Unspeakable

Gu Yansheng didn’t know what he should say.

Was there anyone dumber than Shen Kanyu in this world? Giving divorce papers as a birthday present?

He actually wasn’t thinking about divorce but remembering the image of Shen Kanyu with Jiang Mo just now, he could not help but think whether it was better to divorce.

Shen Kanyu, who had been waiting for his reply waited until his eyes were red as the watery light in was getting brighter and brighter, and the hand holding the divorce papers was trembling increasingly.

He struggled to move his body closer to him as he grabbed his sleeve, and gently shook it twice. Sobbing and pleading he said.

“A’sheng, please tell me something….whether you like it or not, you can tell it to me. I’m leaving tonight so I want to listen to your voice more. I always feel… I haven’t seen you for a long time and now I won’t see you in the future. Please talk to me…”

His sight was getting blurred and couldn’t see Gu Yansheng’s face clearly as he talk so he raised his arm to wipe his tears. Gu Yansheng wiped the wet corners of his eyes before him and sighed.

“You’re the one who mentioned the divorce but you’re also the one who’s crying?”

Shen Kanyu was startled, and quickly raised his sleeve and vigorously rubbed his eyes, rubbing almost off the skin and then desperately shook his head. He wanted to speak but suddenly gagged hard, he then lowered his head and bit his sleeve to try to hold back the sound.

He was full of thoughts about not crying like how A’sheng hated to see him cry, but he really missed him and didn’t want to give him up.

He was afraid that he would never see his A’sheng again.

He was afraid that after his absence, silly A’sheng would be bullied since he didn’t know to fight back, and no one could protect him.

Su Tong was getting married while Tian Tian was still young. He was afraid that no one will take care of him. He can’t eat enough, wear warm clothes, and sleep well.

He was so sad that he didn’t know what to do. Originally, A’sheng could be well with Su Tong and live happily every day but because of him that A’sheng became like this.

What should he do? Nothing he does was going to help.

“A’sheng, I’m sorry.”

He said as he kept wiping the tears in his eyes that never dried. His sleeves were almost soaked, but his tears still couldn’t stop. He choked badly after saying a few words, like a child who was overwhelmed by grief when his parents scolded him.

“I know I’ve done a lot of wrong things and there’s no way to make up for it. I won’t bother you in the future. Can you be happy? You laugh very well, but I haven’t seen you laugh for a long time…”

He was choking too much, his voice was very soft, and his speech was intermittent. Gu Yansheng actually could not quite hear all he said and just looked at his pale face and his red eyes and nose due to crying. He just looked like Tian Tian when he cries, and an unspeakable sense of pity came from the bottom of his heart.

He started carelessly wiping his face with tears but Gu Yansheng didn’t dare wipe his face with his bare hands so instead, he took out a soft towel from his pocket, gently covered his face, and slowly pat dried the tears in the corners of his eyes.

Shen Kanyu tensed up with Gu Yansheng’s actions, he sucked his nose and looked at him blankly.

His confused crying face also greatly resembles Gu Yutian making Gu Yansheng’s heart soft and couldn’t help but asked him jokingly.

“Have you ever cried in front of Tian Tian? She looks exactly like you when she cries.”

“No… I don’t.”

Shen Kanyu explained with sobs.

“I know you hate seeing me crying. I really changed it but I didn’t mean crying today, A’sheng. Don’t be angry. I’ll never cry again.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Gu Yansheng thought that maybe he didn’t know how to joke, and it must be a long time since he joked after seeing the scared and trembling Shen Kanyu. But seeing him like this, he wondered where that bold guy went and instead became a frightened bird like this.

He could only be silent for a moment and then changed the topic.

“Do you like Jiang Mo?”

Shen Kanyu looked at him in a daze, as if he did not understand what he said.

Gu Yansheng asked again.

“Do you want to get a divorce because of Jiang Mo? You like him, and you can be with him after the divorce, is that right?”

Shen Kanyu understood this, he immediately shook his head desperately to deny it and then whispered with a thick nasal voice.

“I only like you…”

Gu Yansheng turned his head in embarrassment, coughed, and said slowly after a long silence.

“In this case, we won’t divorce. Let’s… Let’s live a good life and raise Tian Tian.”

He hadn’t said anything like this to him before and his whole body stiffened and was at a loss for words. To ease the embarrassment, he then took the divorce papers and shoved them directly into the trash can next to him.

“… eh?”

Shen Kanyu blinked his wet milky dog eyes and stared at Gu Yansheng. He almost suspected that there was something wrong with his ear, but he reacted after a few seconds. A’sheng must have been too busy recently and there were still many things he needs his help with, so he doesn’t need a divorce for the time being.

Even so, he still felt very happy. It was like a bowl of preserved egg and lean meat porridge falling from the sky. He was afraid that he couldn’t catch it well. He opened his mouth and touched his neck at a loss. Finally, he pulled his dry and pale lips and giggled at Gu Yansheng.

“I’ll listen to you, don’t leave first! A’sheng, you can tell me what you need me to do, and I will help you, anything!”

“…… good.”

Gu Yansheng felt as if Shen Kanyu did not understand what he really meant, but he did not know how to express his feelings clearly and could only nod and warmly respond with a good.

Shen Kanyu looked at him with a smile, his eyes curved and bright.

“Thank you, A’sheng! Do I have to move out today? I already pack my things so I can move out anytime!”

Gu Yansheng was speechless for a few seconds before he said.

“….why do you still want to move out when we’re not divorcing?”

“Then I won’t move! What you say is always right!”

Shen Kanyu was so excited that he didn’t feel any pain, and his strength seemed to come back. After waiting for a few seconds to stabilize himself he stood up with the help of the tree and ran back to the bench then showed Gu Yansheng what he had bought this morning. With a hoarse voice, he cheerfully said.

“A’sheng, you see, I bought very fresh mangosteen and orange. I just tried the mangosteen and it’s really sweet, it’s sweet and not greasy. Shall I peel one for you?”

He took the mangosteen out of the bag and tried hard to peel it open, but his left hand was unable to exert any force, and his right hand alone was completely helpless to take the hard mangosteen.

He was so anxious that his forehead began to sweat again, he looked up and smiled palely at Gu Yansheng.

“Sorry A’sheng, the mangosteen is too hard, let me peel an orange for you!”

He hastily changed and grabbed the orange and eagerly peeled it with his trembling hand.

Gu Yansheng looked at his left hand that was bandaged up at some point and was trembling badly, completely unable to match the right hand but still peeled it unusually fast.

He peeled out a fresh orange and held it in front of him like a treasure.

“Try one and see. You watched me peel ah, my exclusive peeling orange magic hands but I did not touch the orange flesh so it’s not dirty, you can eat it.”

Gu Yansheng kept staring at his left hand and didn’t pick up the orange after a long time. Shen Kanyu suddenly came back to his senses and thought that he was scared out of his mind. A’sheng never ate the fruit he peeled, he then remembered the shrimp he peeled was disgusting, and the fruit he peeled should also be the same.

“Sorry ah, I ……”

Shen Kanyu put the orange back.

“I did not mean anything else, your lips are very dry, I’m afraid you’re thirsty, I’ll …… how about you peel it yourself, you eat it, it’s very sweet ……”

Gu Yansheng reached out and held his left wrist, the action was particularly light, but his whole body shrank, and the orange in his hand just fell.

The distance between the two was very close, that Gu Yansheng could hear his heart beating like thunder, but he could also feel him shaking.

“Don’t be afraid, I won’t hit you.”

Gu Yansheng gently put his left hand in his palm.

“You got up early in the morning and went to the hospital?”

“Hmm ……”

Shen Kanyu nervously observed his face and nodded gently.

“The doctor said there was nothing serious, and cured it already, no….didn’t cost a lot of money.”

“Did you only check your hands?”

Gu Yansheng raised his eyes and looked at him.

“Is there anything else you feel uncomfortable with?”

Shen Kangyu was afraid that Gu Yansheng would think he had too many problems and waste too much money, so he shook his head like a rattle, then looked at him reverently and seriously.

He doesn’t feel uncomfortable now. Looking at Gu Yansheng, he was so happy that he wants to jump up and turn around.

Gu Yansheng looked at his big, wet, innocent eyes like a deer. He always felt he was lying but after a moment of hesitation, he said.

“I’ll take you to see it again.”

“No, no, no, no! If we go back the doctor will laugh at me!”

Shen Kanyu shook his head desperately and wanted to use every cell of his whole body to refuse Gu Yansheng.

“A’sheng, let’s go home. I want Tian Tian to taste this mangosteen quickly.”

“It’s not urgent at this moment.”

“It’s very urgent, let me tell you, this mangosteen is just taken out of the freezer, after the mangosteen is frozen, you must eat it quickly, otherwise the taste will deteriorate.”

Shen Kanyu picked up the bag and looked at the fruits inside.

“A’sheng, do you see any fruits that auntie likes in here? If not, you can drop me off at the supermarket in front, I’ll go buy it. What does she like?”

“She likes all of these.”

Gu Yansheng took the bag from him.

“I parked the car in front, let’s go over there and go home.”

Shen Kanyu froze for a moment as he stared blankly at Gu Yansheng’s calm and gentle side profile, and only after a long time did he come back to his senses, his eyes lit up little by little, and finally nodded his head forcefully and smiled brightly.

“En, go home!”

All’s good. He has a home again.

A’sheng gave him home again, even if it was only for a few days he was a man with a family.

Shen Kanyu, do you know how lucky you are?

But what about you, what can you give back?

—

Gu Yansheng did not mention the matter of Su Tong’s marriage, and Shen Kanyu did not dare to say half a word, he clearly understood that this was a bomb and sooner or later would be ignited and the day it explodes, he would be left with no body or bones to live.

But that’s not what he’s afraid of, he’s only afraid that A’sheng would be sad.

Perhaps the most important reason why A’sheng lets him stay was not because he needs help, but he doesn’t want to let a villain who makes him miserable leave easily. He must pay his due price.

It doesn’t matter what it costs him, as long as he’s a little happier.

Gu Yansheng usually talks less, and even less when he was in a bad mood. His expression now was not particularly good, and Shen Kanyu was afraid that he was unhappy, so he keeps talking about some sweet and interesting things to him. The more he speaks, the hoarser his voice becomes. However, because of the slight curve in Gu Yansheng’s mouth, he becomes more and more excited. Wearing his seat belt, he dances and gestures actively in his seat, and his head is full of sweat.

Gu Yansheng saw that the safety belt was about to lose, he said helplessly.

“Be a good boy and don’t move around, you’re fever hasn’t gone down so where does your strength come from?”

Shen Kanyu blinked and said.

“My fever has long been gone, hasn’t it been a long time?”

“…… Do you have to let me get the Tian Tian’s child seat for you so you can sit still?”

“No, no, no, no, no. I’ll sit down. I’ll sit down now. “

Shen Kanyu giggled at Gu Yansheng, raised his hand to wipe the sweat on his forehead, and breathed out heavily. His face was very pale and looked so exhausted.

His heart may not be able to bear his emotions and actions, he got too excited. Right now, he had some difficulty breathing and was dizzy, but he didn’t dare to take the medicine out, nor did he dare to open the window for ventilation, with Gu Yansheng with him. He had to face out of the window and gasp and endure.

He vaguely felt Gu Yansheng looking at him. Maybe he was suddenly quiet and noticed something wrong so he wanted to say something to him again, but his mind was empty and dizzy because of lack of oxygen. He panicked for a moment and finally, he blurted out what he wanted to say most in his heart.

“A’sheng, if you are….unhappy, you must find someone to lean on. Don’t bear it yourself. It will hurt your body. When I get things done tomorrow, you can beat me or scold me. You should… Be happy.”

Gu Yansheng pursed his lips, silently looking at the road, and the hand holding the steering wheel tightened, a long time had passed before saying in a deep voice.

“I will not hit you again.”

Shen Kanyu didn’t make a sound again. Gu Yansheng turned his head and looked at him and saw the man was asleep, his head was swaying. He couldn’t help shaking his head and laughing.

Gu Yansheng parked his car on the side of the road, got out and rolled down Shen Kanyu’s seat, held up his head then cushioned him with a pillow, and took out a blanket to cover him.

While covering the blanket, Gu Yansheng saw that he was still holding a peeled orange with some dirt on it. It should be the one that had just fallen to the ground, he didn’t notice when he secretly ate two or three pieces of these dirty oranges.

Who taught him to catch things when he was in pain, run out when he was ill, and pick up what fell on the ground to eat.

Gu Yansheng throw the orange and came back to check the temperature on his forehead. It didn’t burn, but it was also frighteningly cold.

He turned up the air conditioning temperature, ready to return to the driver’s seat, but heard Shen Kanyu’s voice in his ear, so hoarse and faint that he thought he was hallucinating. He turned his head to see his dry gray lips struggling to open and close, and he leaned down to listen.

Shen Kanyu didn’t say anything but just kept calling A’sheng, and his eyes became wet. Tears wet his eyelashes and slid down his pale and thin cheek. The more it flowed, the more turbulent it became. Gu Yansheng patiently wiped it for him and comforted him in a warm voice: I’m here, don’t cry.

He remembered that he just cried up biting his sleeve to hold back, hating to make all the strength to wipe away the tears, afraid of being seen by him. Remembering this his heart flooded with slight pain.

You can only cry when you’re asleep even if you’re sad like this?

It doesn’t matter to cry in front of me.