Your Regrets Are Late

“Eat this first, Your Highness. I put sugar cubes in warm water. I heard that putting something sweet on it makes your stomach feel better.”

Hailey, who handed the glass to Charelize, went over to the window and drew the curtains. Blinded by the sudden sunlight, Charelize frowned and drank her sugar water.

“Ummm.”

Her stomach, which was uncomfortable with the sweet taste, subsided even more, and she exclaimed a little.

“Your Highness, I’ll brush your hair. I think it got a little tangled because you went to sleep last night.”

“Yes.”

Charelize put down the empty glass and sat down on the dressing table. Hailey started combing Charelize’s hair slowly.

“How about tying it to one side?”

“Just do so.”

“Yes.”

Hailey asked, noticing Charelize’s hair had become neat with her skillful movements.

“…Your Highness.”

“Yes?”

“Lari’s death… It’s not your fault.”

Hailey’s brushing hand slowed for a moment.

“While you’re sleeping… you cried, calling Lari’s name.”

“…Did I?”

“And… the one who suffered more is Your Highness than me. But you always be patient… I hope Your Highness doesn’t do that. You shouldn’t be like that. Your Highness, don’t push yourself too hard even if you can’t help being strict.”

“…”

“How should you live… you said you didn’t know. It’s okay, Your Highness. We can live like this and like that, and then we can go find it little by little. You may make mistakes in the process, but… Well, how about that? When you are drawing… If you draw it wrong, you can erase it and repeat it. If you spill water, you can wipe it off. I hope you don’t mind getting help from someone if you fall down on the road like that. You will… simply… be able to stand up in no time.”

Charelize had heard something similar from Lari, so she pondered.

“When your clothes get dirty… You can wear something else; if you can’t, you can hide it with a cloak, and no one will know… It was what Lari said.”

“Yes… that’s right. That’s what… Lari said.”

“I didn’t know… how to do that simple thing.”

“I’m by your side. Therefore… let’s live together. Up to Lari’s share. Live the life you want and be happy.”

“…Lari would like that too. If I give up here… her mouth will stick out like this when she comes out to meet me. She’s going to blame me for giving up so fast. I think she’s going to cry. I… don’t want to see her cry anymore. So… I have to live.”

“Thank you… Your Highness. I was afraid of losing you like Lari. I… couldn’t even sleep thinking about it.”

Tears streaming down Hailey’s cheeks eventually fell to the floor. Seeing it, Charelize turned around, held her in her arms, and patted her.

“When I’m alone… the absence of Lari seems to be clearer. As I closed my eyes, I saw little Lari.”

“… I see.”

“Your Highness knows. Lari we know, hate dark places. But her surroundings now are completely dark… I wondered how lonely and sad she must be. But in that dream, Your Highness disappeared with Lari every time… Thank you, Your Highness. Thank you for telling me that you will stay alive…”

The feelings Hailey must have felt after Lari died were conveyed.

“…What if Lari is lonely while she’s alone?”

“Your Highness, there’s no one in the duchy that Lari never spoke to. I’m sure she has already made friends. On the contrary, I’m more worried that she might forget me.”

At Hailey’s joke, Charelize smiled involuntarily. Wiping her tears, Hailey apologized for being unprofessional. She began to brush Charelize’s hair again, tying it to the right side with the band from the drawer.

“Your… Highness.”

“Hailey? Is something wrong?”

“This… here…on the hair band… sentence…”

Hailey spoke in a very frightened voice. She could not finish by repeating whether she had seen anything shocking.

“Sentence…?”

Wondering what she meant, Charelize got up from the seat and approached the mirror. Then she turned her head and looked at what Hailey had pointed to.

“Erdenicto… Parsha?”

Unable to fully comprehend the meaning, she couldn’t decipher what it was referring to. Furthermore, Charelize had no recollection of engraving such a thing.

“Your Highness, that’s.”

“Hailey, are you sick?” When she noticed Hailey’s face had become contemplative, she asked hastily.

“That sentence… It was also on Lari’s body. As soon as I saw it, I felt something strange about it and memorized it… After that, I asked an acquaintance who knew the language well… that’s…”

“At Lari’s body… there was something like this?”

“Those… who hoped for a miracle from goddess… will one day pay the price.”

The air froze in an instant. It was a word written in Lari’s body. Charelize remembered the moment when she wished her nanny to be healthy.

“Price…”

“Your Highness, to the temple, no… how to erase this…”

Later, Charelize realized why Lari wrote such a letter. It was clear that she had been prepared to pay the price. Just like Baron Alec said, it was indeed a miracle from the goddess that the critically ill nanny was able to recover.

Charelize went straight to the temple and entered the prayer room set for her. “Oh Goddess, I have lived to blame you every moment. So there were times when it was convenient, but there were more days when it wasn’t. Dead people don’t come back. So I don’t believe you. And then I searched for you again because I was afraid to lose them again.”

“…”

“I’m not afraid to pay the price. It’s my choice and, of course, my duty to accept it. But Lari’s death… Did she pay the price? Are you sure that’s the condition for her to regress? I feel sorry for not being able to protect her… If it’s all because of me… How… am I supposed to live? If everything was a predetermined death… what should I do… if I was the reason for that death?”

The goddess’s voice didn’t come, no matter how long she waited. Even if she didn’t listen to the answer, she already knew. Nevertheless, she asked. Charelize couldn’t stand being told it was right, so she wanted to deny it. It was extremely painful that the goddess had twice stolen Lari’s lifespan.

“Little Duchess? Did you come to pray early in the morning?”

“Your Holiness.”

It was the high priest.

“Your Highness, are you sick or something? Your complexion does not look good.”

“The price of receiving the goddess’s miracle… Do you know what it is?”

“…I’ll take you inside.”

The high priest’s face darkened quickly. He guided Charelize to the parlor.

“There was only one person in my life who asked me the same question. I’m asking just in case… Did you receive the sentence from the goddess…?”

Charelize nodded softly. “Erdenicto Parsha, the sentence was also found in Lari’s body.”

“So that’s what happened…”

“Lari’s death… was it scheduled? Is it right that she paid the price?”

“I have only seen a miracle of a goddess once. It was a case where I didn’t see it personally, but I saw the sentence was engraved on it.”

“I can’t tell you everything, but… The person who received that sentence is closely related to me.”

“As the servant of the goddess, I have no right to say anything. Whatever it may be, it’s only the goddess’s will.”

After that, silence followed. In a heavy atmosphere, the high priest opened his mouth with difficulty.

“But… what Princess Lari did… it is just a noble sacrifice, Your Highness. Who would hope to be stabbed themselves instead of the person they cared for? She did it without even knowing… It’s hard to see that the goddess’s will intervened. There is no such thing as predetermined death.”

“If so…”

“It cannot be limited to the fact that the price is death. However… There is no data to say this. May I ask what you wished for?”

“I wished… to spare my nanny’s life.”

“…I see.”

“More than that… Your Holiness, Lari, that child… twice because of me…”

“Your Highness, will you respect the will of Princess Lari?”

The high priest smiled kindly.

“I don’t know what… you mean.”

“I thought it was something Princess Lari really wanted to do for Your Highness. Otherwise, Goddess Resina wouldn’t have responded. Goddess hates weighing between truth and lie. Truth is what you really want in your heart, and lie is… being conscious of other people’s eyes and praying for things that you don’t even wish for. This is what Princess Lari truly wanted… I hope you will respect her rather than being like this.”

“…”

“I don’t know what the price will be, but it’s not necessarily bad. As long as you hope for the truth and don’t turn into lies… There’s no reason for the goddess to be angry, Your Highness.”

“…”

“So, Your Highness… Do you regret wishing for a miracle from the goddess?”

“That’s… No. The fact that my nanny didn’t die… I really… thought it was a relief. When I heard that she couldn’t make it through the night, but she stayed alive… I had mixed feelings. But it’s not that I had a bad feeling about it.”

“That’s it, Your Highness. Princess Lari must have felt the same way.”

“…”

“May Goddess Resina’s blessing reach you and give you protection.”

The high priest held a bow filled with holy water, recited a prayer, then drew the sign.