Unspeakable

When Shen Kanyu returned home, Song Li had already prepared their dinner. Seeing this, Shen Kanyu thought that he would be punished again for not helping but then remembered the mangosteen and immediately offered the fruit gift bag he had bought. As soon as Tian Tian saw the mangosteen, she smiled and salivated while Song Li was too lazy to quarrel with Shen Kanyu as soon as she saw her granddaughter happy.

“Baby, come on, papa will peel it for you.”

Shen Kanyu had slept on the way home and recovered a lot of physical strength and energy, that even his left hand that he had time moving was able to move and peeled off the mangosteen successfully.

“Yes, yes!”

Gu Yutian was so excited that her two big eyes stared at the mangosteen in Shen Kanyu’s hand.

Shen Kanyu peeled off a flap of pulp and sent it to his daughter’s mouth. Gu Yutian bit and immediately frowned, spitting the fruit.

“Sour!”

Shen Kanyu froze for a moment.

“How can it be sour; this is very sweet. Try it again, it’s delicious.”

He fed Gu Yutian another piece, but she still spits it out, and with aggrieved and deflated mouth she said.

“Still not good! Not delicious at all!”

Song Li could not stand it and grabbed the fruit from Shen Kanyu’s hand to eat and check it herself. After tasting the fruit Song Li got so angry that she immediately threw it into the trash.

“How can you let the child eat this kind of thing? It’s not ripe yet, this will cause our baby diarrhea ah!”

Shen Kanyu looked blankly at his empty palm and then at the trash can and muttered.

“But it’s really sweet.”

“If it’s sweet eat all by yourself!”

Song Li rolled her eyes and picked Gu Yutian up.

“Tian Tian, grandma will take you to dinner, do not eat the garbage your father bought for you.”

“Woo, papa hit, bad!”

“Yes, our baby ignore him, bad!”

After sitting dumbly on the sofa for a while, Shen Kanyu leaned down and squatted next to the trash can then picked up the mangosteen that had just been thrown in, and gently took a bite.

It’s obviously… It’s very sweet.

How could it be garbage?

Gu Yansheng who parked the car came back at this time and what he saw was the picture of Shen Kanyu picking out the mangosteen from the trash can. With a “bang” in his mind, he angrily shouted.

“Shen Kanyu, what are you doing?”

Shen Kanyu was startled by him, and the mangosteen fell into the trash can again. He hurriedly wanted to pick it up, but Gu Yansheng stepped forward two or three steps, clasped his wrist, and scolded.

“Is this something you can eat?”

Shen Kanyu froze looking at Gu Yangsheng who suddenly lost his temper and was at a loss for words.

“Yes …… it’s thrown away and not fresh. Not fresh because I touch it… but can I, I eat it?”

Gu Yansheng saw that he still wanted to touch the garbage can, so he raised his legs and kicked the garbage can farther.

“What is thrown into the garbage can is garbage. Even if you pick up the things on the ground and eat them, the things in the garbage can should not be eaten. These things are so dirty, didn’t your mother teach you that you’ll get sick from eating this?”

“I… my mother…”

Shen Kanyu blanks out when his parents’ education was mentioned. His pale lips opened, but he had nothing to say and could not argue. Finally, he could only raise his head and silently begged Gu Yansheng.

“A’sheng, let me eat, I feel …… a little thirsty. If I get sick, I’ll go outside, I’m not staying at home.”

Gu Yansheng looked at his lips, which were dry and cracked and was slightly bleeding, and when he saw him trembling, he couldn’t get angry at once. He turned his head and took a deep breath, then pulled him up from the ground and put them on the sofa. He poured a cup of warm water into his hand.

“No one will drive you out. Drink water first.”

“Thank you, A’sheng…”

Shen Kanyu was frozen, and even though he was so thirsty to the point that his throat feels like a dessert he didn’t dare to pick up the cup and drink from it. He just grabbed the cup and rubbed it for a while before he said softly.

“A’sheng, this is Tian Tian’s cup I, I can’t use it, it will get dirty.”

He then put the cup down and stood up from the cramped sofa.

“There’s water in my room. I’ll drink it now.”

Gu Yansheng loses the last straw of his patience and said.

“Sit down! The water in your room has been there for several days. Can you drink it if it’s spoiled?”

Shen Kanyu sat down obediently as his legs went weak after hearing what Gu Yansheng, and him dumbfoundedly.

“Does water also get spoiled?”

“Otherwise?”

Gu Yansheng didn’t want to tell him more and just took the mangosteen out of the bag on the table, peeled it two or three times, and handed it to him.

Shen Kanyu stared at Gu Yansheng before he shook his head and wanted to speak, but he choked and coughed one-to-two-times making his words were very hoarse and laborious.

“You eat A’sheng, I’ll just waste it on me.”

Song Li noticed what was happening and immediately stopped her son.

“Don’t eat that, A’sheng it’s so sour. I really don’t know what Shen Kanyu can do besides playing games. Buying mangosteen like his buying sour beans. It’s not a waste of money if he eats it himself.”

Shen Kanyu lowered his head and listened silently but his eyes couldn’t help turning red.

Song Li didn’t like him at all since from the very beginning even after obeying everything she said with much difficulty. But because of this, he was already used to listening to her harsh words but today he suddenly felt very sad.

He really couldn’t do anything well.

Originally, he could play games every week and help A’sheng earn some money, but now it would be difficult for his left hand to control the keyboard. And he may not be able to play games well in the future.

He was already indebted to A’sheng, but he couldn’t afford to pay him back.

Realizing this he rubbed his eyes and choked slightly.

“A’sheng… sorry…”

“I like sour mangosteen, so I asked him to buy it, don’t say anything about him.”

Gu Yansheng said in a brusque tone to Song Li, then turned to Shen Kanyu and changed his tone to a calm and gentle voice.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize.”

Shen Kanyu looked at him in a daze.

Song Li, on the other hand, ate his own son’s defeat but couldn’t even grunt so she just continue feeding her granddaughter to eat.

Gu Yansheng tasted a mouthful of mangosteen in silence. It was really sour and couldn’t help frowning.

“It’s too sour. Don’t eat it.”

He reached out and tried to throw it in the trash, but Shen Kanyu grabbed it quickly.

“No, no, no! I’ll eat, I’ll eat it!”

He then immediately tossed the fruit and stuffed it into his mouth, his fingers trembled a bit because of the hasty action, but he ate half of it in just a few minutes, and smiled happily at Gu Yangsheng.

“I really think it’s very sweet, but mainly because you peeled it for me, it’s even sweeter! Thank you, A’sheng!”

Gu Yansheng doesn’t know how he could make such sour mangosteen taste sweet and wanted to stop him but he couldn’t bear to do it after seeing him happily eating the fruit.

Has he, by any chance, never eaten anything sweet?

If I give him a glass of plain water will he also say that it is sweet?

Gu Yangsheng took advantage of the fact that he was eating mangosteen obliviously and sent the cup of warm water to his mouth to which he naively took a sip.

“The water has sugar in it, is it sweet?” Gu Yangsheng asked tentatively.

“Sweet, sweeter than this mangosteen!”

Shen Kanyu nodded, smiling with arched eyebrows. He was smiling so much that the little sleeper silkworms under her eyes arched up, glistening in the warm yellow light of the room.

Sure enough……

Gu Yangsheng’s eyes were slightly dim.

He clearly did not add anything to the water, it was the same bland, tasteless and plain cup of water.

—

Shen Kanyu didn’t sleep well that night due to his heart, he was feeling uncomfortable and has difficulty lying down and falling asleep. And since he only has one pillow he couldn’t elevate his head up, not to mention he always woke up with chest tightness and asthma before he could sleep long enough so he got up very early the next day.

There was plenty of time—he has plenty of time before he prepares breakfast for Tian Tian and A’sheng. So, he went out at dawn and thought that since it was still early he could save some money by walking to the hospital and buy his mother’s favorite egg yolk pastry on the way.

The egg yolk crisp shop opened very early so when Shen Kanyu arrived there were already many people lining up in a long line. He stood behind the line and shivered slightly in the autumn wind.

He was more and more afraid of the cold. This winter should be harder for him.

He doesn’t know if he could survive this winter. If he could, he wanted to take Tian Tian to see the hundred-mile flower sea in the suburbs next spring, dress her up like a flower fairy, take many beautiful and lovely photos for her, and tell her that she was the most beautiful little princess in the world.

He had promised this to her before.

It’s just that the child doesn’t need him now, so she wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t make it through the winter and couldn’t keep his promise, right?

Before he knew it, it was already his turn to buy. Shen Kanyu asked for two boxes of egg yolk pastries, held them in his arms, and walked quickly to the hospital.

—

Shen Kanyu thought he could see his family when he went to the hospital, but when he asked at the front desk, a female doctor came to him instead.

“Are you Shin Kanyu?”

Shen Kanyu nodded in a daze.

“I’m your mother’s friend, just call me Aunt Lin,”

The female doctor smiled gently.

“Come with me, your mother is busy, I’ll take you to get a match.”

“Ah, Hello Aunt Lin.”

Shen Kanyu quickly bowed.

“My mother….won’t she come?”

“Well, she’s busy taking care of your dad and asked me to come over and give her a hand.”

“Oh…” Shen Kanyu nodded sadly.

“Then….can Aunt Lin help me find someone and help me bring this to my mother?”

He took out the egg yolk crisp in his arms and showed it to Aunt Lin. “This.”

“Yes, I’ll find a nurse to deliver it for you.”

Aunt Lin took the pastry and handed it to a nurse.

“Thank you, Aunt Lin!” Shen Kanyu smiled and said thanks.

“It’s okay,”

Aunt Lin asked as she led him forward.

“Is there anything uncomfortable? A lot of blood will be drawn, and many injections will be given, you should be able to stand it, right?”

“Yes, it’s okay.”

Shen Kanyu followed her with a smile on his face that Aunt Lin even suspected that she had picked up the wrong person. After all the description did not match with the rebellious punk described by her best friend.

—

Shen Kanyu didn’t think that doing the matching would be so hard, not only were blood draws many times and injections, but also the various instruments used for the examination made him particularly uncomfortable in the process of doing it. Under the pretext of going to the toilet, he ran to the bathroom and vomited several times, because he didn’t eat anything, he couldn’t even vomit anything, but only dry heaving until his throat was sore.

Lastly, he put the ECG and cardiac ultrasound, and eventually, the problem was detected. The doctor’s initial diagnosis was dilated heart disease with the enlarged left ventricle and early heart failure symptoms and advised against liver transplantation, which carries a certain risk to life. However, since it was to save his family, he could choose to continue the transplant in the absence of other suitable liver sources, but of course, he would sign a statement before the operation, and he would be responsible for all the consequences.

Aunt Lin was frightened when she heard these words, but Shen Kanyu laughed with his still bright eyes. And when he walked out of the doctor’s office, he even hummed an unknown tune. Anyone who would see him would think that he was really happy.

“Kanyu, aren’t you afraid?” Aunt Lin couldn’t help but ask.

“I’m not afraid.”

Shen Kanyu said with a smile.

“When I do the surgery, I’ll just think of my father on the other side, so I won’t be afraid.”

“I mean,” Aunt Lin said hesitantly.

“Aren’t you afraid to die?”

“… not afraid.”

Shen Kanyu kept smiling as his eyes grew brighter.

He was not afraid of death but would miss A’sheng and Tian Tian instead, as well as his parents and brother. After all, he would never see them again in the future.

He wouldn’t be able to hear A’sheng’s “laughter like the sea”, couldn’t see Tian Tian growing up, couldn’t see his father recover from his health, and couldn’t see his brother get married and have children of his own.

It still makes him sad thinking about it.

But he had heard that anesthesia was like falling asleep, and when you die, you won’t be conscious and won’t feel pain anymore—the pain of missing and pain of feeling sad. Also, it would only take a few seconds before the anesthesia takes effect, so it doesn’t really matter.

But at least he would love to say goodbye to them.

However, would anyone listen? Would anyone want to say goodbye to him? Even if it was goodbye in the next life, would someone say goodbye to him?

He doesn’t think so after all no one would want to meet him again in another life.

Those all he loved…… he wouldn’t see them again, right?

It’s okay, as long as they’re all happy and well.