boiled congee, he heard the sound of Gu Yansheng turning the key at the door.

“Daddy!” Gu Yutian threw the toy on the floor, loudly called out to Gu Yansheng, ran over and hugged his thigh, “You’re back!”

After placing his keys on top of the shoe cabinet, Gu Yansheng single-handedly and skilfully picked her up and steadily carried her in his arms.

While holding the congee, Shen Kanyu’s eyes shined at the sight: Looking this handsome even when holding our child. He deserves to be the man I chose.

“Did you miss Daddy?”

“Miss!”

“Daddy missed you too.” Gu Yansheng ruffled his daughter’s velvety hair with a smile. His magnetic smoker’s throat was pressed low and gentle as he softly spoke in his daughter’s ear. Shen Kanyu was so envious. 

When would A-sheng talk to him like this? It was fine even if it was disdainful curses, he wasn’t picky. 

Shen Kanyu blinked, placed the congee on the table, and smiled at Gu Yansheng, “A-Sheng, come eat, there are fried meatballs.”

Gu Yansheng looked at him indifferently, “You cooked?”

“Yes, Tiantian said that you were coming. I’ve made a lot of your favorite dishes,” Shen Kanyu untied his apron, pulled out a chair, and beckoned at Gu Yansheng with a smile, “Come over.”

After a period of silence, Gu Yansheng calmly said, “I came to take Tiantian out to play, I didn’t say I’m eating at home.”

Shen Kanyu, who was setting up the bowls and chopsticks, paused his hand motions when he heard these words. His smile was still courteous and earnest. “Then you can eat two bites to fill your stomach first, these aren’t heavy dishes.”

Gu Yutian, resting in Gu Yansheng’s arms, raised her head and impatiently looked at him, “Daddy, I want to eat Papa’s egg yolk puff.”

Gu Yansheng looked at his daughter with gentle eyes, “Okay, then let’s just eat a little.”

Shen Kanyu waited for Gu Yansheng to place Gu Yutian into the baby chair and wrap a bib around her. “Then enjoy your meal, I’m going to live-stream now.”

    ***

Shen Kanyu was one of the gold medal anchors at RUI Live. He could play any game and was extremely skilled at all the positions. Adding on his good looks, and pleasant voice, apart from the income from the platform, he also receives huge rewards from his fans. But he still wasn’t able to provide all the required funds for Gu Yansheng’s business venture.

Gu Yansheng had established a gaming and entertainment studio with Su Tong. Although they’ve produced many small works that were immensely popular for a while, as a whole, they still weren’t able to make ends meet. On top of that, they were continuously preparing for a big project—a large-scale, ancient style RPG mobile game called《Laughter in the Vast Seas》so there was a huge shortage in funding.

Hence, aside from taking care of his daughter, Shen Kanyu basically used all his spare time live-streaming. Sometimes, he won’t even take breaks to sleep and rest.

One time when he had live-streamed until the middle of the night, his heart was suddenly in immense pain, and he couldn’t breathe, to the point he couldn’t even call out in pain. The only thought he had was that he probably wasn’t far from death.

But he could still push on, push on until Gu Yansheng succeeds. When the time of his death comes, Gu Yansheng would definitely get together with Su Tong. He would rather die from the exhaustion of live-streaming than die from anger when he sees Gu Yansheng and Su Tong together. 

Anyhow, perhaps the saying ‘familiarity breeds fondness’ does truly exist. Before he dies, could he wait for Gu Yansheng to change his mind and like him back? Well, that would truly be like hitting the jackpot.

    ***

From the first moment Shen Kanyu lay eyes upon Gu Yansheng, he became a treasured person to him. He began eagerly trailing behind him in junior high. Since then, it has been more than 10 years.

Shen Kanyu wasn’t a good person at all. In order to get together with Gu Yansheng, he could resort to any unscrupulous means. What a pity that Gu Yansheng didn’t like him at all. The one he liked was Su Tong who had grown up together with him from childhood. The reasons why he married Shen Kanyu was because, firstly, when they had Gu Yutian after a drunken accident, his ever-traditional parents forced him to take responsibility for Shen Kanyu. And secondly, he wanted to start a venture and Shen Kanyu’s live-streaming income was a big source of funding for him.

Gu Yansheng was very clever. He knew that the drunken accident was deliberately planned by Shen Kanyu, and he also knew why Shen Kanyu was willing to assist him in his venture. On the day of their wedding, he kept on emphasizing that he was doing this for his daughter and parents, and as for using his money, he would return everything and even double the sum. 

After being so long-winded, wasn’t the main idea just a single “I don’t like you”. These kinds of words couldn’t enter Shen Kanyu’s ears. Who knows what could happen after sharing the same bed and visiting places together as a couple?

Shen Kanyu still believed that familiarity breeds fondness though it didn’t work until now. Gu Yansheng still didn’t like him. He was not even willing to eat at the same table as him, let alone share the same bed and go to places as a couple. 

    ***

Shen Kanyu knew the venture was tough and was scared Gu Yansheng would ruin his health, so he spent a lot of time researching recipes to make nutritious dishes for Gu Yansheng. Gu Yansheng was often exhausted to the point of losing his appetite, hence he also looked into garnishing and matching colors of bowls and plates, devising ways to deceive Gu Yansheng into eating a little more, but Gu Yansheng still ate very little.

Shen Kanyu was so worried his hair was about to fall out. While shelling shrimps for him, he sighed, “Just look at you, eating so little and working so much. Sooner or later, you won’t be able to hold on. A lot of people have said that my cooking is extremely tasty, why aren’t you willing to eat?”

While drinking sips of the scallop shrimp meat congee, Gu Yansheng asked, “Do you want to know why?”

Shen Kanyu nodded vigorously. 

“Because looking at your face makes me want to throw up.” Gu Yansheng’s voice was flat, and his face expressionless, like what he just said couldn’t have been more ordinary.

Shen Kanyu gazed at him in a daze for a long time before he slowly lowered his pupils to look at the half bowl of shrimp meat by his hand. “So you also won’t eat the shrimp I shelled for you?”

“Yes.” Gu Yansheng didn’t look at him as he continued drinking his congee. 

Shen Kanyu sat blankly in his seat for a while. Then, he continued to thicken his skin and pushed the shrimp meat in front of Gu Yansheng. “Try to eat a little, okay? This sea shrimp is especially fresh. It was very hard to buy.”

Gu Yansheng didn’t answer.

“If you eat some, I swear I won’t eat with you anymore in the future, okay?” Seeing that he still ignored him, Shen Kanyu reached out and waved a hand right before his eyes. “Okay? A-Sheng?”

Gu Yansheng silently picked up a piece of shrimp meat.

Shen Kanyu breathed a sigh of relief. His eyes curved from his smile, and he tenderly said, “A-Sheng is so well-behaved.”

    ***

From that time onwards, Shen Kanyu didn’t sit at the dining table anymore. Gu Yansheng didn’t feel like eating whenever he saw him, but Shen Kanyu didn’t have an appetite when he couldn’t see Gu Yansheng. He bought various kinds of ready-made food products and placed them underneath the bed to solve the issue of breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The food was fine at the start, but he didn’t know why his appetite worsened later on. His stomach hurt from time to time, and he began eating less and less. Sometimes he could eat one small bowl of instant porridge over several meals. When he couldn’t finish it, he’d put it in the refrigerator, then eat for his next meal after adding hot water to it.

Just like this, he unwittingly saved a lot of money. Apart from being able to buy Gu Yansheng and Gu Yutian even more delicious foods, he could also buy more pretty clothes for them.

Whenever Shen Kanyu carried back fresh ingredients and new clothes, he would be immensely pleased with himself. “Where can you find such a virtuous wife like me? Sooner or later, A-Sheng will be swept off his feet by me.” 

The reason why Shen Kanyu was this optimistic was that he was easy to please. Sometimes when Gu Yansheng eased his expression a little, carelessly showed a faint smile, took another glance at him, said another phrase to him, he could jump up and down for half the day, thinking that Gu Yansheng’s heart must be stirring for him, and that he’d turn toward him soon.

He also understood he was deceiving himself, but since life was short, he must learn to find joy in adversity.

    ***

Once Shen Kanyu returned to his room, he took the leftover porridge from breakfast from above the cabinet, mixed in hot water, and ate a bit along with some dried radish. He put it down when he felt full then switched on his computer to live-stream. 

All this time it had been raining, Shen Kanyu’s waist wouldn’t stop hurting so he hadn’t properly live-streamed. Since today was one of those rare days his waist didn’t hurt that much, he streamed for four hours straight. By the time he shut off the game, the sky was already dark.

He walked out of the room to enter an empty living room. The dishes on the table were all completely cold. He stood at the dining table for a while, rubbed his hands then started tidying up.

It really was somewhat of a waste of food. His delusions went overboard. Today was August 17, how could Gu Yansheng possibly eat at home?

Today was Su Tong’s birthday.[1] Tiantian is a nickname for Gu Yutian; the double on the one syllable ‘Tian’ is a cute affectionate way to address her.
[2] A-Sheng is a nickname for Gu Yansheng; the ‘A’ before ‘Sheng’ denotes familiarity.