Unspeakable

Shen Kanyu carried Gu Yansheng home and placed him securely on the bed. Then he took off his shoes, socks, and suit jacket for him, removed his necktie and belt, and undid a couple of buttons on his shirt. 

Shen Kanyu had wanted him to sleep a little more comfortably, but once he undid the third button, he almost spurted blood from his nose.

What sort of godly pecs were these? Gu Yansheng’s skin was snow-white and clear, appearing faintly peach-colored because he had drunk alcohol. Like jade, it felt exquisite and smooth to the touch. If he took a bite, it should also taste as sweet and delicious as peaches.

Shen Kanyu gulped and his heart pounded like thunder against his chest. He didn’t dare to undo the buttons any further. He pulled the blanket over Gu Yansheng, ran to the bathroom in a fluster, and splashed cold water on his face. After he cooled off for a few minutes, he soaked a towel in warm water and used it to wipe Gu Yansheng’s face and neck.

After doing this, he straightened up, yet it was at this moment that the dull ache in his stomach became excruciatingly painful. It felt like a pair of sharp scissors had cut the mangled wires within his body without warning, extinguishing all his light and draining all his energy. The view in front of his eyes immediately became pitch-black. Although he was racked with intense pain, he couldn’t make a single sound. 

The darkness before his eyes swirled. Fearing that he would fall onto Gu Yansheng and injure him, Shen Kanyu clenched his teeth and staggered back, which resulted in his whole body falling backward.

He had no idea what he had slammed into. Loud ringing filled his head and ears. Rather than falling onto the ground, he felt as if he had fallen into an endless abyss. It was only after a long, long time had passed and the ringing had faded, did he feel stabbing pain throughout his entire body, as if it had broken. It caused him to feel faint, but be unable to faint, feel awake, but be unable to fully awaken.

He lay on the ground like a dead man, twitching in pain from time to time, until he heard Gu Yansheng faintly calling Su Tong’s name as if he was having a nightmare.

His A-Sheng was having a nightmare. 

Realizing this, he coughed before clenching his fists and ruthlessly digging his nails into the flesh, feeling strength gather in his body again and his vision gradually clear. Pushing off the floor, he slowly crawled to Gu Yansheng’s side, gently held his hand, and pacified him in his hoarse voice. “A-Sheng, it’s A-Tong, I’m alright, don’t be afraid.”

“A-Tong…” Perhaps the pain caused Shen Kanyu’s voice to be coarse and grating to the ears, Gu Yansheng still called for Su Tong with furrowed brows. He showed no signs of quieting down at all.

“I’m here, I’m alright.” Although he knew Gu Yansheng couldn’t see it, Shen Kanyu still tried his best to copy Su Tong’s gentle smile. He raised his hand, gently stroking Gu Yansheng’s chest in slow motions, coaxing him in the same way he would coax Tiantian to sleep. “A-Sheng, be good and sleep, ah. When you wake up, we’ll go out to play together, okay?”

We’ll go to Dali.

We’ll go to the North where it snows.

We’ll go to the islands where there’s the sea.

We’ll go to the mountains where we can see the Milky Way. 

I know you’ve always wanted to go to these places. I’ve always wanted to go with you too, but I’m scared you’ll be unhappy. I also know you’re unwilling to go with me.

Be good and sleep; I’ll definitely have A-Tong accompany you there. I’ve already saved enough money for you two and made a very comprehensive guide, you guys can go wherever you want. 

In the future, you guys can go out and have fun. Be happier; don’t have nightmares anymore, okay? My heart hurts.

Gu Yansheng looked much calmer. He no longer mumbled uncomfortably in his dreams, only creasing his brows slightly.

Shen Kanyu suddenly felt all pain in his body disappear, except for his heart, which began to ache fiercely. He didn’t know why, clearly he was smiling, yet the sockets of his eyes quietly moistened. 

He grasped Gu Yansheng’s hand. His lips trembled, and his raspy voice repeated with tenderness, slightly choked. “A-Sheng, I’m A-Tong, I love you.”

“I really love you.”

Can you hear that?

I love you.

A-Sheng, I love you.

*Sexual content starts here.*

Gu Yansheng’s entire body shuddered the instant he heard this “I love you”, as if a forbidden land in his heart had been touched, releasing the huge billowing waves and wide stretches of sands sealed inside, flooding and eroding all his reason. 

He strained his eyes open. They were clouded and stained crimson with fury.

Shen Kanyu didn’t even realize Gu Yansheng was awake, when he was suddenly forcibly pushed down from the bed and onto the chilly, hard floor. It hurt so much his vision turned dark. He tried to prop himself up from the ground, but it was all in vain, the only thing he could do was dazedly croak out, “A-Sheng”.

He felt Gu Yansheng on top of him forcibly ripping off his thin shirt and trousers. These were the nicest and most expensive clothes he owned, which he had specially picked out, for fear of embarrassing Gu Yansheng before he went to pick him up today.

He made a subconscious attempt to stop his actions, but his wrists were roughly held down on the ground. A cracking sound came from his bones being crushed.

“Eck…A-Sheng,” Shen Kanyu felt like his bones might be broken. He had no way to resist him. He was in so much pain; cold sweat kept dripping from his body, and he couldn’t even speak properly. “A-Sheng, don’t…” 

He started feeling cold; his body couldn’t control itself from trembling, for his clothes were already completely torn off his body by Gu Yansheng.

He heard Gu Yansheng’s low, husky voice from an extremely close distance, saying his name, syllable by syllable. “Shen. Kan. yu.”

“You said that you’re Su Tong? You said that you love me?”

“Do you want it that much?”

“I’ll give it to you.”

“Let Su Tong go, don’t hurt him anymore.”

In the next second, Shen Kanyu’s dry and tight entrance was pried open without warning and immediately penetrated to the very end. 

“Ah…” Along with the tearing sound of blood and flesh came Shen Kanyu’s hoarse, blood-curdling screech. But because it was too weak, his cry was as light as a gasp. 

“A-Sheng…don’t…ah…” He simply couldn’t speak full sentences because Gu Yansheng had already started thrusting hard in his body, using his blood as a lubricant. Struggling for air, the hand that Gu Yansheng had injured before almost dug into the tile joints. 

“Don’t do, this…I…” These thrusts were so vigorous that Shen Kanyu’s heart and stomach couldn’t bear it at all. His breathing became even more labored, and an acidic taste filled his throat.

He knew he couldn’t directly throw up and dirty A-Sheng, but he had no way to swallow it back down, so left with no other option, he firmly bit onto his lips and let the bile slowly flow out from the seam of his lips. 

He could no longer speak, he grew dizzier and dizzier, and his sensitivity to pain reduced greatly. He only feared that he’d hurt Gu Yansheng, so he subconsciously raised his body to accommodate his entry and coordinate with his movements. Both his legs, which he struggled to prop up, shook like branches swaying in a rainstorm, and his pale neck strained back, creating a fragile arch that looked like it’d break with a single touch.

This emotionless sex was so cruel it was a form of torture.

Shen Kanyu knew he deserved this torture though, because the one who actually administered torture first, was him.

***

Gu Yansheng grew up with Su Tong. Before the “kidnapping”, Su Tong had always been very healthy, even healthier than Gu Yansheng.

What were the events of that kidnapping?

At that time, Shen Kanyu was already four months pregnant. That day, Gu Yansheng told him flatly that he was going out to celebrate Su Tong’s birthday with a bunch of people. There was no deception in his words. Shen Kanyu put on an obedient and tolerant front, saying nothing more as he sent him out the door with a smile. 

But in fact, Shen Kanyu was mad with jealousy. He told his friends to give Su Tong a painful lesson so that he wouldn’t dare to go near Gu Yansheng ever again.

They locked Su Tong, who had claustrophobia, in a light-proof barrel, and kicked it around while rocking it; they even kicked the barrel down a flight of steps.

Gu Yansheng could never forget Su Tong’s cut up, bruised, and barely breathing appearance when he carried him out from the barrel. When they were making their way to the hospital, even being inside the ambulance made Su Tong so scared it almost suffocated him, and at one point he even coughed up blood and went into shock.

Su Tong who hadn’t done anything wrong was nearly killed by Shen Kanyu.

This was something Gu Yansheng would never forget for life.

To what extent did he hate Shen Kanyu back then?

If Shen Kanyu’s stomach didn’t hold his child, he would have returned all of the pain Su Tong endured in its entirety, or even by a thousandfold, back to him. 

***

In his drunken stupor, Gu Yansheng heard the endless, heavy banging and falling of objects. That sound lingered in his mind. The scene of the barrel containing Su Tong falling down the stairs haunted him like a nightmare.

It was Shen Kanyu.

It was Shen Kanyu, this lunatic. 

Shen Kanyu was determined to marry him and have his child. He could bear it. For the sake of his child and parents, he was also willing to slowly give up on Su Tong and earnestly fall for Shen Kanyu with time.

He didn’t know if he could do it, and he didn’t want to give false hope so he never told Shen Kanyu that he wanted to live his days with him.

If he had no patience, if he needed to vent, Shen Kanyu could release it onto him. But he insisted on hurting Su Tong. He insisted on bringing everyone pain.

Who was he to freely bring others pain?

Who was he?

Alcohol could always erode humans’ reasoning, sparking the hidden and fierce fire suppressed deep within their bones. The smell of blood filling his nostrils was exactly the same as the horrific smell of blood covering Su Tong’s body that day.

Gu Yansheng had practically gone mad from the fury in his chest. The next words were spoken slowly, his voice husky and low like a life-seeking Asura.

Shen Kanyu, since you like me this much, and you want me this much, then I’ll give you as much as you want, all in one go.

You’re trembling? Struggling? Crying? Do you also know how painful it is to be forced by someone? 

Do you also know?

You lunatic, you bastard. After you’ve done such horrible things, how can you still smile safely and soundly every day? Do you really want everyone to remember you with disgust?

I’m treating you like this, will you be angry?

If you are angry, how about you simply kill me?

I don’t want to see you again. 

*Sexual content ends here.*

***

Shen Kanyu fainted in pain and also awakened in pain.

It was as if a layer of mist covered his eyes as he stared at the ceiling, unfocused and unlit. His chest felt stuffy, and even breathing was so taxing he had no choice but to open his mouth and pant heavily. His lips were as dry as a cracked riverbed.

With a turn of his head, he saw Gu Yansheng who was asleep beside him and became frightened at the sight of dried blood on his face. His fingers, which originally took a lot of effort to move, lifted at will to gently wipe at the bloodstains.

Good, it can be wiped off. It’s not A-Sheng’s blood, A-Sheng isn’t hurt.

Shen Kanyu breathed a sigh of relief, then a thought immediately entered his mind, causing all the nerves in his body to tense up. 

If it wasn’t A-Sheng’s blood, was it his own blood he got on him? If A-Sheng found his body covered in Shen Kanyu’s blood when he woke up, he’d definitely be disgusted to death.

Shen Kanyu suddenly went from his half-dead state to moving with ease. He got up in a few tries. A sharp pain suddenly struck his lower body, and a large amount of semen mixed with blood gushed out. He almost fainted again. He quickly swallowed a few painkillers and pressed down on his chest, sitting in place to rest for a while before he got up from the floor.

His body was stained with blood. Fearing that he’d dirty Gu Yansheng, he could only hurry to the shower and rinse himself off. Then he grabbed a basin of hot water, rinsed a towel, and headed back to take off Gu Yansheng’s clothes, wipe his body down, and change him into his pajamas.

It seemed a bone had broken in his left hand. Although he took some painkillers so the pain wasn’t strong, he kept feeling that he couldn’t gather any strength; his movements were much more sluggish.

He was very scared Gu Yansheng would awaken. Once he completed these tasks with his heart in his mouth, he carried him back onto the bed and covered him with a blanket. Then fearing that he would wake with a start, he half-kneeled by the bed and kept stroking Gu Yansheng’s chest until his breathing became clear and steady, letting him sleep a little more peacefully.

Once he was sound asleep again, Shen Kanyu turned around and started tidying up the mess all over the ground.

He picked up a broken crystal ornament that looked quite pricey. His hands kept trembling as he collected the glass fragments, thinking that it was alright if it wasn’t cheap, but if it was some kind of keepsake between Gu Yansheng and Su Tong, then it was over for him.

Fortunately, he could still make out the name of the brand. If he rushed to the mall now, perhaps he could buy one that was exactly the same. 

He hurriedly put the fragments into a bag, but when he held onto his knees to stand up, his chest suddenly felt tight and his windpipe dry and itchy. He couldn’t bear it; before he even straightened up, his body fell down again. He covered his mouth and coughed hard, but what he coughed out was a mouthful of blood.

He looked at his blood-covered hand in a daze, blankly wondering, ‘I don’t feel pain anywhere, where did all this blood come from?’

He felt so muddle-headed he had forgotten he had taken painkillers, so he couldn’t understand why he suddenly vomited blood. But the color of the blood was light, nearly pink; it shouldn’t be a big issue. 

His coughing didn’t cease as blood continued to leave his mouth. Afraid of dirtying the floor, he grabbed onto his collar and blocked his lips, before leaving Gu Yansheng’s room in a hurry.